tashfv Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 My ex and I are slowly starting to get things going again after 10yrs apart and a 4 yr relationship prior to that. He is recently divorced hence why we are going so slow and my relationship with my fiancé also broke down around the same time. We have been talking a lot this past year. We msg maybe once a week or talk every couple weeks if that. He is currently looking for a new job so is quite stressed with that also. A couple days ago I sent him a msg reminding him to reply to a previous msg I needed an answer for. To which he responded I won't (forget) just need space at the moment. Should I just take this at face value or could he be having second thoughts? I just replied ok back. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Recently divorced=still healing, lots of emotions, a lot to process. I got divorced, was no longer in love, mafe the decicision and was happy to leave so I thought, then at the suggestion of a friend I went to a divorce support/recovery group thinking hey, it can't hurt. I discovered as I started to share and listen that I had PLENTY OF sadness and emotion that I pushed down in order to protect myself from a huge decision, life change, feeling of failure, social stigma, loss of married friends, shattered dreams.... It's a hard thing and the VERY common advice is to NOT DATE for one solid year. This is because you need to process, heal, adjust, and grieve...even if the divorce was his choice, there is still ALOT to sort through. After 10 years apart I think there's no rush for you too. I wouldn't push (not saying you were at all) but I'd keep it light, keep separate plans, keep your own schedule and plans and get together lightly. He may never want to talk about it or let on that he's got a lot on his mind or that it causes him pain, jumping right on to a new relationship after divorce is a bad idea. Go slow. Let him lead. Don't pull away or take it personally just be normal and light when he comes around, but its gonna take time for him to feel ready to be part of a full time couple again. He might even want to play the field a bit, he's been monogamous a long time, may want to see what's out there before committing again. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 There's going slow and there'a not moving at all. From what you describe, neither of you is sufficiently interested in the other to make the effort to have frequent contact. I'd let this one go. Link to post Share on other sites
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