Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

[oasis]

I texted him today

"Hope team WiQ wins tonight! <3<3<3" (with hearts in the colors of his favorite fotball-team)

He answered 10 minutes later:

"Wisconiq doesn´t have a game this evening sweetie " (With a kiss-smiley)

AWKWARD! I had checked wrong... it was next day the game is.

So I texted him 3 hours later:

"Aha oopes I meant tomorrow "

 

which happened to be sent even later due to delivery-issues.. so he got the text message 00:30 .. totoally wrong! Hope it didn´t wake him up...

 

Now what?

I wanted to ask if we can speak on the phone, but i didn´t dare to And now i really want to see him soon but don´t want to "throw myself at him/chase" like you call it... any tips so i can make him ask me out..?

 

Now what?

 

 

You need to delete his number. How many times can a person show you in words and by their actions that they are no longer interested in you? At this stage, he seems to have zero attraction left for you...because of your neediness.

 

 

When a man wants to be with you, he make makes contact. He does not leave you guessing and wondering. This man is not making any. It is time for you to gather up what is left of your self respect and MOVE ON from this man.

 

 

He is no longer interested.

[clia]

Yeah, seriously just delete his number. He's not interested. I've been telling you this for weeks. You can't force this guy to be interested in dating you. He's just not interested. Go find a guy who does want to date you.

 

And you honestly just made yourself look even worse with that text because you clearly don't follow football at all. Wisconsin played yesterday and absolutely smoked MSU. If you paid attention to college football at all, you would've known that. So you were obviously just trying to pander to his interests to give you a reason to text him. And got it totally wrong. It's just sad now.

[Zahara]

but don´t want to "throw myself at him/chase" like you call it... any tips so i can make him ask me out..?

 

You're already throwing yourself at him and he knows you are chasing so nothing new there. You should just ask him out. You have nothing more to lose. It's embarrassing at this point.

 

You can't make someone ask you -- if you have to make them, you have your answer.

[Calmandfocused]

Asadgirl

 

I've read your thread with Interest. You strike me as a very nice young woman who has low self esteem. At the moment your self esteem is depending on validation from the guy which ultimately is going to result in you feeling worse about yourself.

 

I won't repeat what other posters are saying. I agree with all of them but clearly the message isn't getting through so I wanted to give you something else to think about.

 

Just imagine you're successful in your mission and build a relationship with him. This is what you want yes? Well get ready to be his puppet on a string. You've already set the precedent that he can treat you how he wants, that it's about him only. Trust me, if your self esteem is already low, it will be in the gutter at this point.

 

Is this what you want? Sound enticing? If so, carry on what your doing. I for one hope you see sense and find someone who wants to be with you and give you the attention you deserve.

[aSadGirl]

Asadgirl

 

I've read your thread with Interest. You strike me as a very nice young woman who has low self esteem. At the moment your self esteem is depending on validation from the guy which ultimately is going to result in you feeling worse about yourself.

 

I won't repeat what other posters are saying. I agree with all of them but clearly the message isn't getting through so I wanted to give you something else to think about.

 

Just imagine you're successful in your mission and build a relationship with him. This is what you want yes? Well get ready to be his puppet on a string. You've already set the precedent that he can treat you how he wants, that it's about him only. Trust me, if your self esteem is already low, it will be in the gutter at this point.

 

Is this what you want? Sound enticing? If so, carry on what your doing. I for one hope you see sense and find someone who wants to be with you and give you the attention you deserve.

 

Thanks for responce... in what ways do i have low self esteem? Can you give examples please?

 

You were right anyway.. he dumped me and i will write more about it in the next post:

[aSadGirl]

Sooo... you want to hear the rest of the story? It was to be continued but now it ended. Here it is:

 

We had a 4th date he was late again which made me ask him out about it and say i think we should be on time to show respect.

He tried to steer it over to cook dinner at his place which i wasn´t comfortable with after not seeing each other for a couple of weeks again... so we headed to town, but nothing was well planned so the restaurant i suggested (he wanted me to pick) was closed, then we went to get tickets to a cinema movie.. i payed them, then we went to have dinner, he payed, where we talked about mostly what he´s been doing since we last saw each other.. i didnt like the restaurant cause it was noisy so we could barly hear each other.. it wasnt romantic at all but then we went to a bar where he baught me a drink, he started caressing my arm so i said i thought something was wrong when he didnt called for like a week after our last date... he said he is just SHY since some other girl had called him out on being "too pushy" or something, but i said i like when he is forward so he said he´d be more of it (sadly after this date still all i got next day was a brief 'Have a great day ' text anyway..

 

He opened up a bit about his family then we had to run off to cinema, he said we can grab a cab (cause it was a bit far away to walk and we were already about to miss the beginning of the movie) so he stopped a cab, sat himself in the frontseat while i was right behind him in the backseat.. it felt a bit strange that he didn´t sat next to me in the backseat but it was just a 5-minute drive so I tried to not mind.. he said "Hope we will not miss the movie now" and i said "yeah me too, great idea to take a taxi.." and put my hand a quick caressing on his shoulder..

He payed the taxi a 10$ and we went into cinema.. i payed him a coca cola.. we sat at the back in the cinema-room so i thought we would be making out or kiss a bit at least, but during the whole movie he just sat there staring at the screen and caressed my hand/kneee.. I tried to meet his eyes a few times but he barely met mine.. I was a bit dissapointed he didnt try to kiss me not even once yet. So when we got out of the cinema I stand myself infront of him smileing and he said "what is it?" and i said "nothing :)" I think.. felt his breath against my face... closed my eyes and he leaned forward down towards me and kissed me 3 nice times.. not a deep kiss but not superficial either.. it gave me shivers and he then said "Yum yum! Your lips are so soft and nice" or something.. then he suggested we can go to his country house to bathe in jacuzzi and sauna.. I nodded excitingly to show i want to do it and he said "it will not go 3 weeks till next date again".

 

After his next day text "have a great day " I texted him 6 days later (instead of asking if something was wrong i just casually said): "Hope your football team wins tonight! " to which he responded "But they dont play tonight sweety " i blushed and felt stupid to not check the dates but then he wished me a great day again.. i said i am having it and on my way to my new work.. he wished me luck and said we should plan a day to meet again soon. I tried to suggest tuesday or wednesday but he said he was out of town for work and will get back thursday so we could meet then if i want to.. i said yes and asked what we shall do then and he said "dinner at my place?" we then jokingly wrote back and forth a bit then thursday came but i wasnt feeling well cause i slept strange and prepared many hours yet didnt felt "collected".. i also turned up 15 minutes late so i said it wasnt my day today.. he seemed calm and we went to his flat..

He showed me around and i thought he had too many stuff laying around, like it wasn´t a "clean slate" like when you buy an appartment but rather cluttered, still I tried to say positive things and that its going to be exciting to show him my appartment too (i thought for myself it looks more stylish, i hope he didn´t felt that in my tone of voice).. he said he´s curious to see my house too..

 

Then we started cooking food and i had never done that with a man im dating before so i was a bit nervous.. although i tried to be easygoing and talk about food etc.. at one point i dropped all the mushrooms on the floor.. he didn´t blink or say something at all while i was embarassed.. (in the perfect world id love him to help me pick up the mushrooms and smile, put his hand on mine, kiss or something) but he looked forcused on his food-preparing.. I asked coy if i could just was the mushrooms of in the water (despite they had been on the perhaps dirty floor) and he said "sure" withouth a glance.. He said it looks great (the way i chopped things) and we wrapped it up.. then sat eating but he seemed not so present.. he looked a bit in his phone saying some stranger were messaging him and he played along.. he asked me about what im going to do this weekend and i said i will go to movies with friends while he said he will celebrate a friend´s birthday and chill with family..

 

After the dinner he opened the window cause it was so smooky air inside after cooking.. i felt the touching wasnt happeing so i hugged him thanking for dinner and he kissed me.. we started making out.. then he suggested we watch a movie and put 10 diffrent in front of me.. i wasn´t keen on any of them..mostly action or thrillers and i also felt we haven´t connected so much so i said id like us to speak since we hadn´t met in a while (2 weeks or so) and he said "sure, we can just have the movie in the background".

I praised him for looking hot in the kitchen and he said i was looking not bad myself either with my lace pantihose and all..

I asked what he would think about going to a popular musical and he was positive about it.

 

We sat in the sofa but quickly started to kiss again.. I tried to pause it and said "what do you want to know about me?" (cause i didnt feel he were asking so much to get to know me..) he said "when was your last relationship and for how long?" I said "around newyear, a couple of months.. " asked him the same question and he said "1.5 years ago, it lasted 2 years, i thought he was the one, but then......" (with a dissapointed look in his face) so I hugged him and asked if he was over her and he said "yes" and i said me too..

I somehow named how he havent called even though he said on last date he rather speak in phone than text. He again voiced up that he is just shy.. I even named the "roses" of the pictures he still got of his ex on his facebook but he had this "confused look" and said he didnt thought much of them.. as if he didn´t knew they were there and they are "just memories". This didnt feel so good since i hate he is friend with his ex on facebook still and got the picturs, as if the door for them isn´t completely closed even 1.5 years after he broke up with her (for reasons he told be on 2nd date that they grow to be bestfriends instead of lovers and she was messy and didn´t "woo him" or something like that)....

 

Then we made out heavily again, he suggested oilmassage of my back i declined to (i feel angry at myself now cause i was stiff and it would felt great with his ands) but then he started to caress me under my clothes.. i should´ve said stop but it just was so cozy so i let him go further one millimeter after another.. till we almost were naked... he was super-horny and i wasn´t because i lacked the connection through words/energy previous to this YET i felt it was so cozy to cuddle... He said "i really want you.. shall we go to bed?" to which i responed "not yet.. I dont know your intentions or if you´re seing someone else yet.." He said

"No im just seeing you, barely have time for you even... my goal is to win your heart " and put his hand over the place where my heart is located.. I got so happy and hugged him kissing againg..

I asked about if he had any fetishes and he said "dirtytalk to me, grip of your hair/head.." and asked me what my favorite position is in bed, I sad "from behind" and he breathed heavily, seemed really horny so then we continued and he fingered me.. we got undressed completely.. so i massaged his dick.. it looked perfect but i was restrictive to not have sex all the way.. so i just gave him an orgasm with my hand and he said it was better than when he does it and was happy.. he suggested to lick me but i declined and he said jokingly "blame youself!;)" then he cuddled with me, kissing, stroking my body.. but almost fell asleep..

 

I asked when he has to go to work and he said "up 6AM", it was already midnight so i should leave but it was so warm and cozy with him while the wind blowed cold outside and i didn´t feel like leaving him. I asked if he could walk me to trainstation and he said "sure.. or you can sleepover if you want to then sleep longer while i go to work" I agreed.

We went to bed, but continue to play and fool around naked in the bed. I was sitting on one of his legs while caressing his dick again..

(i know what you people must think by now.. slutshaming me or something but i felt we had 5 dates already so it would be ok to have fun between the sheets but not going all the way yet!)

 

He said "you have no idea how "porn´y" you look now.. I bet you´d be awesome on riding.." but i wouldnt get him that lucky that night.. and said "but how do you mean porn´y.. im not that harshly looking am i "and he said "no you´re naturally beautiful" or somethin.. then he said he was sensitive down there cause he just came so recently (like half hour before that) so i didnt touch him more.. then he just fingered me but i cant orgasm from it.. i should´ve voiced up and told him he can caress me outside with fingers or so but i felt he was tired, eager and clumsy right then so i didnt want to ask him for it..

But we just starred into each others eyes and he looked at my body alot.. kissing my breast and said overall that he really didn´t expect all this but it was wonderful and i said so too.. it felt like we were HIGH on each other in a surreaslitic powerful moment in time..

 

I said told him ive been on many 1-dates with guys last months but didn´t feel like dating someone of them more until him.. and he said he haven´t had anyone for a long time sleepingover etc either..

We spooned and he said it was so cozy and i said "yeah, i wish it could be this forever.. or can i say so? hihi " he laughed a bit, hugged me tighter and said: "Just wait, maybe i´m like a plaster, you will never get rid of me " and i was so happy! it felt too good to be true. which it was too...

 

He was tired and it was 1A.M so we said goodnight and he fell asleep instantly while i was wide awake and a bit tipsy from the wine so i went to toilet.. when i got back he asked what i was doing in a sleepy tone and i said "drinking water" and he went back to sleep.. each time when he almost woke up he put his hand on my back or my stomach <3 I really loved his hands on me so i didnt want to move to accidently wake him up but at some point i asked him to please move a bit to his side of the bed cause i barely had any place to sleep on.. the bed was a bit hollow/like a pit so i felt pain in my back.. then suddenly the alarm on his clock rang 6AM..

he turned over seeing me but wasnt really smiling.. almost like he was surpriced i was there.. then he looked at the window and i looked at him.. wondering what his next move would be.. (i hear while im writing im coming off as really insecure but its a tough situation for me to handle all this..) i think we kissed a loose kiss.. I asked how he was feeling and told him i hadnt slept and he snoored a bit.. he said sorry then he just put the alarm on snoozemode and turned his back on me.. i caressed his arm but then thought he might just want to try sleep a bit more.. his alarm rang each 10 minutes for half an hour and i asked if he really had to go to work and he said "yes.. in a little while". then he got up, i said "i should go to" and he said "NO you can stay here and sleep some more.." and he put the extra key on the desk next to me.. i felt a relief cause it showed he cared for my wellbeing and I felt more than a "one night stand"... on my way to girlfriend status with that trust. (I would never let a guy that slept over my home be in my appartment among all my jewelry etc that can get stolen or broken if i didn´t trusted him 100% and wanted to be serious! And I´d like to believe he´s the same)

 

When he was about to go i got up from bed and said "Thank you for yesterday, tonight and that I can stay and rest some more" he hugged and kissed me, not really smiling but was calm" He said " you can post the key when you leave" and i intepreted it like i had to go home then post the key back to him through post-office.. so i said "dont you want to see me again?" a bit frightened.. and he said "post the key thourgh the door?" And i said "aha.. sure i´ll do that".. (but secretly i wanted to just take the key with me to being able to come home to him anytime i´d want to hihi )

 

I slept some more, then got up and made his bed, washed the dishes from yesterday´s meal and layed a chocolate at his kitchen table for him (i had with me in my purse)..

time passed by and i had some earrands to call. then suddenly when i washed last dishes he got home in the middle of the day. I wasn´t prepared, cause he told me he´d work till 10PM so he was really surprised to see me there.. I said i was free that day till the evening when i´d meet up with friends and his appratment was close to them than for me to go home and back which would take extra 2 hours.. (he lives almost in town)..

 

Anyway it was hot in his appartment cause we cant open the windows since workers are fixing the flat´s balchonies etc.. he said it would be nice with a shower and i said "yeah.. can i take one now or do you have to run back to work?" he said " no i got time" and i said "we can shower together" and he said "if you dare to ".. then we went into the shower-cabine which was smaller than i expected so we barely fit in there.. we stared caressing each others skin with soap and things got steamy hot.. he had an erection again.. then he put up my hand-writs to the glazed tiles highger and higher up while making out with me till he lift me like 10 centimetres above the ground.. I thought that was sexy and fun (Resabled of a 50 Shades of Grey scene).. then he fingered me and i felt i really like this man.. and felt that because he said he wants to win my heart and he trusted me to be in his appartment without him already i went down on him.. started sucking his glans, and licking his balls while trying to look up on him but it was a really uncomfortable position cause he was tall and i couldnt find room or a way to stand comfortably while giving him head..

He said with a big smile on his face "isn´t this sex? " (cause i had yesterday said i want to wait with those things) and i was blushing and felt embarassed to crossed my bounderies but it felt right at that moment.. We finnished up then went with our towels around us to his bed´s edge where we continue making out and he fingered me some more.. then i carassed him to an orgasm, we cleaned up and cuddled some more.. he suggested to go down on me to, licking but i declined with a "no thank you".

I was thinking about disclosure to him about an illnes i have but i didn´t dare to right then and there cause i wanted to see how he´d act after this date, because frankly, i didn´t felt all that sure that we´d see each other again I wanted to be vulnerable and open up to him but i was too scared to...

 

I was anxious that it was super-bright daylight, i had a bit of a hungover, didn´t get so much beauty-sleep and didn´t had any makeup with me so my mascara was on my cheeks like a panda perhaps and i felt it was too early for him to see me like that.. i also felt ugly with my breasts even though he licked/toughed/kissed them a lot because they are assymetrical and i also had almost a bit of acne over my chest.. so i felt not in my most beautiful self but he said i was fine and that my breast aint that small and that they dont have to be so big to begood-looking they are anyway.

 

Then he seemed a bit self-concious about his body too and said he has anxiety for not going to gym (he is slim and has a bit of muscles but not much, not fat either though)..

I said he looks very handsome anyway but that we can go to the gym together and he was positive about that and to see me in the gym..

Then he fell asleep a short moment but our phones were bothering us all the time.. He answered his work-colleague and said "I was on toilet" (not with me). I asked if he wouldn´t be late to stay this long before going back to work and he said "Maybe.. but it´s worth it!" then we got up, dressed, he whistled happily..

 

Then we went out from his appartment to the elevator.. but he didn´t look me in my eyes or touch me at all the 9 floors we went down..rather looked almost like in the mirror or up somewhere not really present.. I got worried because of this so when we went towards the gate-door I sort of made some noise as in i wanted to speak up and he raised his eyebrows as if his bodylanguage were thinking "what do you want to say?" but without the words.

so I spoke up: "so when do we see each other again " (I know it was stupid, i should´t chased him but i didn´t knew any better at that time) and he said "I can meet you any evening next week except for tuesday" so i said "Ok, how about monday?" and he said "sure" and i said again in a self-consious tone of voice "Then we can play some game, or do something outside of the house.. ask and answer questions" or something like that.. my voice almost dissapeared.. i was suprised myself to be so insecure when i had been quite self-assured previous to all this.. and he said "yeah sure"..

 

We got outside the gate door and his colleague wasn´t there with the car yet.. we stood still for a few seconds and he almost looked a bit bothered.. and suggested he can walk me to the train-station (although i knew where it was, only 3 minutes away from his home).. we didn´t held hands.. something felt a bit off in the air but i didn´t know.. i just didn´t want any awkward silences so i tried to say in a positive manner "What a lovely weather.. great for autumn-walk" and then "its going to be interesting to watch that movie tonight with my friends.." he barely said anything.. not what i remember.. and i regret not being more tuned into how lovely our "double-day-date" were.. we didn´t talk about it at all..

Even the kiss was a bit awkward, happend to get on the cheek and he laughed it off saying "dismissal-kiss" with a smile but then we corrected it with a quick kiss on the lips, i waved him by and wished him good luck for work..

 

This was frieday, then a couple of days passed by.. I didnt hear anything from him but thought he was busy with work and his friends and family.. perhaps had to digest the long extende date..

On sunday i texted him

"Hi super-man, hope your weekend was great! Can we speak a bit shortly on the phone now? " this was just 9:20 PM. He answered me 10AM next morning

"Hi! Sorry i didn´t answer, i had fell asleep.

I´m at home in bed having a fever but i hope i´ll get better for tonight" (with a sick-termometer smiley).

 

(We were supposed to see each other that night but i felt a huge red varning bell ring when i read that) It felt awful, yet i played along and asked him 6 hours later how he was feeling (also without cute smileys)"

He responded quickly "I feel a bit better, but still got fever :/"

I responed "Ok, get well!"

 

Then radio silence.. and i saw him liking other girls pictures.. two new of me too but nothing more or less.. he even sent a humorous video-clip openly to a girl on her facebook wall! I felt jealous as hell and couldn´t believe what was happening. Although i could´ve predict this was coming, it sting like a wasp in the heart..

So I texted him "Hi, what´s up?" no response. The next day "Hi, did you get my message?" no response. Then next day I called him one signal, no call back.

 

So i couldn´t take it anymore and yesterday sent him this text:

 

"When you ignore me like this i feel sad. I thought the fine we had was real and strong the 6 dates, especially when you last time said your goal is to win my heart and you had the trust to let me be in your appartment while you were at work.. When you didn´t want to meet more i´d appriciated it if you would´ve told me that right away, not indirectly.

So what made your feelings grow Cold? What did I say or do that you didn´t like? I deserve an explanation now!"

 

Got NO RESPONSE EITHER (at least yet). He is just continue to liking other girls things and sent a humous clip to his little sister yesterday of an animal..

 

So yes, he has ghosted me, vanished into thin air... and although i know what you are going to say: that i chased him down and was too easy, seeking validation etc... i still feel hurt and heartbroken that it ended this way! So please have some empathy when you write me a response to this! And please only tell me the good things I did but also examples of what i could said/done diffrently AND most importantly: what i can do now to make him contact me and want to date further?

 

Otherwise I´m thinking about writing him this text soon then remove him everythere afterwards:

 

"It´s totoally unacceptable and disrespectful of you to not answer. It doesn´t work like this! Ok if we only had one date or you didn´t act as if you wanted so much with me and i did something to make us fight or we parted in a bad way, but now you said you want to see me again, kissed me bye and all... so now i feel fooled and like you just were after having sex the whole time. Would you be happy if yo uahd a daughter who was treated like this? It destroys people and i hope you get to experience that yourself one day to understand how it feels and never do it to someone again.

I´m incredibly dissapointed that you weren´t even man enough to tell me like it is and why you didn´t want to continue. I thought better about you, coward!" What do you think about this potential response?

but I HAVEN´T SENT IT YET!

 

Otherwise Im thinking about to say:

"Im so dissapointed you ended things this way, very cowardly done. You could´ve talked to me about what was bothering you, for example if you are scared to enter a more comitted relationship, but even if it is things like another woman was in the picture so i´d know and have my closure but now i´ll just remove you myself everywhere. So have it your way but you will regret it and never find someone so good like me in a million years! Goodbye" (and remove him everywhere on social media)

How about that, or do you have some other suggestion?

 

I feel awful seeing all the social media activity he is making when its liking other girls pictures and such.. but i still can´t decide if i should remove him yet or not? It´s so hard!

 

What do you think is my best bet? To be honest i just wish him to come running to me saying he was just scared of commitment but really loves me and wants to have me as his girlfriend - how do i make that happen? Please help!

Edited October 16, 2016 by aSadGirl

[LD1990]

Your best bet is to block him on everything and delete any contact information you have for this guy. It wasn't cool for him to ghost you, but that happens. Texting him to chew him out or ask him what you did wrong isn't productive at all.

 

It really sounds like you're so focused on having the perfect relationship that you drive yourself and the guy you're with crazy. You keep a running tab of who pays for each individual item on your date - is it really important who pays for a short taxi ride, who pays for a Coke, who pays for tickets, etc.?

 

This guy was never right for you, but you kept trying to force a square peg into a round hole. You kept bugging him about talking to you more. You nagged him about a girl posting something on his Facebook page. You texted him about football multiple times when you know nothing about football and didn't bother to check if the team you were talking about was even playing.

 

You have to accept that he isn't the one for you. You two aren't compatible, and he doesn't want to be with you.

 

If you want to have more luck in the future, you should do two things:

 

1. Realize that life isn't a movie, and you're not going to find someone who is your perfect man in every way. There will be things you and your partner disagree about. There will be moments where your partner doesn't do the romantic thing you want him to. Accept that and relax your requirements.

 

2. Move on when you're just not compatible with a guy, instead of trying to force it. There is someone out there a whole lot more compatible with you than this guy who ghosted you. But good luck finding him if you waste all your time chasing a guy who's nothing like what you want.

[Zahara]

Good grief. Leave the man alone. Work on your self-esteem because it's in the toilet. You're being a huge pain in the ass to him. He does not give a crap about your messages. It's annoying because HE DOES NOT CARE.

 

Advice to you and you've received a ton, is useless because you're like a bull in a china shop. You run in crashing and breaking no matter how many people tell you to stop. Just blindly running head first.

 

You do whatever it is you want to do and then cry about wanting help, and even then still ask, "How do I make him like me!!!?"

 

Enough. Stay away from men. Stay single for awhile. Seek counseling because you really need guidance. Hopefully you'll gain emotional maturity when you start focusing on creating a relationship with yourself, building your self-esteem rather than chasing men to validate you.

[joseb]

 

It really sounds like you're so focused on having the perfect relationship that you drive yourself and the guy you're with crazy. You keep a running tab of who pays for each individual item on your date - is it really important who pays for a short taxi ride, who pays for a Coke, who pays for tickets, etc.?

 

This guy was never right for you, but you kept trying to force a square peg into a round hole. You kept bugging him about talking to you more. You nagged him about a girl posting something on his Facebook page. You texted him about football multiple times when you know nothing about football and didn't bother to check if the team you were talking about was even playing.

 

You have to accept that he isn't the one for you. You two aren't compatible, and he doesn't want to be with you.

 

 

I too found the bolded pretty odd, and something that would be off-putting for me.

 

I think you were just trying to force something that wasn't right.

 

Also, I always think if you are not a teenager, unless you are going to have sex, don't get naked with guys as it just leads to frustration. Now if you had sex would anything be different? Maybe, probably not.

[aSadGirl]

textt.

 

I have already sent the first text:

""When you ignore me like this i feel sad. I thought the fine we had was real and strong the 6 dates, especially when you last time said your goal is to win my heart and you had the trust to let me be in your appartment while you were at work.. When you didn´t want to meet more i´d appriciated it if you would´ve told me that right away, not indirectly.

So what made your feelings grow Cold? What did I say or do that you didn´t like? I deserve an explanation now!""

 

but i haven´t sent anything more.. why do you think my best bet is to delete him everywhere?

 

No its not important who pays for small things, i just named it here... but i wish it was standard for the guy to pay most of the time but where i live its more of a 50/50 approach, and i´ve noticied it with him..

 

I didnt bug him.. sure i asked why we werent talking more between dates.. 2 times.. but i NEVER "You nagged him about a girl posting something on his Facebook page.". That thing you misunderstood! I just saw HIM posting to a girl a humour clip 2 weeks in a row at 2 times which made me understand he likes her.

 

Ok, i know life isnt a movie but im trying to be perfect myself yet i know i cant.. cause im not perfect in the way guys want to.. have a challange of some sort of goddess girl such as Ekaterina Koba or Adriana lima..

I really felt so much chemistry with him.. </3

 

 

text

How do you see my self-esteem being in the toilet!?

Im between 25-30 and dont want to give up and be single "catlady"... I am in conseling but its going very slow... what do you mean by creating a relationship with myself? Please give examples..

 

 

text

You both weren´t reading cleary. I haven´t nagged him about a girl posting on facebook, i SAW HIM doing that to her.. sending humorclips but i havent confronted him about it at all!!!

Why do you mean it wasnt right? He told me he wants to win my heart!!!

Well i did try to ask about the contact thing but i didnt know what else to do? And about the fotball.. i just tried to show interest in his interests to have some conversation instead of "what´s wrong?" i really wanted to send instead..

[Cookiesandough]

I just went through something a bit similar. I'm sorry. I know it's hard to hear but he's simply not that interested in you. Even on this double day date thing he already wasn't, but you were all over him, so he figured 'why not?'. Next him, girl!

[LD1990]

but i haven´t sent anything more.. why do you think my best bet is to delete him everywhere?

 

Because he's clearly not into you and you're making yourself look pathetic.

 

I didnt bug him.. sure i asked why we werent talking more between dates.. 2 times.. but i NEVER "You nagged him about a girl posting something on his Facebook page.". That thing you misunderstood! I just saw HIM posting to a girl a humour clip 2 weeks in a row at 2 times which made me understand he likes her.

 

You said "I even named the 'roses' of the pictures he still got of his ex on his facebook but he had this 'confused look' and said he didnt thought much of them.. as if he didn´t knew they were there and they are 'just memories'." Sounds like nagging him about Facebook to me. And telling someone multiple times "talk to me more" is obviously going to bug them.

 

I really felt so much chemistry with him.. </3

 

Your date story was pretty critical of him then, considering all this chemistry you felt.

 

 

The guy wanted you for sex. That's it. He isn't interested in a relationship with you. You threw yourself at him so much that he decided to put in a very minimal amount of effort to get laid. Telling you he's shy? He was lying. Telling you he wants to win your heart? He was lying. That fever of his? Lying.

[ChickiePops]

He's not into you. Move on. Delete and block so you're not tempted to contact him again.

[caringsister]

I am a firm believer in if a guy ask you out on a date he should pay for it. If you ask him out you should pay for it. If he insist on paying ... It never hurts to offer to pitch in from time to time either.

 

In this situation you guys were already hanging out. He asked you if you'd like to get a bite to eat at such and such restaurant and if you had gone to the place that he had suggested then I think it would have been appropriate for him to pay. Instead you said you always wanted to go to this other restaurant. Prior to entering you disclosed it was expensive and he continued forth. That does not mean he is in any way obligated to pay for your meal.

 

OP admitted to going to the bathroom in hopes he would pick up the tab. Maybe she shouldn't expect to piggyback on his dime. If she had gone where he originally suggested this probably wouldn't have been an issue.

Edited October 16, 2016 by caringsister

[Zahara]

How do you see my self-esteem being in the toilet!?

Im between 25-30 and dont want to give up and be single "catlady"... I am in conseling but its going very slow... what do you mean by creating a relationship with myself? Please give examples

 

Are you serious? You see nothing odd or have no self-awareness to realize that there's something wrong in the way you handle yourself? You had about 100 responses on your past thread and about 250 on this thread. You got absolutely nothing from it.

 

You went on 5 dates/2 months with some married guy whom you chased and after such a short period of time knowing him, you were going on about wanting to kill yourself over him. People advised you fervently on that thread. A few months later, history repeating itself -- chasing another guy that isn't interested in you and people advising fervently to leave it alone.

 

You have no ability to grasp, listen, digest, think, ponder, reflect -- but instead you fill your head with this nonsense "cat lady" garbage and use that to justify acting desperate and needy. You take nothing from the advice given.

 

If counseling is going slow and it looks like it's not working, seek someone else. Make the effort to find someone that's actually helping you. I mean, you don't even have insight into whether your self-esteem is shot? You're asking a forum? Go to the library and pick up a self-improvement book. Go online and research articles on self-help -- what are the signs of low self-esteem, lacking self-love, what does it mean to establish a relationship with yourself, how to feel empowered, what are healthy boundaries, how to overcome co-dependence, signs of toxic behavior, etc.

 

You're not a child. You're an adult. Stop asking people to feed you. Feed yourself. Make an attempt to do the work. Instead of spending your time chasing men on the Internet, use it as a tool to educate yourself. There are tons of self-help books out there. Read. Understand. Reflect.

 

I'm sorry to be harsh with you but from your last thread and with this one now, you seem to have no ability to focus inward. Advice goes in one ear out the other.

Edited October 16, 2016 by Zahara

[aSadGirl]

I just went through something a bit similar. I'm sorry. I know it's hard to hear but he's simply not that interested in you. Even on this double day date thing he already wasn't, but you were all over him, so he figured 'why not?'. Next him, girl!

 

 

Were you initating contact or suggesting activites you´d like to do in future with him..? Were you going too fast with sex? I think that was my wrongs... now only thing i can try is to fade out myself i belive.. give him plenty of space though no contact.. i think i need to delete him on facebook and instagram and move on with my life.. hoping he will come back.. realizing we are worth a second chance... but im afraid i made too much damage.. i can see it myself that i was too "on" him now afterwards.. it might have scared him to think i want a relationship too fast... Im crying now and feel so bad.. but not because of the negative comments here but because i feel i should´ve let him lead more even if he wanted to take things superduper slow

[Calmandfocused]

Oh sad.

 

Nobody here wants you to be upset. What you're not realising is that this would have fizzled out after date 2 if you had recognised your your value and your worth.

 

I said earlier that you have low self esteem as you were so preoccupied with getting him to like/ see you that you didn't stop to think whether you deserve better. Recognise your value and worth. Don't give your all to a man who is only half bothered.

 

Learn from this sad. Avoid men who are flakey with you, be clear on what you want, and stop accepting any little attention they throw your way. Know what you want and don't accept less.

 

I'm sorry your upset, hope you feel better soon . You will

[aSadGirl]

So, i wrote him through instagram messenger "What have i done to deserve this bad treatment from you?" then deleted it but somehow he saw it and wrote me back exessivly about how his phone is at a costumers house since 1 week ago, how he forgot his password to his facebook at the same time and he is online though messenger at his computer which his dad has at vacation and he forgot my surname so he couldn´t seach on my on google to try to find my telephone number etc...

 

I know it sounds too unlikely to be true so i questioned everything giving him a hard time (Trying to make him admit he is lying but he won´t), what blew my mind was he said several times that he is sorry and feel really stupid for not being able to contact me and that he hopes i can forgive him because he wouldn´t run away from someone he likes.. and that he forgot thinking about writing me though instagram..

 

He also said "There is probably a lot of questionmarks around all this. But i like you and would never destroy anything between us.

I think i havee shown at our dates that i have tried for you. Why would i then go and throw it all away by purpose? I hope you understand that i would never do that"

 

I told him that i dont tolerate dishonesty or lies and dont want to date someone who is vannishing then reappearing but rather just someone who is consistent and foloows up between dates so that we get in touch several times a week (rather every day in some shape or form) otherwise its like starting over each time, and i wonder what he thinks about it. His last response was:

 

"No I understand you and agree 100%

I understand that you are dissapointed at me and im sorry that i haven´t gotten in touch.

I dont really know what you want me to say more than sorry :/

I like you very much anyway "

 

My heart melts by his confession but im still sceptical yet I still want to give him another chance... because I really like this guy at the bottom of my heart, what we had on our dates was so magical so i want more of it but its going to put me at risk of more hurting.. crap.

Edited October 19, 2016 by aSadGirl

[Cookiesandough]

Your heart melted at that? Gurl. I thought I was bad.

 

Sounds like really weak game to me, but wish you the best.

[MidwestUSA]

If you believe everything he told you, as stated in your first paragraph, you're in for a really long ride to nowhere. Nowhere but pain.

 

Why? Why do this to yourself?

[Gaeta]

We are talking out of touch for how long here?

[LD1990]

So, i wrote him through instagram messenger "What have i done to deserve this bad treatment from you?" then deleted it but somehow he saw it and wrote me back exessivly about how his phone is at a costumers house since 1 week ago, how he forgot his password to his facebook at the same time and he is online though messenger at his computer which his dad has at vacation and he forgot my surname so he couldn´t seach on my on google to try to find my telephone number etc...

 

That makes "my dog ate my homework" look believable.

 

He messaged you with this bogus excuse because he wants to get laid. He will continue to be distant at all other times, besides when he wants sex.

[h0000]

Here is how the story will go: he tells her he likes her yet still doesn't take her out on dates. She confronts him, he says "but you don't believe I like you. I thought you don't want to see me anymore. You were so cold to me. You hurt my feelings"

 

 

And OP will be all guilty and like "oh no I like you so much! I'm so sorry! Can I have another chance? I'd do whatever it takes!"

 

 

That's how this guy will **** the blame and manipulate OP and play with her on his finger tips till one day, he finds another girl, and completely abandons OP

[Calmandfocused]

Im sorry sad but you've lost my sympathy

 

People only treat you how you allow them to treat you. Despite pages of advice you're continuing to ignore all of it and engage in a fantasy that isn't real.

 

Hopefully one day you'll look back on this thread and take on board what people here are kindly trying to tell you.

 

I'm out but wish you all the very best.

 

Calm x

[Leigh 87]

So, i wrote him through instagram messenger "What have i done to deserve this bad treatment from you?" then deleted it but somehow he saw it and wrote me back exessivly about how his phone is at a costumers house since 1 week ago, how he forgot his password to his facebook at the same time and he is online though messenger at his computer which his dad has at vacation and he forgot my surname so he couldn´t seach on my on google to try to find my telephone number etc...

 

I know it sounds too unlikely to be true so i questioned everything giving him a hard time (Trying to make him admit he is lying but he won´t), what blew my mind was he said several times that he is sorry and feel really stupid for not being able to contact me and that he hopes i can forgive him because he wouldn´t run away from someone he likes.. and that he forgot thinking about writing me though instagram..

 

He also said "There is probably a lot of questionmarks around all this. But i like you and would never destroy anything between us.

I think i havee shown at our dates that i have tried for you. Why would i then go and throw it all away by purpose? I hope you understand that i would never do that"

 

I told him that i dont tolerate dishonesty or lies and dont want to date someone who is vannishing then reappearing but rather just someone who is consistent and foloows up between dates so that we get in touch several times a week (rather every day in some shape or form) otherwise its like starting over each time, and i wonder what he thinks about it. His last response was:

 

"No I understand you and agree 100%

I understand that you are dissapointed at me and im sorry that i haven´t gotten in touch.

I dont really know what you want me to say more than sorry :/

I like you very much anyway "

 

My heart melts by his confession but im still sceptical yet I still want to give him another chance... because I really like this guy at the bottom of my heart, what we had on our dates was so magical so i want more of it but its going to put me at risk of more hurting.. crap.

 

Oh wow.

 

I was once as gullible as you.

 

I assumed that just because I was feeling attraction to a guy and he cuddled or kissed me or held my hand --- that he must also be feeling the "magic". The did not. And neither does your guy.

 

When a man truly feels a special connection, they nearly always ACT like it. Usually men will act really interested if they felt something special with you.

 

Even men I have known who swore off relationships and were totally against dating due to recent break ups----- ended up throwing away their prior wishes of staying single for the right girl.

 

NO man who felt the magic would treat you the way this man is. Yes it is true that some men are socially awkward, lack confidence, or have genuinely bad life circumstances (such as unemployment) that hold them back from DATING a girl they REALLY felt a special spark with.

 

They would NEVER go about it the way this jerk off is-! His actions are very transparent to us seasoned daters who have since gained more than a shred of self respect over the years of our failed dating expeditions. So.....Even if a man who was seriously into you and unfortunately, was not in a position to pursue anything serious with you -- he WOULD NEVRR ACT LIKE THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Interested men acted interested.

 

Interested men who cannot commit to dating for whatever reason - do not lie to women they really like. They either explain their circumstances and plead with the the girl to consider dating him once he has his act or mental state to an acceptable level - or they bow out gracefully and apologise that things were not able to proceed, due to his circumstances.

 

 

Please repeat to yourself 1000 times the following: A man who feels that something special that I claim to feel, simply does not treat a girl they like in this manner with which this jerk is treating me.