Feeling like I'm missing out

[NJ123]

So I'm 30 now & never had a relationship or even sex due to a number of different reasons. And now I have a plethora of issues I'm dealing with that I can't seem to resolve that have to do with my health. I've been to countless doctors about trying to find out what's wrong with the one issue but no one can ever help me. I thought it was some sort of jaw/TMJ issue that's been causing me burning in my head & ears among other issues but every test I get done keeps coming back normal. I just wonder what am I supposed to do in terms of ever getting into a relationship or anything if I have these issues holding me back from possibly having a relationship in the first place. It's like if no one can find anything wrong what am I supposed to do to try to get it resolved so I can move on from this. I just can't get over this feeling like I'm missing out as I've said in the thread title. I just don't want my problems holding me back from ever having a relationship & I don't want to wake up years from now with no experience at all since as every year goes by now my options will dwindle even more due to no dating experience. If doctors can't help me what am I supposed to do?

[Romantic Gentleman]

Find something that makes you happy before looking to get in a relationship. Sounds like you're wanting a relationship so bad, that it's causing you to miss out on other great things in life

[NJ123]

Find something that makes you happy before looking to get in a relationship. Sounds like you're wanting a relationship so bad, that it's causing you to miss out on other great things in life

 

I'd say that's true about wanting a relationship a lot, but at the same time my issues are what's holding me back in the first place. And I can't seem to figure out how to fix those issues when doctors can't help me. As I said, I've been to countless doctors about one of the health issues I've been dealing with & they just send me on my way thinking it's all in my head when that's not the case at all. How am I supposed to get better if no one can help me basically. I just feel extremely trapped in the situation I'm in & I don't know how to get out of it. It's just affecting my life & makes me not want to do much or I feel like I have to force myself to do things instead of actually wanting to do them. I just don't know what to do.

[Romantic Gentleman]

I'd say that's true about wanting a relationship a lot, but at the same time my issues are what's holding me back in the first place. And I can't seem to figure out how to fix those issues when doctors can't help me. As I said, I've been to countless doctors about one of the health issues I've been dealing with & they just send me on my way thinking it's all in my head when that's not the case at all. How am I supposed to get better if no one can help me basically. I just feel extremely trapped in the situation I'm in & I don't know how to get out of it. It's just affecting my life & makes me not want to do much or I feel like I have to force myself to do things instead of actually wanting to do them. I just don't know what to do.

 

Surround yourself with other people that have a positive influence on you. Not doctors, but family, and friends. Create a good habit of doing something you love to do. If you're not happy within yourself first, you're not going to find happiness with your significant other.

[Chris2016]

OP, are you able to find a support group for your health concerns? On Facebook? Online? In real life? Find like minded people who understand you condition(s).

[NJ123]

OP, are you able to find a support group for your health concerns? On Facebook? Online? In real life? Find like minded people who understand you condition(s).

 

I do talk to others online, but with my one issue I honestly have no idea what the precise issue is which is what's ruining my life. I've literally been to a dozen+ doctors about this & not one has been able to help. Have had a bunch of X-Rays, CT Scans & MRIs done & they all keep coming back normal. I just don't know what to do if no one can find anything wrong when there clearly is something wrong. I just feel like it's making me delay things in life due to it & I don't know if I'll ever get it fixed which worries me.

[juniorrocha]

Why do you think your condition makes you unable to date?

[NJ123]

Why do you think your condition makes you unable to date?

 

Because it's affecting other aspects of my life. I just feel due to this issue that I can't live normally & I wouldn't want to do that to a woman that I'm seeing. It wouldn't be fair to her that I'm not fully healthy. Add in the fact that I'm inexperienced & I just feel like I'm doomed in terms of ever meeting anyone. As I've said before I don't know what I'm going to do. I just feel my life is passing me by at this point.

[ASG]

Because it's affecting other aspects of my life. I just feel due to this issue that I can't live normally & I wouldn't want to do that to a woman that I'm seeing. It wouldn't be fair to her that I'm not fully healthy. Add in the fact that I'm inexperienced & I just feel like I'm doomed in terms of ever meeting anyone. As I've said before I don't know what I'm going to do. I just feel my life is passing me by at this point.

 

I think you're just self sabotaging. Loads of people date without being healthy. Whatever your health issue is, it is YOU who are preventing you from dating, not IT.

 

Instead of obsessing about it, go out, make friends and LIVE LIFE. Sure, keep trying to findout what it is that is causing it, but don't make your life about *that*.

[NJ123]

I think you're just self sabotaging. Loads of people date without being healthy. Whatever your health issue is, it is YOU who are preventing you from dating, not IT.

 

Instead of obsessing about it, go out, make friends and LIVE LIFE. Sure, keep trying to findout what it is that is causing it, but don't make your life about *that*.

 

It's just these issues I'm dealing with affect how I feel though. So it's difficult to want to do things quite a bit & almost feels like I have to force myself to do them.

[Satu]

Then you'll just have to force yourself.

 

I have two pilot friends who are both paralysed; one from the chest down, and one from the waist down, and they're both great pilots. Better than me.

 

Push your limits as far back as you can. Live your life as fully as you can.

 

 

Take care.

Edited August 28, 2016 by Satu

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

If you feel it is unfair or it is an injustice, well then you are completely right

[NJ123]

If you feel it is unfair or it is an injustice, well then you are completely right

 

What do you mean? That it's unfair I have no experience at my age or about doctors not being able to help me?

[Satu]

I know a very loving couple who have a great relationship.

 

The male has MS, and is unable to walk, but he laughs and jokes about his condition, and they have a good life. They both know that he'll never get better, so they treasure their time together. He used to be a doctor, and she used to be a nurse.

 

Since he became too unwell to work, he's taken up painting and photography, and he's very good at both. She gave up work to be his carer, and their relationship is stronger than ever.

 

I know them through the social scene at the airfield. He likes to fly, but can't meet the medical requirement for licensing, so he flies a plane with adapted controls as pilot 2. He can't walk, but he's a tiger in the air.

 

The last time I saw him, he was grinning all over his face after freaking p1 out with some horrendous high g aerobatics.

 

He's probably the most 'positive' person I know.

[juniorrocha]

I think you're just self sabotaging. Loads of people date without being healthy

 

Exactly this.

 

You're giving your condition power enough to control your life. You can't just live your entire life waiting for a solution to all of your problems before you start dating.

 

You deserve to be loved. Go out there, I'm sure you have great qualities too. Don't let anything or anyone tell you what you can or you can't do.

[sooshi]

OP, have you checked for food/environmental allergies? A sinus infection? Candida? Parasites? Have you had any dental work done (fillings, etc.)?

 

I am sorry for your health issues, and illness can be debilitating. But like Satu's pilot friend with MS, a positive attitude can do remarkable things. It has been shown time and time again that affirmations, done with focused attention, are really healing for the body.

 

I encourage you to try it.

 

"I am healthy."

 

Take care.

Edited August 31, 2016 by sooshi

[NJ123]

OP, have you checked for food/environmental allergies? A sinus infection? Candida? Parasites?

 

I am sorry for your health issues, and illness can be debilitating. But like Satu's pilot friend with MS, a positive attitude can do remarkable things. It has been shown time and time again that affirmations, done with focused attention, are really healing for the body.

 

I encourage you to try it.

 

"I am healthy."

 

Take care.

 

I went to an allergist last year & was tested for everything & it turned out I wasn't allergic to anything. The allergy doctor just gave me sinus spray since I at times spit up green phlegm ever since this issue started, but it didn't even do anything to help my symptoms. I also had a sinus xray & ct scan & it came back normal. And I don't think it's Candida or Parasites. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the muscles in my jaw/face or a possible ear problem. I notice when the clicking/popping sounds I hear near/in my ear are worse than my symptoms are worse. I went to a physical therapist too over a year ago & he was surprised my TMJ MRI came back normal since he thought it would show something. I also went to an oral surgeon who gave me muscle relaxer pills & that didn't help. I also been to 2 ENTs in the past & neither found anything wrong. I even had a brain MRI done earlier this year after thinking it was possibly some sort of brain issue & that came back normal too. I mean I just don't know what to do. It's not that simple to just be positive when I have these issues consuming me. It's a big reason why I feel I can't have a g/f right now due to my problems since I don't want to burden her with my issues especially not knowing if I'll ever get better.

[Lowrider93]

Hi Bud, I know what your going through, I have TMJ/Osteomylitis in right side of jaw for 3 yrs, eating is painful as I can't open my mouth most days more than a fraction.

 

This condition had brought me to my knees in horrible pain, many nights I would get 2 hrs sleep, awake an hr, repeat 2 hrs/ 1hr for months on end. If I had a worst enemy I would not wish this on them.

 

Tons of Advil, and when it gets too unbearable I use a very hot wet towel to help control (not eliminate) the pain. For others who don't realize what it's like, imagine a tooth ache, jaw pain, ear ache and migraine all in one almost constantly. It rules your life unfortunately.

 

Peace

[ASG]

I have TMJ as well. I am in constant pain. Some days are much worse than others and eating is a challenge. Right now I can almost open my mouth fully, but that is rare.

 

I don't let it define me, though. It limits certain things and I do take a lot of naproxen/ibuprofen then it flares up, but I've just learnt to live with it.

 

Mine isn't as bad as the poster above though. Just constant pain in my jaw.

[NJ123]

I have TMJ as well. I am in constant pain. Some days are much worse than others and eating is a challenge. Right now I can almost open my mouth fully, but that is rare.

 

I don't let it define me, though. It limits certain things and I do take a lot of naproxen/ibuprofen then it flares up, but I've just learnt to live with it.

 

Mine isn't as bad as the poster above though. Just constant pain in my jaw.

 

The thing is I don't know if what I have is exactly TMJ. I get some of the symptoms of it but it feels like it could be something else. If I feel like I get nerve issue symptoms than could that still be TMJ related? I'm highly considering going to a chiropractor since that's probably the one thing I never did yet but I just don't know if I'd be wasting my time. And I'd have to get a referral from my primary doctor who thinks I'm crazy at this point so I don't know how that would work out. I just hate having to keep waking up everyday dealing with the same symptoms over & over again. It just wears me out wondering if I'm ever even going to get better if I haven't at this point. It scares me bad that I'll have to deal with this the rest of my life.

[ASG]

The answer to your question is yes, you should go to a chiropractor, even if just for peace of mind.

If your doctor thinks you're crazy and is not providing treatment, you need to leave him and find another one. Otherwise, he should just issue you a referral.

 

But you're letting this consume you. And you ARE missing out, but it's because you're making yourself miss out. You need to get out there and live life, not become consumed by some symptoms that you can't diagnose.

[NJ123]

The answer to your question is yes, you should go to a chiropractor, even if just for peace of mind.

If your doctor thinks you're crazy and is not providing treatment, you need to leave him and find another one. Otherwise, he should just issue you a referral.

 

But you're letting this consume you. And you ARE missing out, but it's because you're making yourself miss out. You need to get out there and live life, not become consumed by some symptoms that you can't diagnose.

 

True, I think I'm going to make an appointment next week to possibly see a chiropractor. And I guess I'll have to go to this doctor that thinks I'm crazy to try to get a referral. I just don't know what to specifically tell him at this point since if I bring this whole issue up again he's going to just maybe even send me on my way or say I need counseling about this again.

 

And it's just a very complicated issue due to the fact that I suffer from depression/anxiety on top of this. So it makes things really complex where it feels like my moods are all over the place where it's like I never know how I'm going to feel at any given moment. And this issue is affecting the way I feel at the same time in some way. I don't know how to explain it where it makes sense, but the issue at hand is really complex in how it's making me feel which is why I feel like I'm missing out. I've tried antidepressants in the past while dealing with this issue & I just feel it makes me feel even weirder. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do since I just feel stuck in this predicament.

[truthtripper]

So I'm 30 now & never had a relationship or even sex due to a number of different reasons. And now I have a plethora of issues I'm dealing with that I can't seem to resolve that have to do with my health. I've been to countless doctors about trying to find out what's wrong with the one issue but no one can ever help me. I thought it was some sort of jaw/TMJ issue that's been causing me burning in my head & ears among other issues but every test I get done keeps coming back normal. I just wonder what am I supposed to do in terms of ever getting into a relationship or anything if I have these issues holding me back from possibly having a relationship in the first place. It's like if no one can find anything wrong what am I supposed to do to try to get it resolved so I can move on from this. I just can't get over this feeling like I'm missing out as I've said in the thread title. I just don't want my problems holding me back from ever having a relationship & I don't want to wake up years from now with no experience at all since as every year goes by now my options will dwindle even more due to no dating experience. If doctors can't help me what am I supposed to do?

NJ123, if your doctors can't work out what's wrong, you may have a connective tissue disorder. Not much is known about it by the medical profession. They are only trained to recognise diseases of organs but not of the tissues that hold them in place. CTD can effect every organ. My uncle, who is a medical researcher, says that especially people who are written off as hypochondriacs by doctors, could have CTD. If you can't find a knowledgeable enough doctor, Dr Francomano at John Hopkins University is very clever and should be able to help you whether you have CTD or not.

[truthtripper]

NJ123, if your doctors can't work out what's wrong, you may have a connective tissue disorder. Not much is known about it by the medical profession. They are only trained to recognise diseases of organs but not of the tissues that hold them in place. CTD can effect every organ. My uncle, who is a medical researcher, says that especially people who are written off as hypochondriacs by doctors, could have CTD. If you can't find a knowledgeable enough doctor, Dr Francomano at John Hopkins University is very clever and should be able to help you whether you have CTD or not.

Forgot to add, this may help-

 

 

Learn About Your Pain | Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

[truthtripper]

True, I think I'm going to make an appointment next week to possibly see a chiropractor. And I guess I'll have to go to this doctor that thinks I'm crazy to try to get a referral. I just don't know what to specifically tell him at this point since if I bring this whole issue up again he's going to just maybe even send me on my way or say I need counseling about this again.

 

And it's just a very complicated issue due to the fact that I suffer from depression/anxiety on top of this. So it makes things really complex where it feels like my moods are all over the place where it's like I never know how I'm going to feel at any given moment. And this issue is affecting the way I feel at the same time in some way. I don't know how to explain it where it makes sense, but the issue at hand is really complex in how it's making me feel which is why I feel like I'm missing out. I've tried antidepressants in the past while dealing with this issue & I just feel it makes me feel even weirder. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do since I just feel stuck in this predicament.

Both TMJ and anxiety are CTD symptoms.