What options does a single guy in his late 20s/early 30s have?

[NJ123]

Are most of the good women taken after a certain point where single guys at an older age don't have many good options? I really hope I don't insult anyone on here but it just seems whenever I have to interact with women at my job for instance literally 98% of the time the women I find attractive are always taken. I just don't think it's a coincidence where it happens every single time. They're either with their boyfriends or husbands or buying stuff for them. And they're always very nice & friendly too where I know the guy likely has a good wife/gf. I know of course I'd never ask out a woman at work, but it just seems most of the ones that most guys would like to be with are off the market already. I know there's some women that are career oriented where they don't date much or maybe they recently ended a long relationship for why they're still single, but don't most women of late 20s/early 30s already think about seriously having kids at that point if they don't already? Where can an older single guy meet relationship quality single women that are around the same age bracket?

[spriggan2]

Are most of the good women taken after a certain point where single guys at an older age don't have many good options? I really hope I don't insult anyone on here but it just seems whenever I have to interact with women at my job for instance literally 98% of the time the women I find attractive are always taken. I just don't think it's a coincidence where it happens every single time. They're either with their boyfriends or husbands or buying stuff for them. And they're always very nice & friendly too where I know the guy likely has a good wife/gf. I know of course I'd never ask out a woman at work, but it just seems most of the ones that most guys would like to be with are off the market already. I know there's some women that are career oriented where they don't date much or maybe they recently ended a long relationship for why they're still single, but don't most women of late 20s/early 30s already think about seriously having kids at that point if they don't already? Where can an older single guy meet relationship quality single women that are around the same age bracket?

 

What I've found as a 30 yr old man is that there are a lot of women in their late twenties who put marriage or serious relationships on hold in favor of further education or career advancement. There are some fascinating professional single women out there. Definitely cool to date. Many are quite independent and now that they've got their career path ironed out, I think they are looking for serious relationships which will lead to marriage and children, before it's too late.

 

Among them I'm sure there are plenty of good women. Are you not looking for a serious, long term relationship? I couldn't quite tell.

Edited August 26, 2016 by spriggan2

[NJ123]

What I've found as a 30 yr old man is that there are a lot of women in their late twenties who put marriage or serious relationships on hold in favor of further education or career advancement. There are some fascinating professional single women out there. Definitely cool to date. Many are quite independent and now that they've got their career path ironed out, I think they are looking for serious relationships which will lead to marriage and children, before it's too late.

 

Among them I'm sure there are plenty of good women. Are you not looking for a serious, long term relationship? I couldn't quite tell.

 

Yeah, that's likely the case for the professional women where they're actively searching for a serious relationship now before they get too old for children. I just don't know if they'll wind up with the right person though if they're literally on a clock to find their perfect match. And yeah if possible I'd like to have a serious relationship, just I don't know where I'm going to go about finding the women that you talked about. I'm on Tinder & Bumble at the moment & it just seems most of the women on those apps are just on there for ego or for hook ups.

[VeveCakes]

I feel the same way but vice versa as a woman.

 

I think it's just harder to meet people at this age.

[spriggan2]

In my city they are gentrifying areas near downtown. So there's a lot of new trendy restaurants, cafes, bars and clubs that are opening and get crowds. You'll find a lot of cool people out there on weekends. But I don't know what your city is like. Seems to be happening across the country though.

 

Maybe take some friends and go downtown and see what you can. Or you can go by yourself and try to mingle. I've tried it and gotten a few numbers, from guys (for the purposes of hanging out in the future, but girls as well. It can be tough though.

 

You can also look into different activities downtown and meetups and young professional stuff. Maybe some happy hour stuff too.

[Arieswoman]

Q; What options does a single guy in his late 20s/early 30s have?

 

A. Loads !

 

Just put yourself out there and you'll find out !

[NIGHT1985]

Depends on where you live. Being single in your 30s in Arkansas, just sucks :/

[Mkn1010]

So I'm a 29 year old female and I am experiencing the exact same issue but with availability of decent men my age. I had a long term relationship for most of my 20s and then decided not to date for 1.5 years after that. I was always behind the eight ball in dating because I was at Uni for a lot longer than most people (completing law and a double degree). I've always just wanted one boyfriend/partner, I'm not into cheap thrills. But after coming out of my LTR, I have no idea where to go from here!!!

 

 

I rejoined the dating scene this year and GOSH it's bad (you only need to read my "not sure what happened" post to get the latest on the recent dude). Like you, I have tried Tinder and Bumble however I find it tiresome and very UN-romantic sifting through profiles or making chit chat across a screen where everyone seems jaded and unwilling to make effort.

[robaday]

I'm a guy, I found the late twenties the best age, you are in your physical prime and are still appealing to women in their mid twenties and those in their late thirties! but depends where you live like the other posters said!

 

I moved abroad to a city with quite a transient population of expats and locals for work and have ended up loving it. But grew up in rural community and know things would be very different there.....

 

More people are taken - sure, but there's still the same amount of single women to single men so the odds are the same.....

[JoeSmith357-1]

People in their late 20's have infinite options, not sure why this is even being asked.

[chadbrocool]

It depends on what you're looking for.

 

Do you want the really hot girl that every guy is going to look at you and be jealous while wondering wtf you did right to end up with her? Then she's probably taken.

 

If you want a girl so that you can hopefully eventually start a familty and you're looking for that type of person that you'd want to spend the rest of your life with... Well, there's tons of them, but they're going to have physical flaws, they're going to have interests you don't like, they're not going to have the perfect body.

 

There's tons of options, just, figure out exactly what you want, and be honest with yourself, and you'll be able to find the type of people you're looking for.

[NJ123]

It depends on what you're looking for.

 

Do you want the really hot girl that every guy is going to look at you and be jealous while wondering wtf you did right to end up with her? Then she's probably taken.

 

If you want a girl so that you can hopefully eventually start a familty and you're looking for that type of person that you'd want to spend the rest of your life with... Well, there's tons of them, but they're going to have physical flaws, they're going to have interests you don't like, they're not going to have the perfect body.

 

There's tons of options, just, figure out exactly what you want, and be honest with yourself, and you'll be able to find the type of people you're looking for.

 

The other day there was a legit 9 out of 10 that I had to interact with at my job. She had kids already but she was extremely gorgeous & she obviously knew it too since she was wearing these short gym shorts that showed off her legs. That woman probably gets hit on constantly whenever she's on her own due to how attractive she is. So I can only imagine what the guy she's with looks like or how he won her over when she could be with any guy she wants.

 

I'd say I have somewhat high standards possibly to some people in terms of physical attraction but not to the point where their extremely ridiculous like expecting a woman to look like a model. I just want someone I'm personally attracted to & like her personality. The problem mainly is where am I going to find relationship material women since through Tinder & Bumble that's not going to be happening since it seems the vast majority of the women on there that I find attractive are on there mainly for ego boosting or just for hookups with the most attractive guys. Also, not that there's anything wrong with single moms, I personally don't want to be with a woman that has kids already where a lot of women in my age range already have kids.

Edited August 26, 2016 by NJ123

[Mkn1010]

Umm ok I think your perception may be a little off.... Not to toot my own horn but I frequently am complimented and asked if I have modelled, however I DO NOT go for ego boosts on Tinder or Bumble and I'm definitely not into hookups!

 

I'm also put off by the overly ripped/gym obsessed dude who looks like he thinks his own sh*t don't stink! Looks to me are pretty meaningless, perhaps think about one's character and you may have better luck! If only there were as many available men with integrity as there seem to be women

Edited August 27, 2016 by Mkn1010

[NJ123]

Umm ok I think your perception may be a little off.... Not to toot my own horn but I frequently am complimented and asked if I have modelled, however I DO NOT go for ego boosts on Tinder or Bumble and I'm definitely not into hookups!

 

I'm also put off by the overly ripped/gym obsessed dude who looks like he thinks his own sh*t don't stink! Looks to me are pretty meaningless, perhaps think about one's character and you may have better luck! If only there were as many available men with integrity as there seem to be women

 

So you genuinely don't care about looks at all? So I assume you swipe right on every guys profile then if that's the case? And I do think about one's character in terms of whether I'd want a relationship with them or not. Looks are really important to me, but personality/character are just as important since for example if a legit model looking woman wanted to go out with me & I find her personality to be terrible than it wouldn't work for me.

[Mkn1010]

Well, I actually don't swipe at all as I found those apps really lame! But that's me

[NJ123]

I guess I just keep worrying because I feel like I've been missing out since I have pretty much no experience in dating at an older age. And I just don't know how I'll ever meet anyone at this point except to keep trying online dating which seems like a crap shoot. I don't want to wake up years from now & still not be with anyone which is definitely a realistic possibility which worries me.

[ZA Dater]

I guess I just keep worrying because I feel like I've been missing out since I have pretty much no experience in dating at an older age. And I just don't know how I'll ever meet anyone at this point except to keep trying online dating which seems like a crap shoot. I don't want to wake up years from now & still not be with anyone which is definitely a realistic possibility which worries me.

 

I can relate to this and to that fear.

 

 

My suggestion is to find some inner happiness, sure it wont bring you what you want but it may help you be more attractive to what you want. I agree again by 29 or so most ladies are either in serious relationships or married, most not all so there are still chances but its by no means easy.

 

 

The biggest thing I learnt and perhaps this can help you to, is to be ok with yourself, look to improve of course but also don't be harsh on yourself, excessive self criticism doesn't accomplish very much at all.

[NJ123]

I can relate to this and to that fear.

 

 

My suggestion is to find some inner happiness, sure it wont bring you what you want but it may help you be more attractive to what you want. I agree again by 29 or so most ladies are either in serious relationships or married, most not all so there are still chances but its by no means easy.

 

 

The biggest thing I learnt and perhaps this can help you to, is to be ok with yourself, look to improve of course but also don't be harsh on yourself, excessive self criticism doesn't accomplish very much at all.

 

Yeah, I know. But as you said most of the good women are taken by my age range. There's definitely some good older single women out there but they re hard to find. It seems through online dating there's not very many relationship material women on there. I just don't know what I'm going to do & it's really worrying me now. I think if I had some prior dating experience already it wouldn't bother me but now I'm going to be judged on it & it's only going to get even harder as every year passes by now.

[Inflikted]

I haven't thought as much about this subject since I gave up on the idea of ever dating, but it is something that crossed my mind a lot before I had hit that point.

 

Generally speaking, I've only ever been personally attracted to a small handful of girls, but even in a platonic sense, nearly every girl I've met and known that's seemed nice and down to earth, with a good head on her shoulders, was always taken, or at the very least, had someone in mind and would eventually get together with that person. The only girls I've known that were single for at least 50% of the time I knew them were the kind of girls that had issues and/ or were sort of "serial" daters that would get into bad relationships or just "relationships" that fizzled out very quickly.

 

Me, I'm nearing 28, and like I said, I've already accepted that I'll never date or have a "love life", and that it's completely off the table for me. I've come to that conclusions for other reasons, but aside from those reasons, I also feel that my ship has sailed.

 

It's not really appealing in any way for a guy nearing his 30s to be completely inexperienced with dating. No sensible woman is going to have the patience for that, and rightfully so. I should've already learned these things several years ago.

 

And on the flip side, I don't feel like there will be as many appealing "options" for myself, going into my 30s, either. First and foremost, I don't want to get involved with anyone that has kids. I have zero patience or tolerance for children. And unfortunately, there are a lot of single mothers out there. Secondly, I feel like the deeper I get into my 30s, the more the "good" women will have already been taken and married off. And I don't want to find myself having to "settle" for someone that made a series of bad life decisions that led them to me...

 

I dunno. I guess it's not really worth thinking about, either way, because again, I'm never going to experience that, anyway. But, this thread certainly made me remember some of the things that have crossed my mind.

[NJ123]

I haven't thought as much about this subject since I gave up on the idea of ever dating, but it is something that crossed my mind a lot before I had hit that point.

 

Generally speaking, I've only ever been personally attracted to a small handful of girls, but even in a platonic sense, nearly every girl I've met and known that's seemed nice and down to earth, with a good head on her shoulders, was always taken, or at the very least, had someone in mind and would eventually get together with that person. The only girls I've known that were single for at least 50% of the time I knew them were the kind of girls that had issues and/ or were sort of "serial" daters that would get into bad relationships or just "relationships" that fizzled out very quickly.

 

Me, I'm nearing 28, and like I said, I've already accepted that I'll never date or have a "love life", and that it's completely off the table for me. I've come to that conclusions for other reasons, but aside from those reasons, I also feel that my ship has sailed.

 

It's not really appealing in any way for a guy nearing his 30s to be completely inexperienced with dating. No sensible woman is going to have the patience for that, and rightfully so. I should've already learned these things several years ago.

 

And on the flip side, I don't feel like there will be as many appealing "options" for myself, going into my 30s, either. First and foremost, I don't want to get involved with anyone that has kids. I have zero patience or tolerance for children. And unfortunately, there are a lot of single mothers out there. Secondly, I feel like the deeper I get into my 30s, the more the "good" women will have already been taken and married off. And I don't want to find myself having to "settle" for someone that made a series of bad life decisions that led them to me...

 

I dunno. I guess it's not really worth thinking about, either way, because again, I'm never going to experience that, anyway. But, this thread certainly made me remember some of the things that have crossed my mind.

 

Wow man, almost everything you've written in this post I feel the same except that I still would like to find someone & would like to date. And I agree that there's likely not going to be many women that want a guy around our age for a relationship being inexperienced. It's going to be incredibly rare to find a woman like that most likely.

 

I don't want a woman that has kids either since I don't think I even want kids of my own to be honest. I just worry like you that if I'm almost 40 & still single I'll have to possibly settle for someone that I wouldn't even want to be with but that it's the only options I have at that point. It's just there's so many variables to this that it just bothers me about what's going to happen. I don't want to be by myself at that age at all.

[oldshirt]

I had a GF and lost my virginity etc when I was a Sr in high school but I struggled and had some nasty dry spells until I was in my mid 20s.

 

I feel like I kind of finally hit my stride by late 20s and then found 'the one' and married at 31.

 

I think a single man's prime is late 20s and early 30s. At that age you can date anything from a 21 year old to a 45 year old if that's your thang.

 

But here is some fatherly advice that I eventually figured out on my own but that I really wish someone had filled me in on in my youth.

 

All desirable women are involved with someone(s) to one degree or another at any given time. For all practical purposes, there are no attractive, desirable, friendly, sexy women that are completely free and clear. All of them are dating someone to one degree or another.

 

If you want an attractive, sexy, sociable woman who anything going for her, you have got to be ready, willing and able to roll up your sleeves and make your move even though she is dating someone else/other people. You have to be competitive and you have to be willing to go out onto the playing field and get scuffed up.

 

Desirable women are always seeing someone and will always have a few people lined up warming up on deck that she can monkey swing to if things go to pot with her primary suitor.

 

If you are waiting for an attractive woman to be completely free and single, you are going to spend your life waiting for a moment that will never happen.

 

If you aren't one of the ones getting warmed up on deck, you are not going to get your chance.

 

My advice is get yourself in the best shape and most desirable that you can as a man (ie in good physical condition, well groomed and styled, well dressed, educated, good career, fun and active lifestyle, good social life etc etc) and when a lady catches your eye and gets your attention, make your move and make your offer whether she is technically dating someone or not.

 

If she is going to remain faithful to him, it is her job to turn you down. It's not your job to preemptively take yourself off of the market. Even if she declines your offer, the better your approach and the better your offer, the more inclined she will be to swing to you if the dude she is dating lets her down or messed up or something.

[oldshirt]

and here's another thing that I know now that I wish I knew then - most people's dating relationships are not as serious and not as committed as others usually think.

 

Sally may be dating Jimmy every Fri and Sat night and they may grab sandwich during the week, but Sally is often no where as committed and serious as what people or even Jimmy himself thinks they are.

 

She may go out with Jimmy every week as long as no one else is making her a better offer, but that doesn't mean that her heart or her loins belong to him as much as you may think.

 

Very often, women will date a guy pretty consistently to be a "place holder" to keep her entertained and keep her from getting too bored and lonely and so she can tell herself and her friends that she is seeing someone.

 

All it may take is someone an inch taller or a little less gut or a little more money or a little more attention and she drops Jimmy like booger on the finger.

 

My point is if you want an attractive woman, don't wait to make your move or your offer. The answer is always do it NOW!

 

If she is seeing someone steadily, she will be obligated to turn you down initially. But if you show it doesn't phase you a bit and keep engaging her and keep the offer on the table, she will reconsider at some point and may take you up on it sooner rather than later.

 

I have had a number of different women call me up out of the blue even a couple YEARS later and ask me if the offer is still open.

 

So moral of the story is don't be afraid to make your move and make your offer. If you don't get your hat in the ring, you will always be on the outside looking in.

 

Yes, you run the risk of some guy getting upset with you. Eventually though you decide that you'd rather risk the pain of duking it out with some guy on the street than the pain of sitting home watching other date the pretty girls.

 

Mother Nature never intended for weak, passive, lazy males to breed. The ones that get the girls consistently are the ones that aren't afraid to make their moves and aren't afraid what other people think and aren't afraid to upset other dudes.

[Inflikted]

and here's another thing that I know now that I wish I knew then - most people's dating relationships are not as serious and not as committed as others usually think.

 

Sally may be dating Jimmy every Fri and Sat night and they may grab sandwich during the week, but Sally is often no where as committed and serious as what people or even Jimmy himself thinks they are.

 

She may go out with Jimmy every week as long as no one else is making her a better offer, but that doesn't mean that her heart or her loins belong to him as much as you may think.

 

Very often, women will date a guy pretty consistently to be a "place holder" to keep her entertained and keep her from getting too bored and lonely and so she can tell herself and her friends that she is seeing someone.

 

All it may take is someone an inch taller or a little less gut or a little more money or a little more attention and she drops Jimmy like booger on the finger.

 

My point is if you want an attractive woman, don't wait to make your move or your offer. The answer is always do it NOW!

 

If she is seeing someone steadily, she will be obligated to turn you down initially. But if you show it doesn't phase you a bit and keep engaging her and keep the offer on the table, she will reconsider at some point and may take you up on it sooner rather than later.

 

I have had a number of different women call me up out of the blue even a couple YEARS later and ask me if the offer is still open.

 

So moral of the story is don't be afraid to make your move and make your offer. If you don't get your hat in the ring, you will always be on the outside looking in.

 

Yes, you run the risk of some guy getting upset with you. Eventually though you decide that you'd rather risk the pain of duking it out with some guy on the street than the pain of sitting home watching other date the pretty girls.

 

Mother Nature never intended for weak, passive, lazy males to breed. The ones that get the girls consistently are the ones that aren't afraid to make their moves and aren't afraid what other people think and aren't afraid to upset other dudes.

 

That's another reason I'm somewhat relieved that I'm completely removed from the dating world, because if what you say is true, then I would perpetually only ever be someone's "placeholder". I'm not a fan of that. Not to mention, I'd rather not have to be paranoid and wonder if the person I'm with is only keeping me around until they can hop in bed with someone better (and let's be honest, you don't have to look very far at all to find a guy that's "better" than me).

[NJ123]

That's another reason I'm somewhat relieved that I'm completely removed from the dating world, because if what you say is true, then I would perpetually only ever be someone's "placeholder". I'm not a fan of that. Not to mention, I'd rather not have to be paranoid and wonder if the person I'm with is only keeping me around until they can hop in bed with someone better (and let's be honest, you don't have to look very far at all to find a guy that's "better" than me).

 

I don't know how true that really is. I mean I'm sure there's plenty of couples that are kind of just going through the motions & ready to split up but I'd like to think many of them really like who they're with. Also, if a woman is willing to cheat or even go on a date with another guy behind their boyfriends back than that woman isn't relationship material. They should split up with the current guy first before dating another guy.

[oldshirt]

As a guy, I am gonna go ahead and say that you should never do any of the stuff this guy is suggesting. Going around hitting on women who are dating someone else is a good way to take a butt whoopin where I come from. Not only that, but if she leaves her current guy to date you, what good was she to begin with? She will just do the same to you when the next shiny guy comes along.

 

I understand.

 

For some people it's going to be too threatening and too intimidating to risk upsetting another dude or risk going out with some chick and have her not cling to you for life. Those are daunting realities.

 

I get it. There are risks involved with that and you may get a boo boo and my get some grass stains and scuff marks on your jeans. You may get your @$$ kicked. You may have some gal swear her love to you on a Sunday night and dump your butt and go out with some other dude that Friday night. That is not for everyone.

 

That is why there are video games you can play with your buddies and why there is pokemon go.

 

Mother Nature never intended for weak, scared, lazy males to breed. In nature most males in most species do not breed. Mating with the available females is left to the stronger, more assertive, more courageous males. If you don't want to encounter any of those, stay in your mom's basement in your gaming chair and keep out of their way.

 

Every guy has a choice. He can take some initiative and take some risks and take some chances knowing that he may upset another dude and know that he may only be with a particular woman for a certain period of time.

 

Or he can play a host of video games in his mom's basement with his other dateless buddies and not have to worry about that.

 

The choice is yours.