Wife says shes not in love with me anymore because of how I was. Is it Over?

[BrockSamson84]

My wife has told me that she does not have romantic feelings toward me anymore.

We have been married for 2.5 years and unfortunately I didn't know how to treat her well enough. She feels like my love was too conditional, which I see now that it was. She said that she slowly started closing her self off to me and now she isn't in love with me anymore and she feels like she is done with the relationship. She said she thinks we are not a good match either, a large part of our problems in the past were my sexual needs not getting met, she says someone else would make me more happier.

She hasn't asked for divorce or anything. We had a long deep talk about it about two weeks ago and things were really brought out in the open. I realized what I have done and how I have been. I see how I was was wrong and really feel like I need to change, not even because of relationship but I really need to be a better person and I see that now.

We spent the past two weeks together. We had some really good times together, still had sex and she enjoyed it. She told me she thought and hoped the way she felt would change but it didn't and it still does not feel in love with me. She said during that time she felt good emotions and shes still very attracted to me but still confused about how she feels. Regretfully, I feel like she is somewhat damaged emotionally now.

We talked and we have decided we need to take some time apart and really clear our minds and see how we feel so she is going to move out for now and we are going to limit contact.

I know the way I treated her had alot to do with what is going on and I completely understand how she feels. I still love her very much and this even made me realize how special she is and how much I still love her.

Has anyone experienced this? Is there a chance she could open her heart up to me and fall in love with me again or is it over:

[CarrieT]

Willing to bet she is having an emotional affair or is at least tentatively interested in someone else...

 

These scenarios rarely happen in a vacuum and if her eyes are set elsewhere, she is taking steps to pull away and lay the groundwork for a big change.

[kgcolonel]

If Carrie is wrong, you two should discuss ground rules for the separation. Do you talk to, see, date or sleep with others during this break. Also, you should set a timeframe for the break to periodically come back to the table to discuss where you are emotionally during this time period. I would have a time reference in my head as to how long am I going to me in limbo waiting for an outcome here.

 

Present it in such a way that does not exude desperation or neediness but to establish some guidelines for each of you.

[BaileyB]

There is always marriage counselling, if she is committed to trying to make it work.

[WomenWubber]

Going by her words alone, yes it's over.

 

What does your intuition tell you? What exactly prompted her to tell you all of those things?

[aileD]

Why would you jump straight to a separation and limited contact? That's like a death wish for your marriages. Go to counseling, go to a couples retreat, talk to family and friends and church and find a mentor to help you guys figure things out.

[Ana-Iva]

Willing to bet she is having an emotional affair or is at least tentatively interested in someone else...

 

These scenarios rarely happen in a vacuum and if her eyes are set elsewhere, she is taking steps to pull away and lay the groundwork for a big change.

 

Absolute speculation.

I always fell out of love when there was something wrong with the way I was treated. Nobody else ever attracted my attention.

[BrockSamson84]

She could be having feeling towards someone else but I doubt it right now.

 

I'm not sure what my intuition says. I feel like its serious but don't know how far gone we are.

 

I want to separate contact because things aren't working for us how things are. I feel if things will ever work out we will first have to clear our heads and find out what we really want and if we want to be together, in a way, we will have to start our relationship over.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Brock, do you and your wife have kids/ a kid? If so the situation is a bit more complicated than if you did not. Also, who initiated the discussion asking for a seperation, you or she? If she asked for it then likely your marriage cannot be salvaged. What about some of the questions some others have asked? You have'nt replied to any of those. If you have'nt tried the other options for resolving your problems then why have'nt you? Why are you jumping straight to seperation?

Also, what are your own feelings about your marriage? Are you really invested in saving it or are you looking for a way out? Guess you have a lot to introspect about.

[Lois_Griffin]

I'm sure for the last 2.5 years, she's tried many many many times to tell you she was unhappy and you blew her off.

 

Now that there are consequences to pay and you're about to lose your wife, you're suddenly all self aware and cognizant of how your actions negatively impacted your marriage for over 2 years - and you suddenly want to work on things and become the better man.

 

I'm not berating you, I'm just being realistic about the situation because this is how your wife sees it: you didn't give a rat's ass about how unhappy SHE felt for 2.5 years but now that YOU stand to lose something, you're suddenly all about fixing things and becoming the man you should have been since Day #1.

 

It sounds like too much, too little, too late. A lot of the time, once a woman's done, she's usually DONE.

 

And I'm sorry to say, it sounds like she's done.

[BluesPower]

If Carrie is wrong and none of that is happening, then it would be very rare. It is possible, but almost always goes the other way.

 

Also, it may or may not be too late. Read the boards, get into marriage counseling if she will, and see how it goes.

 

Sometimes when people say that they feel this way, the are done. If you do find out that she is sleeping around, she is done and she want to let you down easy.

 

Some more information may help advice.

 

Good luck.

[understand50]

My own take, is if you separate, it is over. If you cannot stay together and work on thing and learn to live together during the "bad" times and the "good" times, you two are not really in it for the long haul.

 

In my marriage, I have fallen in and out of "love" with my wife many times, but I knew that I was committed, and that I would fall back into love again. What you two are going through is normal, the hot love of first meeting gives way to being good lovers and friends. The first hot love comes back from time to time, and you can have fun with it, but the real thing is to stay together and face this cold cruel world as one. What makes a marriage, is love, commitment, and a wiliness to put the other before you, even when you do not feel like it. Don't get me started on what needs to happen when kids show up.

 

If she has checked out, and just wants to go, then you should let her, as she has free will, and nothing you can do, if her mind is made up will stop her. She just may be one of those people, that will always look for the hot first love, and never be happy when the relationship grows and mature. In that case, she is just not marriage material. As she will never be happy, when a marriage turns humdrum and life gets hard.

 

If you separate, and want to try and beat the odds, I would follow kgcolonel advise, and have it known to both of you that see/sleeping with others is cheating. Also his idea of a time limit is a good thing. (BTW, I really hope my first sentence is wrong)

 

I wish you luck.....

[Mr. Lucky]

My own take, is if you separate, it is over. If you cannot stay together and work on thing and learn to live together during the "bad" times and the "good" times, you two are not really in it for the long haul.

 

There you go. A separation is a trial-run for divorce, has nothing to do with working on your relationship. How do you address the issues between the two of you living separately? Doesn't make sense...

 

Mr. Lucky