smackie9 Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Other thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/592541-keep-her-cut-her-loose Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Three threads merged - some duplication of content may have occurred. Please continue discussion of this relationship issue in this thread. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 If you have seen any of my previous posts you kind of know the deal. I think she desperately wants to get me to sell the house or put her name on title so she can force me to sell it so she can have some money to get a place to live before this other dude gets out here. I don't know if he knows about me or not. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 If you have seen any of my previous posts you kind of know the deal. I think she desperately wants to get me to sell the house or put her name on title so she can force me to sell it so she can have some money to get a place to live before this other dude gets out here. I don't know if he knows about me or not. should never happen!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 23, 2016 Author Share Posted August 23, 2016 You are right about that! Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 The strange thing is, she is 49 (I am 52) and he is 38. Does she honestly think this guy will hang around when she is 60 and he is still in his 40's? Actually the strange thing is that you are 52, when in reading this thread I thought that you were 25, because like a kid you are still trying to tell her what is best for her, instead of focusing on what is best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 I think she desperately wants to get me to sell the house or put her name on title so she can force me to sell it so she can have some money to get a place to live before this other dude gets out here. She just moved in, you own the house in your name only, how exactly can she make you put her on the title or "force" you to sell the house and split the proceeds so that she can share it with "this other dude"? If this a real concern of yours, you need to put everything into a trust, and to seek someone you trust (not her) to serve as your court designated conservator to protect you from yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Ryan, You and I are the same age. Listen up and listen up good..... Like me, you have more days behind you than ahead of you. Do not waste a single day on this woman. Get rid of her not soon, get rid of her this very night. I mean it. Or you'll regret it. How much time have you devoted to threads here answering your own question? If your best friend told you this story would you not tell him to send her packing ASAP? You would. Now get to it, times a wastin.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 I do consider the house "ours" since it was her idea, she went through her uncle and she found the house...and we had been together for 7 years already. Nothing that you said in this post from another thread makes the house part hers, especially since you are not married, just came back from a split, and know that her intentions are not good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 %99 sure I saw her on a dating site last night too. I am reasonably sure she did a lot more "stuff" while we were apart than she says she did. I am starting to believe she uses men and sex for validation. What's funny is....the guy she broke up with before me did the same thing to her....lots of women friends and using dating sites. She left him because of that and now she is doing the same thing. Believe me....I am not stupid....just overly caring and optimistic. I just do not want to believe this can be happening. She is also the type that I absolutely would not trust to be drunk around guys without me. That alone should make me run...... Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 %99 sure I saw her on a dating site last night too. I am reasonably sure she did a lot more "stuff" while we were apart than she says she did. I am starting to believe she uses men and sex for validation. What's funny is....the guy she broke up with before me did the same thing to her....lots of women friends and using dating sites. She left him because of that and now she is doing the same thing. Believe me....I am not stupid....just overly caring and optimistic. I just do not want to believe this can be happening. She is also the type that I absolutely would not trust to be drunk around guys without me. That alone should make me run...... Then why the hell haven't you? Look, you can be in denial all you want but trying to "nice" someone back into a relationship is as useless as tits on a bull. The deer in the headlights act you have going is going to come crashing into you with those headlights being a truck. How much more crap are you going to subject yourself to? One day you are going to wake up and realize that at Fifty Two years of age this game is the stuff of couple 30 years your junior. I implore you to act. No one will respect you if you don't respect yourself enough to not accept this treatment in your own home nonetheless. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 When we decided to get back together and she moved back in.....for the first week or so it was really great. Slowly.....she has been distancing herself. She doesn't touch me (or very, very rarely), she gets annoyed by the simplest questions, things I do that used to make her laugh now just irritate her. In bed at night watching TV (and believe me, I try earlier but she is wrapped up in that phone), as soon as she senses me making a move she either crosses her legs or just flat rolls over with her back to me. I am the one making ALL of the effort. She is a realtor so occasionally she has to work late but when she does, she doesn't call or text me to let me know. She just shows up at whatever time, 8 pm sometimes, and when I ask how everything went, she gets defensive and standoffish. I have a hard time seeing the bad in people so that is why I have kind of stalemated myself. I guess my kind heartedness and good nature is being taken advantage of. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 In bed at night watching TV (and believe me, I try earlier but she is wrapped up in that phone), as soon as she senses me making a move she either crosses her legs or just flat rolls over with her back to me. I am the one making ALL of the effort. Ok, I need to explain something to you here...because I was in a similar situation with a woman I was living with in my 20's, and I figured it out real quick. This scenario means one thing and one thing only: she is or has been screwing somebody else. You see in her mind, although she lives under your roof, it is only for convenience. In her mind, if she has sex with you, then she is cheating on the other guy she is messing about with. Her heart and her coochie is with him right now. You are just Plan B with some financial stability in case it does not work out as she planned, or perhaps once she gets enough of his dick she can come back mentally because good old Ryan will take her back with little to no consequences. Dude, she is only in your house because you have money. If she had anything she would be out of there in a second on her way back to the Windy City for a Sex Romp. she is only staying until Lover Boy gets settled into his new digs hell if she is a realtor she is probably working her contacts trying to get him set up in a nice apartment. Your position to look for the good in her is your complete downfall. She knows this and is taking advantage of you in ways you don't even see. The same thing happened to me once. Like I have said on this forum time and again I USED to be a really Nice Guy. Then I got taken advantage of one time too many and did a complete 180 in 6 seconds and became a monster and put the boots to two people I loved very much and stomped them both into intensive care. I have paid for what I did every day of my life since then. What I am trying to say here, Ryan is that although I am an extreme case of what happens when someone snaps, your story has a lot of similarities with mine. I was the one who ended up with the crap end of the stick in every way, shape and form. And it was because I put my head in the sand and then when events came before my eyes I snapped on an epic level and became a convicted felon as a parting gift. Please act now and get this woman out of your house. It can only go down from here. Please, for your own sanity, act. Do not wait until it is too late like I did and do something stupid that changes your life forever. Incidentally, Von Ryan's Express is perhaps one of my favorite Sinatra Movies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 She definitely has no money right now. In a week or so she will have a deal close that will give her several thousand dollars. I kind of believe she will make up some excuse to go somewhere without me. She has mentioned Mexico (where she is from) but I think it's back to Chitown. What sucks also is the last time she went to Chicago back in April, she told me she was going to a real estate conference in LA. I even gave her $500 to go and then she blocked me from her phone all week. So basically...I financed a trip for her to sleep with someone else while she ignored me. I only found out about it from HER girlfriend. She was in tears telling me this stuff because I am such a "nice guy" and was getting treated badly. Let me explain the house situation: We were together for 9.5 years, living together for 8.5 of those. She bought a super expensive home right after I met her when the housing market went bust. I probably put out $100,000 trying to help her save her house. Eventually I couldn't keep up anymore and we lost it. I ruined my credit for years because of this so we rented until January of 2013. Her uncle was looking to buy a house cash as an investment. She suggested buying it for us and we would pay him back. My credit had recovered by then and hers was terrible so it was put in my name. I have made every payment and pais all property taxes and insurance since we have been there. Refinanced the house 9 months ago to pay her uncle back and the house is in my name only, yet she insists it is hers.....not OURS....hers. I know the instant her name would be added in any form, she would force me to sell it so she could get half of that free equity and set up shop with the new dude. I have a 15 year loan and have told her I did that so it's paid off before I retire. So.....good times await me I'm sure. Sorry to hear about what happened to you and I can see how it would. I love that movie too but I actually to the name from my favorite baseball player...Nolan Ryan. He was called The Ryan Express. I value your opinion and insight so feel free to say what's what. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 What are your laws about living common law? Here in Canada you are considered married if you cohabitate for one year. All assets are split if there is a separation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 I am in California but I Haven't checked out the laws yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Sorry to hear about what happened to you and I can see how it would. Don't be. I deserved everything I got. I changed my whole life in an instant because I could not control myself. It was a very hard lesson to learn and I had a handful of years to think about it 24 hours a day. I did it to myself, I can't blame others for what they did, only blame myself for how I reacted. That's why I have such an absolutist and Black and White view of infidelity that most people find pretty Draconian. However I screwed up my entire life because of what I did. I have a lot of hindsight behind me and wish beyond reality I had reacted in a much different and mature way. Sadly I still think that no matter how many times I wished it never happened, it would have ended up the same way. Snapping like that was something I had never done. That being said, given what info you have subsequently provided, I really think you must act now and protect yourself from this woman. Acting now will save you a lot of future headache. Sure it will be a pain in the ass for awhile do dump her and get her away from you, but I assure you it will be worth it. Remember what I said about having more days behind you than ahead of you. Please keep that in mind. Good Luck:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 Just out of curiousity....I see you are based in Chicago. Have you heard of Woodland Foods in Waukegan? Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 Sure have. They sell Morel Mushrooms out of season which is cool because I like them alot. Around here in Illinois the best time to find them is usually the last week of April till the first week of may so there is only about a 2 week window in which they grow here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 I only asked that because the dude from that area she hooked up with works there. He is also 11 years younger than her. I know his name from her girlfriend and I don't have facebook but my daughter does and told me. I wish she hadn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 Also, I visited Chicago last summer. My girlfriend (surprise!) and I went on a 3 week cross country road trip. Stopped and went along Lakeshore Dr and saw Wrigley Field. Actually stayed in Elk Grove Village for the night. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 How old are you man? 15? Kick her out and move on with your life. Sheesh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author COOLRYANEXPRESS Posted September 12, 2016 Author Share Posted September 12, 2016 For any one who has followed my other posts, here is an update: My girlfriend has been back living with me since mid-July. She hasn't mentioned anything recently about putting her name on the house. She has her good days and bad days but has serious trouble showing me any affection and seems to pick at me for the smallest things. She flew to see a guy in Chicago while we were broke up and she insists she doesn't talk to him anymore however, I know this is not true. I happened to see that any texts that come from him are pink. She doesn't know that I know this but I am not sure how to go about confronting her about it. I have told her that I don't expect her to lose friends or acquaintances but anybody she dated while were apart is a no no. She can't be committed to me while still maintaining contact with them. Does this seem like a reasonable request? Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 For any one who has followed my other posts, here is an update: My girlfriend has been back living with me since mid-July. She hasn't mentioned anything recently about putting her name on the house. She has her good days and bad days but has serious trouble showing me any affection and seems to pick at me for the smallest things. She flew to see a guy in Chicago while we were broke up and she insists she doesn't talk to him anymore however, I know this is not true. I happened to see that any texts that come from him are pink. She doesn't know that I know this but I am not sure how to go about confronting her about it. I have told her that I don't expect her to lose friends or acquaintances but anybody she dated while were apart is a no no. She can't be committed to me while still maintaining contact with them. Does this seem like a reasonable request? Any thoughts? You love drama. Probably weak. You don't follow suggestions. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted September 12, 2016 Share Posted September 12, 2016 Actually the strange thing is that you are 52, when in reading this thread I thought that you were 25, because like a kid you are still trying to tell her what is best for her, instead of focusing on what is best for you. Whoa! I got the impression the OP was in his early twenties too! She sounds like she has major issues, and you should let her go, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts