starswewillnavigate Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 I started an affair with a guy who I met online a little while back. We only met a few times until he decided that he was feeling guilty for cheating (which I believe is code word for finding a better option). However, we have kept in touch and still chat nearly daily. I'm confused why he is still in touch, I would have very much liked to have continued so I don't want to build my hopes up he will be back. Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 I'm confused why you are still in touch with him. He's not harassing you or beating your door down if you're responding to his messages. He probably wants to keep you around as a potential option. As far as him feeling guilty for cheating, could be code for "trying to be a decent human being". Obviously it didn't work out if you're still having conversations. Move on from him and find a single man. I just can't imagine a crappier position than being a cheater's second, third or fourth choice. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 What JewelD said. I would also take "feeling guilty for cheating" as him feeling guilty for cheating. However, if you're right about him just wanting to cheat with someone else, it shows him in an even lower light than someone who's made one bad mistake. If this is the case, why would you want a guy who is determined to cheat on his partner? Just block him. No explanations required. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Like JewelD said, I'm confused as to why you're still in touch with him. Why are YOU still talking to him? That's the important question. It's time to move on from this affair. You do so by blocking him everywhere. And what basil67 said, too! Just block him. You don't need to explain anything. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Seems like the OP is keeping in touch hoping he'll change his mind and start up the affair. It probably gives him a boost to know he ended the affair, but he still has you to chat with when he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starswewillnavigate Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 What Sandylee said - I'm hoping he will come back to me. He's still very active on the site we me through, so I don't think feeling guilty was why he stopped seeing me. Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 What Sandylee said - I'm hoping he will come back to me. He's still very active on the site we me through, so I don't think feeling guilty was why he stopped seeing me. That makes it even worse, he wants to cheat, but not with you. I think you need to gain more respect for yourself. Why do you think you need to sit around and hope that somebody else's husband will have sex with you again? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) Why on earth are you hope he will be in touch with you? Read through some stories here and believe that you will be writing a similar one if you get any more involved with him. Forget him. Poppy. Edited September 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 I started an affair with a guy who I met online a little while back. We only met a few times until he decided that he was feeling guilty for cheating (which I believe is code word for finding a better option). However, we have kept in touch and still chat nearly daily. I'm confused why he is still in touch, I would have very much liked to have continued so I don't want to build my hopes up he will be back. He is still talking to you because it makes him feel good knowing you'd drop your drawers in a heartbeat if he ever decided he wanted to bang someone besides his wife. You're setting yourself up for disappointment unless you actually want a no-strings attached sexual relationship and think a MM is your best option, but I assure you there are tonnes of single guys out there who would willingly take you on as a sex partner if you never wanted a commitment. Are you in love with this guy? Because if you are, my condolences - you've given your heart to someone who doesn't want it. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 He is still talking to you to keep you open for when he wants to drop in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 25, 2016 Share Posted August 25, 2016 I started an affair with a guy who I met online a little while back. We only met a few times until he decided that he was feeling guilty for cheating (which I believe is code word for finding a better option). However, we have kept in touch and still chat nearly daily. I'm confused why he is still in touch, I would have very much liked to have continued so I don't want to build my hopes up he will be back. Why are you allowing him to be in touch with you? The A is over so what you are getting out of it? Try not to focus on the why's with him and more on the why's with your own reasons. He won't be back. You feed his ego, it's that plain and simple. the longer you keep him in your life the less you'll get over him and find a great single guy to date and fall in love with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starswewillnavigate Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 Thanks for all your responses, including the very frank ones, but especially privategal, lobe and whichwayisup. whichwayisup - That's a good question to ask, I'm not sure what I've been getting out of still talking to him other than I genuinely like him as a person and also the hope we will see each other again. Plus where I am in my life. I don't feel proud of myself for being in this situation, for pursuing this when I knew what his home life was and yet I can't seem to step away from it. FWIW it now seems like he is heading towards no contact, which I'm really devastated about, but it will be for the best in the long run, despite hurting like hell at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starswewillnavigate Posted September 2, 2016 Author Share Posted September 2, 2016 (edited) Finding NC very hard. He keeps sporadically messaging me to check in and then deleting the app so I can't contact him. Edited September 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Katyp Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Finding NC very hard. He keeps sporadically messaging me to check in and then deleting the app so I can't contact him. BuddyX - there's no excuse for anything, I wouldn't even begin to offer one up. He is also very controlling and knows you want a relationship with him. What he is doing is abusive to you. Tell him to **** off and only then will he get the message. He is not interested in you in the slightest. Get some self respect girl otherwise you will attract more like him. You are at great risk of ending up on your own with kids and married to a cheater who comes and goes. Is that the life you want for them ? If and when you have a daughter do you want your daughter to learn from you how to be a doormat? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Folks as a reminder, the topic of this thread is not the morality of affairs and there is no need to discuss that here. If you find a particular topic distasteful to you, feel free to move on to a thread more to your liking without comment. Thank you to those that addressed the OP's questions respectfully. ~T Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 I started an affair with a guy who I met online a little while back. We only met a few times until he decided that he was feeling guilty for cheating (which I believe is code word for finding a better option). However, we have kept in touch and still chat nearly daily. I'm confused why he is still in touch, I would have very much liked to have continued so I don't want to build my hopes up he will be back. it's simple - because you are making yourself available. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 (edited) Folks, The topic is this: I started an affair with a guy who I met online a little while back. We only met a few times until he decided that he was feeling guilty for cheating (which I believe is code word for finding a better option). However, we have kept in touch and still chat nearly daily. I'm confused why he is still in touch, I would have very much liked to have continued so I don't want to build my hopes up he will be back. We moved 8 posts from this thread to here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/loveshack-org-questions-comments/459525-why-people-so-abusive-update-3.html#post7037610 Please remain on-topic in this thread. Thanks. ~6 Edited September 2, 2016 by Robert Link to post Share on other sites
Author starswewillnavigate Posted September 3, 2016 Author Share Posted September 3, 2016 NC not going well ? Link to post Share on other sites
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