Trying to make sense of this...

[Lobe]

Lobe - also wanted to say that nothing you wrote was new / unknown to me (apart from your history, but then there are similarities there) - I have tried all of those things you suggest, which are nonetheless helpful. Oh and the treatment like EFT, it's called EMDR, I've had that too.

Thank you again for your words x

 

You don't have to believe in the benefits of yoga or jogging to do yoga or jog and receive the physical and mental benefits. Some call it "fake it until you make it" and my IC simply says: do the work. Same concept.

Keep trying, Rockflower. Time is on your side.

[veryhappy]

As far as moving on, the beggining is just a matter of survival. I'm not clear on your timeline, but getting over the crying spells and the intense grief. That can take a couple of months. I didn't smil for two months after the end of my A. I just couldn't do it, not even the tiniest fake smile. So you just do what you can do until the day comes and it's not that intense.

 

Secondlly, I tend to asume everybody knows about no contact. No contact means no new hurts and it gives you the space to recover emotionally and distance yourself from the intensity of the drama. I don't usually like drastic measures, but no contact is really helpful and probably the only way to end it for many affairs.

 

Thirdly, you are going to have to live with the pain to process it. Many try to repress it and claim to be all well after a month. Many people break NC before it sticks, there's no shame in that.

 

When you say controlling and manipulative, do you mean narcissistic people?

[ChickiePops]

[]

 

 

Rockflower, if you are seriously considering self harm, please check yourself into a hospital immediately or, at the very least, ask a friend or a family member to come and stay with you until you feel better. I genuinely have no idea what it is about me that upsets you so much, but I will bow out of this thread now so as not to upset you further.

 

 

Take care of yourself..I truly do hope you feel better soon.

Edited August 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[William]

I'll provide an opportunity to return to the topic, which is:

 

My question:

Having been through similar and awful things and more in my life (I mean from the other side), learned the hard way and got through a mass of difficulties on my own, is he likely to actually grow a pair and make a decision. Or is he going to destroy his own life as well as his children (who have shown signs - very disruptive at school, etc) and his wife's by continuing to sit on the fence? If he does come back again, I'm not sure how I'll handle it as I am losing respect for him now - and am also worried about he further effect on me - it has made me so ill and there are other serious things not mentioned.

 

If members have to rely on moderation to retain a semblance of boundaries of civility on our forum, we don't want such members here, rather those who believe in remaining on-topic and discussing in a civil manner because that's who they are. This is a private web forum and you are in our home here. We are welcoming but have no problem slamming the door on those who would abuse our generosity.

 

So, let's consider items not relevant to the topic to be resolved and move forward with this commentary by moderation, and our community guidelines, in mind. I'll queue this for the other moderators to review and provide input on, relevant to specific member posts. For those who addressed the topic and within our guidelines, we thank you.

[William]

Folks after deleting 43 posts from this thread, I will advise everyone to pay special attention to original Williams advisory above there will be no warnings after this advisory and liberal use of the "Alert Us" function is encouraged if these sorts of postings continue.

 

As a note, some of the posts I considered valuable may still contain some small references to deleted material ~T

[Rockflower]

I would just like to once again thank the posters who reached to to me, especially to Cutedragon, Lobe and QuietStorm - your recognition and words truly were of immense support to me at such a vulnerable time.

 

By getting urgent help and processing this experience, I have had a very much lightbulb moment in finding the key to something that I have been trying to find an answer to most of my life - and this isn't about being the xOW.

 

Thank you, sincerely xx

[Rockflower]

After a day's reflection, I think I will leave this forum - or at least have a break to decide whether to come back or not.

 

I joined for support at an extremely desperate time and, despite some reaching out to me and being understanding / supportive, the overwhelming response by certain individuals was unacceptable, damaging and quite frankly, disappointing - yet confirmed my point all along.

 

Awareness, as they say, is the first step to change / action, yet some seem stunningly unaware of themselves...

 

A bit like NC really.

 

Genuine thanks again for those that did help x.

 

RF

[BTDT2012]

It's also very hard to see red flags when you're in hospital more than out, trying to get work, isolated with no support and trying to put your life together ... my IC said I'm one of the strongest people she's ever known. My weakness, then, is someone showing care in a MadMax world - or do I completely harden my heart and cut off everyone?

No, you don't harden your heart, and cut off everyone. You cut off married men who approach you seeking a relationship.

[William]

As the OP has expressed the need to take a break, we'll close this one up for now.

 

Rockflower, you may request this thread reopened in the future to continue discussion via the Alert Us button. ~T