Relocating to new city experiment failed

[Shanex]

Where do you live? Do you live in North America? Have you been to cities such as Toronto, LA, New York, San Francisco?

 

You see average or even ugly white guys dating pretty Asian girls.

 

And yeah you're right, if you're an Asian male and you want success in dating, you pretty much have to be rich, smart and good looking. Guess what? That means only 10% of Asian males could have a good dating life.

 

Race IS everything. To compete with the average white guy in dating, the Asian guy has to be much, much better. So Race IS Everything.

 

Let's keep it to a central point that you are making I think.

 

Since you ask, I've been to all places mentioned, except for Toronto, I've been to many places in Europe too.

 

Asian is a but vague, though. Yeah I also had my share (and still have) of Asian pals. Japanese and Vietnamese mostly (though living in the west).

 

The Japanese friend didn't have much trouble dating and he was indeed relatively 'well off' (sorta wealthy) whereas the Vietnamese had more troubles but eventually married and had a children with a native woman from his native country.

 

I'm sorry that you are experiencing racism, especially from Asian women who may overlook you for white men or white women who wouldn't date you.

 

However the other posters in your other thread saying that being short doesn't help is right. I'm not looking to bash you, but height matters.. at first glance at least.

[offwithhishead]

Let's keep it to a central point that you are making I think.

 

Since you ask, I've been to all places mentioned, except for Toronto, I've been to many places in Europe too.

 

Asian is a but vague, though. Yeah I also had my share (and still have) of Asian pals. Japanese and Vietnamese mostly (though living in the west).

 

The Japanese friend didn't have much trouble dating and he was indeed relatively 'well off' (sorta wealthy) whereas the Vietnamese had more troubles but eventually married and had a children with a native woman from his native country.

 

I'm sorry that you are experiencing racism, especially from Asian women who may overlook you for white men or white women who wouldn't date you.

 

However the other posters in your other thread saying that being short doesn't help is right. I'm not looking to bash you, but height matters.. at first glance at least.

 

You know, there exists short white males. They don't seem to have the same trouble dating.

[SwordofFlame]

Speaking as a fellow asian guy, I would relocate if I were you. I live in NYC myself and would be sh*t out of luck if I didn't.

[offwithhishead]

Speaking as a fellow asian guy, I would relocate if I were you. I live in NYC myself and would be sh*t out of luck if I didn't.

 

Are the dating prospects that much better for you in NYC? The Asian girls in NYC seem to prefer white guys. Yeah there are lots of Asian girls dating Asian guys but most of those are fob couples.

[SwordofFlame]

Are the dating prospects that much better for you in NYC? The Asian girls in NYC seem to prefer white guys. Yeah there are lots of Asian girls dating Asian guys but most of those are fob couples.

 

I can't speak for any other city because I've lived in NYC my entire life. Sure there are asian women who only date white men, but due to the sheer numbers of Asians here mean there are plenty who will date asian men too. I will admit I have a significantly easier time attracting FOB asian women on dating apps compared to American born though.

[basil67]

You know, there exists short white males. They don't seem to have the same trouble dating.

 

Their very frequent posts about women who won't date short men lead me to believe otherwise.

[Robert]

Note from moderation: noting similar topics being started as a few different threads, we've merged them into this one topic. Thanks. ~6

 

 

[joseb]

You know, there exists short white males. They don't seem to have the same trouble dating.

 

LOL! Are you kidding me?

 

Maybe have a look at this thread

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/567149-consolidated-discussion-height-dating

 

"The prettiest Asian girls still prefer Asian guys and so even if 50% of Asian girls date white guys, the elite of our people will be preserved for generations to come. We're not going to be wiped out like the native americans."

 

Sorry, but this kind of talk smacks of overt racism. Perhaps some of this attitude is coming through when you are trying to date.

[kmack513]

Their very frequent posts about women who won't date short men lead me to believe otherwise.

 

5' 5" is just that asian or euro white, no difference

[kmack513]

You forget that I'm Asian myself. At least genetically. I look like an Asian male. So I'm not foreign if I go to Asian and find myself an Asian wife. Get it?

 

It may work for you white males when you go to Asia but not for me.

 

Use your first world citizenship to your advantage.

[BeingMonika]

Don't lower your standards. I'm Black and some people may not find me attractive, but I'm not going to settle. I'm short so for me as long as you are at least 5'4 I don't really care about height. Everyone seems tall to me anyway ...

 

OP needs to work on his self-esteem and seek therapy. The way you see yourself will always be an issue in the relationship. I know that I am attractive and people may not be attracted to me because I'm black, but my self-esteem is healthy and my standards remain high even tho I live in a big city. I rather be single vs settling for someone just to be in a relationship.

Edited October 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed poke

[kmack513]

You know, there exists short white males. They don't seem to have the same trouble dating.

 

Shorter guys, regardless or race or ethnic background are going to struggle.

[Blackened Heart]

I can guarantee one thing about this whole "race" preference that is being claimed women have and how it's a "disadvantage" to you. In fact, even with any other challenges you may have. They can all be overcome by, wait for it, your personality

 

Sure, women will have preferences to whom they may like to be with, who will attract them, and such. That is a given to both genders. But you can bet, and I'm sure all the ladies here can attest to it, that women encounter man whom are physically attractive but in an instant that attraction is killed by the personality of the individual.

 

If you can make a woman laugh and feel good by talking, being funny and having light banter, the whole "well I just want a *insert generic preference* guy" will fly out the window.

 

Sure it may be a bit harder depending what you got and can't control, but so what. There are plenty of other things you can control, and make those features of yourself stand out. You'll hear it said a lot here that confidence is one of the main attractions for a woman, it is not a lie. A man that is confident in himself, and who he is as a person, will attract others. Even when I was at my heaviest of over 300 pounds many years back, I was still able to get dates with other women, and no I am not white (not that it is much of a factor).

 

I have since lost most of that excessive fat I was storing for the winter and interacting with women is even easier, especially with those that saw my transformation. That was an aspect of my life which I previously lost control over years back, and one day decide to take control and make better. You can do the same with so much of yourself, but you have to do it for yourself, because if you do it for the sake of meeting with women, you will be disappointed and deflated the instant you don't see the results you think you should be having in your head.

[Gaeta]

I have been working for years with Asian men and women. I live in a city with a big China town and a big Chinese population. Most of them, men or women, are not standing above 5''. I hardly exaggerate. They are all short, real short. I don't believe at 5'5'' you are SO DIFFERENT than any other average Asian man. What you need to do is stop dreaming about finding a Chinese porn model and aim at a nice average looking woman. They are everywhere.

[Poe77]

- Girls of any race (including Asian) don't like short guys

- Fact that I'm successful and make good salary means little to girls (both white and Asian). They are not looking for a sugar daddy or someone to pay their way in life. At most, they may respect you for your accomplishments but that won't make them attracted to you.

- Having "boring" intellectual interests does not make me interesting to girls. They want funny, playful guys who can always think up of new activities to try out and do.

- An attractive guy is an attractive guy. He will do well anywhere.

 

.

 

 

I cant believe men are actually moving back and forth in a search to find dateable women or is it that they dont want to settle for less then their "perfect" ideal women? sorry OP not trying to rag on you here just really surprised one would totally uproot their life for a dating "experiment" even more so to go to a environment they didn't care for but okies lets break down your list here..

 

- Girls of any race (including Asian) don't like short guys

Erm hello most men dont like fat women its just how things are its nothing personal its a preference right?

 

- Fact that I'm successful and make good salary means little to girls (both white and Asian). They are not looking for a sugar daddy or someone to pay their way in life. At most, they may respect you for your accomplishments but that won't make them attracted to you.

Do you really want a women who will want you for your money? honestly? how is this fact such a bad thing?

 

Having "boring" intellectual interests does not make me interesting to girls. They want funny, playful guys who can always think up of new activities to try out and do.

You need to find a women who shares your interests even the most boring people find bfs/gfs why do you want some one who wont share your interests anyways? sure things might be fun at 1st but if there's no true shared foundation its going to collapse after a while..

 

- An attractive guy is an attractive guy. He will do well anywhere.

And you think this doesn't go for women as well? that's just a fact.

 

I dont know so far all im hearing is complaining and your limiting your own self unless its one of those situations were your insisting on dating out of your own league then that's again pretty much on you OP... Not to mention two month's isn't really long enough in any one area to carve out a life for ones self so how can you really say you gave it a chance?

[niji]

Edit: ^ Poe77, you beat me to it, we're pretty much thinking/saying the same things.

 

You can be a fat white guy whose 5'5 but somehow able to pick up a pretty Asian which who is an 8. You can have a well educated Asian guy whose a great guy and great career and otherwise a great catch but whose 5'5 and overweight and he won't even be able to get a 6 in his own race. Much less any white girl who is a 6.

 

That's just how it works. I've seen it in real life. I've known couples like that. That's just a fact.

 

In my experience, I've seen friends who are with Asian men just because they are Asian, because these girls enjoyed being with people who are of the same ethnicity/speak the same few words of a language that even the girls themselves aren't too familiar with. And all this time I tell them, oh-em-gee there are so many guys out there you could go out with, why are you stuck with these crappy men who treat you either like a maid or a mother (and sometimes both, because hey, some children treat their moms like a maid)? And they give me the perpetual answers, "I only like Asian guys."

 

So there. When did "fact" get established by the statistics of the sample size made of "real life" examples seen by ONE person? What you see and what I see are obviously completely different. I'm from a county in CA that has so many Asians, that seeing a White person is rare.

 

I guess you could say I'm just one Asian female out of the hundreds of thousands out there? What about my friends? Oh wait, mine and my friends' experience don't qualify as legitimate statistics? For sure they've gotta be as legitimate as your statistics is?

 

And stop whining. It's not attractive. Instead take what others in this thread have suggested, and try to come up with a solution. You sound like a smart, capable individual; surely to every problem there is an answer - if you look hard enough.

Edited October 29, 2016 by niji

[SwordofFlame]

OP, perhaps you need to find east asian guys who have had success with white women and ask them for advice. If you can't find any, that's part of the problem. Consider moving.

 

I think successful people who have major disadvantages like being short and asian succeed by overcompensating in other ways. Maybe they're a hedge fund trader raking in 7 figures a year, or a doctor. Maybe they're really funny. Maybe they're extremely physically fit with a great amount of muscle.

 

You say you have a good job, but I'm guessing it's not quite good enough to attract the gold diggers. What else do you have going for you? Because pointing at your white male equivalent or even lesser white male and saying I should be able to do just as well as him in dating, clearly isn't working.

[offwithhishead]

Edit: ^ Poe77, you beat me to it, we're pretty much thinking/saying the same things.

 

 

In my experience, I've seen friends who are with Asian men just because they are Asian, because these girls enjoyed being with people who are of the same ethnicity/speak the same few words of a language that even the girls themselves aren't too familiar with. And all this time I tell them, oh-em-gee there are so many guys out there you could go out with, why are you stuck with these crappy men who treat you either like a maid or a mother (and sometimes both, because hey, some children treat their moms like a maid)? And they give me the perpetual answers, "I only like Asian guys."

 

So there. When did "fact" get established by the statistics of the sample size made of "real life" examples seen by ONE person? What you see and what I see are obviously completely different. I'm from a county in CA that has so many Asians, that seeing a White person is rare.

 

I guess you could say I'm just one Asian female out of the hundreds of thousands out there? What about my friends? Oh wait, mine and my friends' experience don't qualify as legitimate statistics? For sure they've gotta be as legitimate as your statistics is?

 

And stop whining. It's not attractive. Instead take what others in this thread have suggested, and try to come up with a solution. You sound like a smart, capable individual; surely to every problem there is an answer - if you look hard enough.

 

Oh an Asian girl on here. Good. Someone who knows what I'm actually talking about.

 

Ok here's the thing. First off, for every Asian guy out there who treats his girlfriend like he does a maid, there are Asian guys out there like myself who yes maybe a bit old-fashioned, still believe in chivalry and taking care of a woman. Not because she's some weak old Asian woman that can't survive without a man but out of actual, genuine RESPECT. Because well-bred Asian guys raised by good parents were raised to respect their mothers and women in general. You know very well that in most Asian families, it's the women who play a commanding role and that they're not quite the subservient, submissive females portrayed in Western media.

 

That is how I've always been raised. When I go on a date with an Asian girl or a white girl, I always volunteer to pay. Sometimes the girl refuses to allow me to pay but then what I do is ask for a 2nd date in which she will pay. But I always volunteer to pay. I also volunteer to carry heavy things such as groceries. Not because I think she's too weak and can't do it herself, but out of courtesy and manners. Obviously she can carry heavy things. When she was single and there was no guy around to help her, obviously she survived somehow and got by. I'm FULLY aware she's able to take of care of herself. I do it because I WANT to.

 

I'm not the only Asian guy who acts like this. Most of my Asian guy friends and acquaintances are similar.

 

But the kind of Asian girls who hate Asian guys will always find some way to spin it around. They will say that Asian guys treat girls well like this because he doesn't respect her and because he doesn't think she can do things herself and doesn't respect her independence. Meanwhile, she ends up dating white guys who have specific fetishes for Asian girls but oh, that's not wrong. That's all well and good.

 

See what I mean? Asian guys just can't win. When we treat girls right, it's because we disrespect her. When we dont' treat girls right, it's because we were raised by moms who spoilt us.

 

Meanwhile, white guys who have odd fetishes and target Asian girls and who never pays for dates gets a free pass.

 

I've dated white girls before and one thing they've always liked about the relationship was my gentlemanly behavior. I'm always on time for dates. I treat her with respect. I always volunteer to pay. They told me straight up that the white guys they've dated have lost this kind of Old World behavior. And some women DO actually like being courted in this way, especially in the beginnings of a relationship.

Edited October 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude~T

[offwithhishead]

OP, perhaps you need to find east asian guys who have had success with white women and ask them for advice. If you can't find any, that's part of the problem. Consider moving.

 

I think successful people who have major disadvantages like being short and asian succeed by overcompensating in other ways. Maybe they're a hedge fund trader raking in 7 figures a year, or a doctor. Maybe they're really funny. Maybe they're extremely physically fit with a great amount of muscle.

 

You say you have a good job, but I'm guessing it's not quite good enough to attract the gold diggers. What else do you have going for you? Because pointing at your white male equivalent or even lesser white male and saying I should be able to do just as well as him in dating, clearly isn't working.

 

I'm a boring intellectual guy. I'm not into sports. I workout and exercise just to keep in shape and to feel good but I don't enjoy it. I don't like going to clubs and dancing.

 

I'm quite a serious person. Not a jovial person. I can make girls laugh but only girls whose personalities kinda fit mine. But usually these girls, either they're pretty and so can attract a lot of guys or they're below average and so I'm not interested.

 

In other words, I'm boring. I'm just a boring guy. I have intellectual and artistic interests. I play the guitar. I play the piano. But both not well enough to be in a band where I can get any kind of attention. It's just hobbies I do at home.

 

And I work in a field that is 90% dominated by men. So there you have it. That's my life. That's just who I am.

 

But despite all of this, I still think I'm not a bad catch.

[niji]

My ex of 4 years was white. One of the kindest, most caring people I've ever met Still have huge respect for him despite breaking up with him in the first place. My current SO is Asian, and while I do admit it does make certain things easier d/t our similar culture backgrounds (ie. cooking together, meeting one another's families, etc), I am not with him because he's Asian, just like I was not with my ex because he's white. I'm with them because they're kind, caring, smart, and respectful.

 

First off, for every Asian guy out there who treats his girlfriend like he does a maid, there are Asian guys out there like myself who yes maybe a bit old-fashioned, still believe in chivalry and taking care of a woman.

There you go; that's my point. For every female who seems to go for the white guy because of who-knows-why, there's one who seems to go for the Asian only because of similar culture/comfort factor. As such, you're just not meeting the right females.

 

For every white male that has Asian fetish, there's another who's with Asians because they hold similar values on raising a family and such (my ex). So no, I don't believe Asian men are at a disadvantage, but it's probably harder to meet the Asian females that you'll be interested in because you are the minority.

 

Have you tried online dating? I have a similar lifestyle, so I know it's hard to meet people when you're not into the partying/drinking scene and/or looking to have interesting conversations with It's like trying to dig a ring out of sand.

Save

Edited October 30, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
referenced deleted post ~T

[Herbalist]

This thread is strange. I've known plenty of females (myself included) who don't care if a guy is our height or even an inch or so shorter. I've seen several couples like that, as well. Last place I worked there was this guy who was no more than 5'0" and was very skinny, was very happy with a girlfriend who was at least 5'5" and had massive boobs that he could probably fit his whole head between when they hugged. Love is love, man. But maybe it is less painful to think it's because you are short and not because you are incapable of sharing love with someone.

[niji]

To give myself some more context, I dug up an old post and saw that you described yourself as " I am a 5'5 short Asian guy with an average face". I can tell you that 5'5" is not that short (my dad is about 1" shorter and I think he looks fine [handsome even because I'm biased ], if anything it helps him stay super young ). I was attracted to 2 people who were about your height before (both Asians, for the sake of this thread). Not at first sight, because yes, my preference is tall men just like many other females out there, but due to various factors they became very attractive to me shortly after. If anything, I feel like for women, at least for myself, attraction may not always be instantaneous but can take some time to develop (as long as it doesn't take too long/the female is not forcing their attraction just because he's "a good man").

 

As for the white men dating Asian females because they think they're easier to get... I've never observed these in my lifetime (I knew these white men, and just couldn't see that they were doing that). These white male/Asian female couples I know are quite evenly matched in looks, education, personality (could be a selection bias due to the people I know, but still). So until there's a study that comes out about this "white men's behavior", we'll just have to agree to disagree.

 

A little bit off-topic, but as a minority in North America, I am completely aware of subtle racism everywhere. I, however, don't think much of it (as in I don't let it get to me); I came here in my late teens, so I've always considered myself a foreigner on a stranger's land. I could see where your resentment comes from, because you consider part of this land. But the truth is, I've seen so many Asian Americans in successful relationships with Asian females, white females, females of all ethnicity (lived 10+ years in CA urban areas aka Asian land; my exposure to these couples is probably skewed compared to yours), so just hang on. The dating process honestly sucks, but it too will be over one day

Edited October 30, 2016 by niji

[SwordofFlame]

As for the white men dating Asian females because they think they're easier to get... I've never observed these in my lifetime (I knew these white men, and just couldn't see that they were doing that). These white male/Asian female couples I know are quite evenly matched in looks, education, personality (could be a selection bias due to the people I know, but still). So until there's a study that comes out about this "white men's behavior", we'll just have to agree to

 

This is exactly what I've noticed as well.

 

Honestly OP, do you live in some conservative small town where diversity is discouraged and people are more openly racist? I'm American and we have no shortage of these towns.

[offwithhishead]

To give myself some more context, I dug up an old post and saw that you described yourself as " I am a 5'5 short Asian guy with an average face". I can tell you that 5'5" is not that short (my dad is about 1" shorter and I think he looks fine [handsome even because I'm biased ], if anything it helps him stay super young ). I was attracted to 2 people who were about your height before (both Asians, for the sake of this thread). Not at first sight, because yes, my preference is tall men just like many other females out there, but due to various factors they became very attractive to me shortly after. If anything, I feel like for women, at least for myself, attraction may not always be instantaneous but can take some time to develop (as long as it doesn't take too long/the female is not forcing their attraction just because he's "a good man").

 

As for the white men dating Asian females because they think they're easier to get... I've never observed these in my lifetime (I knew these white men, and just couldn't see that they were doing that). These white male/Asian female couples I know are quite evenly matched in looks, education, personality (could be a selection bias due to the people I know, but still). So until there's a study that comes out about this "white men's behavior", we'll just have to agree to disagree.

 

A little bit off-topic, but as a minority in North America, I am completely aware of subtle racism everywhere. I, however, don't think much of it (as in I don't let it get to me); I came here in my late teens, so I've always considered myself a foreigner on a stranger's land. I could see where your resentment comes from, because you consider part of this land. But the truth is, I've seen so many Asian Americans in successful relationships with Asian females, white females, females of all ethnicity (lived 10+ years in CA urban areas aka Asian land; my exposure to these couples is probably skewed compared to yours), so just hang on. The dating process honestly sucks, but it too will be over one day

 

What did your dad think when you were dating your white ex? I personally would have flipped. Immigrant parents. They come here to work hard and make a better life for their family, only to see their daughter go out with a white guy? That's partially the reason that even if I do find someone, I'm hesitant to have kids. I just don't know how to bring them up in this culture and they're going to have even less exposure than me to my native heritage. I'm very proud of my ethnic heritage and I would want it to persist in successive generations but with Asian girls being the new blondes, it'll be hard to prevent that.

 

Are you kidding me about White male/Asian female couples? Most of them look odd as hell. Asians look young compared to whites. Those couples make the guy look like a closet pedo. Especially if she's also much shorter (which is usually the case) than her.

 

It's the same reason you never see Asian male/White female couples. The guy looks younger and girls don't like their guys looking younger.

 

OK so you're what we call a FOB. No offense. I like fob girls. I find they don't have an issue with identity. They know they're foreigners. Canadian-born Asians are not the same. We were either born here or we came here at a very young age. We're a part of this country. But we don't get the same privileges as whites.

 

Fob and Canadian-born Asians have very different experiences. That's probably why you're not familiar with the whole "Yellow Fever" thing and such. You've never experienced things such as being in middle school when girls and guys are first becoming interested in one another. And that's where it starts. Your Asian female classmates always get with the most popular white guy in the class. Meanwhile, the Asian boys are completely ignored. Imagine seeing that for years and years. It affects you psychologically.

 

Whereas with you, you grew up in Asia. Everyone there is Asian. So interracial dating isn't even an issue. When you come here, you find it natural that White males are interested in you because they're the majority. But it's not that simple. Have you ever thought about why white males would be interested in you? If they're as normal as they claim, wouldn't it be more natural for them to date their own race? Why are they particularly singling you out?

 

 

 

This is exactly what I've noticed as well.

 

Honestly OP, do you live in some conservative small town where diversity is discouraged and people are more openly racist? I'm American and we have no shortage of these towns.

 

I live in a progressive city and nobody's racist. Diversity is very well encouraged here. Iti's just that it only happens with White male/Asian females, not the other way around.

 

It's funny when diversity and multiculturalism benefits white men, suddenly it's not an issue.

[niji]

What did your dad think when you were dating your white ex? I personally would have flipped.

 

He wasn't happy about it [at all], but it's hard to dislike my ex after meeting him - you simply don't find "good" kids like that often, and him being valedictorian didn't hurt his image in my parents' eyes either (we were both nerds and studied together, hence we were together - it's not the typical white men hitting on Asian girls story) A good parent first and foremost wants the best for their children. Dad probably feels more comfortable with my current SO, but it would make 0 difference what race he was if he didn't treat me well. A dad will always be a dad - he'll find bad things to rant about any potential son-in-law as his instinct is protecting his daughter(s) and not wanting them to get hurt; if it's a race/ethnicity he's more familiar with, he'll find even more flaws tbh.

 

If I ever have kids, I'll try to expose them to the grandparents as much as possible, maybe travel to Asia with them. I know Indian friends who were born here, but because of constant exposure to grandparents/traveling back to India, they're pretty comfortable with being Indian Americans while not losing their "roots".

 

Back to the question about white men getting the Asian girls. If these girls are simply so shallow as to be with men because of their race/ethnicity, would you really want to be with them in the first place then?

Edited October 31, 2016 by niji