She contacted me again after months

[Earlybird2016]

I think it would help if you took a more active role in initiating NC. I know that made a world of difference for me because I owned what I was doing, and it made me feel like I had some power back. Be proactive instead of reactive. And I do think you can rewire your brain to stop loving someone. I think you have to completely banish that person from your life though. Some people may not need such drastic measures, but a lot of people do. I felt like I was one of those people. I don't know. I've never been as messed up about a breakup as my last ex. It honestly scared me, but I made it through. And I'm really happy with my life right now.

 

I'm glad to hear you're happy! It's lovely to see some positivity here ?

 

I know what you mean about the power. I haven't initiated contact ONCE since February 2016 (about 6 weeks after the breakup) even though she's said explicitly that it's okay with her if I get in touch. I haven't checked her social media for about the same length of time and one of the first things I did was pack away any items (photos etc) that would remind me of her.

 

The longest we went without contact was 5 months until she got in touch, and sure, I responded, because she was my best friend for TEN years so I still had some hope. Right now, it's been about 3 months since her last message.

 

I've done what I can to reclaim power for myself, I think. I still hear about her/see photos everyday because we worked together for a decade and my current work colleagues still talk about her/have photos on their desks etc, but there's nothing I can do about that.

 

All I know is that it doesn't matter that I know there's no going back for she and I. I still miss her. I've dated a couple of girls (both wonderful, a better fit in terms of humour, outlook, interests etc, both very beautiful to me) but I ended things because they're not my ex. Three billion women on the planet and only one of them is my type.

[GeekLover]

Sorry your in the dumps but l dunno how it works but yeah , it does always seem that one ex or the other lands on their feet and the other their ass.

Can't for the life of me work out why this seems to be the way.

And often the one that did the wrong or the dumping or the screwing around seems to somehow be the one that lands on their feet.

 

l thought in my case we might be the exception and that maybe all things happened through my whole life for to lead me to this last 12 mths and gf.

But since that doesn't look like working out l to are back to feeling it. While ex w seems to be living it up.

 

But D is right though , you can't right your self off like that , it's just not healthy, you have to remember and hope that somehow this is all going to lead to new and better things.

 

No!!! I'm the dumpee and I REFUSE to believe I have landed on my ass. I'm too strong for that and I've put in FAR too much work to say that I've been knocked down. Possibly to begin with? The initial shock, denial, bargaining stages...but I'm 7.5 months out now, so I'd like to think the tables are reversing. I'd like to think he is getting to the point where the relief is wearing off and he is starting to really feel the impact of his decision. Isn't that what is "supposed" to happen? :laugh:

 

I hope it's him who has landed on his ass. I really do. However, I don't think he has either.

 

Whatever...I'm pretty proud of my own progress anyway.

[SevenCity]

The longest it's ever taken me to get over a girl was 2 years and that was from a 1 year RL. That was tough. I wanted to walk in front of a bus for a long time.

 

My recent ex of 7 years was the most painful. It's been a year since the initial breakup and I still think about her everyday. I feel that she was the one girl who was always there for me and that we would always be together.

 

The only thing that stopped me from suicide was my little dog. I knew she needed me so I suffered through. The first 6 months were excruciating and I thought it would never get better. It did. I'm not in the clear but I'm so much better than I was.

 

Look at your situation. I'm sure you are not as bad as day 1 or month 3. Everyone has their own timetable but you can get there. I look forward to the day when she is nothing but a distant memory like the first one I mentioned. I'm hopeful I will meet a girl I care about as much but I don't think I have it in me anymore. My ability to trust is ruined.

 

One day you'll look back on this and remember the pain but not quite comprehend how you were able to care so much. It may be a few years though.

 

Hang in there dude. You'll get over her one day. And you'll never find someone as good or better if you don't continue to look. Your ex should not dictate your happiness for the rest of your life. You are responsible for that.

[Earlybird2016]

So ... 20 months or since breakup, and all of a sudden I'm dreaming of her every night? I only dreamt of her twice in those 20 months, both within the first two or three months after breakup, but now ... lots.

 

It's especially odd because I'm forced into seeing her photo/hearing about her every single day of those 20 months because of mutual acquaintances (haven't seen her in person since before the breakup text) so ... no new triggers.

 

Any thoughts?

[110Girl]

My thought is closure.

 

Not sure if you got proper closure or not during the breakup.

 

My dreams seem to be always haunted by people who left me without closure.. Even years down the line.

[Earlybird2016]

My thought is closure.

 

Not sure if you got proper closure or not during the breakup.

 

My dreams seem to be always haunted by people who left me without closure.. Even years down the line.

 

Interesting. I was pretty much ghosted after 10 years (after a text break up) for a guy she'd worked with for about three months. They're engaged now.

[InAFog]

Are they bad dreams? Sad? Painful?

Maybe it's your subconscious finally starting to purge her.

[Earlybird2016]

Are they bad dreams? Sad? Painful?

Maybe it's your subconscious finally starting to purge her.

 

I still absolutely love her to the exclusion of anyone else, so in a sense they're both positive and negative. They tend to be of some interaction in her new life (seeing where she lives now, her telling me about nice her fiancé is etc), so kinda sad for me in the sense that I miss her beyond words, but positive in the sense that she's happy, which is an important thing to me.