Thinking about an ex coworker!

[dsands]

Last year, I became pretty close with an ex-coworker. To the point of contacting her more than my girlfriend. When she went on business trips, she would call me from the hotel, instead of her husband. We also flirted quite a bit, and it definitely crossed boundaries a few times. During this time, my girlfriend and I were long distance and going through a lot of problems. Obviously this doesn't justify my behavior, but eventually I told her we need to cut contact. It got to the point where we would text each other all the time, and if either of us didn't come into work, we would text and ask where the other one was. It almost felt as if we were dating, it was quite odd. I told her we shouldn't continue, as my girlfriend started to ask why she was texting so much, as her husband was telling her the same about me.

 

After a while, we drifted apart and she left that job to pursue another, and so did I. Some months go by and we don't talk at all. She texts me for my birthday, but I don't respond. A month or two goes by again, and she asks me if we are still friends. It's obvious she is still thinking about me, as I am of her. But it doesn't feel right, yet I can't stop thinking about her. I finally respond and tell her I am going through a lot, and that I will contact her down the line when I am ready to talk. The truth is, I don't know what to tell her. I think at some point, our friendship turned into something more, at least to me. I started to grow feelings for her, despite her having a husband and me having a girlfriend.

 

I never did anything with her, physically, but it still felt wrong to talk to her in the way we were. She has been married for 10+ years, while I recently got married. She has kids, but I have no kids. This haunts me, pretty much every week, as I can't stop thinking about her. And I don't want to think about her, as I do love my wife, and I think this is more of an infatuation of some kind that I know will not last. I want to see a therapist about this, but I don't know what to do in the meantime.

 

Do I tell my wife? Do I tell my ex coworker how I feel? Do I say nothing to either of them? I know this would probably hurt my wife a lot, but I don't know what to do.

[standtall]

Don't say anything to your wife...that is what you have close friends for. Grow up and get over this little girl crush....honor the vows you took to your wife in front of God and everyone.

[Clep]

I am a person that would tell my spouse if that was the case. I would want them to be able to choose for themselves if they would be accepting of the situation, not remove their choice from them for any reason.

 

I would cut all ties with the other woman and the infatuation that has been created. Of course people seem amazing from conversation when there is no responsibility or commitment attached to the relationship. You are infatuated with a woman who does not comprehend the idea of commitment or boundaries. Should you ever leave your wife for her, you will simply become the next guy she has an emotional affair on or the prospect will always be in your mind. Start thinking about her husband and her children. Start thinking about how inappropriate her behavior is, the betrayal and devastation she is causing to her family. That may help knock her off her off that pedestal.

 

Telling the ex co worker simply means opening the door to a full blown affair or divorce for one or both of you. You have both already acted like single people while in a relationship, but not crossing physical lines...yet. What other outcome would telling her be?

 

Decide if you want to remain married or not. If not, divorce. There is a reason you were even willing to entertain another woman in this fashion and it isn't due to marital problems. Lots of people have marital problems and they don't behave like this. If you want to stay with her, commit and work on yourself. Give her the best version of yourself or let her find someone else who will.

 

Should you tell her you may not even have that option of choice at this point. You may have made your choice already with your emotional affair.

[Mr. Lucky]

while I recently got married.

 

Why would you get married with these obviously unresolved feelings for someone else? Not fair to your spouse and certainly not a predictor of marital success...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Ontos]

 

Do I tell my wife? Do I tell my ex coworker how I feel? Do I say nothing to either of them? I know this would probably hurt my wife a lot, but I don't know what to do.

 

First off, good job cutting off the communication with this girl and recognizing that it was inappropriate.

 

I would not recommend telling your wife, but you do need to move past this girl. She is the "greener grass". When you have urges to contact her or think about her be rational with yourself. She has a husband and kids. Think of the positive things about your wife, pause and think about how this girls has a family and there is no chance you guys could be together and just put it out of your mind.

 

Move on - in time you will think less and less about her until she is just a distant memory.

[maja1107]

do you really think that when you are in relation with somebody, you can forget about person who you love?