Unknowingly the other woman

[Shygal26]

I wanted to share my story with unknowingly being the other woman.

 

Back in late 2013, I started talking to a guy off of tinder. I was only 23/24 at the time and was still trying to work on establishing my self so I wasn't necessarily trying to be in a serious relationship. Things started off fun then as time progressed, I started to like this person. However different red flags would pop up and it made me question what type of man he was. First, he lied about his age. Turns out he was a decade older than me. When I asked him about it, and showed proof, he still lied. I just ignored it and moved on. Things then started getting more and more suspicious. I stumble upon a girls Facebook and noticed he was in her profile pic. It was how she was positioned that made me ask if he had a girlfriend. He always reassured me that he did not had a girlfriend and he wasn't one to cheat. As time went on, I would randomly not hear from him for weeks at a time or he would always claim he was travelling for work. Again, I dismissed the red flags and gave him the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't until last year that **** started hitting the fan. I came across the same girl again on social media and see him being tagged in multiple photos. I even see one of them on vacation together. When I confronted him about it, he claimed it was his co worker and that they were just friends. He then moved back to his hometown and I assume that things are over.

 

A couple of months later, he asks me out of the blue if he can see and stay with me for "work". This behavior continues throughout the remainder of the year. He would Come visit me and then I would go visit him. This girl does not disappear and I start seeing photos of them at family gatherings and holidays. He finally tells me that they "just started talking" and he's not seriously involved with anyone. It wasn't until this year that he started acting even stranger. The final time I see him, I tell him it's best we be friends however he convinces me to be with him one last time. 6 days later, I find out he's been engaged for a month with the same girl I questioned him about. When I confront him about it, he claimed they had issues and probably wasn't going to get married and he still wanted me in his life. He spent an entire week trying to apologize and console me and be a "friend".

 

I tried my best to heal from it and cut all ties and understand what type of man I had dealt with for over two years. I confided in an ex girlfriend of his so I can understand what type of man he was. She confirms everything I had been feeling; he's a manipulator and liar and put her through psychological hell.

 

I finally think everything is done. I got the closure I needed. Things go from bad to worse. The ex girlfriend confides in a friend who then tells a family member of the fiancé. I then have family members reaching out to me to give them answers and help expose the man. Initially I did not want to cause family drama but after some encouragement from friends, I tell them my story and present them with proof. They confront him and he turns around and calls me a liar and claims I made the whole thing up.

 

I was hurt. Even though I was "believed" it didn't do me any good. The woman is still marrying this man. I feel like if I just kept my mouth shut, I wouldn't be in all this mess.

 

I haven't spoken to the man since then. I thought I was healed but it randomly keeps replaying in my head. What did I do to deserve this. Why did I allow this man to treat me like this. Why is everyone allowing this man to manipulate them. How can I move past this? Am I the crazy one? Just so many thoughts in my head.

Edited August 21, 2016 by Shygal26

[Ana-Iva]

Oh honey... you are not crazy. That is exactly how it supposed to feel, after someone lied to you that much. But the good news is that you have a ball in your side of the court. Ignore him and never talk to him or respond in any way to any of his messages. If he never contacts you it is even better, take it as a present. You are young, and life is ahead of you. Time will heal whatever you feel right now. You will move on in no time and you will have a good lesson you learned with that ahole.

You did not love this man as far as I gather. Your pride and ego are hurt. Let go...

Rest assured, whatever happens right now with his marriage, you have already ruined it for him. His wife will never trust him. Marriage without trust is hell for both parties. Marriage that starts with revelations of someone's infidelity is heading straight for inevitable divorce...

[Weathergirl]

Al I can say is the truth always comes out in the end. He can call you a liar, deny anything ever happend, but deep down he is just trying to cover up the behaviour of a deceitful, manipulative liar. If he truely loves this women, he wouldn't have been seeing you, and vice versa.

 

I'm told past behaviour is an indicator of future behaviour, he will likely never change. It hurts like hell when you are made out to be the bad one, and you have to move on, but all this is a blessing in disguise. Better now than years down the line, when you will have been in a relationship with him going nowhere fast.