Grapefruit6 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Been seeing this guy for the past two months. He seemed really into me for the most part. Towards the end there were quite a bit of conflict. Over the phone I said some really hurtful things and he said some passive aggressive things. Although things seemed fine when we were on dates after the phone calls. Then one day we had another disagreement over the phone. After that, it was mutual NC for about three weeks. I was about to write him off until one day he texted me something out of the blue. I was pretty upset about the disappearing act so didn't want to respond at first. I did respond eventually with a simple text because I didn't want to be rude or play games. After that I have texted him within a week a couple of times just asking how things are. He always responded super fast but seemed guarded and distant. It didn't feel like he was trying to keep the conversation going. My question is, is he still angry or hurt for what I have said to him and therefore he's guarded? Or is his lack of warmness due to the fact he is no longer interested. If he is no longer interested, why did he initiate text with me after 3 weeks of NC? I just want to know so I can decide if I should forget about him (if he's not interested) or make amends (if he's still angry but want to fix things). Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Just ask him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapefruit6 Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 I've tried that in the past. He is the kind of person who will not tell what's on his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 My question is, is he still angry or hurt for what I have said to him and therefore he's guarded? Or is his lack of warmness due to the fact he is no longer interested. If he is no longer interested, why did he initiate text with me after 3 weeks of NC? I just want to know so I can decide if I should forget about him (if he's not interested) or make amends (if he's still angry but want to fix things). Texting is a really good way to keep in contact but keep someone at arm's length. Texting is less risky than talking on the phone or meeting up, so it's a common choice for initiating contact after a period of silence. I have no idea if he is a mad at you, but I don't see that he wants to make amends. If he seriously wanted to make amends, he would not do so over text. He would have stepped up to a phone call or meet up by now. He can manage your expectations by text. He can keep you there, but he never has to take it further. He may have simply texted you after 3 weeks NC because he was bored or curious. Then, he saw you were going to respond, so he backed off. I'd forget about him and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapefruit6 Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Okay. So I have come to the realization that even though I love him so much, our relationship was bringing him pain and suffering. We couldn't give each other what we needed/wanted. If I truly love him, I would let him go as I don't want him to suffer. I think that's probably how he feels too. So I am not going to try and get back together and will be letting him go, as that is the kindest thing I can do for him and for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 I have read your posts and questions, and I am wondering... Are you married? Single? What? Did you guys hang out together or just talk? Is he married? It is hard to tell from your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Grapefruit6 is a MW the OM is single, from what I can deduce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapefruit6 Posted September 1, 2016 Author Share Posted September 1, 2016 So my ex emailed me to go for coffee last weekend. I said yes but also said I was busy that weekend. I told him we will do it on a later date. I didn't give any time frame as to when this "later date" would be in my message. Now I'm not sure if the ball is in my court to initiate contact with him to suggest a date/time. Or shall I wait for him to contact me and bring this up again? He has been silent this week. I'm not sure if its because he took my "later date" as a rejection (even though I did say yes) and is waiting for me to bring this up again. Or if he is silent because he has changed his mind after he asked me for coffee. I heard some ex's would ask to get together only to change their mind and cancel the plan as they realized that's not really what they wanted. Maybe he got cold feet after hearing me say yes to his proposition? I'm wondering what the reason behind his silence is. If he felt a little rejected, then I don't mind initiating the conversation to set it up. If his silence is due to him changing his mind and wanting space again, I definitely don't want to push him further away by approaching him about this again. Ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
piranha Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 If I were on his end, I would be waiting for you to specify a time that was good for you. Definitely ball in your court. Don't overthink it. If this is something you want, go for it. No regrets! Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Why would you want to go out with someone your broke up with? Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Why would you want to go out with someone your broke up with? You don't always know the backstory. They may have just needed time and space. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 You don't always know the backstory. That's exactly why I'm asking Grapefruit6. Link to post Share on other sites
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