Limited NC works great!

[ggallin13]

First off, let me say thanks to everyone who posts on this forum! You people are the greatest. I haven't started too many of my own threads, but in reading what you guys have written on other's threads and giving the benefit of my experience has worked wonders for me.

 

There is this woman I have been "seeing" for a while, and the whole thing was torture, basically. The good times were always marred by something she said, did, or didn't do, and I finally got fed up.

 

So here's what happened: A couple months ago 'L" wasn't calling me as much, and seemed distant. I chose to ignore that. One night at about 3 a.m. she calls me and tells me that her car is broken and needs me to come look at it. I was one place with my friends, she was at her favorite bar. I was taken aback, as there had been distance between us lately and was amazed at her gall at calling me. I said so. Then she says, "Are you my friend or not?" all angrily. The nerve! Of course, idiot that I was, I did go over there. Her battery was dead. No big deal, we hung out for a bit and I took her home.

 

The next day we went shopping and I showed her the battery she needed to get, and we actually had a great time. She said exactly that later. The day after that I put the battery in for her. She was all excited, but I was kind of pissed. I was being somewhat cold, but not too distant. I don't even remember why, but I am sure it was something totally jacked that she said to me.

 

A couple days later she comes over to my house, and tells me that lately she had been trying to distance her self from me, but now she realizes she can't, and we are getting closer together, and a bunch of other lame crap. She also threw in that because of "how we are" I c***block her, and that she c***blocks me, and what to do, and yadda yadda yadda. This has been a mantra of hers. We talked all night and she finally left at 9 a.m.

 

None of the other women I know care if people think we are dating when we go out, and it happens all the time. It really bothers "L", though--even though by her own admission she has no sex drive. Weird, I know....

 

Well, we met up at a concert and she did her usual standing five feet from me, hugging everyone else in sight but not me, not introducing me to people, etc. Like I said, the usual. At that point I was used to it. It isn't like I didn't have anyone else to talk to, as all my friends were there and I am popular, if I do say so myself.

 

Well, the next day I woke up and was just finished with it. "L" called me all day like usual, but I didn't answer or return her calls. This went on for ten days or so, finally she was leaving me messages saying, "We don't have to talk every day, I know you're having fun, I just miss you. I love you baby." I still didn't talk to her.

 

So, after I cooled off, I actually spoke to her and she was all excited, but didn't ask me why I wasn't talking to her. See, our relatioship has always been, "all about her" anyway. I was nice but distant.

 

One night on my way home I decided to stop by her hangout and talk to her. She saw me and got all excited and hugged me really hard, and went on about how she misses me. She asked what was up and I told her I didn't want to talk about it right then. '"Ok, ok" she said and proceeded to talk of other things. After about five minutes or so she says, "I was just about to leave" and the bar was closing anyway. I walked her out to her car, and in a weak moment asked her to call me when she got home so we could talk. She said, "No, just call me tomorrow." Bitch! I hadn't seen her in person for over a month at that point.

 

I went home and stewed for a while, and then I left her a message saying, "Sorry I stopped by the bar, I really feel stupid. You have this knack for making me feel stupid, I just wanted to call and say you don't have to worry about it ever happening again. Goodbye, L".

 

The goodbye thing got her. She called ten times the next day asking me about the message and how she doesn't like it. When I did finally answer, she tried to make light of it, and I was just quiet. "You don't really want to talk to me right now, do you?" she asked. "Not really" I answered. She asked me to call her later, and I hung up and didn't call her.

 

So she starts again with the, "I miss you, I love you, I know you're having fun but I just miss you" calls, and I am not saying anything to her at all. It feels great!

 

Meanwhile, I am hanging out with "C" more, who is totally gorgeous and fun and smart and fiercely loyal, having a great time. I don't want to date "C" as she is too young for me and we don't have that "vibe", but it is great to hang out with a pretty young woman with no weird agenda attached.

 

So, two weeks ago I got jumped walking out of a bar, and my nose got broken and the whole right side of my face was brusied, and my right eye was almost crushed. The white part was all red--it looked gnarly! I still can't see too well out of it. "C" was right there by my side, offered to go to the hospital with me, called often to see how I was, hung out, etc. In fact, all my friends were awesome, both male and female. I am lucky to have them.

 

I called "L" and left her a voice mail explaining what happened, and that I'd rap with her if she wanted. She asked what happened, and then sure enough--all about her. She has told me I am her best friend and her favorite over and over and over, and she didn't stop by to see me or offer to hang out or anything--something all my friends did (and do), all the time. That pissed me off.

 

So, back to not talking to her. A few nights ago she called, probably a little drunk, and lamented the fact that I don't talk to her. "So, I guess when it's over it's over, huh?" or words to that effect. I didn't call her back.

 

Two nights ago, I am out with "C" and another female friend, "P", having a nice dinner and wine and laughing, and at around 11p.m. "L" calls. Despite "C" admonishing me to not answer, I did. "L" was all excited that I answered, and said that she was at a party and told everyone that she wouldn't answer the phone while she was there unless it was me, and other lame crap. Then she said that she wanted to see me. I told her I couldn't talk, so she asked that I call her the next day, or sometime this week for us to get together. I told her I'd call her later that night.

 

I did, it was about 2:30a.m. or so. I got her voice mail, and I don't remember what I said, but it was something cryptic like, "Ok, I guess I'll call you when it is more convenient" or something like that.

 

And I haven't heard from her since, which doesn't surprise me. We have the same days off, Thursdays and Fridays. I am expecting a call on one of those days, or at least one evening soon she'll call me from work. It is pretty predictable, unless I pissed her off with my voice mail. If that's the case who cares? It rules!

 

The great thing is, "C" knows "L" (doesn't like her), and when they bump into each other "L" tries to steer the conversation toward me, and "C" won't let it happen. She is the coolest! I think "L" thinks that "C" and I are dating. Suits me fine. We're not, but it is none of her business anyway. Besides, any jealousy works in my favor. It does show what a great person "C" is, though, because she won't play AT ALL.

 

I am not sure how I am going to play it, but I am going to see her if she asks. Maybe I'll tell her why I am so pissed at her--mainly, she's not a very good friend--or maybe I'll just act like everything is fine and wait for her to bring it up and just tell her it's not worth discussing. The cool thing is, I am not tortured by it anymore at all! Even if she never calls again my toes are still tapping.

 

AND, I got a great friend out of it! I have known "C" for about a year, but growing closer to her has helped show me that there are PLENTY of beautiful, positive women out there. When the time is right, I'll get one. In the meantime, she is great and our relationship is great and it's all totally great!

 

I'll let ya'll know what happens, if anything. If you are doing a NC-type thing, hang in there! It gets easier, and YOU CAN"T LOSE!

[drgnflybethany]

Originally posted by ggallin13

 

So, two weeks ago I got jumped walking out of a bar, and my nose got broken and the whole right side of my face was brusied, and my right eye was almost crushed. The white part was all red--it looked gnarly! I still can't see too well out of it. "C" was right there by my side, offered to go to the hospital with me, called often to see how I was, hung out, etc. In fact, all my friends were awesome, both male and female. I am lucky to have them.

 

I called "L" and left her a voice mail explaining what happened, and that I'd rap with her if she wanted. She asked what happened, and then sure enough--all about her. She has told me I am her best friend and her favorite over and over and over, and she didn't stop by to see me or offer to hang out or anything--something all my friends did (and do), all the time. That pissed me off.

 

 

Okay - I don't know why you aren't trying to be closer to "C" - she does sound totally awesome - much better than "L" and definitely someone you want to continue to show respect. "C" sounds awesome - and like a great woman - a great friend.. don't look at just her age - she's more mature than "L" could ever be.

 

I hope "L" gets up off her high horse soon -

 

Sorry to hear about your nose and eye.. but only a guy would think that the white part of an eye being red would look gnarly...

 

*Giggles at the word gnarly* been far too long since I've heard that word...

[ggallin13]

Yeah, "C" is pretty wonderful. But she is 16 years my junior (I'm 40 and she's 24). That is a lot. She is way more advanced emotionally than her years would lead you to believe, though, as well as being very intelligent. She is an amazing person.

 

I am definitely spending a lot of time with her, which is perfect because I don't want a relationship right now, so "just friends" is excellent. She is in the same space, too, which is pretty awesome in itself. One of the reasons we are so close is we talk out how we feel about things and give each other advice. We each see patterns in our previous relationships that we don't want to repeat any more, and help each other to grow past it. Sounds "touchy-feely" and icky, that's the only way I can describe it. Again, I am very, very lucky.

 

We hung out last night for the Fourth, and it was, of course, a blast.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Good for you. Sounds great!

 

Originally posted by ggallin13

even though by her own admission she has no sex drive. Weird, I know....

 

See, our relatioship has always been, "all about her" anyway.

 

She asked what happened, and then sure enough--all about her.

 

What a catch... glad you wised up

[ggallin13]

Thanks!

 

Most of the time we cause our own pain for no reason. The trick is not to beat yoruself up when you realize that that is what you have been doing!