Update: ex is suggesting we get back together

[Sunnymae]

Just want to give y'all an update, not sure where I should post this though.

My ex and I met up, and had a friendly interaction. He complained about how the woman he was dating was not forthcoming, and, it turns out didn't have much in common so it didn't work out.

 

He said he's still doing the online dating, but that he would prefer to just be with me, and he wondered what it would be like if we lived together. I said to him, "let's not even go there, and that I would not entertain that thought ever again, and I'm not going down that path" I told him we could hang out, but only as friends. I said, "You will never be my life partner"

 

Does he really think that after 3 agonizing months of going through a heart wrenching breakup I'm going to fall for these false promises like last time. I didn't tell him this, but I was thinking what a pack of BS wow! Did he forget how he flip flopped from wanting to move in together, to "we have nothing in common", and I want to start dating" How he used me for 3 years until his divorce was final, and then blew me off, b/c to use his words "before my divorce women were not interested in me, but now that I'm divorced they're interested" Did he forget How he Didn't respond to my pathetic pleas for us to reconcile, and how he wanted nothing sexually to do with me. Did he forget that he told me to take my stuff out of his house, and return his key, and we were done.

 

I am so surprised at my reaction. If he would have asked me this 2 weeks ago, I would have probably caved in and got back with him. I really surprised myself. Whew! I actually feel relieved. I'm glad we're back on speaking terms, and can occasionally hangout, as friends. Now when we text there are no xoxo or emoji hearts. But at least we have been interacting, and I don't feel so anxious. Although,I did feel a little jealous when he mentioned dating again. I can't let my guard down. I feel like I've reached my sobriety.

[JewelD]

Dude, your guard is alllll the way down.

 

This man kicked you out of his home, drug you through a long breakup and 'used' you to get through his divorce? Why in God's name are you happy to be interacting with him???

 

You truly believe he will never be your life partner so what is the point in talking to him as a 'friend'? You need to examine what's going on with your social life that you have to resort to being friends with a man who treated you like crap.

 

But I'm guessing you are doing this because you want to be close to him and you're hoping he will get his act together so you can get back with him and trust him. He's like a drug to you. That's why you feel anxious when you're not talking to him. That's not a sign of friendship.

 

You will have reached sobriety when you realize this man has nothing to offer you and you cut him out of your life entirely.

[AT15]

Dude, your guard is alllll the way down.

 

This man kicked you out of his home, drug you through a long breakup and 'used' you to get through his divorce? Why in God's name are you happy to be interacting with him???

 

You truly believe he will never be your life partner so what is the point in talking to him as a 'friend'? You need to examine what's going on with your social life that you have to resort to being friends with a man who treated you like crap.

 

But I'm guessing you are doing this because you want to be close to him and you're hoping he will get his act together so you can get back with him and trust him. He's like a drug to you. That's why you feel anxious when you're not talking to him. That's not a sign of friendship.

 

You will have reached sobriety when you realize this man has nothing to offer you and you cut him out of your life entirely.

 

Girl, I needed to read this. Because, I've been needed to go cold turkey from my ex. He is a drug. And you are right, I'm hanging around in hopes he gets his **** together after he treated me like nothing. What the heck is my problem?

 

I am not in love anymore, I just wish we still had the relationship we once had, before he turned psycho.

 

I know this message wasn't intended for me, but it's been very hard letting go of my ex.

[Sunnymae]

JewelD - Thank you for responding. I get where you are coming from, but What harm could it be to remain friends and occasionally text or hang out. I know you're thinking breadcrumbs, but if that's what helps me work through this, then why not. I realize that once he finds someone that may or may not change depending on the insecurity of the person he's with. And I'm not sure how I'll feel, I may be setting myself up for more pain. I was his friend for about a year, then FWB, and then later we casually spoke about moving and perhaps a future together. But I guess he wanted to sow his wild oats after his divorce was final. He seems oblivious about how he broke my heart. We've barley text, and I've only hung out with him twice. It's like I'm rewiring my brain to the thought that we are not lovers, only friends. We don't make out, we are actually very formal with each other, and since I know him, and what he did there's no fantasy about getting serious. He would make a terrible BF. I kind of feel sorry for whoever ends up with him.

[butterfly1958]

You are an awesome person! What forgiveness and true mature caring you are exemplifying with your actions. Being able to forgive someone for hurtful comments is not easy. Just remember to make sure your ex is clear on where you are at emotionally. Having a significant other/spouse who is a best friend is a necessity from my point of view. My kids have spouses who are their best friends. At some point in life sex, abilities, and other traits change but as long as you respect, love and are committed to each other with good communication you can continue truly loving each other unconditionally. Being able to see in your ex that a BF relationship could not happen but being willing to allow him to be who he is in his life is really quite mature. Remember your values and your vision for your life as you move forward and find someone who really appreciates and loves you! Praying you find the right person for a lifetime.