BettyDraper Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 You have some work to do when it comes to being a more active father and letting go of your ex's betrayal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 John..by the way it sounds here, it's the 2 ladies as one team and you are on your own. Your wife should know that you two are bonded as one...the ex whatever she is has no role in it. If you tell your wife that your uncomfortable with communication with the ex about anything other than parenting logistics...dropping off/picking up, injuries...then she should respect your wishes and leave it to that only. Facebook friends is way, way, way out of line. IMHO....it's way more social than just parenting. It's no wonder the divorce rate is the way it is with so many people putting their children and themselves in front of their marriages and spouses. Consider the chorus here...many voices and opinions, and man to man, I wouldn't put up with my wife hanging out and mixing social circles with a baby mama that cheated on me. Facebook is a tool of the devil...it really is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 When you've had someone betray you, no matter how long ago, it's not uncommon to want them to have no insight into your life. When you're a parent, you don't GET that luxury. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 If you tell your wife that your uncomfortable with communication with the ex about anything other than parenting logistics...dropping off/picking up, injuries...then she should respect your wishes and leave it to that It's no wonder the divorce rate is the way it is with so many people putting their children and themselves in front of their marriages and spouses. Consider the chorus here...many voices and opinions, and man to man, I wouldn't put up with my wife hanging out and mixing social circles with a baby mama that cheated on me. Exactly. His wife's primary responsibility is the marriage. Undermining her husband by aligning with the ex against his wishes... that's a trailer park society if I've ever seen it. And yea, I do think it's ego, serving mostly to elevate her sense of importance and authority at the expense of her marriage. It's always an eye opener to see who throws down hard against boundaries, family structure and self-importance. In this case, it's really weird. Women who can't tolerate the thought of not being at the center of their husband's relationship with his ex and child... no sense of propriety, no boundaries. She doesn't need a primary relationships with his ex to encourage him to participate more in the kid's life––all she has to do is encourage, accommodate, support. I am done with this one... Elvis is leaving the trailer park. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Also I'm very protective of my wife especially with what she has been through with the cancer and all. I've been focusing on her for the past couple of months and I'm afraid this would just be added baggage on her part. You've got a million unacceptable excuses for being an absentee father. And not one of them is even remotely acceptable. Too damned bad that your ex put you through the ringer. So what. You think you're the first one on earth to get a crappy deal in life or get cheated on? You're not. Why you think your 'emotions' somehow trump your OWN child's need to bond with his father speaks volumes about you. You should be ashamed that your wife shows more care and concern toward that child then YOU ever did. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 I don't know how anybody doesn't see this as a boundary issue –– she isn't primary to the child or the ex, and there she is with her nose in the middle of it all and disrespecting his wishes... all under the pretext of doing it for the child. I think it's just people with step kids wanting to increase their own sense of importance and authority. LOL. Yeah sure. That must be it. Or maybe his wife feels bad for a child whose been deserted by his father because daddy wants to cling to his childish butt-hurt feelings from the past and thinks that somehow justifies depriving his kid of a loving, involved father. Newsflash - it doesn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 You've got a million unacceptable excuses for being an absentee father. And not one of them is even remotely acceptable. Too damned bad that your ex put you through the ringer. So what. You think you're the first one on earth to get a crappy deal in life or get cheated on? You're not. Why you think your 'emotions' somehow trump your OWN child's need to bond with his father speaks volumes about you. You should be ashamed that your wife shows more care and concern toward that child then YOU ever did. And this is just uncalled for. LOL. Yeah sure. That must be it. Or maybe his wife feels bad for a child whose been deserted by his father because daddy wants to cling to his childish butt-hurt feelings from the past and thinks that somehow justifies depriving his kid of a loving, involved father. Newsflash - it doesn't. Gee, I didn't hear any excuses,nor anything about being an absentee father, nor deserting his kid.....the excuses, absentee father, and desertion are your statements. He merely said he wasn't father of the year. If you want to further interpret and fill in the gaps about him, I will about his ex and say that the cheating baby mama isn't mother of the year and didn't make his ability to see his son easy either, but that ain't the problem he has...it's the facebook and the public call out on social media about his cheating baby mama's interpretation of his parenting to his current wife. It's also about his current wife ignoring his request to not accept being her friend on face book .....a marriage issue..not a parenting issue. So before you get nastier and bash this man for dealing with a bunch of crap at 20..... when he was a kid ( the same crap that people can barely deal with in their 40's]... maybe you should stick to the script. This child worship and me centered marriage culture is why nobody can stick together and stay married and give those kids the stable house they need. The family foundation starts with the marriage of the spouses to each other...not the parents relationship to the child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 This child worship and me centered marriage culture is why nobody can stick together and stay married and give those kids the stable house they need. The family foundation starts with the marriage of the spouses to each other...not the parents relationship to the child. Absolutely. How can people be so confused about this? Link to post Share on other sites
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