Indecisive About Contacting Her

[Traptinmihead]

Hi all,

 

This is a continuation of a post that I posted in Friends and Lovers that is here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/590243-hot-cold-fwb

 

Ultimately, I decided to stop contact with this girl as I was fed up with how one sided the relationship became in terms of communication. I was always the one initiating and most times finishing texts, and while she was very responsive, it was a hassle to try and find time with her (wedding, friends down the shore, fetishcon, etc), especially since she never offered any alternatives to find time to get together with me.

 

While this has been a bit painful for me, I decided to delete her off social media last week in order to help me move on. It was never meant to send a message to her as I had my own well being in mind, but am also aware its an inevitable side effect. The deletion has worked well for me and I've felt significantly less terrible, even though I still have my occasional thought drift. However, over the weekend, I was at my friends coffee shop and ran into a mutual friend who I haven't seen in awhile. He has been dealing with the fresh feeling of an open marriage and finally capitalized on it the night before, and I congratulated him with that and I said something along the lines of "I wish my sex life was that good right now". He then brought up that he heard about the situation between me and her through her. He said that we weren't talking right now, she noticed the "defriending", is upset about it and feels that it's her fault. It was a bit of a revelation for me to know that she realizes there is a problem, but I am unsure if a resolution will ever come.

 

I've talked to a handful of close friends and it has been 50/50 between continuing to maintain no contact (about 3 weeks now) or sending a "clear the air" message to her. I don't hate her at all, nor do I have any anger or resentment to her as much a my mind likes to think I do.

 

I just want to talk to her about the issue and see if we can come to a resolution or not. However, she may think I do hate her and may be worried to contact me because of that, which makes me think "clearing the air" might lead to a possible resolution, whether it be closure or reconciliation. Then again, me initiating the text could start these issues all over again if I take that risk. I'm torn.

[PegNosePete]

she noticed the "defriending", is upset about it and feels that it's her fault

Well, it was her fault, right?

 

Then again, me initiating the text could start these issues all over again if I take that risk.

Yes, do you think it would go any differently if you guys were to "try again"? Has her personality changed?

 

If she now knows that her lack of communication and initiation was the problem - and it's fair to assume that this "mutual friend" is also talking to her - then she also knows the solution: to contact you.

 

The fact that she hasn't, suggests that she doesn't want to, or that she hasn't changed in the slightest, and even if you were to start talking again, it would go exactly the same way.

 

So no, I would not recommend you contact her.