An odd situation

[TequilaSunrise85]

For the past year I've been getting divorced, losing weight, and getting my head on straight. Now I'm getting ready to start dating again, and it's scaring the **** out of me.

 

Youd probably like some background information. I'm a 31 year old man, I exercise daily (and I'm even starting to look like it), and I met my ex-wife when I was 18. I haven't had a first date in 13 years. When my exwife and I split, nearly all our mutual friends (read ALL our friends) sided with her despite her asking them to stay friends with us both. It's left me without a social circle in a city where I hardly know anybody with the stigma of being an overweight single dad. Exercise is taking care of the weight, and with Seattle being so fit, I expect I'll be a bit longer in attracting any interest. That's not the problem. I don't know where to begin with dating; casual relationships, talking about being exclusive, dating around, all these are foreign concepts to me.

 

I'm great at a realtionship, I know how to work with someone i love to keep a relationship happy and going, my marriage was never bad we just became different people. But now I'm awkward, I see a woman I like, I want to say hi and flirt, but I don't because I'm just not sure how to go about doing it. And its not like I'm afraid of getting shot down, that's fine too, everyone has preferences and I had to turn down women when I was married and in much better shape, I never tried to make anyone feel awkward about it and I assume most people are that way too.

 

So I guess what I'm asking is what are some good things to do to meet people and force some interactions with other people? Because I need friends as well as trying to find a date. And also, once I have that date, are there rules to how long to wait before using a second one? How long do I wait to have the exclusivity talk? Do women in Seattle even date single dads? Am I worrying too much about this?

[preraph]

It's scary for anyone who's not done it in awhile. The biggest pitfall to avoid is going after the same young girls you were able to date when you were also that age. When someone has been married a long time and start dating, they tend to have the same taste in girls they had before marriage, and that will NOT work!

 

You really don't have to worry as much about being perfect weight either as long as you date women close to your own age. You are NOT old. In fact, I always thought the perfect age for a man and his attractiveness overall is 29-32. So date women 28-35 and you'll be fine.

 

The biggest point in your favor is you know how to make a relationship work, because not many people do. But you have to be judicious in making sure whoever you might end up with is good at it as well, and the older she is, the more apt that will be to happen.

 

First try meeting someone organically through friends or activities. Ramp up your social life and hobbies and activities. Don't wait for someone to call. Start scheduling things and ask people, but go alone if no one is willing. Do social things involving others: bowling, playing pool, join a bike club, a hiking club, whatever you enjoy. But be sure you get out there and start doing it every week. Good luck!

[TequilaSunrise85]

Thanks, that actually makes me feel a little better. I imagine I still have some awkward mistakes to make before I get my confidence back, but at least I feel a bit more encouraged to make them.

[preraph]

Listen, it's a teeny, tiny percentage of people who do not feel awkward and inept on first dates and meeting people. It's natural. That first encounter and date are always tense.

[djgenesis]

I understand where you're coming from. I am a 33 year old single dad who is recently separated. The thought of dating scares me. I've been told to make sure you are right in your head before you do, because sometimes that first one can be a rebound that you will regret for the rest of your life. Good luck buddy.