Author jakejackson88 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Share Posted August 21, 2016 I know should not be so interested in how she handles her life now, as we are not together. I guess I just keep worrying because somewhere in my mind when she gets tired of this lifestyle like she did last time she will maybe take me back.. who knows. I just felt bad her father says they never see her anymore.. she leaves and is gone for days. Going out on one date, sleeping over, leaving the house the next morning and picking up someone else and spending the whole day with them.. its like she can't be alone. When we were together we spent ALL our free time together, she always HAD to have me around. Now that we are not together I guess she keeps other peoples company around to fill the void. I know I'm going to hear its none of my business and so on but I am curious as to what goes on in someones mind when they behave so opposite of how they always behaved in the past. I don't want anyone else at this point.. I have dated and been completely unavailable to anyone I've met. And I doubt that is because I keep checking up on my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 I guess I just keep worrying because somewhere in my mind when she gets tired of this lifestyle like she did last time she will maybe take me back.. who knows. Well, you are your own person, so for the above to happen, you would need to consent. Hopefully you value yourself as being more than a life preserver for someone who only reaches for you when the waters get too choppy. I just felt bad her father says they never see her anymore.. she leaves and is gone for days. Going out on one date, sleeping over, leaving the house the next morning and picking up someone else and spending the whole day with them.. Now that we are not together I guess she keeps other peoples company around to fill the void. You shouldn't know any of this. I know I'm going to hear its none of my business and so on but I am curious as to what goes on in someones mind when they behave so opposite of how they always behaved in the past. Teenage years and one's twenties are often a time for trying out new things and growing and developing as an individual. This sometimes leads to less than sound decision-making, but it's part of growing up into the person you're more or less going to be. No one can read minds, so the best thing to do is not spend so much time wondering what's going through the mind of someone else. Rather, invest that energy into who YOU want to be. I don't want anyone else at this point.. I have dated and been completely unavailable to anyone I've met. And I doubt that is because I keep checking up on my ex Pfft, are you serious? You think stalking your ex isn't keeping you emotionally unavailable to someone else? Someone who, ya know, might actually want to date you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 Sounds to me like she was feeling like a caged bird and is finally free. You should move one, either way. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jakejackson88 Posted August 21, 2016 Author Share Posted August 21, 2016 Hopefully you value yourself as being more than a life preserver for someone who only reaches for you when the waters get too choppy. I understand this comment and it makes a lot of sense, however since my negligence (lack of love and affection) was the reason for the breakup would that still apply? I was told many times (over 9 months almost on a weekly basis) that if I didn't change and give her what she needed she would have to leave and find it somewhere else as she didn't want to cheat on me. She basically sat me down crying saying that she knows I can fix this issue, and she really doesn't want to leave me so I need to step up. I was a fool for not heeding this warning. We only saw each other on weekends so I can understand where she was coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
LD1990 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 Regardless of who was more at fault for the breakup, it wouldn't change the fact that she's only using you to feel better about herself after exhausting all her other options. You're just holding yourself back with your refusal to actually go no contact (without getting updates on her from her family or however else you've found out her exact dating habits). You two broke up multiple times. It sounds like she has realized that this relationship isn't worth keeping on life support. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 If she was with you in all her free time and she's now with others in all her free time, she actually hasn't changed so much. She needs other people in her life to help her inability to be alone. Yes, there are some bad lifestyle choices, but she's doing what makes her feel better. Odds on, she will soon find a new permanent partner who meets her needs and settle down with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Been Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 Because she's really like that. She comes to you when she has no other choice. Once she regroups and rechargers her battery out the door she goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 It's not that she has changed, more like you are finding out who she really is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 There is a saying, OP, ; "People don't change, you just get to know them better" Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 Whether dumper or dumpee, an ended relationship is a huge loss. Not every dumper is "moved on" by the time they break the news to their partner that they want to break up. In your case, it sounds like your girlfriend was holding out hope for you to change, and as her frustration mounted so did her level of hurt until she just couldn't take it anymore. She has to deal with the disappointment the ended relationship represents, as well as the loss of companionship and constancy and routine and rituals of a long-term, committed relationship. She hasn't "changed," then, so much as she's dealing with the break-up aftermath and maybe is flailing a bit. That's all. She's hurting, too. She'll sort it out with herself eventually. Don't read anything into her behavior as saying anything about how she feels about you. Grieving the loss of you isn't the same as wanting you back. She'll let you know if she wants you back. But I wouldn't recommend getting back with her right now as she's not thinking straight. Just let her be, and take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jakejackson88 Posted August 25, 2016 Author Share Posted August 25, 2016 (edited) I have started *TRYING* to do things to help me get to the point of getting past all this. I have removed all pictures of her or us off my computer and phone (very hard to do), I took every card/gift she had gotten me, boxed them up and threw it up in the attic, and I am trying to stop looking up info about her online which is hard as I am now using online dating sites and I have found her profile on some of the sites known for mostly "hooking up". Thats the thing that kills me as she was never that type of girl, and always had harsh words for girls that used those sites.. now she is on 3 of them. I am having a hard time not "stalking" her on these sites as well as Facebook since we are still friends. I just have such a thirst for any info about her as when we were together we knew what each other were up to all day long and text each other over 100 texts a day. This breakup is one of the hardest things I have ever went through in my whole life. I never knew another human could make me care so much for them.. I don't think I will ever let anyone in as I did her for fear of going through this again. Edited August 25, 2016 by jakejackson88 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Delete and block her if you "can't stop" stalking her social media. There are obvious answers here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jakejackson88 Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 (edited) I wanted to start a new thread on this subject as this a situation I have not read of on here before. My ex dumped me 3 months ago due to issues that were my own fault (not showing enough love and affection after many warnings if you been keeping up). We ran into each other in the mall 3 weeks ago, had a nice talk and at the end she told me I should text her more often. I responded that I didn't want to text her that much as she never initiates any texts, only me, so I figured she didn't want to talk to me. She replied that she was not initiating conversations as I am the one who caused the downfall of the relationship by not showing her enough love so I need to be the one to reach out. She also said that since she always replies right away I shouldn't think she doesn't want to talk. I told her I been reading online that I shouldn't be contacting her at all to which she replied that I should not be worried what I read online, they don't know about our relationship. I do know she is on dating sites and probably talking to guys though nothing serious has came up yet. Should I be taking her advice and reach out to her once in a while to show her I still care and maybe one day get another chance, or should I take the advice on here to use no contact so that I may come off to her as even more cold and heartless when the reason she already left me was a lack of love? Why would she say all that if she didn't want to hear from me.. I'm confused... Edited August 26, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merge three threads on similar topic Link to post Share on other sites
LD1990 Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 You've found a slightly different way to ask about this ex like 5 times. Everyone here tells you to go NC. Do you think if you keep asking the answer is going to change? It doesn't matter what makes your situation special. It's over. She's dating other guys. Every time you've asked her to hang out she has blown you off. She's clearly not interested. Go NC if you want to move on with your life, go with your ex's suggestion if you want to stroke her ego while she's out there banging other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 If you've reached out and said "Let's get together" and she didn't, say "Ok, well reach out to me if you free up or change your mind" and NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN. It sounds like she is keeping you in her orbit to be her emotional tampon, gay male friend, or backup guy. You should not stand for that. Not only is it disrespectful to you, it will get you no where with her. Go out and meet / bang other chicks. Get your confidence up and leave this girl in the past. If she wants to rekindle she will let you know. Taking her advice is like asking a used car salesman if you should pay for the extra Simonize. She is not a neutral party and therefore cannot give an answer that is not self serving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 I mean..it's up to you..but the longer you talk to her, the longer it's going to take you to move on. Your situation is not any different than anyone else's..she dumped you but she basically wants you to be there to help her get over the break up. Then when she meets a new guy, she'll drop you like a hot potato and you'll be all butthurt that her new boyfriend isn't ok with her ex slobbering all over her. Move. On. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Yikes yikes yikes. This girl is playing you like a fiddle and you don't have the self-respect or intelligence to realize what's going on. Have fun in the friend zone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Yikes yikes yikes. This girl is playing you like a fiddle and you don't have the self-respect or intelligence to realize what's going on. Have fun in the friend zone. Agreed. OP, you're her new cat toy. You've said that the relationship ended because of your actions. Don't think for a second she is not using that as an excuse to toy with you. She holds all the cards... Move forward with your life and ignore her. You'll know if she wants you back. There will be no doubt... Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Who cares what your ex said? She BROKE UP WITH YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jakejackson88 Posted August 26, 2016 Author Share Posted August 26, 2016 Taking her advice is like asking a used car salesman if you should pay for the extra Simonize. She is not a neutral party and therefore cannot give an answer that is not self serving. These two sentences actually make a lot of sense. Everyone on here is right. F#@$ her, I already know she is talking to/most likely banging other guys, I am receiving no contact from her end what-so-ever, there are no signs at the moment that she wants any part of me in her life.. I'M DONE. After reading the responses I feel like a damn fool, and thats just what I needed. Thank you guys very much. I'm glad I haven't yet reached out to her in the past 3 weeks and I defiantly don't intend to do so now. For all I did for her these past 4 years and thats how she acts, she can go to hell. Thanks again everyone! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted August 26, 2016 Share Posted August 26, 2016 Folks, got a report on some duplicate posts so merged the three most recent threads on this breakup and added some paragraphs. Here's guidance on posting about one's breakup on LoveShack.org. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/576206-members-when-posting-updates-your-breakup-read-first Thanks and please continue content on this breakup in this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 Don't conflate friendliness with a desire to reunite romantically. She's being cordial because you two have a history together and she doesn't hate you. That doesn't mean she wants to be with you again. Agree. I don't know the back history, but often times this is the case. This is also why NC is important, as if you're not over them, in attempting to be "friends" it won't ever be genuine and you will always read into everything or keep hoping that at some point you can bring up reconciliation. Keep up with NC. If she wants to reconcile she'll let you know, especially if as others mentioned, you've brought it up several times before and she's ignored it. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted August 27, 2016 Share Posted August 27, 2016 These two sentences actually make a lot of sense. Everyone on here is right. F#@$ her, I already know she is talking to/most likely banging other guys, I am receiving no contact from her end what-so-ever, there are no signs at the moment that she wants any part of me in her life.. I'M DONE. After reading the responses I feel like a damn fool, and thats just what I needed. Thank you guys very much. I'm glad I haven't yet reached out to her in the past 3 weeks and I defiantly don't intend to do so now. For all I did for her these past 4 years and thats how she acts, she can go to hell. Thanks again everyone! Good for you man - take charge like an alpha male! Be prepared for her to reach out to you. Ignore her if she does. Link to post Share on other sites
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