5 stages of Grief

[Bufo]

Tell him you already have enough friends. Friending you is his way of keeping you on the shelf in reserve. Don't be that woman.

[ShatteredLady]

Lobe - "Write it but don't hit send - print it out and burn it. I'll grab some of my WH's socks and burn them on the same day. Anyone else feel like setting some sh*t on fire?"

 

 

I know exactly who (I mean what, of course!) I would like to set on fire but how does one get away with it?

[Lobe]

Lobe - "Write it but don't hit send - print it out and burn it. I'll grab some of my WH's socks and burn them on the same day. Anyone else feel like setting some sh*t on fire?"

 

 

I know exactly who (I mean what, of course!) I would like to set on fire but how does one get away with it?

 

I think it would be perfectly fair of you to print off a photograph and paste it to one of those life-sized paper dolls and set it on fire. Make it a Justin Beiber paper doll and you're killing two birds with one stone (thank God that snot-nosed brat went back to Canada lol) Catharsis can take many forms, no?

Edited August 24, 2016 by Lobe
typos!!!!

[Lobe]

I am staunchly maintaining NC, but I find myself thinking about him more over the past couple weeks than I had been in the month or two prior. Not sure what else to make of it.

 

How are you doing today, grapes?

[Bufo]

Grapes. Did you get over a failed Jr High romance? High School?

Do you spend time thinking of them? You know you'll get over this quicker and less painfully if you give yourself a slap along side your head when you are thinking of him in any sort of burst of nostalgia.

 

Stay strong. Stay aloof. Stay NC.

 

Peace

[Grapesofwrath]

How are you doing today, grapes?

 

Thank you for asking after me, Lobe. I really appreciate that.

 

Doing better. Had a couple long drives in the car the last couple days, and that's always my best thinking time. Singing along loudly to songs that drive home the point. It was cathartic. I'm feeling better today. I also put together a couple other things:

 

1) My boys have been vacationing with their father, so I haven't seen them the past couple weeks. I forgot how lonely I can get when they aren't around and how it tends to bring me down. I miss them a lot when I don't get to see their sweet faces, which can lead to general emotional downturn.

 

2) I have absolutely NO romantic interests in my life right now. I mean...crickets. For a variety of reasons, all of which are fine. But I think my mind is wandering because of that. Doesn't mean the xMM is anything other than the lying, cake-eating, selfish, opportunist he always was.

 

My NC is 100% in tact, and I have a green t-shirt I'd like to throw on the bonfire, as long as we're burning stuff. (We used to take turns sleeping in it and giving it to the other one so we could keep each other's smell around when we were spending the night apart. SMH)

[Lobe]

Singing along loudly to songs that drive home the point. It was cathartic.

 

My soundtrack these days is all about songs that say IDGAF. My current anthem is James Bay "Let it Go." I can't change what happened, but I can choose what I will accept going forward.

 

Why don't you be you and I'll be me.

 

So simple. So true.

 

Grapes, sing at the top of your lungs <3

[Bufo]

Grapes. Time for a verbal spanking. Ditch the green t shirt. Pronto. Burn it or donate it to the homeless.

 

Any souvenir is going to do nothing positive for you. Not saying it's a trigger, but it is a reminder.

 

Just be thankful it wasn't matching tattoos.....or his name on your behind.

[Poppy47]

I have a beautiful hand painted pendant that xMM gave me. I cannot bring myself to trash it just yet. I will never wear it again. That I know for sure.

 

I have this fantasy about leaving it in his letterbox.....

 

Oh, I also have three gold fish.

 

One day the green Tshirt will seem insignificant to you and you will happily bin it.

It doesn't matter as long as you stay NC. Time will take care of it.

 

Poppy

[gettingstronger]

Wait until your kids come home and see how you feel- I think maybe you are just lonely right now and that is triggering a bunch of emotions in you-once your house is full again, I am hoping your mood will lift- until then, hang in there!

[Grapesofwrath]

Went to bed last night so grateful for this board and the experienced voices here.

 

Yesterday, totally out of the blue, I received an email from xMM to my new work email address. It read, "too soon to ask how you are doing?" That was it. After a few moments of processing the feelings, I deleted it.

 

I was kind of shocked at first, but quickly put it all together in alignment with what I've consistently read here:

 

* This is exactly on schedule. It's been 4.5 months. Not sure why, but seems this is a common timeframe for the xMM to break NC.

 

* Because of everything I've read here, I didn't have to waste time wondering "what this means." I know exactly what it means. It means he wants to re-start the affair. There is no other reason for him to reach out to me. He figures he has given me enough time to cool off, and is testing the waters. Summer is over, his family vacations are done, and he has the time again. It's totally insulting.

 

* Also based on what I've read here, I did a little self-assessment of how much better I feel now that I am out of the affair. Even with my bouts of loneliness over the past month, I still feel so much better. I have integrity. I don't waste mental energy analyzing someone else's marriage. I am not allowing myself to be fed a regular diet of humiliation, abandonment, and dishonor. I am not keeping secrets and lying to people about how I spend my time. I feel good about myself again.

 

I'm actually really happy that xMM sent this message, because now that hurdle is crossed. This was the test. He may try again, and it won't matter. I know that now. I was able to fall asleep last night feeling at ease and confident in myself.

[Grapesofwrath]

Wait until your kids come home and see how you feel- I think maybe you are just lonely right now and that is triggering a bunch of emotions in you-once your house is full again, I am hoping your mood will lift- until then, hang in there!

 

Great advice, stronger. Once they came home, I felt a million times better. I felt like I saw myself through the proper lens again. Next time they go away for a period of time like that, I think it would be smart for me to prepare. More social plans. More self-care. Books to read, etc.

[privategal]

So admirable and exactly what I needed to read today.

I put on a brave face every day, convince myself I am better off, only a week to go until it's a full 5 months NC, some days out of nowhere the abandonment comes back, the hurt cuts so deep I drink too much to keep it to a tolerable level by numbing myself. You'd think after 5 solid months a career girl with a beautiful life and home and future wouldn't waste one second looking back and yet, the mind is cruel, the betrayal and loss are all consuming, we KNOW the end is the VERY best result yet those stinging burning tears come despite not dwelling, not writing, seeking to move forward in every way, it's still there. It's cruel and to see you passing this test go you.

So.....he said "too early to ask..."?

That's hilarious. This means his ego is so big he really BELIEVES it's going to take FOREVER to get over him.

And of course wow this message of his was to ensure that you don't forget, he wanted to check out if he was still an option and make sure he was still top of your mind, what an A- hole!

[Grapesofwrath]

So admirable and exactly what I needed to read today.

I put on a brave face every day, convince myself I am better off, only a week to go until it's a full 5 months NC, some days out of nowhere the abandonment comes back, the hurt cuts so deep I drink too much to keep it to a tolerable level by numbing myself. You'd think after 5 solid months a career girl with a beautiful life and home and future wouldn't waste one second looking back and yet, the mind is cruel, the betrayal and loss are all consuming, we KNOW the end is the VERY best result yet those stinging burning tears come despite not dwelling, not writing, seeking to move forward in every way, it's still there. It's cruel and to see you passing this test go you.

So.....he said "too early to ask..."?

That's hilarious. This means his ego is so big he really BELIEVES it's going to take FOREVER to get over him.

And of course wow this message of his was to ensure that you don't forget, he wanted to check out if he was still an option and make sure he was still top of your mind, what an A- hole!

 

Privategal: I'm sorry you are still hurting like this. We are all on our own timeline. Sometimes the happy ending is that we are on our own. Free. You are no longer a slave to that doesn't nourish you. Freedom is never given. We have to fight for it.

 

Yes, "too soon to ask how you are doing?" That was it. I interpreted it as he wonders if I'm done being angry yet. Like there is some amount of time needed for me calm down and then we can return to the way things used to be. Does not get it. At. All. I agree that it shows his huge ego, but I guess I took it another way. To me it meant that he thinks he is so incredible and irresistible that I will want him back eventually, it's just a matter of time.

 

My mind also went straight to his wife. I bet the last few months have felt better for her, because her gut isn't screaming that her husband is cheating again. So he got her back in her spot, and now he wants me back in mine. Entitled, cake-eating, MFer. (I guess I'm back at Anger? Non-linear indead.)

[privategal]

Man, I was a cake eating m-fer WITH my exAP but dammmnnn. I've let it all go, went 100% NC, reinvested in my life, my marriage, got on antidepressants, focused on my job, and yet...here I am still healing, grieving, doing seemingly all the right things but cannot seem to fully let it GO.

Yah, his ego feels like, ok, grapes might have forgotten me, is moving on, I might have to stroke her a little and find out where she stands, she isn't writing ME??

SOOOO, all that romantic vacation time and his summer of love and his big ego is still floating around ready for a new ego strokes? For what? To get him through the fall season? Mannnnn, eff him for thinking he can just drop in for a cheery how are you? Your Silence is the best way to shut his HUGE ego UP. He is checking his phone non stop. Let him text his wife to validate his big ego cause GRAPES has left the building honey!!