Feeling like I'm missing out

[NJ123]

NJ, turn off the lights.

Put on some mediation music.

Lay down, close your eyes, and allow yourself to be soaked in by the gentleness of the music.

 

Do this every day.

 

Meditation alters brain chemistry.

 

Take care.

 

Not if you have an imbalance that you have no control over. You can't just get rid of a brain imbalance. If I'm low in a certain chemical in my brain, meditation won't do anything for me in the end. I wish I could take meds, but my body just doesn't respond well at the moment to them due to the burning nerve issue as I said. I think it's the OCD intrusive thoughts that's messed my brain chemicals up which in turn has led to depression as well.

[NuevoYorko]

You really are stuck in your own head, and the way you're going to get out of that is by taking some actions and sticking to them. I mean, physical actions. There are dozens of suggestions in your threads.

 

Things that a person does that can change their life are things that need to be continued over the long term. You seem like you want results immediately or else you consider it a fail. In many cases, you predetermine something to be a fail and that enables you to give yourself permission to not try it. Or, to try anything.

 

Endeavors like working out, taking supplements, going to therapy, building a career, dating, building a relationship, all take perseverance. If you try them once or twice and don't feel rewarded, you quit - but you need to learn how to hang in there.

 

A very key thing you need to do if you want to change your life, I mean like RIGHT NOW, is to move out of your parents' home. Move in with roommates. You can afford it and you won't have to be by yourself.

 

If you make that change, and start to become responsible for yourself and your life, you will be on a completely different path and many of the things that are now impossible for you will become possible.

 

Good luck.

[sooshi]

Not if you have an imbalance that you have no control over. You can't just get rid of a brain imbalance. If I'm low in a certain chemical in my brain, meditation won't do anything for me in the end.

 

Actually, it has been well-documented that meditation increases/balances hormones/neurotransmitters (ie., chemicals) in the brain. Look into it.

 

Even better, try it out.

 

Every day.

 

Take care.

[Buddhist]

How am I supposed to just not think about this stuff though? I have an obsessive compulsive mind which doesn't help matters. Every little thing bothers me it seems.

 

I'll make this real simple for you NJ, a bit of free therapy from my therapist to you. You think about stuff compulsively because.....

Your brain is bored....

 

People who are prone to anxiety are a certain type of personality and have very creative minds. If you don't make good use of your creative abilities your brain takes over and plays with whatever fuel is out there. In your case, it obsesses over things over which you have no control fuelling a sense of futility about your life. But the bottom line is you have potential in your mind that you simply aren't using and your brain is amusing itself. That's what anxiety is. I know this, because I am also this kind of personality. If I don't keep my brain engaged with high mental stimulation activities it goes to town on creating anxious thoughts.

 

Your lifestyle is low in mental stimulation and on top of that your diet and exercise regime suck too. This is the perfect storm for anxiety to manifest in it's strongest forms.

 

Blind freddy can see the one thing you're in denial about. That your brain has you trapped and just so you don't break free it tells you that you can't fix any of it until this or that occurs first. On top of all the things that really should be priorities for you, you're prioritising having a GF. Makes no sense, because it isn't sensible. It's a brain caught in a thought loop that keeps going around and round in circles.

[NJ123]

I'll make this real simple for you NJ, a bit of free therapy from my therapist to you. You think about stuff compulsively because.....

Your brain is bored....

 

People who are prone to anxiety are a certain type of personality and have very creative minds. If you don't make good use of your creative abilities your brain takes over and plays with whatever fuel is out there. In your case, it obsesses over things over which you have no control fuelling a sense of futility about your life. But the bottom line is you have potential in your mind that you simply aren't using and your brain is amusing itself. That's what anxiety is. I know this, because I am also this kind of personality. If I don't keep my brain engaged with high mental stimulation activities it goes to town on creating anxious thoughts.

 

Your lifestyle is low in mental stimulation and on top of that your diet and exercise regime suck too. This is the perfect storm for anxiety to manifest in it's strongest forms.

 

Blind freddy can see the one thing you're in denial about. That your brain has you trapped and just so you don't break free it tells you that you can't fix any of it until this or that occurs first. On top of all the things that really should be priorities for you, you're prioritising having a GF. Makes no sense, because it isn't sensible. It's a brain caught in a thought loop that keeps going around and round in circles.

 

Actually it does make sense when you've never had a relationship at an older age. You have no idea how horrible it can mess with your head when you've never experienced it.

 

And you don't seem to understand. Even when I was going to the gym regularly it didn't fix the imbalance in my head. Or if I was with friends regularly. I still felt really low in energy & like I had to force myself through my workouts while feeling the horrible anxiety & low moods. I just think some don't understand that sometimes it can't be fixed with just staying active. It doesn't work like that sometimes. The issue is my body doesn't respond well to meds currently due to the burning issue I have which is putting me in a really bad position. I know I need to be on something but if my body isn't reacting well to something I need what am I supposed to do?

[Blanco]

What is it you even hope people here say at this point? You've been posing the same questions and concerns here for months. In that time, a number of total strangers have been kind enough to be empathetic and try to lend suggestions. I've read these threads and there's been a lot of good, concrete advice for you to follow. In turn, you've resisted pretty much all of it. At best, you've taken some of the suggestions (like the supplements) almost against your will. And even then, you're already so convinced that it's going to be a failure.

 

So here's my advice: Give up. Not all around. But give up on dating; on the idea of a relationship; the thought of getting laid. The truth is, your situation and neurosis would make you so spectacularly bad at the day-to-day maintenance a good relationship needs that it would be a matter of weeks before you were on here lamenting all sorts of problems going on in your relationship.

 

As others have said, stop putting the cart before the horse. Start small and build from there. Get your own place. Learn what it's like to do the billion small things functioning adults have to do, like paying the utilities bill or buying toilet bowl cleaner. Enroll in classes and finally get this degree thing situated. It'll be November this week, which means enrollment for the next semester has either already started or will commence soon.

 

Start with those things and build from there. For reasons you've been not so clear on, your twenties were not spent doing a lot of the things your peers were doing in preparation for adulthood. It's too late to change that, but you have to start somewhere. You have to accept that you're working from behind, but sitting around bemoaning that fact will only set you further behind. In other words, it does you absolutely no good to spend your days obsessively thinking about how unfair your life is.

[Buddhist]

Actually it does make sense when you've never had a relationship at an older age. You have no idea how horrible it can mess with your head when you've never experienced it.

 

It's only messing with your head because you keep making it all important by obsessing with it.

 

And you don't seem to understand.

 

Oh really? I suffer with severe forms of anxiety, I understand anxiety perfectly well. Will exercise alone fix anxiety? Not it won't. Will meds alone fix anxiety? No it won't. Will diet alone fix anxiety? No. It takes a combination of all of these things plus therapy to fix it. But you're doing none of those things, which means your anxiety will get worse. So you tried one antidepressant and didn't like it? So what, try another one. There are hundreds and you've tried one and decided the other 99 are useless too. Last time I looked you didn't have a medical degree to be able to make that kind of decision.

 

Your post to me just illustrates what I am saying. Your brain is sending you in circles that keeps you locked into an anxious state. Every post of yours is the same. I feel horrible but I can't do anything about it....so I'm going to focus on this one thing I also can't do anything about to prove how futile my life is.

[Imajerk17]

Are you seeing a therapist NJ123? Your problems are clearly beyond the scope of this forum.

 

You can hardly take care of yourself as expected (as expected by society at large and by just about every woman who fits your dating criteria) of an able-bodied early-30s adult. And instead of taking steps to fix this, you keep spinning on the topic of getting a girlfriend (while hardly even doing anything productive in that regard).

 

It's like you insist upon trying and trying to get from NJ to CA by driving around in circles in the parking lot. People keep telling you in all your threads that this is impossible, but you seem to be unable to keep going round and round.

Edited October 30, 2016 by Imajerk17

[Satu]

You can change your behaviour OP, but the truth is that you don't want to.

 

Your brain chemistry does not preclude you making efforts to improve your situation, even if only in small incremental steps.

 

Here's a few words to ponder, if you like:

 

 

“Neurosis is the way of avoiding nonbeing by avoiding being.”

 

― Paul Tillich, The Courage to Be.

 

 

Take care.

[NJ123]

I think what it comes down to for me is that I just dislike the fact that I have to force myself to do things but really get no joy out of it. It's like if I go to the gym, I still don't feel good about being there. I just want to be able to function normally without feeling like I have to force myself into doing things.

 

And how am I seriously supposed to stop worrying about the g/f issue. Whenever someone gives me the advice to just not think about it tha's almost impossible. I don't get how I'm supposed to feel good about seeing other couples together constantly while I'm always alone. All it does is keep reminding me of what I don't have.

[Blanco]

Of course you don't find joy in anything. You have zero direction. Zero purpose. Zero reason for getting up in the morning. And all of that is a result of your choices. So you can either stay comfortably stuck in the muck (and, yes, I believe you'd rather stay like this rather than be proactive in changing things) or you can do something about it.

 

Sorry, but I'm totally out of sympathy for you. You act like no one else can possibly relate or has been through anything like you have. And that's just not true. Become an adult and then maybe worry about an adult relationship.

[Buddhist]

I just want to be able to function normally without feeling like I have to force myself into doing things.

 

And you've been given lots of different suggestions for how you can do that. But you blame it on a chemical imbalance but refuse to take medication which can help you with that. So what are people going to think except that you actually like your miserable state and want it to stay that way. That's just how it looks to us.

 

And how am I seriously supposed to stop worrying about the g/f issue. Whenever someone gives me the advice to just not think about it tha's almost impossible. I don't get how I'm supposed to feel good about seeing other couples together constantly while I'm always alone. All it does is keep reminding me of what I don't have.

 

And yet lots of people, in fact most people, do exactly that. I'll go out on a limb here and assert that the majority of people in the world want things they don't have. But they don't all use it as an excuse to be lazy with their thinking. It's called having the ability to direct your thoughts. Children spend their time observing the world and then knee-jerking in reaction to it. This is your argument? That's you're a child and can't have a more mature response than to knee-jerk react to things? Please tell me what person in the world seriously wants to be in a relationship with someone with poor to no impulse control by the age of 30?

 

I don't say these things to be a jerk, although you may perceive it that way. I say these things because your arguments don't display a lot of understanding of the world, nor of most people's expectations of someone your age. Now if you're missing the mark with us, then you're very likely missing it with a lot of other people and this is going to be the major stumbling block in you getting a relationship.

Edited October 30, 2016 by Buddhist

[NJ123]

And you've been given lots of different suggestions for how you can do that. But you blame it on a chemical imbalance but refuse to take medication which can help you with that. So what are people going to think except that you actually like your miserable state and want it to stay that way. That's just how it looks to us.

 

 

 

And yet lots of people, in fact most people, do exactly that. I'll go out on a limb here and assert that the majority of people in the world want things they don't have. But they don't all use it as an excuse to be lazy with their thinking. It's called having the ability to direct your thoughts. Children spend their time observing the world and then knee-jerking in reaction to it. This is your argument? That's you're a child and can't have a more mature response than to knee-jerk react to things? Please tell me what person in the world seriously wants to be in a relationship with someone with poor to no impulse control by the age of 30?

 

I don't say these things to be a jerk, although you may perceive it that way. I say these things because your arguments don't display a lot of understanding of the world, nor of most people's expectations of someone your age. Now if you're missing the mark with us, then you're very likely missing it with a lot of other people and this is going to be the major stumbling block in you getting a relationship.

 

Umm I've already told you I've tried it. My body doesn't react well to any of it. If I could I'd go on something to take to try to feel better. I'll see what the supplements I get do in a few days though.

[Buddhist]

Umm I've already told you I've tried it. My body doesn't react well to any of it. If I could I'd go on something to take to try to feel better.

 

Any of what? Medication, diet, exercise, better trains of thought, taking any action at all? My suspicion is that you've most likely made some half arsed attempt for a very short period of time with one of these things and because it wasn't the magic bullet to all of your problems decided it was a dead loss. The truth is, you have to make a whole lifestyle change which means doing all of those things over the long term at a sustainable level.

 

At the moment you are stuck in a state of total reactivity. You observe things, then knee-jerk react to it and then perpetuate that cycle by obsessing over it. There won't be an external circumstance change that will break that cycle for you. Sorry but there won't. The heavens are not going to open up one day and dump a GF in your lap, or a new job, or better pay, or a fitter body, or extra inches to your height so that finally you can feel better. I can absolutely guarantee that none of those things will happen.

 

So if nothing outside of you is going to change your life, then all you've got left is what's inside of you. And therein lies one of the great truths in life. All change comes from within. Something inside that head of yours has to shift for your life to become different. It's a fact of life.

 

Contrary to what you may believe you do have the power to obsess over something or not. You can look at a couple and feel envy and anger or you can feel nothing about it at all, or even feel, gosh happy for them. Those are all choices you can make. They are choices you are presently making. At least own your choices about that.

[NJ123]

Any of what? Medication, diet, exercise, better trains of thought, taking any action at all? My suspicion is that you've most likely made some half arsed attempt for a very short period of time with one of these things and because it wasn't the magic bullet to all of your problems decided it was a dead loss. The truth is, you have to make a whole lifestyle change which means doing all of those things over the long term at a sustainable level.

 

At the moment you are stuck in a state of total reactivity. You observe things, then knee-jerk react to it and then perpetuate that cycle by obsessing over it. There won't be an external circumstance change that will break that cycle for you. Sorry but there won't. The heavens are not going to open up one day and dump a GF in your lap, or a new job, or better pay, or a fitter body, or extra inches to your height so that finally you can feel better. I can absolutely guarantee that none of those things will happen.

 

So if nothing outside of you is going to change your life, then all you've got left is what's inside of you. And therein lies one of the great truths in life. All change comes from within. Something inside that head of yours has to shift for your life to become different. It's a fact of life.

 

Contrary to what you may believe you do have the power to obsess over something or not. You can look at a couple and feel envy and anger or you can feel nothing about it at all, or even feel, gosh happy for them. Those are all choices you can make. They are choices you are presently making. At least own your choices about that.

 

Did you read what I said before? I already told you even if I go to the gym I still don't feel good. It's like my body can get into great shape but I still feel awful mentally. 2 years ago at this time I was in incredible shape from the gym with a pretty decent diet yet I still felt terrible. I want to get back into the gym again & go regularly again but I just know it's not going to fix the way I feel. It may make me look great on the outside but I'd still feel terrible on the inside.

 

And I wish I could feel happy for other couples, but it's just hard to. I have no ill will towards anyone of course but I just hate seeing couples together especially if I find the woman attractive. All it does is cause me to feel envious of what they have. I think I'd be way better mentally about it if I had a relationship in the past already. I probably wouldn't even be thinking about this at all. But since I have no experience it's causing me to have a different mindset about it. As the thread title states, I feel like I'm missing out so much on what most others have had throughout their adult lives. It's like what am I supposed to do wait until I'm like 52 years old to have a first relationship? It's already bad as it is now at my age with being judged about it. I had to lie to my friend I hadn't seen in a few years last month when he asked about my love life since if I said I never had a relationship I would have been given crap about it or at least he'd wonder why I never had one.

[Buddhist]

All the best NJ. You keep going around in circles and missing the point. I'm exhausted from listening to it. I'm sure it must be exhausting for you as well. Everyone here has honestly done the best they can, but you keep insisting you are the one exception in the entire universe, that you and you alone are at the mercy of your own brain with no power to choose how you feel about things. I feel sorry for you and hope that at some point in time you find a sense of empowerment.

[NJ123]

All the best NJ. You keep going around in circles and missing the point. I'm exhausted from listening to it. I'm sure it must be exhausting for you as well. Everyone here has honestly done the best they can, but you keep insisting you are the one exception in the entire universe, that you and you alone are at the mercy of your own brain with no power to choose how you feel about things. I feel sorry for you and hope that at some point in time you find a sense of empowerment.

 

It's almost like any reply wouldn't be good enough for you. The things you mentioned I said I've already done yet you reply saying I'm going around in circles. You mentioned the gym, I went to the gym consistently at one point & it still didn't make me feel better mentally. I've tried a few meds & they don't work well with my body due to the burning nerve issue affecting me. I've already tried having a decent diet in the past & it still didn't help my mood. I'm getting the supplements in the mail on Wednesday so I have to at least hope they help in some way.

[thecrucible]

I'll make this real simple for you NJ, a bit of free therapy from my therapist to you. You think about stuff compulsively because.....

Your brain is bored....

 

People who are prone to anxiety are a certain type of personality and have very creative minds. If you don't make good use of your creative abilities your brain takes over and plays with whatever fuel is out there. In your case, it obsesses over things over which you have no control fuelling a sense of futility about your life. But the bottom line is you have potential in your mind that you simply aren't using and your brain is amusing itself. That's what anxiety is. I know this, because I am also this kind of personality. If I don't keep my brain engaged with high mental stimulation activities it goes to town on creating anxious thoughts.

 

Your lifestyle is low in mental stimulation and on top of that your diet and exercise regime suck too. This is the perfect storm for anxiety to manifest in it's strongest forms.

 

I totally agree with you, Buddhist. I hope the OP will take forward your suggestion. I have anxiety and I don't think I'll ever not have it. But I do know what exacerbates it and what coping mechanisms I can use to deal with it better. Exercise and eating healthily help a lot. It also helps me to keep busy even if I complain about it because it stops me from analysing myself as much. When I am alone for too long, I'm more likely to suffer from inner turmoil.

 

OP, I don't think there really is an answer to any of life's turmoils but we all just ride the waves the best that we can. Many people are unhappy with their lives when you look beneath the surface. Personally I've learned that those people were different to me in a certain way. They would be as miserable as me but they accepted what they were feeling. I think when you fight against an emotion, it only magnifies it. It helps when you accept how you feel and attempt to find practical solutions. I mean even if you are sceptical, doing something is better than nothing. By having an attitude of "well it's not going to do any harm, so why not try it?", I've improved my anxiety more than I thought I could before.

 

Also when I get a negative thoughts about my life or circumstances, it helps me to visualise putting that thought in a box and putting it to one side. It sounds odd but it helps me shift my focus. That's a technique I learned from one psychologist.

[NJ123]

I realized there's no reason for me to post on here anymore. Being on here just is pointless for me. It's probably not even healthy for me to be on here. Maybe I'll come back one day to post again far into the future but I just don't see a reason to anymore.

[Blanco]

Best of luck. Really.

 

Hopefully you will use the extra time to take care of some of the issues that are within your control.

[AMJ]

I'll make this real simple for you NJ, a bit of free therapy from my therapist to you. You think about stuff compulsively because.....

Your brain is bored....

 

People who are prone to anxiety are a certain type of personality and have very creative minds. If you don't make good use of your creative abilities your brain takes over and plays with whatever fuel is out there. In your case, it obsesses over things over which you have no control fuelling a sense of futility about your life. But the bottom line is you have potential in your mind that you simply aren't using and your brain is amusing itself. That's what anxiety is. I know this, because I am also this kind of personality. If I don't keep my brain engaged with high mental stimulation activities it goes to town on creating anxious thoughts.

 

Your lifestyle is low in mental stimulation and on top of that your diet and exercise regime suck too. This is the perfect storm for anxiety to manifest in it's strongest forms.

 

Blind freddy can see the one thing you're in denial about. That your brain has you trapped and just so you don't break free it tells you that you can't fix any of it until this or that occurs first. On top of all the things that really should be priorities for you, you're prioritising having a GF. Makes no sense, because it isn't sensible. It's a brain caught in a thought loop that keeps going around and round in circles.

 

I totally agree with you, Buddhist. I hope the OP will take forward your suggestion. I have anxiety and I don't think I'll ever not have it. But I do know what exacerbates it and what coping mechanisms I can use to deal with it better. Exercise and eating healthily help a lot. It also helps me to keep busy even if I complain about it because it stops me from analysing myself as much. When I am alone for too long, I'm more likely to suffer from inner turmoil.

 

OP, I don't think there really is an answer to any of life's turmoils but we all just ride the waves the best that we can. Many people are unhappy with their lives when you look beneath the surface. Personally I've learned that those people were different to me in a certain way. They would be as miserable as me but they accepted what they were feeling. I think when you fight against an emotion, it only magnifies it. It helps when you accept how you feel and attempt to find practical solutions. I mean even if you are sceptical, doing something is better than nothing. By having an attitude of "well it's not going to do any harm, so why not try it?", I've improved my anxiety more than I thought I could before.

 

Also when I get a negative thoughts about my life or circumstances, it helps me to visualise putting that thought in a box and putting it to one side. It sounds odd but it helps me shift my focus. That's a technique I learned from one psychologist.

 

For what it's worth, NJ may not appreciate these posts (and the tons of other really thoughtful and useful posts from others) but I actually do! I am definitely the same- too much free time and not being challenged professionally or otherwise is a toxic combo for me. I always knew that but reading how you've described it makes much more sense. When I'm really busy and juggling different responsibilities, I become extremely productive, and I'm happier, not stressed out. On the other hand, times in my life when I've not been challenged at work, and not been busy/had too much idle time, I get depressed, anxious, and stressed out. I never connected those concepts until reading your posts. Thanks!

[sooshi]

Take good care, NJ. <3 I hope you will make choices that are in your best interest and that you find healing and empowerment.

 

I care about you and want you to be well.

[AMJ]

I realized there's no reason for me to post on here anymore. Being on here just is pointless for me. It's probably not even healthy for me to be on here. Maybe I'll come back one day to post again far into the future but I just don't see a reason to anymore.

 

NJ what is it that you want to gain from this site? You've received tons of great advice, compassion from complete strangers. If you have a different solution to your issues, and want us to provide feedback, or encouragement, let's hear it!

 

But you can't come here with no possible solutions of your own, dismiss every single suggestion you get from others, and expect anyone to know what to say to make you feel better.

 

I've said this before, but I'll repeat it- if you just want to vent frustrations and don't want advice, that's understandable. Is that what you want, sympathy?

 

Do you want a solution? Whether or not you choose to accept it, all of your problems are within your control to fix. Your life issues (job, money, college) are things that every single person has to deal with. You health issues are self induced, due to stress and severe anxiety, which has been confirmed by several doctors. There are many medications that could treat your anxiety and depression- how many have you tried? Most people need to try out a few different meds before they find one that works best. There are also non prescription methods for relieving stress, anxiety, and depression. Are you trying any of these things? Medication helps a lot, but it's possible to self soothe.

 

There's a whole movement in education to teach children how to self soothe and manage stress. Lots of experts believe that our society needs to do more to educate about mental health, because so many adults are totally clueless about how to take care of ourselves- mentally. And trust me, I get it- when you're in the midst of an anxiety crisis or feeling really low and depressed, and someone says- hey you should go meditate or take up painting- it seems like the most obnoxious advice. Because you're thinking, wtf painting and yoga are not going to help me solve these monumental problems I have. But that's not true. Seriously, people say those things because they work. They really do work.

 

You can't be successful and tackle your problems with a stressed out burnt out mind, like yours is right now. All of your thoughts are negative and counterproductive. It takes time to change that way of thinking, but it's possible.

[Buddhist]

Truly NJ, no-one has posted in your thread who doesn't want to help you solve your problems. Please understand that much of this advice comes from experience of being where you are right now and then fighting our way out of it again. It's not stuff we're pulling from our backsides to sound clever.

 

Mental health issues are difficult to solve, we get that. They DO take a multi-pronged approach. No one thing is ever going to fix it, it's a longterm change in habits and behaviours that does it. Here's some facts for you to take away....

 

- Depression takes twice as long to rehabilitate as it does to develop. If you've been depressed for a year, it will take two of conscious effort and lifestyle changes just to get back to feeing normal again. Not even talking about feeling on top of the world here. Trying something in the short term and then giving up on it is an ineffective strategy in the face of this.

 

- Anxiety is a by-product of certain neural pathways and the natural workings of a particular kind of mind. It is never cured because it's not a disease as such. It's a bunch of symptoms from mis-use of neural pathways. Your brain will always have a tendency towards it, it's up to you to discover what makes you anxious and then work on strategies to stay out of that state over the longterm. It's up to you to discover the signs and symptoms of becoming anxious and to have an exit strategy before it takes a hold. It's up to you to practice this daily until you get so good at using your brain that you no longer have anxiety symptoms.

 

As i said. All the best.

[NJ123]

I didn't really want to reply on here anymore but I feel I had to due to all the responses today. I just feel I need to step away from any sort of relationship forum. It causes too much stress constantly thinking about all of this. I can feel my damn blood pressure go up stressing out about this whole never having a g/f issue so being on here just isn't good for me. It just sucks that I'll never know when it's going to happen for me though. It just worries me because of the complete unknown of the future. It's like it could be many years before I even meet anyone. I feel my mind goes on overdrive thinking about it due to being so behind everyone else. And I just get paranoid thinking it's never going to happen & it becomes a vicious cycle in my mind. It just really truly feels like a double edged sword though where if I don't think about it nothing will ever happen but if I do it just causes me stress.

 

The only option I seem to have is that I have to work on myself before I can be with anyone. And I appreciate all the advice I've been given. I just have to figure out a way to get better & to get a better job, etc.