Should I delete my wife off Facebook? Almost borderline.

[Dan1977]

I wanted this as a separate question, to see what you all have done out there. As surely this is a common thing to happen at some point.

 

We haven't fully resolved things but I can't stand to look at another single photo of her drinking and partying on there like some kind of teenage girl who is confused and destructive and every single image damages me further and further. She knows this, but still posts.

 

Opinion?

 

Am ready to do it. And deal with backlash.

[PegNosePete]

What "backlash"?

 

If she gets annoyed just tell her it's only facebook, what is she 12 years old or something?

[Dan1977]

What "backlash"?

 

If she gets annoyed just tell her it's only facebook, what is she 12 years old or something?

 

Yes good point

[standtall]

Yes.......

[Jeff1690]

I would delete if it causes you trouble. Flip side photos could reveal possible OM

[tojaz]

I would delete if you are sure that will bring you some peace.

 

I will say though that for some people being upset at seeing what she is doing is better then not knowing and letting your imagination fill in the blanks for you... especially if you are questioning who she has been keeping company with and their intentions.

[SammySammy]

I would delete her from my life.

 

This woman doesn't respect you or your marriage.

[LancasterAmos1966]

I would delete if you are sure that will bring you some peace.

 

This is good advice tojaz.

 

Dan1977, there are 2 sides to the coin:

 

Side A: In the early stages of letting go, you might be curious and need to look. Of course, this looking can set you back emotionally. Blocking someone, getting a new number, and hiding from them makes it look like your emotions are so out of whack that you had to cut them off. If she were stalking you, or threatening to hurt you, then yes, cutting off all contact would be a great idea.

 

Side B: Later on, after you begin to recover, your curiosity will be lowered, and you won't need to look so often. And once you are fully recovered, looking will not cause you to fall apart. Because if you fall apart, that means you are not recovered.

 

In the early stages, I could not look at my wife with another man.

 

But now that I'm recovered, I'm actually content that she has found someone new.

 

There's no right or wrong answer, as long as you make the decision.

 

Don't worry about her reactions. But if you want to hurt her by getting rid of her off facebook, you will probably be disappointed. It probably won't hurt her one tiny bit.

 

If I were to make a simple suggestion, I'd say keep her on facebook, but YOU get off of it for awhile until your emotions are not so raw.

 

Google Loves A Game by Eddie Corbano. He has many free articles to read through and give some help in this letting go process.

 

Off topic a little bit: I wound up getting rid of some pictures that I wish I did not get rid of. My emotions were raw. I should have taken the advice to give the photos to a friend to hold onto. So whatever you do, don't go shredding photos or smashing gifts from her. After you are recovered, you may want to reminisce over those day OR you might want to shred them. You can make a better decision later, but right now it's too early because your emotions are too raw.

Edited August 24, 2016 by LancasterAmos1966

[Bufo]

My response has nothing to do with your emotional state.

 

Have you consulted an attorney? There are many reasons to do so, but here is one reason relative to Facebook. Does fault play any part in divorce in your state? If so, don't do it. You'll be destroying your evidence of her misbehavior. Difficult for her to explain it away when she is the "author and editor" of her FB posts.

 

If fault doesn't matter in your state then proof of misbehavior is irrelevant.

[Friskyone4u]

What "backlash"?

 

If she gets annoyed just tell her it's only facebook, what is she 12 years old or something?

 

Dan,

 

As asked. What on earth are you talking about????? Your wife is humiliating you on a public forum that everyone you know sees, and for some reason you seem to feel you have an obligation to allow this so as to not piss her off?????

 

Dan, gently my friend, what you are doing here is not uncommon. You are hurt ( with good reason) and in shock ( with good reason), and you are looking for someone to tell you that if you keep being paralyzed that it will all be OK and that she will stop what she is doing.

 

THAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

 

On your other thread you talk about all these "friends" who are all in on what she is doing. Waht positive benefit do you get on turning on your computer and watching what she is doing and all of them "liking" it and approving. That is called PAIN SHOPPING and is of no benefit to you at all.

 

And at this point the LESS she knows about what you are doing or thinking the better. Dan, right now she is your ENEMY, not your wife or friend. She is flaunting what she is doing in your face. Why can't you understand that you need to stop accepting this.

 

more threads will not solve your problem. Getting a divorce done and settling back to a normal life will solve your problem. SHE IS GONE Dan.

 

Help yourself by stop holding on to this pipedream of what you want from her. People change. She has changed for the worst into a cancer in your life that must be eradicated.

[NHappy]

I wanted this as a separate question, to see what you all have done out there. As surely this is a common thing to happen at some point.

 

We haven't fully resolved things but I can't stand to look at another single photo of her drinking and partying on there like some kind of teenage girl who is confused and destructive and every single image damages me further and further. She knows this, but still posts.

 

Opinion?

 

Am ready to do it. And deal with backlash.

 

Yes. Absolutely, yes. My initial instinct is to say just block her, but it isn't fair for anyone for her to think you are okay. It's deceptive. If she's drinking and partying, and that's not who you are, just call it a difference of opinions and move on. I am wondering how you get to a point of not totally resolving something, though, and still want to cause waves on a public social network. Make sure, before you do, your answer is final regarding your relationship. Until then, hide her posts if they bother you. But, it's probably a good idea to communicate what bothers you before you do so in case there is a chance of recovering the marriage.

[TexHusband]

Dan you asked a great question. Considering social media is a "virtual social circle"... one where we stand or sit around communicating like we used to, only this is via the internet... would you stand or sit and listen to someone who is belittling you, speaking down to you, emasculating you, and taunting you? No. We would leave that social circle, that gathering.

 

I would absolutely remove her AND her family AND any friends you gained from meeting her, all of them from your Facebook. Without doing that, you are basically staying in her presence while she humiliates you. Yes it's difficult to think about removing that connection, especially if you think you still love her. But Dan, the truth is (I've been there!) that you keeping her connected via FB is another sign of your co-dependency. Don't be ashamed to know that... you'll find freedom from facing it and once you do, it's fuel that will empower you to move on and feel like a new man! You deserve it.

[TheBladeRunner]

Although the ex-hex and I now have a decent relationship because we have a child together, early on, deleting her as a FB friend was one of the first things I did. I too witnessed the partying and all the garbage and couldn't stand it. Do yourself a favor and unfriend her as fast as you can, you'll be glad you did.