Grapefruit6 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Is it possible to have an emotional affair with someone (OM) who truly believes it's a friendship? If the OM really thinks that he is just a friend to the MW, is that still considered an EA? Is there another grey area that is in between friendship and EA? Or is the OM lying to himself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 If there is a lot of contact, it's secretive, they share family issues, etc it's an EA. Doesn't matter what anyone thinks. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 If the MW is hiding the relationship/friendship or has desires other than friendship.... Wouldn't want her H to eavesdrop on the conversation. Then yes 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 If the OM really thinks that he is just a friend to the MW, is that still considered an EA? Does his wife know about the MW? If not, it is an EA and not a friendship. A friendship includes spouses - or at least the spouses are aware of the existence of the "friends" so there is no subterfuge. Is there another grey area that is in between friendship and EA? Or is the OM lying to himself? Is there sexual desire? From either person? If there is sexual interest, there is no grey area. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Friendships between married men and married women are fictional, it's a huge lie to help married men get into some poor suckers wife's pants. Other men aren't into friendships, it's a ploy to get married woman into his bed. Think about it, who want's a woman with baggage, married women all have baggage. You can't be "Just Friends." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapefruit6 Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 OM is single. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 If you're not welcome to come to a family BBQ, if the person talks differently in public and in private, if you'd be afraid of bend judged, if you think the spouse would be uncomfortable, if the kids would find it weird... Red flags. All of them. Run. Even if it isn't an EA already it's ripe to blossom. As the potential AP, you have the power to protect yourself. Ask to meet the spouse. If the answer is "they would not understand, we are just friends, that isn'tNecessary, youeebeing silly..." Run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 It's not about him. It's about you (I assume). If your husband knows, and you don't hide ANY part of your relationship with the single other man...probably just a friendship If not...trouble lies ahead 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NeotericJack Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Is it possible to have an emotional affair with someone (OM) who truly believes it's a friendship? If the OM really thinks that he is just a friend to the MW, is that still considered an EA? Is there another grey area that is in between friendship and EA? Or is the OM lying to himself? How do you know what the OM and MW think about the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Here's a litmus test: invite the couple over for dinner with spouses. If MW is fine meeting the wife and MM says yes and brings his wife then you are friends. If you don't want to invite the wife or have your husband at dinner or he doesn't want to meet your husband or include his wife, you are on a very slippery slope indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Also, it's possible that one party is suffering unrequited love and actually wants the OM to reciprocate those feelings and believes they must be lying to themselves about their true feelings. I feel like the question is too vague to be answered fully lol OP, can you clarify? Which party are you? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Is it possible to have an emotional affair with someone (OM) who truly believes it's a friendship? Yes, it is possible in any relationship of two individuals where they are each the sexual preference of the other. Also, since feelings change and evolve and devolve, it's possible for the specifics to change over time, for any reason or no reason at all. If the OM really thinks that he is just a friend to the MW, is that still considered an EA? If the committed party's partner or spouse considers it an EA, either specifically or in general, then it is for that relationship. What the OM considers it is irrelevant to the relationship of the committed partners. They, either jointly or individually, decide. Is there another grey area that is in between friendship and EA? I've seen this a lot with MW's, the grey part I mean, where they mix sexual stuff with platonic stuff. Usually, the best way to clarify it is to demonstrate the behavior in front of their spouse or partner. That usually works great, or has for me. Or is the OM lying to himself? IDK about willful lying but perception is individual and we all have personal biases in our perceptions. I tend to gauge my personal milieu by using typical male triggers of whether I feel territorial around a particular lady when she's with her spouse (more typical for me than GF/BF at my age) or rather feel as a friend to the marriage. If the latter, platonic; if the former, slippery slope to EA IME. In general, men don't do the EA thing, at least with any regularity or longevity. It's a method to get to, basically, sex. Exceptions? Sure. Also, IMO don't confuse flirting and sexual or emotional innuendo with an affair. Guys, and gals, love to play, whether they're married or not. Affairs are attachments at some level, whether emotional or sexual or both. They flow over time. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 EA's can be totally one sided. As long as some part of it is filling what the cheater perceive to be a void in their relationship, then yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 If the OM is single it doesn't matter what he thinks. The married one is the one whose opinion and action matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 EA's can be totally one sided. As long as some part of it is filling what the cheater perceive to be a void in their relationship, then yes. My guess is that the OP is the one suffering unrequited love and can't quite wrap a brain around how it's not a two-way street so surely, the OM must be in denial... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Grapefruit6 Posted August 31, 2016 Author Share Posted August 31, 2016 My guess is that the OP is the one suffering unrequited love and can't quite wrap a brain around how it's not a two-way street so surely, the OM must be in denial... I wouldn't call it love. Unrequited limerance maybe. I can't wrap my brain around because OM tells me that he finds me very attractive. He says things like if I'm not married he would be dating me. He compliments my looks and personality all the time. We hung out one on one a lot. We also talk on the phone for hours each day. Yet he doesn't seem to mind meeting my husband and we talk about girls he's pursuing all the time. Hence it is ever so slightly confusing situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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