wmacbride Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 The next line is actually, "If only I had met you first...." someone should write down a list of all the lines mm and mw use- or maybe they already did. It's like there is a script somewhere that many of them follow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Oh that is good. But my crazy one has that beat. He said that when his wife goes he will make a death bed confession about his love for me. She is not even ill. Ugh! That's morbid, and weird. Who says something like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 Do you have this in writing? If so I would consider sending it to his wife in case he has any plans to put her on her death bed sooner than you think... Oh I don't think he really meant it. He is one of those weird ones that thinks he will out live everyone to the age of 100. He was being over dramatic and probably said that for "shock value" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 I know it wouldn't be the best thing because any extended contact with this guy could land you in the same boat as many of OW that didn't tell MM to suck it @ this point but... if he wants to pretend he is the one being pursued, a little over the top pretend psycho delusional OW chasing would be just what he needs. A few pranks that wouldn't involve anyone else. Maybe a fake tattoo with both of your names + soulmates and show up to take him for his matching tat in a wedding dress. Stroke his ego & maybe give him a stroke too. So funny...especially the wedding dress part. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 someone should write down a list of all the lines mm and mw use- or maybe they already did. It's like there is a script somewhere that many of them follow. I saw one on another site a couple of weeks back - if I stumble across it again I'll send it for you lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 He called me yesterday and we talked about the most mundane of items. Mostly I just listened. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. One minute passion the next minute placid. Oh and the amount of times he mentioned his wife was frigging overkill. Almost like he was trying to convince himself that he was happily married. Le sigh! Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Girl, why are you putting up with this? You are not his paid therapist, you are his ex-lover. Does he not have male friends or family members that he can confide in? You’re in love with a man who is in love with his wife. He’s not trying to convince you that he is happily married, he talks about her because he thinks it’s okay since you two are now just *friends*. You are putting up with way too much here; allowing your ex-married lover to talk about his wife with you. Tell him to go to marriage counselling and block him ASAP! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 <Link to Backstory> All in a matter of a week, he said how he believed that we are soul mates, we could have a wonderful life together and how much he loved me and still loves me. Then in the next breath he tells me how wonder his wife is and how she helped him out from a very dark place. He goes on to say there isn't anything he wouldn't do for her and he would spend any amount of money to keep her happy because she means everything to him. Who in the hell was I talking to earlier? Married men can go suck it!!!!! All in a matter of a week, he said how he believed that we are soul mates, we could have a wonderful life together and how much he loved me and still loves me. -- And you bought it???? Come on now. Don't put all the blame on him . . . men don't use women, women allow themselves to be used. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 Girl, why are you putting up with this? You are not his paid therapist, you are his ex-lover. Does he not have male friends or family members that he can confide in? You’re in love with a man who is in love with his wife. He’s not trying to convince you that he is happily married, he talks about her because he thinks it’s okay since you two are now just *friends*. You are putting up with way too much here; allowing your ex-married lover to talk about his wife with you. Tell him to go to marriage counselling and block him ASAP! I get what you are saying, but you know how it goes... Logically I know what is going on, but my heart feels and wants differently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Logically I know what is going on, but my heart feels and wants differently. Squash it down. Cut him out. Move on with your life and forget this POS. You can't see the forest for the trees so take yourself on a nice long hike to the top of the mountain and not only will the trees not matter anymore but the view will be better, the air cleaner, your life happier... If you were giving advice to your BFF or sister or fave cousin in a similar situation, what would you tell her to do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 All in a matter of a week, he said how he believed that we are soul mates, we could have a wonderful life together and how much he loved me and still loves me. -- And you bought it???? Come on now. Don't put all the blame on him . . . men don't use women, women allow themselves to be used. No reason not to believe it because I too have felt this way about someone once....but that's a tale for another day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 I get what you are saying, but you know how it goes... Logically I know what is going on, but my heart feels and wants differently. Then i hate to say it hon but you are now the cause of your own pain. You love him that's why you refuse to block him. He on the other hand is not in love with you which is why he feels comfortable talking about his lovely wife with you. If you refuse to block him you can't blame him for talking about his wife with you, not blocking him means you're okay with it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 No reason not to believe it because I too have felt this way about someone once.... And then the feeling left you, like it has left him... lim·er·ence ˈlimərəns/ noun PSYCHOLOGY the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. You can continue allowing him to use you for ego kibble and delude yourself about the future or you can snap out of it and save yourself a world of heartache. If you don't put boundaries up, he will continue crossing them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 And then the feeling left you, like it has left him... [b]lim·er·ence [/b] ˈlimərəns/ noun PSYCHOLOGY the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. You can continue allowing him to use you for ego kibble and delude yourself about the future or you can snap out of it and save yourself a world of heartache. If you don't put boundaries up, he will continue crossing them. I have seen you reference this term before and it scares the living daylight out of me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 I have seen you reference this term before and it scares the living daylight out of me. It's that crazy mad obsessive crush you have when you first meet someone, and the worst part is that it's not always mutual - unrequited love is painful. Fascinating stuff! From Wikipedia (based primarily on the research of Dorothy Tennov) WHAT IT IS Limerence is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual. It can be experienced as intense joy or as extreme despair, depending on whether the feelings are reciprocated. Basically, it is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love, even to the point of addictive-type behavior. Usually, one is inspired with an intense passion or admiration for someone. Limerence can be difficult to understand for those who have never experienced it, and it is thus often dismissed by non-limerents as ridiculous fantasy or a construct of romantic fiction. WHY YOU ARE MAYBE DELUSIONAL A limerent person may have acute sensitivity to any act, thought, or condition that can be interpreted favorably. This may include a tendency to devise, fabricate, or invent "reasonable" explanations for why neutral actions are a sign of hidden passion in the limerent object. A person experiencing limerence has a general intensity of feeling that leaves other concerns in the background. In their thoughts, such a person tends to emphasize what is admirable in the limerent object and to avoid any negative or problematic attributes. WHY IT PERSISTS WHEN NOT NC Limerence develops and is sustained when there is a certain balance of hope and uncertainty. The basis for limerent hope is not in objective reality but in reality as it is perceived. The inclination is to sift through nuances of speech and subtleties of behavior for evidence of limerent hope. WHAT YOUR BODY IS DOING A condition of sustained alertness, a heightening of awareness and an enormous fund of energy to deploy in pursuit of the limerent aim is developed. The sensation of limerence is felt in the midpoint of the chest, bottom of the throat, guts, or in some cases in the abdominal region. This can be interpreted as ecstasy at times of mutuality, but its presence is most noticeable during despair at times of rejection. The physiological correlations of intense limerence can include seizure-like trembling, pallor, flushing, heart palpitations, pupil dilation and general weakness. Awkwardness, stuttering, shyness, and confusion predominate at the behavioral level. Less common effects include insomnia, loss of appetite, and passing out. If there is extensive anxiety, incorrect behaviour may torpedo the relationship, which consequently results in many of the aforementioned physical responses manifesting intensely. Some people acutely feel these effects either immediately or following contact with the limerent object. Blended is dire ecstasy or keen despair, depending on the turn of events. WHEN IT ISN'T MUTUAL Sufferers complain of abandonment, despair, and diabolically humiliating disappointment. A sense of paralyzing ambiguity predominates, punctuated by pining. The fact of intermittent or nonreciprocal response lends to labile vacillation. This limbo is the threshold for mental prostration. WHY SEXYTIME MAKES IT WORSE Limerence can be intensified after a sexual relationship has begun, and with more intense limerence there is greater desire for sexual contact. However, while sexual surrender at one time indicated the end of uncertainty felt by the limerent object – because in those times a sexual encounter more often led to a feeling of obligation to commit – in modern times this is not necessarily the case. Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 No reason not to believe it because I too have felt this way about someone once....but that's a tale for another day. I think I love you too... we are meant to be together... just the way your typed words show up on the same screen that mine have... the way you phrase your sentences with nouns and verbs and such the same as I do.... I can tell you have emotions and I want you to know... I have them tooo..... why shouldn't we be together? post on the internet together forever.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 He called me yesterday and we talked about the most mundane of items. Mostly I just listened. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. One minute passion the next minute placid. Oh and the amount of times he mentioned his wife was frigging overkill. Almost like he was trying to convince himself that he was happily married. Le sigh! Why are you allowing him to call you? Are you happy with this? My guess is no but you're too afraid of cutting him off. This is how things will be until YOU change it up and end things with him once and for all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 I get what you are saying, but you know how it goes... Logically I know what is going on, but my heart feels and wants differently. So stop listening to your heart and emotions. Fight it and be brave. Don't be afraid of feeling pain by telling him goodbye and then blocking him. Change your number if need be. Find the love and respect for yourself, instead of loving him, put yourself first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juno Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Why are you allowing him to call you? Are you happy with this? My guess is no but you're too afraid of cutting him off. This is how things will be until YOU change it up and end things with him once and for all. I haven't blocked him & allow him to contact because I have convinced myself I can handle it. I am stronger than this. I want to appear un-fazed if I hear from him or not. The truth however is that I am miserable when he calls & miserable when he doesn't. I guess I have come to accept that since I will be miserable either way, at least hear what he has to say. I'm stuck! Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I haven't blocked him & allow him to contact because I have convinced myself I can handle it. I am stronger than this. I want to appear un-fazed if I hear from him or not. The truth however is that I am miserable when he calls & miserable when he doesn't. I guess I have come to accept that since I will be miserable either way, at least hear what he has to say. I'm stuck! Huge difference between being stuck and choosing to be stuck. "whoever cares the least has the most power" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I haven't blocked him & allow him to contact because I have convinced myself I can handle it. I am stronger than this. I want to appear un-fazed if I hear from him or not. The truth however is that I am miserable when he calls & miserable when he doesn't. I guess I have come to accept that since I will be miserable either way, at least hear what he has to say. I'm stuck! Affairs are like coke to your brain, google it. If your friend said this, what would you say? I haven't stopped taking hits of coke & allow it to continue because I have convinced myself I can handle it. I am stronger than this. I want to appear un-fazed if I take a hit or not. The truth however is that I am miserable when I take a hit & miserable when I don't. I guess I have come to accept that since I will be miserable either way, at least I may as well take the hit. I'm stuck! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Don't think I think I think I'm better than you. I've just been here longer. Want to be me? Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Huge difference between being stuck and choosing to be stuck. "whoever cares the least has the most power" My new mantra Link to post Share on other sites
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