mrnella Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 I made the mistake of having an affair about 8 years ago. I'm not proud of it. I understand what people here mean when they say, "dont do it - you'll regret it." Although it only advanced to kissing it still was wrong and I admit that. I'm human and I learned from my mistake. The woman I messed around with 8 years ago was more of the egressor towards me. She was older and looking back on it there was no doubt what she wanted. I knew it and it was basically her pressuring me until I broke. It takes two people though so Im still am to blame. Because of this past experience I have become very careful around women. I don't want to be a total prude though. For example, just because a woman says you look nice in a shirt or something doesn't mean she wants to get a hotel room. From what I've read many women flirt with no real sexual intentions behind it. This brings me to a coworker of mine. She and I work on alot of stuff together 3 days a week. We are both married and get along pretty good. I've noticed small things with her though that kind of worry me that she's become attracted to me. 1. When I'm around her alot she starts playing with her necklace and hair 2. She will take all her back to 1 side to show off her neck 3. She mirrors alot of little things I do 4. I've caught her looking at me from the corner of her eye 5. She blushes at times when I joke with her 6. At times shell redo her make up before we eat lunch She's a very introverted woman and I can't tell if some of this is due to her just being nervous around me or if it has to do with some type of attraction. The woman from 8 years ago was so in my face with it there was no doubt but the more reserved type of flirting is so hard to read. I don't want her to make the same mistake I did. However, I also enjoy working with her and if there is no reason to be concerned then I don't want to rock the boat. Basically, I'm just curious if women would consider these types of actions as overly flirtatious. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 Why are you going to lunch with her, noticing makeup, hair, staring...it doesn't sound as though you are 100% firm on your boundaries as your eyes aren't exactly fixated on spreadsheets or you wouldn't pick up on her so kuch. How often do you talk about how awesome your wife is or show pics of your kids? The reason I ask is there are just people you just can TELL they're not gonna go there. You can tell there is no Way, without words, just an honest vibe. That I'M MARRIED vibe. Invite your wife to meet you both on your lunchbreaj one day so she can meet her. Dial back on non essential projects, emails, lunches.....firm your OWN boundaries. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 So basically you're asking if this woman is ripe for an affair. Why else would you care? People flirt, it can be harmless. If you're going to cheat again why not just leave your wife? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 I completely agree with what the others have said. No matter how 'innocently' it's worded, I hate it when people come here looking for a little help in destroying lives & breaking hearts. Anyway, just to answer your general thoughts.... 1. When I'm around her alot she starts playing with her necklace and hair When I get bored in play with my hair & jewelry. It doesn't mean I'm attracted to someone. 2. She will take all her back to 1 side to show off her neck When I'm hot (or bored) I pull my hair over one shoulder, exposing my neck. I then twist my hair around to keep it down that side. 3. She mirrors alot of little things I do I find myself doing this when I'm around anyone frequently. 4. I've caught her looking at me from the corner of her eye We all watch others. Depends how absorbed she is in her work. 5. She blushes at times when I joke with her If someone embarrasses me & I don't know what to say I blush. If a jokes funny, I laugh. 6. At times shell redo her make up before we eat lunch. I always check my makeup, sort my lipstick etc before I go to a restaurant. At the end of the day why are you analyzing this woman & her every little action so much? It's YOUR behavior that you should be working on!! Who do you want to be? Do you frequently have fantasies about female coworkers? Are you proud of yourself? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrnella Posted August 21, 2016 Author Share Posted August 21, 2016 Ive been there and done that - Im NOT geeting tangled up in that again. However, I dont care who you are - at the end of the day we are all humans. We are curious by nature. Monogamy is a very recent thing in the evolution of humans. If someone is attracted to me - married or not - your gonna be curious. Doesnt mean Im gonna act on it - in fact Id be even more guarded around her then. I just dont want to ruin a friendship because she may have a crush on me. Again - been there, done that crap - and I learned my lesson Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrnella Posted August 21, 2016 Author Share Posted August 21, 2016 Also - she and I eat lunch with another woman and her and my wife are actually kind of friends. Thats another reason for my curiosity/concern. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 Regardless if she's attracted or not, what difference does it make if you plan to stand your ground? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 Those are definitely signs of flirting and attraction. It may not even be conscious on her part. Even if it's conscious it doesn't mean she has any intentions. Perhaps she just needs some affirmation that her feminine wiles are still effective. If you want a not-so-subtle clue... pay her a sincere compliment and watch her eyes. If they light up like a Christmas tree, well, then you'll know. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 Your already justifying it..."I'm human, I'm curious..." Ask your wife for her advice on her "friend". Shut down your brain, stop looking at her in any other way then any other coworker. Pack a lunch and go off on yoyr own with a book, or meet a guy friend, stop hanging out, your testing the fire... you aren't at work NOW and you're thinking about her. Hmmmm. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 (edited) People who are blindly, loyally, utterly faithful don't spend Sunday afternoons posting on the internet because they can't stop wondering if a coworker is attracted to them! They don't care if an attractive woman finds them attractive or not! It's of zero relevance to their lives! They spend the weekend enjoying their FAMILIES company. What do you mean by "rocking the boat"? Even if she's completely & utterly obsessed with you why would that rock your boat? There's only 1 boat that a married man (particularly a married man with a history of adultery AND making excuses) should be thinking about "rocking" & that's his wife's!! Edited August 22, 2016 by ShatteredLady 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 People who are blindly, loyally, utterly faithful don't spend Sunday afternoons posting on the internet because they can't stop wondering if a coworker is attracted to them! [/quotel] LOL....right? And they sure don't cross-post the same exact thing on a couple of different boards here because they care so little. He's hoping we'll all tell him she's hot for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 People who are blindly, loyally, utterly faithful don't spend Sunday afternoons posting on the internet because they can't stop wondering if a coworker is attracted to them! ~clapping~ 'nuff said. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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