Flower lover Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 My boyfriend of three years (both in late 60s) says there is no cheating in our relationship, PER SE, since it's normal to feel attraction to someone other than partners. It's OK to act on that attraction but come back to one another. He also refuses to use a condom because he says he knows the women are very discerning and don't have lots of partners. Then he says he really doesn't need sex, that he just likes to please the partner, that yes it's pleasurable for him but that isn't the main reason to have sex. He has been away from me on three occasions in the three years and now I'm assuming that there were three women involved. Is this what is called an open relationship or is it polyamory, or his own version of something else? Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 Something here doesn't add up, so I read your other thread. He is/has been in a relationship with another woman for seven years. He wants her to end the relationship so she can't come back on him for breaking up with her, which means you are the OW, and have been for three years. Otherwise, there would be no reason to end a relationship. You asked him about exclusivity. He dodged an affirmation by using dieting as an analogy. He technically hasn't made a commitment to you, yet you continue to date him on the terms he laid out. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 If you agree to it, then it fits the definition of an open relationship. (Poly would be him having an ongoing romantic relationship with one or more of these women, with your knowledge and consent.) If you did NOT agree to it (and had a stated expectation of exclusivity), then it is simply cheating. It's up to you if you are willing to accept this, of course. The only positive so far is that he hasn't hidden this from you and lied about it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 He also refuses to use a condom because he says he knows the women are very discerning and don't have lots of partners. Absolute bunkum, get yourself tested asap, if you are having unprotected sex with this guy as you are also "sleeping with" all the women he is seeing too. It only takes one infected partner to infect the whole chain, so this assumption of not having "lots of partners" so she is therefore "clean", is nonsense too. Sex Life of Older Adults and Rising STDs - ABC News 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 You could test his belief in open relationships and/or polyamory by finding yourself some lovers and tell him that you are looking or have done so (whether or not you actually do so). If he isn't bothered by that, then his orientation may be towards poly. If he is bothered or objects, then he is a selfish hypocrite. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 My boyfriend of three years (both in late 60s) says there is no cheating in our relationship, PER SE, since it's normal to feel attraction to someone other than partners. It's OK to act on that attraction but come back to one another. He also refuses to use a condom because he says he knows the women are very discerning and don't have lots of partners. Then he says he really doesn't need sex, that he just likes to please the partner, that yes it's pleasurable for him but that isn't the main reason to have sex. He has been away from me on three occasions in the three years and now I'm assuming that there were three women involved. Is this what is called an open relationship or is it polyamory, or his own version of something else? open relationship or is it polyamory -- People can call it whatever they want . . . bottom line though is it is simply about doing whatever the hell you want to do, anytime you want, with anyone you want and in his case, he wants you to sit on the side lines anytime he decides to do whatever the hell he wants, anytime he wants, with anyone he wants. If you're happy with that, great . . . He also refuses to use a condom because he says he knows the women are very discerning and don't have lots of partners. -- He's a f*cking idiot and so are they . . . OP, don't be one of them . . . Link to post Share on other sites
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