My girlfriend of 5 Years Ended it with me.

[Scared2loveagain]

I am not going to lie on here. Keep in mind this is a bit long and all over the place.

 

I messed up, 3 years ago My ex caught me sexting other women. The first time she forgave me, the second time I had to try harder for forgiveness, the 3rd and final time she overdosed and tried to kill herself. I had said some pretty bad things to some of the girls like one of the things she remembers to this day is that " I am only with this girl out of pity" I have no clue why I said this because I wasn't with her out of pity. She was and is the best thing to have ever happened to me.

 

At the hospital while crying my eyes out on the hospital bed I promised her that if she got through this I would never cheat again. I never did again

 

Fast forward to July 20th, she found stuff on Social Media that she felt was inappropriate and at the time I didn't really see it as such because these people were just models/ friends I was trying to work with on my online Model and Car magazine. She reached out to me about it and instead of listening and talking things out I told her that her insecurities were her own and she needs to deal with them herself. She left the house we were staying at (we lived with friends) she left a note with them telling them she will be ok.

she was actually out looking for a place to buy pills at 3am to overdose again. Instead she called the suicide hotline and checked into a hospital. I was actually away visiting my grandmother who was diagnosed with Diabetes and also had my aunt drop off her 3 year old daughter with her to care for because she was moving in with her boyfriend. I couldn't do anything and felt helpless.

 

Upon my return I was mad and upset when I found out she had thought about doing it again and instead of being nice to her and worrying about how she was doing I got mad and said things like do you know what your friends have been saying to me, etc. I made it about me instead of asking her "how do you feel?" "what happened?" "are you ok?" she laughed at me and I cried leaving.

 

After she got out we talked, we met up and she said we aren't together but we aren't broken up. This put me in an emotional state because I felt I had lost her. We actually spent some time together and went to the movies, clothes shopping and even to a Renaissance fair in NY. At this fair she kissed me, for the first time since this all began (about 2 weeks now). We kissed a few more times that day and I felt hope that things would work out.

 

Then came her trip to PA, she was going away for a friends daughter's birthday. I wanted to drive her and go with her but she said no. During the trip we seemed ok until Saturday night when she was supposed to be returning. I had messaged her a few times that day with no reply so I didn't want to bother her anymore but I had parked the car by the house to surprise her with flowers. It was late 11PM and I had been sleeping in my car for about 3 weeks at this point, I fell asleep once in front of the house after we spoke and got in trouble with the cops. So this time around I didn't want to fall asleep and get in trouble again So instead of asking her I decided to track her to see if she had even left PA because if she hadn't it would be in my best interest to just go park my car in a safe area and go to bed for the night.

She was obviously alerted of the tracking which I knew would happen and was going to address it the next time we spoke but when we spoke that night she brought it up first and said If i hadn't brought it up you probably wouldn't have said a word about it. Which is not true, I already knew she got alerted and knew she wouldn't be too happy about it.

Moving forward this past Friday I called her about the phones we were going to upgrade and during the conversation I told her I couldn't do this anymore that I couldn't sit here not knowing where I stand. She said you know what I do want to break up, I asked why and she said I realized I don't love you the same anymore.

This broke me even further but at least I had an answer, Saturday we met up for the upgrades and during this time I also spoke to her about us and how I wanted us to be together that we had a great relationship, etc. She stood her ground and said we shouldn't talk on the phone for a while. Tuesday we met up to visit our old dog who we had to give up because we moved to a smaller place. During it she quoted something I used to do with our dog which was hold him up like Simba from the Lion King and say "shiiimba" I was not expecting that at all and it once again gave me some hope so in the car I spoke to her again I told her I realize my mistakes and I want to correct them all but she stood her ground again. I told her I can't do this friends thing and that at most I can do it until i see her with someone else because I love her way too much to be just her friend. She said what if I find someone else and I told her even then I wouldn't give up on her because she is worth it. She asked to be taken home and so I did. I was heartbroken even further so this time around I reached out to a friend who said we can meet up and grab a drink and talk. We drank and talked but one drink for me turned into two, then three and finally four. He left for the night after he saw I texted her good night and sweet dreams. I was tipsy, close to drunk but not there yet. I sat in my car because I was in no condition to drive and I reached out to her, i asked her to call me that I drank too much and just want to talk to someone. She asked why I drank, I asked can you call? she asked again why I drank and I didn't answer. She called and I told her I met up with a friend and that I didn't think four drinks would do this to me since my tolerance is actually pretty high, maybe lowered due to emotional stress? anyway we spoke and I began to pour my feelings on her again, I even cried while telling her I loved her so much and that she meant the world to me. She teared, you can hear her tearing and sniffling. She said I don't want to hear this right now and said it a few more times until finally saying listen I need to hang up before I scream and wake up the house, So i let her go. When I got home I messaged her telling her I got home safe and that I figured she would want to know that I am ok and that I was sorry for worrying her. The next morning I messaged her telling her I hope she has an awesome day!, her reply was simply "morning". I left her alone the entire rest of the day and went to bed around 8pm at midnight I received a message saying "hope your day was good Gnight" I woke up to another message from her the next morning saying "Morning. have a good day at work!" I am hurting because October would have been our 5th year anniversary.

 

Honestly I am so lost and so confused, I don't know what to do where to go or what to think. I want her back She is the most special thing I have had in the longest time and she made me her most special thing in the world and I don't want that to change.

 

I just wanted to share my heart break story and see what the opinions of others might be. Sorry for the long post

[ExpatInItaly]

I think this relationship has been over a long time. There is a lot of toxicity and resentment and you certainly didn't treat this woman very well. I know you realize that now, and regret it, but those scars will linger in her for a long time. Remember that it wasn't a one-time betrayal. The trust was gone a long time ago.

 

She sounds like she needs psychiatric treatment, to get to an emotionally healthy place on her own. Overdosing and attempted suicide are extremely serious and indicate she's very unwell. You are not the person to help her, either. She needs a qualified and experienced professional for that.

 

Stay apart for a good long while. At the moment, you two are stuck in this cycle and it's hurting both of you - her, quite seriously. You both need to get better independently.

[Scared2loveagain]

I understand what you are saying but this story is a very small part of the 5 years we were together. There was a lot of happiness, love and Joy and moments that make it worth saving. We do need to grow but I don't believe this is a reason to call it quits for good.

[ExpatInItaly]

I understand what you are saying but this story is a very small part of the 5 years we were together. There was a lot of happiness, love and Joy and moments that make it worth saving. We do need to grow but I don't believe this is a reason to call it quits for good.

 

And that's the crappy thing about break-ups: only one person needs to want it. I realize you don't feel it's a reason to call it off, but she doesn't feel the same way right now.

 

I have been betrayed (and for her, sexting was a betrayal, and it happened more than once)...and I can tell you, it dramatically changes your perception of your partner and your sense of security in the relationship. The person you thought you knew is not who they really are - and that is very difficult to overcome. It stains a lot of the preceding and subsequent good memories. It obviously affected her deeply and caused tremendous emotional distress. I tell you this not to make you feel bad but to help you grasp the gravity of it. You don't really seem to get yet; it's not a very small part of the relationship for her. Those words about being with her out of pity haunt her, I can promise you that.

 

Regardless, she doesn't wish to be in the relationship right now. The best thing you can do is respect her boundary and give her space. She needs time to sort herself out.

Edited August 25, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[Scared2loveagain]

And that's the crappy thing about break-ups: only one person needs to want it. I realize you don't feel it's a reason to call it off, but she doesn't feel the same way right now.

 

I have been betrayed (and for her, sexting was a betrayal, and it happened more than once)...and I can tell you, it dramatically changes your perception of your partner and your sense of security in the relationship. The person you thought you knew is not who they really are - and that is very difficult to overcome. It stains a lot of the preceding and subsequent good memories. It obviously affected her deeply and caused tremendous emotional distress. I tell you this not to make you feel bad but to help you grasp the gravity of it. You don't really seem to get yet; it's not a very small part of the relationship for her. Those words about being with her out of pity haunt her, I can promise you that.

 

Regardless, she doesn't wish to be in the relationship right now. The best thing you can do is respect her boundary and give her space. She needs time to sort herself out.

 

 

I am but she has texted me twice now with a good night and a good morning message. I don't know what to make of it since the previous week she was barely even replying to my texts. Thank you for your input, honestly I didn't know it was haunting her until she brought it up a few days ago when we were having a conversation. I did mess up pretty bad but I loved her to death, days when she couldn't walk I would carry her on my back even if it was a 30-40 minute walk. It does suck that all the good memories were tarnished with those bad moments, I wish I hadn't done what I did and I repent for it but I can't change the past only hope for a better future for us together if life will allow it and she will accept it.

[Miss Peach]

I have been betrayed (and for her, sexting was a betrayal, and it happened more than once)...and I can tell you, it dramatically changes your perception of your partner and your sense of security in the relationship. The person you thought you knew is not who they really are - and that is very difficult to overcome. It stains a lot of the preceding and subsequent good memories. It obviously affected her deeply and caused tremendous emotional distress. I tell you this not to make you feel bad but to help you grasp the gravity of it. You don't really seem to get yet; it's not a very small part of the relationship for her. Those words about being with her out of pity haunt her, I can promise you that.

 

I totally agree with this part. It would haunt me too. Especially if someone wasn't willing to go to the extreme to help rebuild my trust. The pity comments as well as the sexting would bother me and make me wonder if I was wasting my time.

 

I am but she has texted me twice now with a good night and a good morning message.

 

Even if someone knows a breakup is in their best interest, it's difficult to just cut someone out of your life that you knew so long and so deeply. My guess is she's being friendly rather than opening up the door to get back together. I would respect her boundaries right now if I were you unless you want to come off as the creepy ex.

[ExpatInItaly]

I totally agree with this part. It would haunt me too. Especially if someone wasn't willing to go to the extreme to help rebuild my trust. The pity comments as well as the sexting would bother me and make me wonder if I was wasting my time.

 

 

 

Even if someone knows a breakup is in their best interest, it's difficult to just cut someone out of your life that you knew so long and so deeply. My guess is she's being friendly rather than opening up the door to get back together. I would respect her boundaries right now if I were you unless you want to come off as the creepy ex.

 

I agree. She also knows this is hurting you OP, and I imagine she feels guilty about it. It's not to say she will never be open to reconciliation, but a couple texts here and there don't mean much.

 

But it doesn't erase the fact that she is probably looking for or already has her eye on someone who values her more, consistently. She - like any woman - wants to feel cherished and loved by her partner. Your actions and words demonstrated that you didn't, even though there may have been good times. You took way too long to wake up to the damage you had caused, unfortunately.

[Scared2loveagain]

I agree. She also knows this is hurting you OP, and I imagine she feels guilty about it. It's not to say she will never be open to reconciliation, but a couple texts here and there don't mean much.

 

But it doesn't erase the fact that she is probably looking for or already has her eye on someone who values her more, consistently. She - like any woman - wants to feel cherished and loved by her partner. Your actions and words demonstrated that you didn't, even though there may have been good times. You took way too long to wake up to the damage you had caused, unfortunately.

 

So today she messaged me a bit more asking how I was etc, I told her I am going day by day and just working on bettering myself. She then mentioned she had noticed I turned off the read notification (let's her know when I read her messages) when I said yes I did she then went to saying " ok well good luck with your girls. I should say It's nice to see you've moved on. Have a nice work day."

 

I called her right after and told her listen, that was extremely hurtful because I haven't looked for any new girls, I told you I wasn't going to give up on you and I have no intent on doing so. She said it showed I had added them the past few days but I haven't been on Facebook in over a week, I deleted all social media apps from my phone because I do not want to know what she is doing. What do you make of this remark? it came out of nowhere not even provoked by something I said. I told her that chances are they were requests from even before we broke up and they may have just now accepted but obviously she said nothing to that.

[Scared2loveagain]

I totally agree with this part. It would haunt me too. Especially if someone wasn't willing to go to the extreme to help rebuild my trust. The pity comments as well as the sexting would bother me and make me wonder if I was wasting my time.

 

 

 

Even if someone knows a breakup is in their best interest, it's difficult to just cut someone out of your life that you knew so long and so deeply. My guess is she's being friendly rather than opening up the door to get back together. I would respect her boundaries right now if I were you unless you want to come off as the creepy ex.

 

should I use NC on her?

[ExpatInItaly]

should I use NC on her?

 

You don't use No Contact on anyone but yourself.

 

It's not a way to get someone back; it's a set of tools meant to help you detach and move on.

 

She sounds very confused. At this time, she doesn't know what she wants and the damage done during the relationship still hurts her.

 

To be honest, your explanation about adding other girls on FB doesn't make a lot of sense. You either added them recently or you didn't. Telling her "they may have been added recently" makes it sound as though you have no idea what's happening on your own account - which isn't believable. You yourself would have had to hit "Accept". This is all a bit moot since you're no longer together, but to your ex it's going to look as though you are still trying to pull the wool over her eyes. She isn't stupid.

[Satu]

This fits into the 'Its all OK now, because I am no longer the person I was one month ago,' category.

 

For her to have got the point of being able to trust you again, you would have had to demonstrate that you really had changed, but you didn't.

 

Thats why she broke up with you.

 

Thats the whole and only reason.

 

Accept it.

 

 

Take care.

[Scared2loveagain]

You don't use No Contact on anyone but yourself.

 

It's not a way to get someone back; it's a set of tools meant to help you detach and move on.

 

She sounds very confused. At this time, she doesn't know what she wants and the damage done during the relationship still hurts her.

 

To be honest, your explanation about adding other girls on FB doesn't make a lot of sense. You either added them recently or you didn't. Telling her "they may have been added recently" makes it sound as though you have no idea what's happening on your own account - which isn't believable. You yourself would have had to hit "Accept". This is all a bit moot since you're no longer together, but to your ex it's going to look as though you are still trying to pull the wool over her eyes. She isn't stupid.

 

 

 

If I had sent a request a few weeks or months ago it wouldn't show as added until they accepted. That's what I was saying I added a ton of randoms to promote my E-Zine so there is a chance that there are still some answered friend requests, that's what I meant. sorry if I explained it incorrectly.