Don't understand why he cheated after 3 weeks

[SweetCharity]

Well. Where to even begin?

Here I am again. Broken and devastated. I’ll start from the beginning. Hang tight for a long story. Names have been changed.

 

I was in a relationship for 9 months and it imploded. Though he was devoted and I stayed with him every weekend, he was unaffectionate and barely wanted to have sex. Finally, we broke up. I loved him. I should have given myself time to process and grieve. I didn’t.

 

A week later I went out with an acquaintance named Chris. We met up at a club with his friend Seth. Seth seemed liked a lady’s man, ridiculously hot (tall and blonde), but complaining about some girl he was seeing who was “crazy.” I asked him if he was still having sex with her. “Well…” He said. I tried to give him advice about not sticking with crazy. His response was a shrug.

 

Anyway, a brief fling happened with Chris. I picked him up once at a casino where he was with Seth and the “crazy girl.” Seth greeted me affectionately and as we said good bye, I noticed the crazy girl hug Chris a little bit too long. I mentioned it to him and he said, “Yeah, she wants me…but I could never do that to my boy."

 

We went out again at another club. Chris had invited me on a boy’s night and it went well. Only thing is, Seth kept pressing me to ask Chris out officially. I did and he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. And at one point, Seth grabbed my butt, to which I said, "that's not appropriate." He apologized.

 

Soon things went south with Chris. He bailed on two dates and mentioned getting back in touch with his ex. I classily told him I wasn’t going to compete with her and bowed out. In my rage, I messaged Seth saying his friend was an idiot and what happened.

 

And his words were, “He’s tripping if he’s going to let someone as good as you walk out on him.”

 

I should have known then that it was a line but I fell for it. I fell hard.

 

After a couple one night stands that ended in disappointment I decided I just wanted to be casual and get things out of my system. So I broke my “no friends of exes” rule and tested the waters with Seth. Just a quick hook up and move on. Those were my intentions.

 

We decided to meet up at the casino and we just talked all night. He told me I had the wrong idea of him. That he is more of a relationship kind of guy and could tell I am also relationship oriented. He also mentioned he could tell I’m really smart and well read. I realized I liked him and wanted to feel him out before anything physical happened. I also realized how tricky the situation was because he was the friend of someone I had formally hooked up with. But when he asked if he could come over that night I had a decision to make.

 

“I thought you liked me.” I said.

“I do. This won’t be a one-time thing.” He said.

If I knew then, what I know now, would I have said yes? I can’t help but feel like I would because I could never give back those moments I shared with him.

 

Because it wasn’t a one-time thing. It was worse than that.

For two weeks we saw each other almost every night. Sex with him was passionate and satisfying, something I never had in my 9-month relationship. It blinded me to everything else.

 

We had intimate conversations, where he shared his tragic past with his ex (not the crazy girl) of three years. Apparently she was pregnant with his child, and a month after he finally accepted it, she miscarried. Shortly after that she had a hysterical pregnancy. For three months she thought she was pregnant when she wasn’t and would speak about nothing but the baby. “She even bought baby clothes” he told me. I watched as this 6’3” grown man started having tears in his eyes tell me this story. I believed him when he told me he had never told anyone else this story. I fell for it. I fell for him.

 

I really thought there was more there than this arrogant persona.

 

I made him chicken enchiladas and when he came over, he was on the phone with his sister telling her that she had to meet me. He told me his sister approved and thought I would be good for him.

 

We went out to dinner. A movie. Took pictures and posted them on Instagram.

 

He hooked me up with a heart shaped pizza at his job.

 

He kept telling me he loved how smart I was, and that there was definitely more to me that what his friends thought of me. That he could tell I had been through a lot and deserved better. That I was above all those *******s.

 

Above Chris. Above even him.

 

And there were times when we were so in sync and he’d say something I was thinking. He said he was really into me and it scared him. And we laughed together all the time. He said I was becoming his best friend.

 

I truly believed we had a real and strong connection.

 

But of course, the red flags showed up throughout all this.

 

For one he was adamant we stay exclusive even though we weren’t in an official relationship. He seemed especially possessive and jealous. Said he broke a former gf’s phone once because he caught her on a dating website.

 

He also said every girl he’s dated has been crazy.

 

1 week in, he invited me to VIP service at a club we both frequent. But the night before he decided not to come over and texted me throughout the night. Warm and funny at first, but then a switch went off.

 

Me: Are you coming over or nah?

Him: Why, you got another guy lined up?

 

That should have tipped me off. And throughout the night he implied I had someone else over and kept sending snaps of himself with the middle finger. I thought he was just being a weirdo.

 

That following day he was distant and when I tried confirming our night in the club he never responded. I told him I’d meet him there with my girl Erica. While I was in line to get in, he texted me that there were only 4 seats available in VIP. He had 3 friends going with him already.

 

“Okay, what do you want to do?”I asked. No response.

 

Finally I see him over in VIP just hanging out with his boys partying it up. Erica and I come over and he acts like he wasn’t trying to blow me off.

 

I confront him about not answering his phone and he said it wasn’t working and they just got there. Sure enough his phone did look like it was glitching out but I found it suspect.

 

“Don’t worry babe. I didn’t forget about you. I’ll get you a wristband to get in.” He says. After us waiting outside the velvet rope a little too long he finally gets us in. And we had a great night and I forgave him.

 

But he nearly picked a fight with a guy that night over me.

After that night, I noticed a change. For one, he would come over every night but it wouldn’t be until late. He’d always keep me waiting and I’d ask him why. Even when I told him I was going to cook the enchiladas for him he decided to go out to the casino first with his guys and didn’t show up until midnight.

 

I asked him why he kept doing this and he told me that he was just scared about being in a relationship with me and has been through a lot. And that his friends didn’t exactly approve because I had hooked up with Chris first. (Chris himself seemed standoffish towards me but when I asked if he minded about me and Seth he said, “Not at all.”) As for the night in the night club? He HAD been trying to blow me off because he thought I had slept with someone else the night before. Shocked, I asked, “That’s the decision you wanted to make?” He said yes but that he would have called me the next day. He also said he was glad that I did show up.

 

After two weeks I was supposed to go to Honduras. I didn’t ask him to, but Seth volunteered to drive me to the airport. The last night in the states he was supposed to come over and spend my last night with me.

 

He called me saying it was his boy’s birthday and had to go. When I asked if I could come he said it would be awkward because they were hanging out at Chris’ ex’ house (they didn’t get back together but were hooking up again, go figure) but that if they went a bar he’d hit me up.

 

I waited as long as I could and just texted him I was going to bed. He started flooding my phone saying he cared about me and should have been with me instead. That he would tell me to come through to the bar but I had work. I told him I didn’t care about that but he seemed indecisive about me coming and then adamantly stated I shouldn’t come because I had work. He said he’ll see about coming through later.

 

Once again I’m waiting and getting upset and doubting everything. And even then I started thinking this relationship was unhealthy for me. So I text him again that I was going to bed for real this time.

 

In the morning, while I’m driving to work he calls me saying he messed up and should have been with me. That he cares so much about me and was going to ask me to be his girl that night. That he just had to babysit his boy on his birthday. I didn’t know what to say. Then I get this text:

I really like you baby and my bad for not being with you last night…I want to ask you to be my girl but like I said I’m just scared…I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to get hurt…I’ve been through a lot in my last relationship and I guess I’m overthinking **** but you’re amazing and you deserve a relationship with someone who’s gonna be 100 with you.

 

And later, I call him after work. And he tells me he can’t drive me to the airport anymore because he slept through his shift at work and had to come in for the closing shift or get fired. I show I’m upset and he starts getting defensive. So I tell him I’ll meet him at work to get my spare house keys back and visitor parking pass.

 

When I meet him at his job he’s as charming as ever.

 

“Do you hate me?” He says. I say that of course I don’t. And once again he reiterates that he was going to ask me to be with him but was going to be romantic about it. I ask why we can’t be official now. “Because you’re leaving for a week and I don’t want our first week as a couple to be apart. I also feel like I’d be asking you just so you could stay faithful in Honduras.” So it’d be for the wrong reason.

 

I asked if we could date when I get back and he says yes. And we kissed goodbye.

 

I drive away, running a few errands before my flight and I get a text.

“I’m going to miss you sexy.”

 

We flirt back and forth and then I get a completely different text 15 min later.

Him: “Ass.”

 

I thought he was joking.

 

Him: “You ignored my call.”

Me: “Babe, my phone was dying…you know it’s a POS. Just call me when you can.”

He: “Whatever. Peace out.”

 

And he ignored my texts and calls until just before I got on the plane. When we finally talked on the phone he was hostile and accused me of lying to him about my phone. I almost started crying and he suddenly became apologetic.

 

He told me to come back safe and he’d miss me.

 

When I got off the plane he messaged me saying he missed me already and that he hated how we left things on bad terms. Me too.

 

I had huge doubts at this point. I felt like I was dating two different people and maybe this trip in Honduras would clear my head. It didn’t. Instead I ended up constantly worried about finding a phone to call him and if I had one slight mess up he’d forget about me. But we talked and he seemed normal and missed me. He even offered to pick me up from the airport.

Of course, something came up and he couldn’t. But the minute I got of the plane he kept snap chatting me about how I was all his and to prepare myself because it was “on.” Unfortunately, he had to go to Busch Gardens with his family. He told me maybe I should come through before he left but when I asked for the address he suddenly became indecisive. “I’m tired and so are you.” I told him he was all mine when he came back.

 

I went out that night, got drunk and my friends convinced me that he probably had someone else on the side. So I asked him in my drunken state and he called me crazy and said he’d text me when I’m sober.

 

The next day he ignored all my texts and calls until 7 PM when he texted me, “Hey crazy” and that he was back from Busch Gardens.

We had a slight back and forth but I noticed he didn’t even try to make plans with me for that night.

 

The next day he shattered my heart into a million pieces.

 

We were supposed to go to a wedding together that day and he ignored all my snaps/texts/calls.

 

I call him while I’m at the wedding and even message him on Instagram asking if he was alive. Then I get a message request from a girl.

“Why are you calling him while we’re sleeping in bed together? You need something boo boo?”

 

It took me a minute to even register that it was “the crazy girl” from Seth’s past. He had told me he hated her and had ended things. That their sex had been terrible and all she did was wait home all day for him. And yet here she was messaging me.

 

“Seth? She says you’re in bed together. Is this true?” I messaged him. I didn't want to believe it. He saw it but didn’t respond.

 

“Stop messaging him on IG.” She wrote.

 

I asked how long this was going on and she said days and days and that HE hit HER up. Heatbroken, I write back a classy response on how I’m not going to fight her for this and I’m out. The same to him.

 

The only response I got was from him “I’m sorry……”

 

Several drinks of wine later and I blow up his phone demanding an explanation. Then I threaten to fight her and she calls me a homie hopping ho and that I’m old news. I tell her he told me she was crazy. She said that at least she doesn’t blow up his phone like me. Which was a lie because he told me he had blocked her from everything to the point that she sent him a screen cap of words.

 

The only other response I got from him was, “I’ll ttyl. I can’t do this right now though. I don’t want to make things worse.”

 

It’s been three days and he blocked me from everything. He refuses to explain himself. My friend even tried calling him and he hung up on her.

 

I’m just so confused. Yes, there were red flags I ignored but I was never expecting this. I just don’t understand why he would hurt me like this. Why he couldn’t wait one wretched week without me. Why he would get back with the crazy girl. He talked about her with such disdain. I never in a million years would expect him to go back to her. What hurt me most was that I found out from her. He couldn’t even tell me himself and now won’t even talk to me, when two days before he was all over me.

 

The worst part is that it brought something out in me I didn't like. Something “crazy.” I acted crazy. I couldn’t eat, sleep. I desperately wanted him back. Part of me still does. I blame myself. The thought of them in bed together makes me cry.

 

Was it all a lie? Did he ever have real feelings for me? Can anyone explain this male behavior? If I was the one who was supposed to be good for him why would he hit up the “crazy girl?” Why would he lead me on like that only to show such disregard for me? I sacrificed everything for him. My free time, my other suitors, even my self respect.

 

Thoughts?

 

P.S. I’m seeking therapy because I think part of my reaction has more to do with me than him. I’m only now starting to feel normal again but have been experiencing horrible mood swings.

Edited August 24, 2016 by SweetCharity
New information.

[JewelD]

For future reference, you'll get better responses if you shorten your story. This was really long and really complicated and a lot of it was unnecessary. Like the chicken enchiladas detail.

 

Anyway, ol girl has a point about the homie hopping. That's a no-no. Unless all you want is sex. But don't expect a guy to be serious about you if he knows you messed around with his friend.

 

But forreal, never fight over dick, there's way too much of it out there in the world to be scrapping over one. and his ex isn't anymore crazy that you are. He probably told her that YOU are the crazy ex and that she is the one who is good for him. Yall are both getting played and he's playing you off of each other.

 

If I were you, I would leave this group of friends alone and find someone fresh to date. But first, of course, deal with your issues. He didn't bring the crazy out of you, those are behaviors connected to your self esteem and insecurities.

 

This is how some men are. A LOT of men. This was a fairly short relationship, so if you sacrificed a lot to be with him, that was a mistake on your part. You don't give up your self respect for anyone or anything. You have to find out what's going on with your emotional state that you were that desperate to hold onto this guy.

[SweetCharity]

For future reference, you'll get better responses if you shorten your story. This was really long and really complicated and a lot of it was unnecessary. Like the chicken enchiladas detail.

 

Anyway, ol girl has a point about the homie hopping. That's a no-no. Unless all you want is sex. But don't expect a guy to be serious about you if he knows you messed around with his friend.

 

But forreal, never fight over dick, there's way too much of it out there in the world to be scrapping over one. and his ex isn't anymore crazy that you are. He probably told her that YOU are the crazy ex and that she is the one who is good for him. Yall are both getting played and he's playing you off of each other.

 

If I were you, I would leave this group of friends alone and find someone fresh to date. But first, of course, deal with your issues. He didn't bring the crazy out of you, those are behaviors connected to your self esteem and insecurities.

 

This is how some men are. A LOT of men. This was a fairly short relationship, so if you sacrificed a lot to be with him, that was a mistake on your part. You don't give up your self respect for anyone or anything. You have to find out what's going on with your emotional state that you were that desperate to hold onto this guy.

 

Thanks. I'm definitely never talking to that group again and I'll try to shorten my post. And I was only threatening to fight her, not for him but because I wanted to lash out at someone. She was being so petty and smug. Not how I would have approached the situation at all if I were her.

[ExpatInItaly]

This guy was never serious about you.

 

He is bad news and the whole situation and dynamic between you two is toxic. Next time, pay attention to those red flags. They were waving in your face for a reason.

[SweetCharity]

This guy was never serious about you.

 

He is bad news and the whole situation and dynamic between you two is toxic. Next time, pay attention to those red flags. They were waving in your face for a reason.

 

I know. I just believed all the sweet words he said. Classic manipulation but I wanted to believe he was sincere.

[ExpatInItaly]

I know. I just believed all the sweet words he said. Classic manipulation but I wanted to believe he was sincere.

 

This is why the old adage that "actions speak louder than words" is so important. It will help you spot these players more quickly in the future.

 

And never threaten to fight someone - it's very childish and unattractive. You don't want to be painting yourself as a total lunatic.

[SweetCharity]

This is why the old adage that "actions speak louder than words" is so important. It will help you spot these players more quickly in the future.

 

And never threaten to fight someone - it's very childish and unattractive. You don't want to be painting yourself as a total lunatic.

 

Yeah, he played me like a fiddle, especially with the miscarriage sob story. It made me want to protect him and give him everything.

 

I'm ashamed I threatened her. She was being a jerk but I didn't need to stoop to her level. To be fair, I was quite drunk...but I should have blocked her from the start.

[JoeSmith357-1]

OP, how old are you? This reads as very immature

[elaine567]

YOU got involved with a guy who was not over his ex, don't do that again.

 

Leave grieving people alone, leave them be until they are strong again, do not feel sorry for them and feel you need to soothe and protect them.

 

They will use you for sex and comfort, and once they feel stronger they either make it up with their ex, leaving you devastated, or they feel so much better that they think they don't need you any longer and the world is waiting...

You tend to just remind them of when they were down and depressed, so you have to go, to be replaced by some other hotter new woman

[SweetCharity]

OP, how old are you? This reads as very immature

 

27. I don't usually react that way but for some reason something in me snapped. Which is why I'm now seeking therapy.

[SweetCharity]

YOU got involved with a guy who was not over his ex, don't do that again.

 

Leave grieving people alone, leave them be until they are strong again, do not feel sorry for them and feel you need to soothe and protect them.

 

They will use you for sex and comfort, and once they feel stronger they either make it up with their ex, leaving you devastated, or they feel so much better that they think they don't need you any longer and the world is waiting...

You tend to just remind them of when they were down and depressed, so you have to go, to be replaced by some other hotter new woman

To clarify, the girl he left me for was NOT his ex, but the girl after his ex. Apparently someone crazy who moved herself into his place and would just *itch at him all the time when he came home. She wasn't even someone he considered a gf. Which is why I was confused. It would have made sense if he had gone back with his ex but he chose the rebound he couldn't stand.

[VeveCakes]

He lied about all that to throw you off. He obvious can stand her and doesn't hate her or think she's crazy.

 

He seems a bit bipolar if you ask me.

[smackie9]

To clarify, the girl he left me for was NOT his ex, but the girl after his ex. Apparently someone crazy who moved herself into his place and would just *itch at him all the time when he came home. She wasn't even someone he considered a gf. Which is why I was confused. It would have made sense if he had gone back with his ex but he chose the rebound he couldn't stand.

Hah this is just more lies. I doubt he "couldn't stand" her, and I doubt she *itched at him. She probably called him out on his cheating. He just altered the story to make him look like the victim. Awww poor guy, he has a crazy ex and some *itchy girl who took over his flat and wouldn't leave. His life must have been miserable!!

 

Girl don't believe a word he says and the confusion will go away.

 

 

....as for Chris: you know the saying, you are the company you keep. He is no better than Seth.

[SweetCharity]

He seems a bit bipolar if you ask me.

 

THANK YOU. I was thinking there was something wrong with him too. Doesn't excuse my issues but definitely makes me feel like I'm not the only crazy one.

[SweetCharity]

Hah this is just more lies. I doubt he "couldn't stand" her, and I doubt she *itched at him. She probably called him out on his cheating. He just altered the story to make him look like the victim. Awww poor guy, he has a crazy ex and some *itchy girl who took over his flat and wouldn't leave. His life must have been miserable!!

 

Girl don't believe a word he says and the confusion will go away.

 

 

....as for Chris: you know the saying, you are the company you keep. He is no better than Seth.

Yeah, I didn't exactly believe him when we first met because I was confident and hanging with Chris. But, once we started getting involved I bought into it.

 

The parallels between them are astounding but at least Chris told me point blank what was going on. What hurts more is that Seth wouldn't even speak to me or explain himself. I found out through this petty woman.

[smackie9]

Just goes to show you,,,,,if it's just too good to be true, then it is.

Seth is a d-bag.

[Dis]

Hun, I'm sorry this happened to you...I really am...but here comes some much needed truth bombs....

 

You brought this on yourself

 

You got invloved with a "ladies man" nothing good ever comes from these types of guys

 

For the record....he does not seem bipolar....too many people "diagnose" people with bipolar for even the slighest reasons....its ridiculous... He's not bipolar....hes just a flightly douche bag....theres a difference....and even if he was bipolar...how does that make you look seeing as you chased after him? The pseudo bipolar "diagnosis" says more about you than it does about him

 

Anyway....you allowed yourself to lose your self respect, your dignity, your independence, your self sufficiency, your power, etc etc. He didnt take this away from you....you took it away from yourself by getting tangled up with a man who was obvi bad news

 

But then...you hit bottom when you threatened to fight that girl. Your dignity was long gone when you hit that point. Hun, that girl had no loyality to you. HE did. Never ever go after the other woman. And never go after the guy. What you shouldve done is walked away with the little self respect you had left

 

We as women, should never allow a man to cause us to sacrifice our own power for the sake of being with him. Thats exactly what you did here.

 

You need to stop your search for answers as to why he did what he did. Its a moot point. If you want closure...keep going to therapy and give YOURSELF that closure....you wont get it from anyone but yourself...esp not him

 

Hun, I'm saying this with all respect...I know your hurting but you need to hear the truth. Pls know the pain will lessen. I'm glad your in therapy. We all have things to work on hun. We're all works in progress.

 

Best of luck to you hun I hope you start to take your power back

[SweetCharity]

Hun, I'm sorry this happened to you...I really am...but here comes some much needed truth bombs....

 

You brought this on yourself

 

You got invloved with a "ladies man" nothing good ever comes from these types of guys

 

For the record....he does not seem bipolar....too many people "diagnose" people with bipolar for even the slighest reasons....its ridiculous... He's not bipolar....hes just a flightly douche bag....theres a difference....and even if he was bipolar...how does that make you look seeing as you chased after him? The pseudo bipolar "diagnosis" says more about you than it does about him

 

Anyway....you allowed yourself to lose your self respect, your dignity, your independence, your self sufficiency, your power, etc

 

But then...you hit bottom when you threatened to fight that girl. Your dignity was long gone when you hit that point. Hun, that girl had no loyality to you. HE did. Never ever go after the other woman. And never go after the guy. What you shouldve done is walked away with the little self respect you had left

 

We as women, should never allow a man to cause us to sacrifice our own power for the sake of being with him. Thats exactly what you did here.

 

You need to stop your search for answers as to why he did what he did. Its a moot point. If you want closure...keep going to therapy and give YOURSELF that closure....you wont get it from anyone but yourself...esp not him

 

Best of luck to you hun I hope you start to take your power back

 

thank you. I understand what you're saying but I wasn't the one saying he was bipolar. I do think he has some issues himself to work out. What with the accusations and jealousy. I never knew what was going to set him off. I still believe there's something There that's more than douche bag. However, like you said, I should have walked away.

 

Truth is I was getting better at just walking away. I don't know why this one got under my skin.

[VeveCakes]

Bipolar or not - something is up with him with his crazy all over you then push you away and pull you in - very manic.

[Dis]

THANK YOU. I was thinking there was something wrong with him too. Doesn't excuse my issues but definitely makes me feel like I'm not the only crazy one.

 

thank you. I understand what you're saying but I wasn't the one saying he was bipolar. I do think he has some issues himself to work out. What with the accusations and jealousy. I never knew what was going to set him off. I still believe there's something There that's more than douche bag. However, like you said, I should have walked away.

 

Truth is I was getting better at just walking away. I don't know why this one got under my skin.

 

You did conceed to Veve's suggestion that he might have bipolar

 

But thats neither here nor there

 

Perhaps he is unstable in some way...or maybe hes just a flighty a**hole. I've met tons of guys that are a**holes and display questionable/strange behavior but that doesnt mean they're bipolar. Whatever is going on with him is his business to sort out...its not your problem anymore. Now is the time to focus on your part in this....thats the only thing that really matters now

 

We all have slip ups....we all make mistakes...it happens. Just learn from this and move forward. This guy is obvi an a**hole and is NOT worth your tears or heartache hun! Dont give him the satisfaction. I'm 3 years older than you and I can tell you...as some time passes....you wont waste time, energy, or tears over guys that just arent worth it

 

Remember....YOU are the prize! Any guy that doesnt treat you as such isnt worth your time

 

I wish you the very best hun

[SweetCharity]

Bipolar or not - something is up with him with his crazy all over you then push you away and pull you in - very manic.

 

That's what confuses me most. He snap chatted me non stop the minute I got off the plane. Even wanted me to come over, but when I asked for his address (I'd been there once but never pinned it, regretfully) he immediately became indecisive. Two days later, I get the message from her. She felt entitled to tell me to back off as if they were dating and he couldn't speak for himself. It's just came out of nowhere. I don't know why he would leave me for her. I just don't know.

[aileD]

This is three weeks?

 

There is way too much emotional energy being extended for someone who cheated on you three weeks in.

 

Chalk it up as he's an ass, you don't need any other explanation. There's nothing you did but pick a loser.....you are incredibly lucky that you found out in three weeks.

 

Move on and have fun!

[Dis]

That's what confuses me most. He snap chatted me non stop the minute I got off the plane. Even wanted me to come over, but when I asked for his address (I'd been there once but never pinned it, regretfully) he immediately became indecisive. Two days later, I get the message from her. She felt entitled to tell me to back off as if they were dating and he couldn't speak for himself. It's just came out of nowhere. I don't know why he would leave me for her. I just don't know.

 

Hun, when he started to get indecisive...she was probably back in the picture....thats why he backed off...he had a new shiny toy

 

I walked in on my bf (now ex) of 3 months cheating on me about 3 weeks ago. He would go MIA sometimes....just like your guy did. Theres a reason why some guys disappear or become unresponsive....they're up to no good

[Exformer]

He was maximizing his immediate benefits by playing his options and keeping you on the chase to minimize effort on his end.

 

If he can convince you all the girls he dated in the past are crazy, then he's just convinced you he's the victim, and now you've sympathized with the victim.

 

He keeps busy and hangs close to his friends to control time spent together. Gives you just enough to hope and get hooked, while allowing himself freedom to take the best offer given to him in the moment.

 

When you try to bail or stand up for yourself, he turned blame and got you apologizing to him. It's all about him and his pleasure, just as it was for his buddy you saw before him.

 

Sure, it would have been best to see this coming and never get attached, I have to say I'm proud of you for cutting out now. When feelings are involved, it's hard to let go, even when you know you've been played.

 

Feel proud and smart for getting out and don't look back on the relationship with regret on your part. You did your end. If you find mistakes you made, its hindsight now and something you can avoid in the future.

 

Also, I agree with people who say don't date within the same group of friends. That's a personal choice you have to make for yourself, but for me, that's just bad news.

 

From my experience on the guy end of the spectrum, either there are hurt feelings among friendships (as bros don't date bros' exes) or people getting played as guys high five each other for banging the same girl. On the opposite end, when girls date the same guy, I run in fear of the inevitable bloodshed.

[SweetCharity]

He was maximizing his immediate benefits by playing his options and keeping you on the chase to minimize effort on his end.

 

If he can convince you all the girls he dated in the past are crazy, then he's just convinced you he's the victim, and now you've sympathized with the victim.

 

He keeps busy and hangs close to his friends to control time spent together. Gives you just enough to hope and get hooked, while allowing himself freedom to take the best offer given to him in the moment.

 

When you try to bail or stand up for yourself, he turned blame and got you apologizing to him. It's all about him and his pleasure, just as it was for his buddy you saw before him.

 

Sure, it would have been best to see this coming and never get attached, I have to say I'm proud of you for cutting out now. When feelings are involved, it's hard to let go, even when you know you've been played.

 

Feel proud and smart for getting out and don't look back on the relationship with regret on your part. You did your end. If you find mistakes you made, its hindsight now and something you can avoid in the future.

 

Also, I agree with people who say don't date within the same group of friends. That's a personal choice you have to make for yourself, but for me, that's just bad news.

 

From my experience on the guy end of the spectrum, either there are hurt feelings among friendships (as bros don't date bros' exes) or people getting played as guys high five each other for banging the same girl. On the opposite end, when girls date the same guy, I run in fear of the inevitable bloodshed.

 

Yeah. If a guy goes around a circle of girlfriends he's a stud but if a girl does it, she's a "ratchet ho."

 

Well before I got drunk, I did tell him I'm out. Wish I had left it at that. :/