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My boyfriend's not cheating is he?

Annabell31617

By Annabell31617,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Annabell31617

Annabell31617

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For the most part all the signs point to him not cheating on me so i might just be being paraniod and this may be my trust issues kicking in? But heres the story. I'll keep it short. Its been on my mind too much lately. We've been together since March of last year and he has been cheated on in the past,so he knows what it feels like.

 

So i know the signs of a man cheating. He don't bail on me we still spend time together when we can on his off days from work. He don't hide his phone.He's been working regular hours. And we still have plenty of sex. But there is one thing that is bothering me. I was over at his house this Tuesday when i found a bag of condoms that hadn't been used in his room on his bed. We don't use condoms since i am on birth control and he didn't even like using them very much when i was not on birth control. He mostly used pull out method back then.

 

When i ask him about it he jokes and says you dont think i am using them on other girls do you? And i said no i dont think you'd do that and that he don't show any other signs of cheating. He asks what the signs are and i tell him. He then goes on to tell me how he thinks cheating is bad it makes both parties look bad, etc.

 

Maybe trying to reassure me? So part of me wants to trust him and think if he was really cheating on me why would he put out in the open like that on his night stand and wouldn't he hide them if he really was cheating? The other part of me goes back to why the hell does he need these and we don't use them he don't even like using them so why does he have them? I want to trust him but i really dont know what to think of this? And lol this wasn't short after all i guess my bad :p

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Redhead14

Redhead14

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I find it odd that he didn't offer an explanation as to why he bought them. I mean, he turned it around to you to ask if you thought he was using them with other girls, but didn't offer a reason for having them. Was there some great sale going on at the drug store and he just HAD to buy them?

 

Why leave them out in the open? He forgot about them and didn't have the opportunity to put them away. Or sometimes people hide things in plain sight . . .

 

Just sit back and observe his behavior now that he's been questioned.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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So...why did he buy them, then?

 

If you don't use them, and he gave no reasonable explanation, it is a red flag.

 

I think you need to be very observant - it sounds as though he bought them and then forgot he left them sitting on his bed.

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CaliGypsy

CaliGypsy

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I can't imagine why he'd have a bag of condoms on the bed. Yes, I'd be suspicious. Especially, I'd you two never use them.

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frigginlost

frigginlost

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Unless the dude is into blowing up ribbed balloon animals, I'd start watching him like a hawk...

 

He gave you no reason on why he bought them. Bad juju...

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elisalynn

elisalynn

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Sometimes when you go to a clinic or planned parenthood they just give you a bag of condoms for free. So, maybe he had recently gone to get tested or something and got them there. Or, had the bag of condoms from before you two were dating and was cleaning out his closet and found them again. Were they obviously just purchased or what?

 

Though, if he is cheating, then you just told him everything you look for and he is taking notes to make sure not to do those things.

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pteromom

pteromom

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He could have had them in a drawer and pulled them out looking for something else. Who knows.

 

What was his explanation? Outside of saying he isn't using them on other girls? Did he say WHY he has them?

 

I don't think this alone points to cheating though. You may want to keep your radar up for a bit though.

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Annabell31617

Annabell31617

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Elisalyn-they said stay safe on the bag and he couldve easily gotten them from a clinic like thaymt easily.and hes been cheated on so thats why i dont think he would do that to someone else but i will watch him cuz it still seems fishy

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Leigh 87

Leigh 87

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My guy used them to masturbate/jerk off......

 

to reduce mess.

 

Yet we never use them and he hated them during sex.

 

But I just knew he wasn't cheating. A gut instinct.

 

Your instinct is clearly screaming.

 

Not good.

 

Sorry.

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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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When i ask him about it he jokes and says you don't think i am using them on other girls do you? And i said no i don't think you'd do that and that he don't show any other signs of cheating. He asks what the signs are and i tell him. He then goes on to tell me how he thinks cheating is bad it makes both parties look bad, etc.

 

1. This makes NO SENSE at all. Partly because if you suspect he cheated in you, his answering your question with a question is a dead giveaway called deflection.

 

2.Why are you playing his game and being gaslight like this. "He asks what the signs are and I tell him"?

 

And yes, he is cheating on you.

 

Sorry to be so blunt but you just gave this dunce a pass.

 

Get rid of him. For your own sanity. Just do it. I know it's easy for all of us to say basically the same thing, but you have availed yourself to the collective wisdom of this sub forum. I think we are all in agreement. It's a no brainer...

 

The Curb. find the nearest one and dump him off at it

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Exformer

Exformer

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So he didn't tell you where he got it and you didn't ask untill you get an answer either?

 

 

Girl you need to smarten up

 

This is odd to me too. You had a valid question having to do with a big fear of yours and an opportunity to get a real answer and you didn't take it. Instead, you backed down without letting him know you had a problem. It seems like you're avoiding confrontation, and that makes you come off as a bit of a pushover. Show a little confidence.

 

There's a chance you're letting a cheater walk all over you because he knows he can. There's just as much a chance that you're projecting your worst fears on a good guy who is just clueless to you're fears. If he was cheating enough to require an entire bag of condoms, the problem is the longer you wait to actually ask him about it, the longer he would have to come up with an excuse that sounds reasonable.

 

You can watch him like a hawk and pick a part every action he makes, but all that'll do is reinforce the mistrust you already have for him...unless you actually catch him red handed, which is unlikely. Today you eyes with a critical stare, tomorrow you rationalize the excuse to snoop, and it goes on and on. He can't prove he'll always be faithful, and you'll always be looking.

 

Don't watch him like a hawk for other signs. Your fear is going to make you both miserable unless you get a hold of it. Asking why he really had the bag. If you don't believe him, drop him and move onto a relationship where you aren't drowning in paranoia of possible cheating. If you believe the answer, drop it and enjoy being in a relationship. If it turns out you were wrong, other signs will get thrown in your face without you looking, and you'll have spent the time between happy with your life.

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elaine567

elaine567

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Though, if he is cheating, then you just told him everything you look for and he is taking notes to make sure not to do those things.

 

Well spotted, and the fact he went on some sort of anti cheating "rant" too, to somehow "prove" his innocence, is a big red flag.

 

"The lad doth protest too much, methinks"

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ChickiePops

ChickiePops

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My guy used them to masturbate/jerk off......

 

to reduce mess.

 

Yet we never use them and he hated them during sex.

 

But I just knew he wasn't cheating. A gut instinct.

 

Your instinct is clearly screaming.

 

Not good.

 

Sorry.

 

This to me is just as shady as the OPs situation. Sex is way messier than masturbation. All a guy needs for that is a tissue. I've literally never heard of a guy jerking off with condoms. The whole point of not using them during sex is because it feels better, but it's riskier with sex whether you're on the pill or not. Why would a guy bother desensitizing himself during masturbation?

 

Shady shady shady..not buying this, and I definitely think the OP screwed up by not asking more about them on the spot, and by basically giving her BF an instruction manual on how to cheat on her.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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This to me is just as shady as the OPs situation. Sex is way messier than masturbation. All a guy needs for that is a tissue. I've literally never heard of a guy jerking off with condoms. The whole point of not using them during sex is because it feels better, but it's riskier with sex whether you're on the pill or not. Why would a guy bother desensitizing himself during masturbation?

 

Shady shady shady..not buying this, and I definitely think the OP screwed up by not asking more about them on the spot, and by basically giving her BF an instruction manual on how to cheat on her.

 

This. Masturbating with condoms? That's a creative explanation.

 

Anyway, OP, it seems you still haven't asked him why exactly he had them. Is that because you are afraid of the answer? From what I read, he didn't say why he got them and you didn't ask. You are both avoiding the issue in that case.

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Mrin

Mrin

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This to me is just as shady as the OPs situation. Sex is way messier than masturbation. All a guy needs for that is a tissue. I've literally never heard of a guy jerking off with condoms. The whole point of not using them during sex is because it feels better, but it's riskier with sex whether you're on the pill or not. Why would a guy bother desensitizing himself during masturbation?

 

Shady shady shady..not buying this, and I definitely think the OP screwed up by not asking more about them on the spot, and by basically giving her BF an instruction manual on how to cheat on her.

 

Dude here. Totally agree. Would never jack off with a condom. Would actually make a bigger mess.

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Annabell31617

Annabell31617

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I ask him why he had them again and that i didnt really think he was cheating on me but i needed some reassurance that he wasn't. He told me that his cousin left them at his house and his mom didn't know what to do with them so she gave them to him for us to use. His cousin is a player and so i can believe it. And how would his mom know i am on birth control lol. Lol there was simple answer and looking back, i was actually there when all that happened. I dont think he is cgeating on me and I'm just gonna let it go.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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I ask him why he had them again and that i didnt really think he was cheating on me but i needed some reassurance that he wasn't. He told me that his cousin left them at his house and his mom didn't know what to do with them so she gave them to him for us to use. His cousin is a player and so i can believe it. And how would his mom know i am on birth control lol. Lol there was simple answer and looking back, i was actually there when all that happened. I dont think he is cgeating on me and I'm just gonna let it go.

 

I'm confused. Did he just tell you this now, or did you already know this when you initially posted?

 

Because if he's only telling you this now and didn't bother to provide some context when you first saw the condoms, it still sounds suspect. Why wouldn't he have just said so when you asked the first time? That doesn't make any sense.

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Leigh 87

Leigh 87

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This to me is just as shady as the OPs situation. Sex is way messier than masturbation. All a guy needs for that is a tissue. I've literally never heard of a guy jerking off with condoms. The whole point of not using them during sex is because it feels better, but it's riskier with sex whether you're on the pill or not. Why would a guy bother desensitizing himself during masturbation?

 

Shady shady shady..not buying this, and I definitely think the OP screwed up by not asking more about them on the spot, and by basically giving her BF an instruction manual on how to cheat on her.

 

He didn't cheat on me.

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Annabell31617

Annabell31617

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Told me this yesterday last night...he jokes around alot. I believe him. I really dont believe he would ever cheat on me...this just looked bad on his part.

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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Told me this yesterday last night...he jokes around alot. I believe him. I really dont believe he would ever cheat on me...this just looked bad on his part.

 

I don't get the "joke"..do you?

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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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Told me this yesterday last night...he jokes around alot. I believe him. I really dont believe he would ever cheat on me...this just looked bad on his part.

 

So the burning question is...wait for it....

 

Why did you want our opinions in the first place when you've already decided that you believe him? Was it because literally all of us were in agreement tha something was afoot?

 

You don't have to answer me, or anyone else for that matter. But you do have to answer yourself when you look in the mirror.

 

What am trying to say is that rugsweeping this and deciding that it was just poor optics is certainly your right, if you wish too. just remember if indeed he is getting Trim on the side that this will probably embolden him, for the risk is part of the excitement of infidelity to many. And he may think you are a true sucker for believing him and he will expand his sexual horizons because he figures if you bought this story of his you will be none he wiser the next time.

 

Good Luck young lady. I hate to see you go through this. I think it is the tip of the iceberg. You will find out one way or another.

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