Ahurtgirl Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Has anyone else ever made contact to the AP spouse. If so, what happened and did it end things in your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 No but i did find her FB page which was very sobering. To me it isnt a OW/OMs place to out the WS. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Has anyone else ever made contact to the AP spouse. If so, what happened and did it end things in your relationship? My H called xMM and forced him to tell his W. W called my H. It ended it. xMM ignored me and it was pretty bad. He came back though once his W felt secure. I was not going back though into a PA. I realize this is not the answer to your question but my point is, once the W knows, its typically over. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 I agree with you, it is not the OW/OM position to inform the spouse. I wasn't trying to out him, in any shape or form but he obviously doesn't see it that way and how could he. His wife basically went off the deep end thinking the worst. If he had played his cards right and stuck to that it was a friend from a support group he was in that was just checking up on him, he wouldn't even be in the situation. He dug the hole deeper on his own. Looking for anyone else who has run into a situation as such and what the outcome was for them. Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I have heard it,it ended with the husband telling the wife th ow was a freak psycho and was after him ,he never would be with a woman like her the wife believed him and went on to lash out at the ow 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I agree with you, it is not the OW/OM position to inform the spouse. I wasn't trying to out him, in any shape or form but he obviously doesn't see it that way and how could he. His wife basically went off the deep end thinking the worst. If he had played his cards right and stuck to that it was a friend from a support group he was in that was just checking up on him, he wouldn't even be in the situation. He dug the hole deeper on his own. Looking for anyone else who has run into a situation as such and what the outcome was for them. No. his w probably knew he was up to something and this was her light switch moment she didnt go off the deepend and think the worst - she was right afterall. with all respect you ca make many threads ont his subject but the answer will always be the same - unless you want your affair to end, never, EVER conact the BS 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 Yes, my guess is he has made me out to be the crazy person too. Just baffles me how many amazing times we had together, how many millions of times he told me how much he loved me, how he didn't see a future with his wife, but was hoping for one with me someday, and so many of the compliments he gave me. He always told me how much he loved how I was so caring and kind. But the instant he felt his wife was upset by something I did (which again, not my intention, but man, what a bad choice it was that I will forever regret and be sorry for and wish I could repair) he went running to her. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I agree with you, it is not the OW/OM position to inform the spouse. I wasn't trying to out him, in any shape or form but he obviously doesn't see it that way and how could he. His wife basically went off the deep end thinking the worst. If he had played his cards right and stuck to that it was a friend from a support group he was in that was just checking up on him, he wouldn't even be in the situation. He dug the hole deeper on his own. Looking for anyone else who has run into a situation as such and what the outcome was for them. I read your other thread. I don't think there is anyone here like that. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Yes, my guess is he has made me out to be the crazy person too. Just baffles me how many amazing times we had together, how many millions of times he told me how much he loved me, how he didn't see a future with his wife, but was hoping for one with me someday, and so many of the compliments he gave me. He always told me how much he loved how I was so caring and kind. But the instant he felt his wife was upset by something I did (which again, not my intention, but man, what a bad choice it was that I will forever regret and be sorry for and wish I could repair) he went running to her. Welcome to the club. Regardless of how the BS found out, we all get thrown under the bus. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 D-day is generally just the start for the bs but the end for the OW. No matter what happens a long way down the road the immediate results are pretty much the same.... Bs finds out, goes crazy, falls apart. MM starts all the "Not what it seems like" or "just friends" etc bollocks. BS screams "Out!", MM begs, cries....whatever! Promises the world. BS in shock.... Once everything settles or the BS dumps him he might come back but that can take a very long time & you don't want to be picturing what's going on in the marital home while you're waiting. I'm so sorry that you're hurting. You know what you have to do.... There are lovely women here to help you with NC. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Ahurtgirl,seems like you still have hope he will continue with the affair....why are you even willing to be with him ? its obvious he will not leave the wife for you,if he even the least was willing he would take this chance and do it now 5 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Ahurtgirl,seems like you still have hope he will continue with the affair....why are you even willing to be with him ? its obvious he will not leave the wife for you,if he even the least was willing he would take this chance and do it now She's in shock from the abrupt end and betrayal. I also took 6 months to accept it was over, how he threw me under the bus and my A was a lot shorter. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 They almost always come back when things calm down at home. but why not take this chance the grieve and move on? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Ahurtgirl, its obvious he will not leave the wife for you,if he even the least was willing he would take this chance and do it now Ahurtgirl, this is true, after 4.5 years if he was really going to leave his wife this was his moment. You called twice, his wife got suspicious, he had been caught. If he was really going to leave her and was in love with you as he had been declaring these past 4.5 years this was the time he should have confessed, he didn't, instead he threw you under the bus. Smdh... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 I'm not trying to reconcile the affair. I want to know if anyone else has made contact with the AP wife, not to even tell her but made contact or did tell her, and if so, what happened and did he eventually forgive or is that hate again the other woman forever? How did you heal? Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I'm not trying to reconcile the affair. I want to know if anyone else has made contact with the AP wife, not to even tell her but made contact or did tell her, and if so, what happened and did he eventually forgive or is that hate again the other woman forever? How did you heal? If you're not hoping to restart the affair then why do you care whether or not he forgives you? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ahurtgirl Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 Because knowing someone hates me no matter who, but especially someone I loved, makes me feel like my life is worthless and I failed at doing good in their world. Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Because knowing someone hates me no matter who, but especially someone I loved, makes me feel like my life is worthless and I failed at doing good in their world. You should learn to put less stock in how others feel about you and more stock in how you feel about yourself. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Because knowing someone hates me no matter who, but especially someone I loved, makes me feel like my life is worthless and I failed at doing good in their world. You think that contacting your xMM's BW is going to make him not hate you? That's some funny sh*t. Put your big girl panties on and get into counselling - your A is over, you didn't "win." While I appreciate you have some healing to do, you're thinking is obtuse. Denial doesn't change facts. Start taking care of you and leave xMM and his BS to pick up their own shattered reality. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 You think that contacting your xMM's BW is going to make him not hate you? That's some funny sh*t. Put your big girl panties on and get into counselling - your A is over, you didn't "win." While I appreciate you have some healing to do, you're thinking is obtuse. Denial doesn't change facts. Start taking care of you and leave xMM and his BS to pick up their own shattered reality. I agree. Therapy helped me. Focus on yourself. However there are no "winners" in the aftermath of an affair. WS is no prize. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 I agree. Therapy helped me. Focus on yourself. However there are no "winners" in the aftermath of an affair. WS is no prize. Hence why I put the quotes lol... The BS isn't in competition, because she doesn't know lol 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Hence why I put the quotes lol... The BS isn't in competition, because she doesn't know lol Totally. Nothing but love for BS x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Totally. Nothing but love for BS x Not quite sure about THAT lol Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 NewLeaf has a truly deep heart that has literally saved the life of at least one BS around here 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Remember too that you knew you were competing against her and you lost. She was totally unaware the game even existed and she won (so to speak) anyway. He was never going to leave her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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