My boyfriend doesn't exist

[maryquitecontrary]

Well, I just confirmed my suspicions. The man I have been seeing for the last five months is indeed married like I thought. We initially met online and I suppose he was just trying to find a woman to sleep with him. He was a lot younger than me but I was talking to several people literally at the same time and I somehow thought he was closer to my age. We hit it off in conversation and then weeks later I found out he was a lot younger than me and I didn't want to see him anymore, but he begged me to give him a chance and at least meet him in person.

 

The first night I met him I was insanely attracted to him and so I let him kiss me and one thing led to another... We continued to talk every day and sometimes video chat at night in bed. He lived an hour and a half away and we both work long crazy hours so it was difficult to actually meet up, but when we did things were just amazing.

 

Things started to not make so much sense. I didn't understand why I couldn't drive over to see him. First he said he didn't want me to have to drive that far, then it was he lived with his ex gf of three years that he broke up with right before we met and he hasn't kicked her out. He made this whole story about how she won't leave because she wants to work things out and he still cares about her so didn't want to make her leave. Ultimately he started saying he didn't know what he wanted to do anymore and that he was confused.

 

I knew this was all bs and that I was probably being lied to, but I patiently waited for things to unfold. I figured if he was lying it would come out or we would just quit seeing each other eventually-- that things would fizzle out. But, they didn't. He started talking about wanting to marry me and have children and asked if I would consider moving in with him and said he would figure out how to handle his living arrangement with the ex. Of course I said no! I barely knew him.

 

So today I come across a recent Buzzfeed article and there he is being featured in it. I find out he has a wife. He doesn't live in the city he told me he lived in. He has a similar job but different part of town than he told me. I find his parents and wife on facebook. He lied about every part of himself. He even lied about his name. I confronted him and thought about telling his wife.

 

I decided not to for now just because if I was her I wouldn't want to know honestly. And because i don't know anything about her and she could be crazy and retaliate against me.

 

He said I don't know everything. He insists on explaining things in person. I don't know how I feel. I'm not really surprised. In fact, I had planned on looking through his wallet next time he comes over to see his name and address because I knew things were amiss, but now I know the situation. I see his wife and she seems beautiful and popular.

 

I'm really curious to see what story he comes up with now and can't seem to make myself stay away. I see no future with this man, nor do I want one after this, but I'm not quite ready to let go. I'm disappointed in myself as I see this as a huge weakness that I need to be working on. I am very, very, attracted to this man. His smell, touch, and taste are like crack to me.

 

Thoughts?

[Ana-Iva]

Tell his wife. She will not take revenge against you if you explain the situation, that you did not know he was married, and apologize to her. Tell her you will stay away and do not want him - and do it. Not for her, but for yourself.

[CarrieT]

Yes, tell his wife. Print out all your correspondence and show it to her.

[fireflywy]

Attracfed to his smell? His touch?

 

Its ALL hormones and physical attraction That is all this is. You're NOT going to win this guy.

 

Quit thinking with your eyes and body and start thinking with your head.

Edited August 21, 2016 by fireflywy

[loveisanaction]

I'm all for outing a married man to his wife if he lied to his affair partner about his relationship status.

 

Most married men tell a woman up front that they are married. This gives the woman a chance to decide if she wants to sleep with a married man or not. In your situation you weren't given the option of saying yes i will sleep with a married or no i don't want to. Any man who denies the woman he said his vows to just so that he can get some action on the side should be outed.

 

Now, you saying that he is like crack to you is where i see a problem because it seems that now even after you know his marital status you don't want to give him up.

 

Should you decide to continue seeing him knowing fully well his marital status, you are now a willing and abiding participant in the of the pain and hurt you will be causing not only to his wife but to yourself. You can blame him now for the pain he has caused the both of you. However, should you continue seeing him after knowing that he is married he will no longer be the sole cause of any pain you bring to his wife or to yourself; you will now bear part of that responsibility.

 

In due time, if you walk away now, you will meet a single and an available man whose touch feels like crack to you.

[Scarlett94]

Tell his wife. She deserves to know and she deserves so much better. As do you

[Miss Clavel]

Well, I just confirmed my suspicions. The man I have been seeing for the last five months is indeed married like I thought. We initially met online and I suppose he was just trying to find a woman to sleep with him. He was a lot younger than me but I was talking to several people literally at the same time and I somehow thought he was closer to my age. We hit it off in conversation and then weeks later I found out he was a lot younger than me and I didn't want to see him anymore, but he begged me to give him a chance and at least meet him in person.

 

The first night I met him I was insanely attracted to him and so I let him kiss me and one thing led to another... We continued to talk every day and sometimes video chat at night in bed. He lived an hour and a half away and we both work long crazy hours so it was difficult to actually meet up, but when we did things were just amazing.

 

Things started to not make so much sense. I didn't understand why I couldn't drive over to see him. First he said he didn't want me to have to drive that far, then it was he lived with his ex gf of three years that he broke up with right before we met and he hasn't kicked her out. He made this whole story about how she won't leave because she wants to work things out and he still cares about her so didn't want to make her leave. Ultimately he started saying he didn't know what he wanted to do anymore and that he was confused.

 

I knew this was all bs and that I was probably being lied to, but I patiently waited for things to unfold. I figured if he was lying it would come out or we would just quit seeing each other eventually-- that things would fizzle out. But, they didn't. He started talking about wanting to marry me and have children and asked if I would consider moving in with him and said he would figure out how to handle his living arrangement with the ex. Of course I said no! I barely knew him.

 

So today I come across a recent Buzzfeed article and there he is being featured in it. I find out he has a wife. He doesn't live in the city he told me he lived in. He has a similar job but different part of town than he told me. I find his parents and wife on facebook. He lied about every part of himself. He even lied about his name. I confronted him and thought about telling his wife.

 

I decided not to for now just because if I was her I wouldn't want to know honestly. And because i don't know anything about her and she could be crazy and retaliate against me.

 

He said I don't know everything. He insists on explaining things in person. I don't know how I feel. I'm not really surprised. In fact, I had planned on looking through his wallet next time he comes over to see his name and address because I knew things were amiss, but now I know the situation. I see his wife and she seems beautiful and popular.

 

I'm really curious to see what story he comes up with now and can't seem to make myself stay away. I see no future with this man, nor do I want one after this, but I'm not quite ready to let go. I'm disappointed in myself as I see this as a huge weakness that I need to be working on. I am very, very, attracted to this man. His smell, touch, and taste are like crack to me.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

in the words of whitney houston, and we all know how that ended up, face down in a tub, "crack is whack". quit, cold turkey.

 

he thinks you're a whore. he thinks he can bang you and lie to you and use you. he cheats, he's a cheater.

 

lay down with dogs...

[Lois_Griffin]

I am very, very, attracted to this man. His smell, touch, and taste are like crack to me.

 

Thoughts?

So you have no problem with being LIED to, CONNED, used for sex, manipulated, tricked and deceived by some low life who couldn't even give you the decency of a MODICUM of respect?

 

Many years ago a lying scumbag pulled the same crap on me. I was wild about him.

 

But when I found out he'd LIED to me in order to get what he wanted, I found his wife and went right to her. You don't owe this lying con man ANYTHING because he sure didn't respect YOU enough, did he?

[sandylee1]

Why would she retaliate when you did nothing wrong?

 

He lied to you. You can print out the messages from the dating site. You can tell her the story he spun you and tell her how you found out from the Buzz feed.

 

You don't want to tell her because you want more of him. I mean you have a younger man talking crap about marriage and kids. I'd want to know if it was my husband

[maryquitecontrary]

Thanks everyone for your opinions. I have decided not to get involved and tell his wife. I did tell him to please leave me alone and have ceased all contact. I should have trusted my intuition sooner. Lesson learned.