COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 If you have seen any of my other posts, you kind of know the history. The latest is this: She decided to come back to me after 6 months apart. Yes...she actually used the words " I want to come back to you". She said she realized what she had and that I was good to her. She has been back about 3 weeks now. The first few days were really good, however, gradually, I feel her interest waning again. She shows very little affection toward me and everything is initiated by me. I really believe now that she might have BPD. No matter what I do...it's never enough. It feels like everything I do or say is wrong. She went from telling me that she was so glad to be back to now making up excuses why we don't fit together. I went from being happy to feeling apprehensive again. My gut tells me she is interested in someone else and I kind of hinted that to her without saying it outright. She gets infatuated easily and I explained that is different than love. Tremendous mood swings.....laying in bed together Sunday morning as she is talking to her daughter on the phone. She is stroking my hair and laughing and seems happy. I make her breakfast and then she showers while I work in the yard. When I come back in....it's like she flipped a switch...treating me with total disdain. Really unbelievable. She is very secretive with her phone too...never leaves her side and always upside down. I get the feeling the hammer is going to drop and there is nothing I can do about it no matter how hard I try. What a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
BikerAccnt Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 I know the feeling. It's why I will not let myself get messed up with my EX again. I am finally free of the anxiety of never knowing where I stand. She is who she is and I know now, that she's not for me. It sounds as if your girlfriend is the same. If she can't be the person you need her to be, it's time to move on. Sure it's nice when they say they want to get back together (I've had the same thing happen) but if they can't change who they are, do you really want that same thing that caused the issue in the first place? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 I hate to say it but that's what you get for accepting her back. She has no respect for you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 16, 2016 Author Share Posted August 16, 2016 I honestly think she has several guys orbiting around at all times. I question my whole 9.5 year relationship now. I would bet that none of the guys knows about the others either. I have read sooooo much stuff on narcissists that I truly believe she is one. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Been there, done that bro. If it is BPD...RUN. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Been there, done that bro. If it is BPD...RUN. Trust me. Don't even bother testing. You catch of whiff of crazy, you haul tail. Never let the crazy in. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 Your only mistake was to let her back in. Get rid and be done with it. Tell her you no longer have the same feelings as before and too much water has now gone under the bridge to be able to rekindle what you had. Ask her to leave and for goodness sake do not let her back in again. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 If you have seen any of my other posts, you kind of know the history. The latest is this: She decided to come back to me after 6 months apart. Yes...she actually used the words " I want to come back to you". She said she realized what she had and that I was good to her. She has been back about 3 weeks now. The first few days were really good, however, gradually, I feel her interest waning again. She shows very little affection toward me and everything is initiated by me. I really believe now that she might have BPD. No matter what I do...it's never enough. It feels like everything I do or say is wrong. She went from telling me that she was so glad to be back to now making up excuses why we don't fit together. I went from being happy to feeling apprehensive again. My gut tells me she is interested in someone else and I kind of hinted that to her without saying it outright. She gets infatuated easily and I explained that is different than love. Tremendous mood swings.....laying in bed together Sunday morning as she is talking to her daughter on the phone. She is stroking my hair and laughing and seems happy. I make her breakfast and then she showers while I work in the yard. When I come back in....it's like she flipped a switch...treating me with total disdain. Really unbelievable. She is very secretive with her phone too...never leaves her side and always upside down. I get the feeling the hammer is going to drop and there is nothing I can do about it no matter how hard I try. What a mess. It's doesn't matter if she's BPD, what matters is that you are unhappy. I get the feeling the hammer is going to drop and there is nothing I can do about it no matter how hard I try. -- Take the hammer away from her and end the relationship yourself! Go no contact and never look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 Here is the latest: My girlfriend came back to me a month ago and said she really wants it to work. However.....she seems to be putting no effort whatsoever into it. She shows almost no emotion toward me and she seems to have lost interest in sex. I know she flew to Chicago (from California) to see another guy while we were apart and I know for a fact she is still in contact with him. In my opinion.....she feels like she is cheating on him with me thus feeling guilty about sex with me. Her girlfriend told me confidentially that she was supposed to go back in August but coming back to me messed that plan up. Also heard from her that he was moving here in September. Don't know how true those statements are. I get the feeling that I am just comfortable for her until she formulates some sort of plan to bail again. She is very, very secretive with her phone but I have managed to catch glimpses of their texts. Maybe I am answering my own question but I have told her I don't want to be anybody's second choice and she says I am paranoid. (of course). Any suggestions or comments are welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Based on what you've said, take the nearest exit and don't look back. You're a step ahead of where she thinks you are. Why would you willingly play into her scheme to burn and turn? She's using you. You'll be much happier as the dumper than the dumpee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 The problem is getting her to leave. I am not leaving my house. I just don't want to believe I am being used. She is also trying to make plans to go to Mexico (where she is from) but insists that I don't go along. I would have to assume she actually wants to go to Chicago. I believe she is a narcissist and I kind of cringe at calling her out because she goes ballistic. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Help her pack for Chicago and while she's at it, pack the rest of her things and tell her she needs to find another place to live. You're not her backup plan. Easy as that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Additionally, if you're uncertain of where she's actually going, just watch her pack....Chicago this time of year, mid to low 50's, Mexico mid to high 80s. Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 They are trying to formulate some way to meet up, I am sure of it. I thought about letting her go and then taking all of her stuff to storage and changing the locks for a nice surprise on her return. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 If she is uncooperative/ becomes violent and her name is not on the lease/deed/mortgage, etc you have ever right to call the sheriff and have her physically removed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 You already know what you should do. She is playing games and unless you want to join her in this then I would walk away completely. No Contact is a wonderful thing some times. C Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 No, she is not on anything. However, I believe she is quite vindictive as she already damaged an ex boyfriends vehicle. I am at work all day so I am worried she might attempt something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 She may be more evil than I thought and very contradictory. While we were apart, something was mentioned about her seeing someone else and she said she doesn't just want someone to have sex with, she wants a relationship. However....2 days ago while we were out, she said relationships bore her. WTF? Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Why don't you ask her: Is she in contact with this guy? Is she feeling like she is cheating on him whilr she's with you? Maybe you're paranoid, imagining things, but what alternative truth can she offer. You can ask her why is she so secretive with her phone? Can she give you her word with 100% that if you've read her phone there is nothing there to upset you? If there's something that you don't like in her answers, just leave. If you think she' lying, just leave. But if you stay, it's only because you're 100 happy with the situation, and convinced that she is 100% commited to you Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 I know absolutely %100 she is in contact with him. I have seen him text and her respond. Unfortunately, it's in Spanish so I don't know the context. However.....if she was %100 committed to me, she shouldn't be talking to this guy at all. The strange thing is, she is 49 (I am 52) and he is 38. Does she honestly think this guy will hang around when she is 60 and he is still in his 40's? I also have seen a video sent by him along Lake Michigan which she responded to. She cloisters herself in the bedroom at night while I am in the living room. I can get a pretty clear view of her phone through the backyard window blinds. I know.....that sounds bad but I just don't want be Mr. Oblivious. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Help her pack for Chicago and while she's at it, pack the rest of her things and tell her she needs to find another place to live. You're not her backup plan. Easy as that. Exactly. Kind of like in martial arts when you use the opponent's momentum to lay them out. Put her stuff in storage, change the locks and notify her after she leaves. If she has a history of destroying property get a restraining order and install a security camera. You can't just put up with someone like this because you're afraid she'll damage your car. Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 I am actually more upset at the deception that is going on right now and she thinks I'm too stupid or oblivious to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 YES, you have answered your own question. The writing is on the wall with this chick. Save your dignity and cut her loose! Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Yes, I agree with you that she shouldn't be in any contact with him, if she wants it to work with you. You're the one who should set your boundaries. Just say to her that according to her behavior you don't think it will work, and you want to end it. If she asks, you can set your "no compromised" boundaries. But I'm not sure it will work anyway. She should have set those boundaries to herself, without you telliing her. Link to post Share on other sites
AnthonyChatter Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Usually I don't make profiles on this type of forums but this time I had to do that. My personal opinion is that you should do what's first on your mind. Good friend of mine is that type of guy. For example he's using Tinder and Party line all the time for meeting new girls. And if you ask me he is a very happy guy. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
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