Don't understand why he cheated after 3 weeks

[SweetCharity]

Hun, when he started to get indecisive...she was probably back in the picture....thats why he backed off...he had a new shiny toy

 

I walked in on my bf (now ex) of 3 months cheating on me about 3 weeks ago. He would go MIA sometimes....just like your guy did. Theres a reason why some guys disappear or become unresponsive....they're up to no good

 

She wasn't shiny new though. I still can't believe he hit her up. :/

[SweetCharity]

I had written a long post about Seth previously. You can find it here if you want the whole story. Thanks to all for the responses.

 

In this post I kind of just want to focus on whether he was sincere AT SOME POINT or not. I want to talk about the text and phone call.

 

Condensed back story: I broke my “no friends of exes” rule and tested the waters with Seth, a smoking hot friend of a guy, Chris, who I had hooked up with prior. For two weeks we saw each other almost every night. Sex and conversation were amazing. But he sometimes would misinterpret things I said and be quick to anger and jealousy. On the other hand he’d proclaim his undying affection for me and we even talked about a relationship. Then I leave for a Honduras for a week and when I get back, I get a message from a girl he had previously been seeing before me to leave him alone. I was blindsided and devastated because he had just texted me the night before and when I had gotten off the plane. But after my verbal scuffle with her (and some very embarrassing and public IG and FB posts), he just blocked me from all social media and ghosted me altogether.

 

It’s been a couple days and as I rethink everything, this particular memory sticks out:

 

My last night in the states, Seth blew me off to be with his boy on his birthday. He told me he’d text me if they went to a bar so I could come and after trying to get a hold of him and being met with elusiveness, I told him classily I wasn’t going to chase him and just go to bed.

 

In the morning, while I’m driving to work he calls me saying he messed up and should have been with me. That he cares so much about me and was going to ask me to be his girl that night. That he just had to babysit his boy on his birthday. He sounded sincere, almost desperate. I didn’t know what to say.

 

BUT THIS is what I still remember when I recall my confusion. He sent me this text:

 

I really like you baby and my bad for not being with you last night…I want to ask you to be my girl but like I said I’m just scared…I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to get hurt…I’ve been through a lot in my last relationship and I guess I’m overthinking **** but you’re amazing and you deserve a relationship with someone who’s gonna be 100 with you.

 

What on earth was THAT all about? After everything that’s happened…I think, “Why did he bother saying all that if he was going to leave me for someone he claimed he hated?” Why campaign so hard to keep me after ducking up if he was only going to ghost me?

 

And according to the other woman, HE contacted HER before I even got back to Honduras. He couldn’t even wait one week.

 

WHY? Was he ever sincere and just got scared of a relationship with me? Or was he planning on playing me along? Does he have a mental illness? Is he Jekyll and Hyde? And that text and phone call! Ugh. I fell for it hard.

 

I still don’t get it.

 

Thoughts?

 

P.S. I'm feeling so much better now after the initial heartbreak. I'm still going to seek therapy because this sudden upswing also worries me.

Edited August 25, 2016 by SweetCharity
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[VeveCakes]

He's all over the place. He probably doesn't even know why he does that. He seems mentally unstable or at the very least not capable of a relationship. I would try to stop analyzing and focus on something else like bettering your ability to see and react to red flags etc.

[SweetCharity]

He's all over the place. He probably doesn't even know why he does that. He seems mentally unstable or at the very least not capable of a relationship. I would try to stop analyzing and focus on something else like bettering your ability to see and react to red flags etc.

 

Yeah. Moving on and dealing with my issues is best. I will miss him though. Or the idea of him anyway.

[benpom]

Yeah. Moving on and dealing with my issues is best. I will miss him though. Or the idea of him anyway.

 

 

Blesses coming your way!

[ExpatInItaly]

My guess?

 

He made all those grand declarations to you becasue he wasn't certain if the other girl was a sure thing. He wanted to make sure you were, by telling you what you wanted to hear.

 

When he realized the other girl was a sure thing, he was gone.

 

It's a pretty typical move of a guy who's got a couple girls in rotation.

[Space Ritual]

LOL,

 

You get all lathered up by some sweet talker with a VIP pass and a smooth polished act? Then you are lamenting you violated the no go code and it all went tits up on you.

 

Don't feel bad you aren't the first one and you won't be the last. It was all Unicorn farts and rainbows with VIP passes and telling you how smart you were. Ego kibbles are a powerful thing, especially if someone giving them out is attractive.

 

Look, I understand you feel crushed and used, but look at it this way:

 

If all it took was a few weeks and some suspicious behavior to get this guy out of your life, you did pretty well considering how many people come on this forum and keep going back to the well even when it's dry and wonder where the water went.

 

It's the romantic equivalent of a frenemy who borrows 20 dollars from you at the bar and then never pays you back. Then every time you see them at he bar and ask for your 20 dollars they claim to be broke with a drink in their hand. Finally you get sick of asking and realize 20 dollars is a small price to pay to have somebody just stay away from you.

 

You got some satisfying sex from him for a fortnight or so, and n return he was able to show you what kind of guy he really was...which is a typical guy, for women want a lot of different things from one guy, conversely, us guys generally want one thing from a lot of different girls.

 

Just block him and delete his phone number and have no contact. Reach the point of indifference with him and years from now when you run into him at Walmart when he has a beer belly, no hair, a fat hog of a wife and 2 ugly kids in tow, you can sit back and thank your lucky stars you got away.

 

Good luck:) You'll be ok.

[SweetCharity]

My guess?

 

He made all those grand declarations to you becasue he wasn't certain if the other girl was a sure thing. He wanted to make sure you were, by telling you what you wanted to hear.

 

When he realized the other girl was a sure thing, he was gone.

 

It's a pretty typical move of a guy who's got a couple girls in rotation.

 

He made it seem like he had cut off things with her completely and she was desperate to get him to talk to her.

 

Then he runs right back to her. Ugh.

[SweetCharity]

LOL,

 

Just block him and delete his phone number and have no contact. Reach the point of indifference with him and years from now when you run into him at Walmart when he has a beer belly, no hair, a fat hog of a wife and 2 ugly kids in tow, you can sit back and thank your lucky stars you got away.

 

Good luck:) You'll be ok.

 

This post was pretty hilarious and actually lifted my spirits. I doubt he'll let himself go (he's way too narcissistic to) but the thought is nice.