10,240 days

[tinkerbell16]

The joy, the experiences and the love of a lifetime.

 

We graduated high school together, become parents together, built houses together, buried family pets together, traveled the world together, lost parents together, grew up together, renewed vows together, built careers together, laughed and cried together.

28 Halloweens, Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters... together.

 

Then he turned into a man I hardly recognized overnight and it was over.

 

10,240 mornings, days, evenings.

 

Countless "I love you"s.

 

Gone.

 

2 years later and tonight for some reason I am crying like it was yesterday.

 

When does the healing end?

 

I have a new man. He is kind, he is handsome, he is caring and sweet yet all I can think about 10,240 days of history.

 

After 2 years without a peep my ex wants me back. He says he lives with regret and cannot find joy without me.

 

It is a cruel joke but it is my reality.

 

Can anyone recover from 10,240 days?

[Jeff1690]

Tinkerbell, so sorry you are feeling this way. I am around 40 days out till divorce is final. So in a way I can not know exactly how you feel. some days I think about our 23 years together plus two years as friends and dating before that. Almost our entire adult lives we have been together.

 

I pray that the day never comes years down the road where she asks to reconcile. I want to be free of her. She is not the woman I married anymore. Just know you have found a new man who you say is good to you. Remember your pain from what he did and unless you wish to reconcile walk away and find happiness you deserve. I hope one day I can follow my own advice.

 

Be strong and think about how far you have come on your own. Think about all those that stood beside you through this and know you don't need him unless you want it. Make sure everything is on your own terms whether walking away from him or taking him back. You are your own woman.

[NHappy]

The joy, the experiences and the love of a lifetime.

 

We graduated high school together, become parents together, built houses together, buried family pets together, traveled the world together, lost parents together, grew up together, renewed vows together, built careers together, laughed and cried together.

28 Halloweens, Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters... together.

 

Then he turned into a man I hardly recognized overnight and it was over.

 

10,240 mornings, days, evenings.

 

Countless "I love you"s.

 

Gone.

 

2 years later and tonight for some reason I am crying like it was yesterday.

 

When does the healing end?

 

I have a new man. He is kind, he is handsome, he is caring and sweet yet all I can think about 10,240 days of history.

 

After 2 years without a peep my ex wants me back. He says he lives with regret and cannot find joy without me.

 

It is a cruel joke but it is my reality.

 

Can anyone recover from 10,240 days?

 

It sounds like you guys had a very strong relationship, but that was in the past. If you are crying this much, though, there may be some real feelings. I suggest a letter, letting your ex know what he put you through, but also finding closure. You have to consider the following:

 

Do you really want to be where you were years ago? Is that better than where you are now?

 

Do you love your new partner? More than your ex?

 

Sometimes we also love the people the most who have hurt us the most; take that into consideration. I am having a hard time leaving my husband and he is the person who has hurt me more than anyone, so I understand. Use your mind, not your feelings for this one.

[Lowrider93]

I take it your not really sure how you should feel?.

 

You can't erase the past, are you exited about your future with your new man or thinking about going back to what was?

[tinkerbell16]

Tinkerbell, so sorry you are feeling this way. I am around 40 days out till divorce is final. So in a way I can not know exactly how you feel. some days I think about our 23 years together plus two years as friends and dating before that. Almost our entire adult lives we have been together.

 

I pray that the day never comes years down the road where she asks to reconcile. I want to be free of her. She is not the woman I married anymore. Just know you have found a new man who you say is good to you. Remember your pain from what he did and unless you wish to reconcile walk away and find happiness you deserve. I hope one day I can follow my own advice.

 

Be strong and think about how far you have come on your own. Think about all those that stood beside you through this and know you don't need him unless you want it. Make sure everything is on your own terms whether walking away from him or taking him back. You are your own woman.

Hi Jeff,

Thank you for your kind words. Your circumstances and mine are very similar. I will be ok. I am very strong. I think I see a future with my new man and that has triggered me. It may seem strange but on some level seeing a future with new man means the final nail in the coffin of my marriage. Hearing my ex say the words "I love you" for the first time in over 2 years doesn't help my emotional state either. He wants to see me. I have been mourning his "death" now for two years and it's like witnessing a reserection.

 

Do I want him back? No

He showed me the deepestimate of love for so many years but he also caused me the deepest pain I have ever experienced.

What I want is for it to have never happened but that is not possible so I just ask for the gift of being able to move on without feeling guilty.

Guilt that I am happy, guilt that I am the one now keeping the famity apart. The family he protected for almost 30 years then destroyed.

I am truly traumatized. It is were the tears come from.

My heart is frozen from all the past pain.

I fear I am ruined for loving again. That naive kind of love. Love that is unaware of the power of pain and disappointment it can cause.

That is what new man deserves....

It is what I deserve too.

It's like my ex sensed I am happy and boom, he is back.

Edited August 26, 2016 by tinkerbell16

[road]

Are you divorced or separated?

 

 

There are many reasons to take your ex back and many reasons to not.

 

 

You had a marriage history so much better than most till the end.

 

 

Many people have been in your shoes. Where the marriage ended only for them to remarry. Many have not. The point is you can recover your marriage but do you want to.

 

 

It is a hard decision to make.

[road]

Many affairs die on their own after one to two years. It has taken this time for your XWH to wake up and realize what he lost.

[BluesPower]

I read your post on where you are at now, and I know that it is not helpful, but I feel so bad for you and your situation.

 

I have done and felt a lot of the same things in my marriage that you described. I have been cheated on and I have cheated. The big shocker that have the most resentment over is her 25 drug addiction that I just discovered about 2 years ago.

 

After that I was ( it is on hold for now) filing for divorce. I don't know where I would be if I had understood what was going on and divorced at that time or sooner. But I had kids to protect so for a while I felt like I had to say and now I can leave if I want to.

 

Funny thing is she sobered up 18 months ago and after realizing what she had done to me all those years, she is trying to make things right. The whole situation is so confusing and hard to really sort through for me, right now I'm just going with it and I have no idea what will happen.

 

I say all that to say this, I still love her and I don't know why. She has treated me like crap in so many ways and I still love her. Sometime I feel like I am crazy.

 

So I don't know what to say about what you are going through, but maybe if you have done all the hard work so far you should stand pat and not go back. But love makes us crazy and I am proof of that.

 

Good luck.

[Toodaloo]

 

After 2 years without a peep my ex wants me back. He says he lives with regret and cannot find joy without me.

 

 

So once again its all about him... What a selfish jerk.

 

Well its a long time but sitting there working out the days and hours... well that is just obsessive and not going to do you any good now is it.

 

You have a new guy that you get on well with. Why waste that for a jerk who couldn't get any better when he ditched you so now he wants you back? Your ex probably DID get a feeling (or heard about it) that you are happy and wanted a piece of that.

 

Have a bit of self respect Tinks...

[SevenCity]

Tinkerbell - this sounds like an awful situation.

 

What did he do to destroy the marriage? I get from your post that you do not want to reconcile but I understand it can be so comforting to go back to what was.

 

You shouldn't feel guilty as it does not sound like it was your choice to change the terms of your relationship.

 

But, I have to say that the new guy doesn't deserve anything but your best. He didn't do any of this to you. How long have you been together? Are you sure you are ready for this new RL?

[Lowrider93]

Hi Tink

You are in no way obligated to return to your previous life, you know your situation better than any of us and it seems that you already know what's best for you, right?

 

Saw the Tom Hanks movie Cast Away last night again and I'll assume you have seen it, anyway in the end he is rescued and returns to find his wife has remarried, even thou she felt he was still alive she still had to let go and move on with her life.

 

Get rid of any guilt you may be feeling for moving on with you life.

 

$hit happens

[I4givehim]

I have found myself mourning what should have been.... growing old together, traveling, enjoying grandchildren. But then I remember what he did and it snaps me back into reality.

This man broke your heart. Will you ever trust him with your heart again? Your relationship will never be the same.

You will see your life will get better. You will think of him less and less as time goes on. ((BIG HUGS)) ENJOY LIFE!!! It's all about you now:D

[tinkerbell16]

So once again its all about him... What a selfish jerk.

 

Well its a long time but sitting there working out the days and hours... well that is just obsessive and not going to do you any good now is it.

 

You have a new guy that you get on well with. Why waste that for a jerk who couldn't get any better when he ditched you so now he wants you back? Your ex probably DID get a feeling (or heard about it) that you are happy and wanted a piece of that.

 

Have a bit of self respect Tinks...

 

Yes, all about him... I am responsible for his happiness. Same as it was when we were married. He resented how easy going I was. He was depressive and angry man towards the end. Always looking outward for happiness instead of inward. The man had it all but was unhappy. No surprise to me he still is unhappy.

 

I would never go back. It just helps to verbalize my struggle with these thoughts.

 

Keeps me on the right path.

[tinkerbell16]

Tinkerbell - this sounds like an awful situation.

 

What did he do to destroy the marriage? I get from your post that you do not want to reconcile but I understand it can be so comforting to go back to what was.

 

You shouldn't feel guilty as it does not sound like it was your choice to change the terms of your relationship.

 

But, I have to say that the new guy doesn't deserve anything but your best. He didn't do any of this to you. How long have you been together? Are you sure you are ready for this new RL?

 

I am very self aware. New guy is very patient. He seems to value me and recognize my journey has not been an easy one. In some crazy twist he seems to have some of my ex's good qualities. Only he is taller and more handsome lol

I am in no rush. I want to get this right.

[Majormisstep]

Or, think of it this way....what if you did reconcile. How long would it take for him to get comfortable with having you back. How long before his old 'itch' starts to flare up again and he begins yearning for another OW (or the same one).

 

Do you want to constantly be on guard and watching for those signs of infidelity?

 

As the old saying goes...fool me once....

 

You have a great new guy. History could easily repeat itself.

[Toodaloo]

Yes, all about him... I am responsible for his happiness. Same as it was when we were married. He resented how easy going I was. He was depressive and angry man towards the end. Always looking outward for happiness instead of inward. The man had it all but was unhappy. No surprise to me he still is unhappy.

 

I would never go back. It just helps to verbalize my struggle with these thoughts.

 

Keeps me on the right path.

 

Well you keep on verbalizing and writing it down and keep on that right path because that guy needs to grow a pair and start taking some responsibility for his own actions.

 

Tell him to go do one or ignore him... Jeeeesh life is worth so much more that that...

[Gunny376]

Hell Stays Open (All Night Long)

 

George Jones

 

She said hello

And I said hon', it's me

She said I might have known

And I said oh, listen please

Leaving you for her was wrong

Please let me come back home

This old town's closed down

And I have no place to go

 

 

And she said

Hell stays open all night long

Hell never closes

It's open from dawn 'til dawn

When I slammed the door to heaven

I should have known

Hell stays open all night long

 

She said good-bye

Don't call me anymore

For the one that I love now

Is at my door

Some one has took your place

This is something you'll just have to face

As far as I'm concerned

When you have no place to go, remember

 

 

 

Songwriters: BOBBY L HARDEN

 

© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

 

For non-commercial use only.

.

[tinkerbell16]

Hell Stays Open (All Night Long)

 

George Jones

 

She said hello

And I said hon', it's me

She said I might have known

And I said oh, listen please

Leaving you for her was wrong

Please let me come back home

This old town's closed down

And I have no place to go

 

 

And she said

Hell stays open all night long

Hell never closes

It's open from dawn 'til dawn

When I slammed the door to heaven

I should have known

Hell stays open all night long

 

She said good-bye

Don't call me anymore

For the one that I love now

Is at my door

Some one has took your place

This is something you'll just have to face

As far as I'm concerned

When you have no place to go, remember

 

 

 

Songwriters: BOBBY L HARDEN

 

© Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

 

For non-commercial use only.

.

 

Wow... this is perfect. Love this

[Gunny376]

If you want to hear old George sing it? You can find it on YouTube, just type the song's title in the search bar.

[Gunny376]

I Just Don't Give a Damn

 

George Jones

 

Now I know whose got to change the way I'm living

It seems they just don't like me, the way I am

Tomorrow I may live the way they're thinkin'

Ah, but tonight I just don't give a damn

 

I done everything I can to make you happy

But every word I spoke you always put me down

Tomorrow my arms may ache and want to hold you

Ah, but tonight I just don't give a damn

 

Now I just don't care what happens to you and me

I wanted to get you on my side but you always disagree

If you should ever want to call me I'll be on my side of town?

But don't call tonight 'cause I still don't give a damn

 

Oh, tomorrow morning I might wake up lonely

Aw, but tonight I just don't give damn

 

For non-commercial use only.

[Jeff1690]

Tinkerbell how are things going?

[tinkerbell16]

Tinkerbell how are things going?

 

Jeff, tried to pm you but I am not sure if it went through. Did you receive it? I am not too tech savvy lol

[Jeff1690]

Nope I sent you one just now to see if it would go through.

[Marc878]

You aren't the same person anymore. Something like this changes you forever.

Your X isn't either.

 

Perhaps you should look at it from this perspective. If you were and you are starting out again would your X be what you are looking for?

 

It doesn't matter much at this time what everyone else wants or thinks you should do. It should be what you want out of the rest of your life. Everyone should live their life as they see it. Others have their own life to live and won't be living yours.

[Marc878]

Tink,

 

The other thing is this. If we're to try and reconcile with your X it would take 2-5 years of a lot of work with no guarantees.

 

A friend of mine who went through this same thing said he put a lot of time and effort in getting past their marriage ending and he just couldn't see going back. She eventually gave up and left him in peace.