soccorsilly Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 Who said the trust was gone. She said he had cold feet and wanted to know what to do in the meantime. The cold feet was not a result of a loss of trust. She is NOT suspicious of her partner-- several other posters are the suspicious ones. Yes, we hear of people being victimized every day. Natalee Holloway, the kids in Idaho, rapes, murders, you name it. We all need to protect ourselves I agree. But we also do not hear of the people who were not victimized. It is not newsworthy that someone got married, but hey if the bride runs away and pretends to be kidnapped--that's newsworthy. RP never said she felt victimized (if she did I missed it), and yes, I too look to both sides when crossing the street, but that is being prudent. What you are asking is for a full on police escort to stop all traffic on the road so you can cross. To go through life distrusting everyone has to be a bane and sad existence for anyone. We all get burned. We all will get burned some more. Hopefully we learn a little with each experience, but you cannot live your life in fear and suspicion. Come to think of it, that is excatly the mentality that al-Quaeda is looking for--those who live in fear and suspicion. And I truly feel sorry for those who cannot experience life for the experience. Link to post Share on other sites
DakotaDan Posted July 17, 2005 Share Posted July 17, 2005 Im just reading this post for the first time and this lady has a confusing situation. Im not sure if its something she will really get alot of help with on a group forum because it seems like her problem is evolving. i just mean it seems to be changing so she'd just have to take and judge her own situation day to day. But should women be cautious i would say yes. I work for a major metropolitan hospital in social services and one thing i cna say is that the perpatrotors of most murders of females and children is husband, boyfriend or other male relatives and it is a trend getting worse since theres not the commitment we use to see in our grandparents day. Overall i'd say she really should just be cautious in any new relationship even though she might not have to worry about things geting that bad, it's still bad enough out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted July 18, 2005 Author Share Posted July 18, 2005 So we've been talking in yahoo every day, but I started feeling distant. His "I love you"-s meant nothing to me and I don't feel the sparkle as before. Suddenly I realized that I stopped dreaming about our future. I can't forgive him what he did to me. If we lived in the same city, I would never demand marriage, but we're apart and see each other once in a few months. That's why I don't get these people who wrote 'what's with women and marriage?'as I don't care about being married, but that's the only way for us to be together. Anyway, I don't want to be with him anymore. I feel numb, lonely, and eager to love and be loved. He says he loves me to death. I don't care anymore. I am tired and sick of waiting. All I had in this relationship was just a dream. And I woke up. We could've gotten married and start living together and have a real life. Maybe we would be happy, maybe not. It's risky with all marriages, but at least I could love him for real reasons or stop loving him because i would be truly disappointed. This way I feel like nothing ever happened. I don't even feel hurt or sad. I just want to move on. So I told him how I felt and told him I was angry at him. He said he would call me next week, I told him I wouldn't pick up the phone since I am done with him. I don't think he took me seriously... I think he believes I am playing the marriage-or-break-up game. But I am not. This is really how I feel. Just like you go outside when it's too hot inside or throw up when you had too much alcohol, I got out of the relationship, because it made me feel bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 I told him I wouldn't pick up the phone since I am done with him. I don't think he took me seriously... I think he believes I am playing the marriage-or-break-up game. But I am not. Good for you. Sounds like you're totally fed up with him at this point no matter WHAT he does ! Just stick to your guns. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 you talk about him owning two companies and worrying that you might be marrying him for money, then you say he's not very wealthy or rich, then you say he's wealthy again... so which is it? and can you really say you love this person? i can show my house to someone on webcam too...and i can angle it away from someone else in the room... just be careful, okay? this sounds, for lack of a better word, fishy to me. it honestly doesn't sound like either of you are ready for this, or at least not for the right reasons. you even said you might give your ex a second chance...what person in love says something like that to the person they want to marry and share their children with? something's up, and i hope you find out what it is before it's too late to undo a whole heaping mess of mass confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 I am sorry that you are going through this, but if it is making you feel better then it is a good choice. You need to look out for your kids first (since you are a divorced mommy) and you second. Any lovers, boyfriends, husbands need to come in third. Sorry that is reality. Once the kids fly the coop--they can get promoted. Chin up RP--it will get better! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted July 18, 2005 Author Share Posted July 18, 2005 Softy Drink, what is wealthy? I said I don't know how much he earns nor do I care. People were saying "if he is soooo wealthy then..." He is wealthy, but not rich. Which part of that isn't clear? Am I beautiful or pretty or good-looking or cute or ugly or very beautiful or not so pretty or average? How do you describe something you're not sure about, but you have a clue about? I can already sense which post was written by a woman by the suspicion and off-topic comments women make. Sherlocks... calm down and relax! Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 He'll be at yur door pronto if he feels something for you; if he loves you, even a little, he'll ask for your hand in marriage. If not... then well... too bad for him. RP, brace yourself, the difficult part is just about to begin. Letting go really is a tough business. MAybe you won't have to (I wish it to you with all my heart), but like the others said, think of yourself first and foremost. Kisses to your boys, Curly Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 I think this whole conversation she's had with him has really thrown him, but somehow I think he wants to keep her so if she STANDS FIRM he probably offer a marriage but the question now is does she want to accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 We're assuming she can walk and chew gum at the same time, Like all of us, she has to be responsible for evaluating the people she's willing to let into her life. By all means, IF .. he gives her a sincere request for marriage, then YES, she should have him checked out NO DOUBT !! (especially for the kids). She shouldn't put the wagon before the horse sweety... in other words, why should she go to the trouble and expense (which isnt really so great) until he's made the offer Any other questions ... good !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted July 18, 2005 Author Share Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam He'll be at yur door pronto if he feels something for you; if he loves you, even a little, he'll ask for your hand in marriage. If not... then well... too bad for him. RP, brace yourself, the difficult part is just about to begin. Letting go really is a tough business. Maybe you won't have to (I wish it to you with all my heart), but like the others said, think of yourself first and foremost. Kisses to your boys, Curly Now this is an answer I like. The question is WHEN will he realize he wants me as a wife if he wants me at all. Merci beaucoup, Curly et je t'embrasse aussi. Originally posted by Samantha2005 I think this whole conversation she's had with him has really thrown him, but somehow I think he wants to keep her so if she STANDS FIRM he probably offer a marriage but the question now is does she want to accept it. I believe if he realizes that now I don't even want to marry him, he will panic (if he loves me). I like this answer too. Thanks, Samantha. Here comes the bitch RP I eat men for breakfast! Cough, cough... it seems that they are hard to chew! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted July 18, 2005 Author Share Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by Samantha2005 By all means, IF .. he gives her a sincere request for marriage, then YES, she should have him checked out NO DOUBT !! (especially for the kids). She shouldn't put the wagon before the horse sweety... in other words, why should she go to the trouble and expense (which isnt really so great) until he's made the offer Sammy, you and your PI!!! You are hilarious! Are you a PD yourself spamming on LS? Link to post Share on other sites
Samantha2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 No no no no no no no Just all the new trend these days. Everyone gets their perspective mate checked out. Like I told you before, I haven't yet (though I thought about it once but let the situation go). I WILL if I think I might have found the right one. Save me alot of heartbreak in the end (maybe). Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
SoftDrink Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 i wasn't making off-topic comments, i meant what i said. i didn't mean to be offensive, and sorry if i came off that way. i was just asking questions and trying to understand better where you are coming from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted July 19, 2005 Author Share Posted July 19, 2005 No, no, Softy, you didn't come off that way, it's just that his financial situation is irrelevant except that he may think that I might be after his money. The truth is I don't know how much he makes and honestly I don't care. So the only thing I expected is to see whether some people will say "yes, maybe he thinks you're after his money." But instead you and some people here tried to find out how much he makes. As if it's important. Let's just assume that he is not a player who spits lies as soon as he opens his mouth. Let's just concentrate on the cold-feet subject. Regarding the ex-BF, it was said in a manner "if you don't appreciate me, there is someone who does, who loves me and wants to be with me." Maybe I made a mistake, but people make mistakes. I think the truth is, as soon as he felt that he had me in his hands, I became less interesting. Mission accomplished. Game over. Goal achieved. The hunter caught the booty. So he needs a little awakening. And it fit in well in my readiness to let him go. Because it's hard for me to act against my feelings. I am a sucker that holds her heart in the open. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 So, based on your logic, do you require an application, detailed background check, private surveillance, and references before you go out with someone on the off chance that they may be hiding something? There is a really big difference between checking out some guy who lives a half hour away in your own city, whose house you have visited, friends you have met, and workplace you know and having a boyfriend that lives a continent plus an ocean away. You may not have heard of the numbers of fraud artists, violent men, drunkards, and other very bad deals who prey on women via the internet. While it's a great way to meet people, it is definitely necessary to be cautious when using this method. I don't think it's wierd or bad at all to make sure some guy you are going to marry who you have spent very little time with does not have any red flags in his background. I know people who have ended up with some troubled guys because they didn't check them out in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Leah Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Though the people who need it most would disagree with you Good to know there are some educated responding to this post. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Hey this was posted a long time ago. Take a look and you will see the thread has been pruned! Link to post Share on other sites
Leah Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 Yes.... so I noticed Link to post Share on other sites
amberlily Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Recordproducer, you posted almost 2 months ago that your long distance boyfriend was not sure about wanting to marry you, and there was a deadline of "July 28th" for him to make his decision - so what did he decide? How did it turn out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted August 14, 2005 Author Share Posted August 14, 2005 I'll post about it if/when it happens. I don't trust men anymore. But we have a certain agreement now and if he doesn't keep his word, he's outta my life once forever! No matter how much I love him! I am too good to be waiting for a guy who is not sure he wants me, right? I'll keep you posted guys. Thanks for your interest in any case. Don't aks too much please cuz I don't want to jinx anything. Link to post Share on other sites
amberlily Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 You've been with him for well over a year, when he was last there to visit you (not that long ago), he was making the actions to appear that he was planning to marry you but ?chickened out. Why are you letting him away with not making a decision the July28th deadline? Shouldn't that be your answer there - that after a year, he's not looking for the same things you are? You seem like a strong, no-nonsense woman but I'm really surprised that you're allowing him to string you along and ignore the date whereby he was to make a decision. No woman should wait around for a man to decide he wants to make a real life with her. I'm sorry this didn't turn out well. Wonder what fun he's having back in America that might be why he doesn't want to settle down? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted August 14, 2005 Author Share Posted August 14, 2005 Well I guess love is weird and I am a sucker. I just can't give up that easily. I know he loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayhawks Posted August 14, 2005 Share Posted August 14, 2005 You deserve RP. Hope he wakes up and commits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RecordProducer Posted August 14, 2005 Author Share Posted August 14, 2005 Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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