babygirl Posted April 20, 2001 Share Posted April 20, 2001 okay, here is the deal. the other day i was looking thru my boyfriends' closet. just being nosey and he said that he did not mind but to also look for a pic of his mom while i was in there. that little fact is totally beside the point but it's there now. i never found the pic for him. but i did find tons of love letters from his old girlfriends and a BRA. this bothers me and he says that he knows how i feel. but he's not going to throw anything away again simply b/c it bothers someone b/c whenever he has done it in the past & he has always regretted it. he says the things that he has thrown away are the things of people that are no longer in his life and that is a double negative to him. i know he loves me and i am what matters now i just can't seem to understand why if he knows that it really bothers me why he won't talk about it more. and when i confront him his whole demeanor changes. he can't keep a serious look on his face and often times it just ends up w/ him saying just drop it and i am afraid to bring it up ever again but in my head/heart it still is unresolved. there is so much more but i will save it. i would love some advice and a little more male perspective on this if anyone can relate or understand. thanx so much for reading-babygirl Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 20, 2001 Share Posted April 20, 2001 Your boyfriend may not even understand this himself. However, holding onto a bra is totally inappropriate. Holding onto love letters stems from abandonment issues. They are one last vestage or remnants from loves past that hurt him and he simply is not willing to completely let go. It is very likely that one day he will be ready to turn these loose, but not right now. They are, in some morbid psychological way, and security blanket for him. Meanwhile, they are none of your business and he has a perfect right to hold on to them and anything else from his past if he chooses. Now if he pulls them out from the closet and reads them now and then, you have a real right to be pissed. This is a matter of his privacy so you should only bring this up once more. Let him know you have no business telling him what to keep and what to throw away but you will consider it an affront to the relationship for him to read these letters. They are for storage only. Have him put them in a box and seal them with duct tape and then put them back in the closet. As for the bra, tell him either the bra goes or you go. As a guy, I might hold on to one of those for a souvenier but I can certainly understand how offensive it would be to a girlfriend. I think it's very wrong for a guy to have another girl's bra in his closet...so give him one of yours to replace it if you like. Your guy is not very good at hiding things. That will be very good if you marry him. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashesmum Posted April 20, 2001 Share Posted April 20, 2001 So you don't have pictures of exboyfriends? You don't keep things to remember the past? A bra is maybe too much and letters maybe a couple but don't let it get to you. Just leave it at that or if anything give him a skimpy pair of underwear for his keepsake. okay, here is the deal. the other day i was looking thru my boyfriends' closet. just being nosey and he said that he did not mind but to also look for a pic of his mom while i was in there. that little fact is totally beside the point but it's there now. i never found the pic for him. but i did find tons of love letters from his old girlfriends and a BRA. this bothers me and he says that he knows how i feel. but he's not going to throw anything away again simply b/c it bothers someone b/c whenever he has done it in the past & he has always regretted it. he says the things that he has thrown away are the things of people that are no longer in his life and that is a double negative to him. i know he loves me and i am what matters now i just can't seem to understand why if he knows that it really bothers me why he won't talk about it more. and when i confront him his whole demeanor changes. he can't keep a serious look on his face and often times it just ends up w/ him saying just drop it and i am afraid to bring it up ever again but in my head/heart it still is unresolved. there is so much more but i will save it. i would love some advice and a little more male perspective on this if anyone can relate or understand. thanx so much for reading-babygirl Link to post Share on other sites
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