Shes making me jealous

[Dookie_Dont]

Man the way it seems my G/F is always trying to make me jealous shes always talking about how guys hit on her, like all the frickin time! And then shes like so damn surprised when like I get upset and shes like "you don't trust me".... but I mean how can I put up with this crap and still trust her. What am I to think?! When were on the phone she never talks, when shes in my car riding around with me she acts like she dosen't want to be there. I mean what am I to think honestly?

 

What the crap?! I'm so confused why does she always do this, why does she think I don't care about her. I mean its so childish o yea and I'm 18 shes 15/going on 16.

 

And I mean I think we take this relationship on different levels, I used to not have a problem but now it seems every night we get into it anybody want to help?

 

please?

[d'Arthez]

It is an issue on her part, it seems. And there is no easy solution to the problem.

 

The only thing you can do, is to talk with her about this. Tell her how it makes you feel. And tell her that she would not feel to great if you made similar remarks about other women - but you choose (hopefully) to refrain from making such remarks.

There is a reason why people should not make these remarks, as it only serves to feed insecurity, not the relationship. She would not feel appreciated if you did the same, would she?

 

Remember the both of you are still quite young (no offense intended), and therefore need to learn quite a bit about maintaining relationships. There is nothing wrong with that, but your girlfriend should definitely learn that making her boyfriend so jealous, is not the way forward for the relationship she is in.

 

Jealousy is an awful monster - and it can consume every thought. That is not something to be taken lightly.

 

Relationships are not the be all and end all in life. If a guy / girl is not good to you, you may be better off backing off from the relationship, or even giving the relationship up.

[Dookie_Dont]

I've tried to talk about it for the past month or so ever since she brought up the 1st guy and now last night it led to another who she met at the park who was so persistant with hitting on her she said, it offended her.

 

Its so depressing, I tell her how I feel but she makes no strive to actually give a **** about me, to even understand she just throws it back on me saying I don't care about her. And I don't understand why she does this, its just always like a ping pong table and I start it out telling her how I feel then it ends up that she says that I don't care about her, then I'm left saying you honestly don't care how you feel about me at all.

 

Then its always: I love you, I love you, and then here we are tore all to ****, shes crying, I'm dumbfounded that I can't talk to the girl about anything. I'm really getting to a point where I just don't want to go anywhere with her.

 

Thank god I wasn't there when all her friends (guys) and that guy hitted on her, not telling what I would of done. She also hugged the guy in the beggining, shew.

 

^so I've tried to talk to her about it, it just blows up.

[d'Arthez]

Things don't look good then.

 

Jealousy is extremely difficult to overcome in itself, and if she keeps on feeding your jealousy your communication will only deteriorate, until the point that the relationship collapses. The both of you should be aware of that.

 

You seem to have two options, to make her understand that this is not something she should be doing.

1) Tell her beforehand that you will propose to do the following for a day. Make comments about people you find beautiful but are not dating. Let yourself be hit on. Pretend as if she is not there, and flirt with attractive girls.

Yes, this is a mean tactic, that I would not use myself. But perhaps it will work on her - she is 16 so is probably not aware of the extent of the hurt and anguish it causes you.

 

2) Distance yourself more and more from her. It is very hard to do, but you can't remain as involved as you are now. The jealousy would consume you. You seem to be more involved in the relationship than your girlfriend. Time to back off.

[VirginiaBob]

tell her to quit dressing like a floosey.

[Dookie_Dont]

Shew man, I'm going to this festival in town, I'm sure she'll get hit on like crazy, and if that happens I'm leaving her.

 

Simple.

[J dub]

Wait a second - youre going to leave her if men hit on her? That doesnt make any sense, most women you date will get hit on by other men. Its how they ACT that makes all the difference.

 

I'd say, if she TELLS you about it in a fashion that seems to be intentionally trying to hurt you, then at that point you can decide if u really want to be with her.

[Dookie_Dont]

Because it almost seems like shes always throwing the crap in my face all the time! And today I found she lied to me about one of her guy friends she was talking so 'kind' about.

 

Ok check it out: she talked so happy about this one guy and just reassured me alot their just friends, and it turns out a guy I work with says they dated, when she says they never did, I was like "wow" and he wouldn't lie because he had no idea I was dating her untill today, and he mentioned it to me.

 

It was a whole bunch of crazy, she lied man, and I hate liars.

 

So should I bring it up to her, I don't think I will, and also he told me she wasn't a virgin when she says she was. So um..... wa la?

[d'Arthez]

To lie about relationship status to others is asking for problems. Why would you even want to be with a girl who purposely (I can't see it otherwise) hides relationship status?

 

You are probably better of without her - next thing you know a guy may make out with her because he assumes that she is telling the truth. Sure, she might feel guilty. I doubt that though, with her extreme flirting behavior. And how could she explain that?

 

You should be considering creating a vacancy for the position of girlfriend. If you do break up, mention the lies about the relationship status to her. Perhaps she will learn a bit from her mistakes.

[sanne]

well you ain't gonna listen to me, but if you don't break up with her now you will be in for a load of pain and suffering. she's exactly how my ex was, and trust me women like this don't change overnight. you need to tell her that she's lied way too many times and totally disrespected you and broken your trust, and that because of this you can no longer see her. that should set her straight, and let her know that if she wants a real relationship she's gonna have to mature quite a bit.

[Dookie_Dont]

Well she denied everything that the guy said, and said it was a different girl with the same name as hers, who almost looks the same, long brown hair, etc. things like that. So I mean that was the excuse she put out. But how likely is that, also considering he was talking about how the guy did go to her school before he graduated, and he also talked about my girlfriend like he knew she was young.

 

I'll just have to ask him if hes sure its the same person. Shew now thats a big boat load of sketchy, I was so mad a work yesterday. I was so determined to come home and break it off with her, but my day got better because I got a raise, so I wasn't as mad.

 

But she says it isn't true, shew sketchy.

[Confissledone]

My girlfriend has guys that honk,yell and whistle at her even when shes wearing just jeans and a tank top, even worse when she's wearing a miniskirt and heels and it really pisses me off when I'm with her because they see us holding hands and see that she's with me, but if she's alone then I cant do nothing about it because regular guys off the street wouldn't know if she's taken or not.

 

Now that you've said all this about her getting hit on and denying a being with a friend can you tell us what kind of outfits she wears when she goes out and tells you guys hit on her? Also, have you ever been with her when she gets hit on? if not, thats your problem. Perhaps that might be one reason why she's getting hit on.

 

Another thought that came to mind. Your girlfriend IS 15 years old going on 16. She's what? a freshy/sophmore? Just so you know most girls that have recently acquired their equipment and have recently started high school tend to go wild with so many guys to choose from and so much fun to have. maybe she likes the attention as most girls do, mine does. Your girl might not be ready to be serious with you.

 

My girlfriend and I started both at 15 and have been together since,we are 19 now, it all depends on how mature and how much experience the person has.

 

Good luck and let us know how it all goes.

[Dookie_Dont]

Originally posted by Confissledone

My girlfriend has guys that honk,yell and whistle at her even when shes wearing just jeans and a tank top, even worse when she's wearing a miniskirt and heels and it really pisses me off when I'm with her because they see us holding hands and see that she's with me, but if she's alone then I cant do nothing about it because regular guys off the street wouldn't know if she's taken or not.

 

Now that you've said all this about her getting hit on and denying a being with a friend can you tell us what kind of outfits she wears when she goes out and tells you guys hit on her? Also, have you ever been with her when she gets hit on? if not, thats your problem. Perhaps that might be one reason why she's getting hit on.

 

Another thought that came to mind. Your girlfriend IS 15 years old going on 16. She's what? a freshy/sophmore? Just so you know most girls that have recently acquired their equipment and have recently started high school tend to go wild with so many guys to choose from and so much fun to have. maybe she likes the attention as most girls do, mine does. Your girl might not be ready to be serious with you.

 

My girlfriend and I started both at 15 and have been together since,we are 19 now, it all depends on how mature and how much experience the person has.

 

Good luck and let us know how it all goes.

 

She wears tanktops (beaters) and really tight jeans, and recently shes been talking about how she wants to start wearing a skirt.

 

Well now somebody else knows how I feel like. ^so there ya go thats what she wears, now what can you tell me.

 

We argued about it yesterday, seems we almost argue about everything now a days.

[Dookie_Dont]

update:

 

So pretty much I work as a telemarketer, my job isn't paid on commission but it is important for me to get sales as much as possible. Now yesterday I lost 5 sales which means I came home with a goose egg, that sucks.

 

Now I already feel like crap, I had a horrible day, I come home and shes with her cousin, so I'm like..."alright thats cool I'll just leave you guys alone so you can have some fun" so I did. Plus I kind of figured in my bad mood I'd just bring em down.

 

Well I got on msn, and she started talking to me on her cousins name, she said "this is more convienent" so I'm like "....ok". One of my friends asked me to go play some poker, I told her I might go if shes spending the night with her cousin. She asks:

 

"are they're going to be any girls?" this is like, shew I hate that question. I didn't know if their was going to be girls, I'm sure their wasn't going to be, so I said no.

 

But that bothered me so much, so I was like "how many guys we talking to here?" kind of a strike back thing.

 

Later we got on the phone, she was yelling and laughing and having a good time with her cousin, I was sad, stressed, and so depressed....SO i played guitar forever, sometimes on the phone with her.

 

At any rate, it just ended up with us arguing over stuff, when I told her I had a bad day. And this is the 2nd time its like she thinks I got mad at her. She says its her fault.

 

But I'm not getting mad! at all!! Now I did yesterday cause the seat in my car broke, so I went on a frustration rant. But it seems its like shes always wanting to pin stuff on me.

 

Or maybe, I'm just losing my mind.

[Leah]

You said it all yourself ... "Shes making me jealous"

 

Well, yes. That's exactly what she's doing and she's doing it all deliberately for two reasons:

 

1. She's extremely insecure. She needs to prove to both you and to herself that she's desirable and that you recognize this. Has little to do with "other guys hitting on her".

 

2. She needs constant re-assurance. Because she's excessively insecure, she needs constant feedback from you and that's exactly what she's getting.

 

Unless you're a masochist (someone who enjoys receiving pain) then get rid of her. No notice or discussion with her is necessary.

[Dookie_Dont]

Originally posted by Leah

You said it all yourself ... "Shes making me jealous"

 

Well, yes. That's exactly what she's doing and she's doing it all deliberately for two reasons:

 

1. She's extremely insecure. She needs to prove to both you and to herself that she's desirable and that you recognize this. Has little to do with "other guys hitting on her".

 

2. She needs constant re-assurance. Because she's excessively insecure, she needs constant feedback from you and that's exactly what she's getting.

 

Unless you're a masochist (someone who enjoys receiving pain) then get rid of her. No notice or discussion with her is necessary.

 

Anyway I can fix this. and does anyone else agree with leah?

[Confissledone]

Originally posted by Dookie_Dont

She wears tanktops (beaters) and really tight jeans, and recently shes been talking about how she wants to start wearing a skirt.

 

Well now somebody else knows how I feel like. ^so there ya go thats what she wears, now what can you tell me.

 

We argued about it yesterday, seems we almost argue about everything now a days.

 

Well, my gilfriend also wears real tight jeans and tanktops and little skirts all the time and yes does get hit all the time but it doesnt bother me as much as it did when our relationship started, we no longer let it get to us. Like my mom said to me, "take that as compliment for having a fine girlfriend" which I prefer no one hit on her but its gonna happen NO MATTER WHAT unless you move to a real small town filled with respectful people.

 

You did not mention whether she gets hit on when she's with you.

 

P.S. Tell you what, next time she gets hit on and tells you about it, try not to get mad and just go up to her and just be like

"oh your so gorgeous of course you got hit on, I just wish all these guys knew you were mine and mine only and didnt hit on my baby"

that would reasure her of being good looking, and that you like/love her and want her, also says you dont like guys hitting on her.

[Leah]

"oh your so gorgeous of course you got hit on, I just wish all these guys knew you were mine and mine only and didnt hit on my baby"

that would reasure her of being good looking, and that you like/love her and want her, also says you dont like guys hitting on her."

 

 

That's probably really good advice that Confiss gave you, Dookie, provided you want to stay in the relationship.

 

So, either the suggestion Confiss gives will work to reassure her... then maybe she will stop ... a good thing if you want to stay with her... or it will serve as a catalyst to make her try to evoke even more jealousy from you. Only time and her reactions will tell.

 

Good luck.

[Confissledone]

Originally posted by Leah

"oh your so gorgeous of course you got hit on, I just wish all these guys knew you were mine and mine only and didnt hit on my baby"

that would reasure her of being good looking, and that you like/love her and want her, also says you dont like guys hitting on her."

 

 

That's probably really good advice that Confiss gave you..

 

 

 

mmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

[Leah]

... provided you want to stay in the relationship.... or it will serve as a catalyst to make her try to evoke even more jealousy ... Only time and her reactions will tell.

[Dookie_Dont]

Yesterday we argued like crazy. We got into the whole trust factor stuff. And I explained to her completely of why I'm jealous and envious now a days. And shes like "but I never did that, that much anyway..." and i'm like ....WTF?!!

 

So shes constantly trying to put the blame on herself.

 

But from what she says here is what the problem is:

 

1. I don't trust her

2. I drink

3. I don't listen

 

Wow.

 

And I was like, I'm not going to kill myself over this crap. And shes like do you even want to try, I was like sure. But every strive I made to show her that this isn't going to work, she acted like I didn't even say it.

 

So cheers, were all screwed.

[Dookie_Dont]

Poke ^^

[Pocky]

She's fifteen. Stop expecting her to act like an adult in a relationship and start considering the possibility that you should be dating someone older if you dislike her maturity level. In my opinion, she shouldn't be in a serious relationship at this age anyway.

[Confissledone]

So dude, whats happening? decided whether keeping her or not? Maybe you can live with guys hitting on her if you trust her.

 

Personally I dont care if guys hit on my girl anymore as long as I'm not with her, especially now that we're trying out a lifestyle revolving around her. dont think you would ever consider this lifestyle...well maybe you would later on cuz I used to be jealous like you, but not anymore.

 

Let us know what y ou're doing with your life in regards to your girlfriend/

[Confissledone]

Hey havent been to the board in a while but came back and still no reply. C'mon man, cant just ask for advice and leave me (us) wondering whats going on after you get advice from people. I dont mean to sound nosy but I am rather curious.