Mistervision Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 So as some of you may remember I had feelings for my best friend and they were eating me alive inside. I had already told her once, she rejected me, and we decided to stay friends and work past those feelings. I thought I had done it, but then the other week they surfaced again. I realized being friends with her probably just masked the feelings and that I was comparing every person I met to her "perfection" and thus that maybe not looking for someone as hard as I should have. So I told her I still had my feelings and that I couldn't talk to or see her again because it tore me up inside and was preventing me from looking for other women. Naturally she said no once again and then proceded to get back with her old boyfriend. Anyway it has been tough on me because she was my best friend so the loss creates twice the vacancy. Every second that passes I am tempted to e-mail or call her and try to mend faces (I sprung this very quickly). I know I shouldn't, but I want to. How do I make this no contact work? I still care deeply for her as a friend and want her to know that and I also want to remain in some contact "just in case". Is this possible and if so how do I go about it? Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 I think you need to accept that there is no romantic interest and move on. That does NOT mean that you can't be friends with her though. However, if you're going to be friends you can't be telling her how much you love/want her all the time or she will just end up hating you. To make it easier for you to move on, NC may work, but it's really up to you if you want her in your life or not. Sometimes being friends is better than nothing at all, and in time you WILL find someone who reciprocates your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 I agree with Z, The feelings will need to be omitted, your freind will resent u. I know how the comparriosns bring u down but eventually u will see that other women are unique and possess their own individuall beauty. Good luck, advice meet new women Link to post Share on other sites
ggallin13 Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 Remember that your friendship is only as close as it is BECAUSE you want her as a girlfriend. hence you spending so much time with her. If she really is your friend, then she will understand your nedd to be away from her and find someone else, but if she isn't she'll take it personally and it'll be weird. Fill the void with other things and hang out with your male friends, talk to as many girls as possible whether you are attracted to them or not, and move on. In a few months you'll bump into your "friend" and you'll wonder what the big deal was. Forget about the "just in case"--it will never, ever happen. There is no hope. Internalize that. Live it. It is the truth. And, let's say I'm wrong, she won't forget you, and if she wants a relationship with you she'll find you, no doubt. Staying near her not only prevents you from ever being her BF (no challenge), but she'll lose respect for you as time goes on. Get as far away as humanly possible and forget the whole thing. I fhell freezes over and she wants you, trust me, she'll find you. WOuldn't you stop at nothing to find someone you knew and wanted to be with? And right now you are right there and she doesn't want you. Sucks, but that's the way the ball bounces. Stop wasting your time and get on with finding someone who won't reject your heart. She's out there. Really. You are lucky, because at least she isn't lying to you and saying, "maybe" ever third or fourth time. That is in your favor. It'll be easier for you to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Jones19 Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 Well i got together with my best friend and we went out for just over 2 months split up and got back together now we ain't together again. I love her to bits and she does me and i know she as feelings for me but recently Ive shown her to much that i love her and Ive drove her away. We are now friends and she says we always will be part of each other after all we have loved each other for years. But deep down i know Ive lost my friend because i showed to much love for her. If i was you stay friends with her contact her now and then if your meant to be your time will come. Don't sit around and hope like i am it kills you inside and you don't know what to do with yourself. Love her as a friend and who knows. Link to post Share on other sites
drgnflybethany Posted July 4, 2005 Share Posted July 4, 2005 Originally posted by Mistervision Anyway it has been tough on me because she was my best friend so the loss creates twice the vacancy. Is this possible and if so how do I go about it? Thanks in advance First off - it's only possible, if you feel it will be. You seem to be rather confused as to what you are feeling and what you can put up with on your own terms... For this, no advice any of the people give you will really help. As for how you make no contact work.. you just have to fight through it. There is no end-all be-all cure - and if there is, someone please share it with me.. For me, once I find out there are no feelings on the other side for sure, that pretty much does it for me.. I know how you feel - best friend/love of your life playing a dual role in one person... I think we all have felt that at one time... If it were me, until you know you can be her true friend - and that means, not interjecting your feelings where they are not needed... then, I would step away for a while... Link to post Share on other sites
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