Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

[aSadGirl]

I´m dating a guy for 6 times now but don´t like he still got pictures left of him and his ex... (I don´t care about instagram but facebook is bothering me)

They are not kissing on the pictures but they are standing close, holding each other in a loving way, looking really happy together... Im jealous since he also said he once thought she was the one but not then...

They were together for 2 years but it ended 1.5 years ago... I saw she also has pictures left of them, its almost as if they haven´t moved on completely despite he told me he has.. because they are still friends on facebook too! So i´m almost afraid their spark will light up again...

 

I´ve tried to casually bring up the topic about the "roses.. ex pictures" but he is just shrugging it of with "its just memories.." and like he isn´t thinking much about them but they are bothering me because i want him to give place for a new girlfriend (me)!

 

The guy i´m talking about is on this page:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/593048-should-he-have-paid-2nd-date-why-isnt-he-asking-me-out-3rd-yet-17.html

 

What would you advice me? Would be much appriciated! Thank you

Edited October 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
threads merged ~6

[anna121]

After 6 dates, you really have no right to ask him to do anything. Maybe if you were a long-term couple, engaged or married.

[GemmaUK]

I read your last/one of your last posts in t'other thread.

 

You seem very desperate for this guy in spite of saying you don't take 'xyz' treatment you do - you seem to like drama and you're still involved.

 

Why?

[S2B]

Please get some help coping with trivial things in life... you seem hyper focused on the imaginary world.

 

Facebook is not the real world. If it bothers you that much then don't date him.

 

You should stop stalking her. Just saying...

[hippychick3]

You must be kidding. You've only been on 6 dates with the guy! It's frankly none of your business what he has on his Facebook. If any guy told me to remove pics from my FB after 6 dates, I'd think he was a controlling nutcase and I'd dump him immediately.

 

Just FYI, I've been divorced for many years and am in a long term relationship. I still have pics of my ex somewhere in my pics from years and years ago, and I can't stand the guy. But who cares? I don't have time to waste to go through all those pages of pics and delete them and my BF would NEVER ask me to. I'm sure he has his ex buried in FB pics too, and I DONT CARE.

[sooshi]

Time and time again, you've been advised to be single and work on cultivating a relationship with yourself. Until that happens, you will never have a healthy relationship with another.

 

Six dates in, and already you're excessively attached, emotional, demanding, and controlling. You would have scared off any self-respecting person by now.

[Miss Peach]

You can't make a man do anything. He's going to want to or not.

 

6 dates in if anyone asked me something like that I would write them off as insecure. That's way too much too soon.

[eightytwenty]

I´m dating a guy for 6 times now but don´t like he still got pictures left of him and his ex... (I don´t care about instagram but facebook is bothering me)

 

 

are you guys exclusive now? If not you have no right to ask.

 

 

They are not kissing on the pictures but they are standing close, holding each other in a loving way, looking really happy together...

 

 

and maybe they were at one point....

 

 

Im jealous since he also said he once thought she was the one but not then...

They were together for 2 years but it ended 1.5 years ago... I saw she also has pictures left of them, its almost as if they haven´t moved on completely despite he told me he has.. because they are still friends on facebook too! So i´m almost afraid their spark will light up again...

 

 

again, not exclusive, you have no reason to say anything. Why show him, you're insecure and jealous over pictures, that's not a really good move?!? Plus, now he knows you've went (stalked) his facebook. If someone told me that I barely knew after a few dates told me to remove certain pictures of ex's years ago. I would laugh in their face, now relationship and they didn't like it, sure.

 

I´ve tried to casually bring up the topic about the "roses.. ex pictures" but he is just shrugging it of with "its just memories.." and like he isn´t thinking much about them but they are bothering me because i want him to give place for a new girlfriend (me)!

 

 

Once you're in a good solid place with him, and he does want to be exclusive with you, wait a couple months, then ask to take them down. Right now your the girl he's seeing, messing with, and maybe thinking about dating.

 

 

The guy I'm with. Dated, had a kid with, and he's planning on asking me to marry him, I haven't even bothered asking him to take his and his ex's down. I think he's even friends with her. I don't care, heck, he planned on marrying her and they dated longer than we've been together. He doesn't ever get on it, but I mean little tiny "facebook" crap is dumb. The next you'll be pushing him to be "facebook official".. Facebook, I wouldn't even worry about. Give them enough rope to hang themselves, if he starts talking to her, then you know what kind of guy you're dating..

 

 

No reason to show him you're insecure, jealous, malious, stalking, and above all drama....

[aSadGirl]

I´ve been on 6 dates with a guy who always has a way to ask me out through saying "We should set a date when we see each other soon :)" but i´m left to suggest the date.. i even try to ask him "so what do you want to do?" sometimes and he suggests one thing like cinema or dinner at his place but everything feels up in the air hanging...

 

I wish he could say something in lines of "Hi beautiful, how about seeing each other on thursday at 6PM and going to that restaurant and watch a movie? Or would you like to go climbing walls, or perhaps laserdome?" or something like that...

 

Is that too much to ask for?

I feel im always left hanging with the planning myself.. suggesting "I can see you tomorrow at 18" and he agrees but doesnt set the PLACE.. its even been one time when the place wasn´t picked untill last minute.. i kind of assumed we would meet where my bus lefts me off because his train goes to that place too but it feels strange not to have the details set in stone!

 

So how do i make him be more forward with suggestions? I even question myself as to perhaps he isn´t so into me so that´s why he´s letting the work be on me.. or is it because he is shy and wants me to pick the day, time and place so that he "know" i will be satisfied?

 

So many questions, no answers..

what´s your advice?

 

( P.S. I´ve wrote this before http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/593048-should-he-have-paid-2nd-date-why-isnt-he-asking-me-out-3rd-yet-updated-18.html )

Edited October 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
threads merged ~6

[smackie9]

You can't.....he is what he is. My guess is he feels it's just easier for the woman dictate where or what she wants to do. Hah maybe this is why he is still single.

[basil67]

I would imagine the reason he's like this is because he's a) indecisive and b) not assertive.

 

Is him saying "Hi beautiful, how about seeing each other on thursday at 6PM and going to that restaurant and watch a movie? Or would you like to go climbing walls, or perhaps laserdome?" too much to ask? Yes, it is too much to ask. This is not who he is and you're wrong to expect him to change.

 

And no, you can't "make" him be more forward with suggestions. You can't make a person do anything. What you do is graciously accept him for who he is or move on.

 

Lastly, what's so bad about choosing a venue while you're out? There's a lot of fun to be had checking out all the restaurants together and finding a venue for the night.

[introverted1]

I would imagine the reason he's like this is because he's a) indecisive and b) not assertive.

 

Not to mention: C) NOT interested!

 

Sad, this guy could not make it more clear that he is not into you than if he grabbed a megaphone and shouted it at your bedroom window!

 

He has tons of excuses why he isn't in touch, empty promises of how he'll try to be more assertive, bla bla. Do you really think he just left his phone at a customer's house for a WEEK?!?!

 

Sad, interested people act interested. It's pretty much that simple. This guy doesn't do any of the "work" you want/ask him to because doesn't want to and, more important, doesn't have to. You've made it clear that no matter how he acts, you will be available when/if he has nothing better to do.

 

Until you learn to value yourself, others aren't likely to value you, either.

[SwordofFlame]

I´ve been on 6 dates with a guy who always has a way to ask me out through saying "We should set a date when we see each other soon :)" but i´m left to suggest the date.. i even try to ask him "so what do you want to do?" sometimes and he suggests one thing like cinema or dinner at his place but everything feels up in the air hanging...

 

I wish he could say something in lines of "Hi beautiful, how about seeing each other on thursday at 6PM and going to that restaurant and watch a movie? Or would you like to go climbing walls, or perhaps laserdome?" or something like that...

 

Is that too much to ask for?

I feel im always left hanging with the planning myself.. suggesting "I can see you tomorrow at 18" and he agrees but doesnt set the PLACE.. its even been one time when the place wasn´t picked untill last minute.. i kind of assumed we would meet where my bus lefts me off because his train goes to that place too but it feels strange not to have the details set in stone!

 

So how do i make him be more forward with suggestions? I even question myself as to perhaps he isn´t so into me so that´s why he´s letting the work be on me.. or is it because he is shy and wants me to pick the day, time and place so that he "know" i will be satisfied?

 

So many questions, no answers..

what´s your advice?

 

( P.S. I´ve wrote this before http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/593048-should-he-have-paid-2nd-date-why-isnt-he-asking-me-out-3rd-yet-updated-18.html )

 

Why not tell him this is what you want him to do? To actually plan and set the entire date ahead of time with all details taken care of. It's clear you're not going to stop pursuing this guy no matter how poorly he treats you, so what do you have to lose.

[anna121]

I´ve been on 6 dates with a guy who always has a way to ask me out through saying "We should set a date when we see each other soon :)" but i´m left to suggest the date.. i even try to ask him "so what do you want to do?" sometimes and he suggests one thing like cinema or dinner at his place but everything feels up in the air hanging...

 

I wish he could say something in lines of "Hi beautiful, how about seeing each other on thursday at 6PM and going to that restaurant and watch a movie? Or would you like to go climbing walls, or perhaps laserdome?" or something like that...

 

Is that too much to ask for?

 

Yes.

 

(10 characters)

[Gaeta]

 

So how do i make him be more forward with suggestions?

 

Another woman who thinks she can change a man.

[clia]

He's not initiating dates with you because he's not that into you. He's only still around because you keep pushing it. Again, you are wasting your time with this guy. He does not want a relationship with you.

[Formerfiveo]

I think this goes back even way before previous guy too.

 

In fact her posts sound very familiar under a different username.

 

Had a long term bf who clearly did not love her, ignored her but she held on for dear life twisting herself like a pretzel getting him to pay attention. Literally begging him for attention and asking us for ways to get him to love her.

 

He never did and finally dumped her.

 

I hoped she would have sought help after that but apparently not.

I could be mistaken but as I said, her posts have a familiar ring to them in their desperation.

 

Very very sad indeed.

 

SadGirl we implore you..... please please please get some help.

 

THIS!

 

I noticed this too and the date of creation of the 2nd user name is suspect.

 

And if we ARE right, the fact that she tried to throw us off the scent by even commenting here under her new username is more disturbing than the desperation....if that's even possible.

Edited October 21, 2016 by Formerfiveo
Grammar

[Cookiesandough]

In b4 asadgirl comes back detailing how she texted this guy incessantly and he continued to blow her off until he had nothing better to do and reluctantly went on date 8/details every little thing they did on said date and how it was so romantic and "50 shades of grey", taking inventory of who paid for what and how he said he really, really likes her...swoon..../comes back to find he ghosted her again and she just doesn't understand why./ texts him incessantly again and week later he apologizes and says someone broke into his home and robbed him of his phone and kept him locked in the closet for weeks while they used his fb to like other girls pics, but he likes her and he's sorry /she sympathizes and asks to set up a date /rinse repeat

Edited October 21, 2016 by Cookiesandough

[aSadGirl]

So... he tried to explain himself and said he really likes me a lot and didn´t mean to dissapear... after his trip abroad he contacted me again and we chatted, flirted back and forth.. then we decided to meet again, which was 1.st november.. we went out to grab a bite and laughed and spoke a lot.. felt like we connected well.. he said sorry and that we have fun and he wants to continue dating me.. we opened up a bit and felt more like we were on the same page. We only ate dinner at a restaurant he payed and went home cause he was very tired that evening.

At least he said he worked 7AM-22PM a lot and therefore was "gone" too but now its less and also that if he meets "the one" he will cut down on work a lot and perhaps not even have the job he is having etc.. i asked "but what if it was now?" (cause i wanted to see if there was a possibility for me to be the one) and he said "then i would only work 7AM-16PM).. i have to ask him about this next time we see each other + also what his idea on romance is.. bacause i lack effort in that area.. like when he came home to me he "should´ve" brought a bottle of wine or flowers i think the least.. but im afraif that if he isn´t romantic yet cause his feelings aint strong enough then i cant force it.. dont want to nag and be needy.

We had great flow in our conversations though and a lot of fun/laughs =)

 

Then next date a couple days later we were home at my place, i gave him dinner and a carrotcake he liked.. we ended up making out.. i actually disclosured to him about myGenitalHerpes (had no outbreak at the time though) and he said its great that im honest! He seemed to be ok with it because we had oralsex after this.. so im very happy that he must like me enough to not be scared for this STD...

He thanked me politely next day for the date, we perhaps were about to go to a haloweenparty with my firends but he was busy at dinner with his cousins.. then he got a bad cold so we haven´t seen each other in 1 week now but he has written me "Have a nice day :* " texts..

I said i baught saffron spice to make a soup for oss later and he said "it sounds exciting cutie :love:" so he seemed happy.. now its been 2 almost 3 days since we haven´t gotten in touch but im not so worried, yet i wrote last time so the ball is kind of in his court..

 

I wished though that he last 3 dates would´ve spoken more about future dates i felt were a lack off.. also he haven´t immersed me into his life of friends..we talked about them on last date on my behaf but he haven´t suggested me meeting them so im a bit down about that we ain´t "there" yet as I see it as important milestones..

We also still havent spoken on phone to chatt, only once he called me and asked where the adress to me was when he was early at my place last date..

at least he showed that he knows how to use the phone to call me.. but yeah.. i wish he could call and talk a bit everyday.. just 5 minutes would be enough to enlighten my heart.. but i dont know if i can make such request yet.. also that i want us to meet 2 times a week now on... and perhaps plan to celebrate new year together.. but i think its too far ahead to ask him about it ;/ he also has a trip planned with his family 2 weeks in january..

Edited November 11, 2016 by aSadGirl

[LD1990]

then he got a bad cold so we haven´t seen each other in 1 week now but he has written me "Have a nice day :* " texts..

 

For the love of god.

 

Didn't he "have a cold" a few weeks ago? Does this guy have the worst immune system on the planet?

 

It's crazy how delusional you are about this guy. Your attempt at a relationship with him isn't progressing at all because he doesn't want it to.

[S2B]

Why are you making him dinner? Why isn't he asking you OUT on dates 2-3 times a week?

 

He's not that interested!

 

Date other men!!!! Men that make effort and plan a date and take you out!

 

And for goodness sake - he could easily be married - with the way he's unwilling to make effort and always unavailable I bet he's married!

 

 

8 dates since August? That's pathetic. He's not interested.

[aSadGirl]

For the love of god.

 

Didn't he "have a cold" a few weeks ago? Does this guy have the worst immune system on the planet?

 

It's crazy how delusional you are about this guy. Your attempt at a relationship with him isn't progressing at all because he doesn't want it to.

 

YEs.. he is sick quite a bit lately.... but have in mind he worked 7AM-22PM (but less now=... and maybe he needs to have a slow pace in our relationship so it wont go too fast with the seriousness/feelings and all.. i cant force it.. but we still seem to get along well and liking each other at least so i think i can blossom soon

 

Why are you making him dinner? Why isn't he asking you OUT on dates 2-3 times a week?

 

He's not that interested!

 

Date other men!!!! Men that make effort and plan a date and take you out!

 

And for goodness sake - he could easily be married - with the way he's unwilling to make effort and always unavailable I bet he's married!

 

 

8 dates since August? That's pathetic. He's not interested.

 

I made him dinner cause he has given me dinners several times and i wanted him to see how i live too..+ it felt relaxing to just chill at my place for once.. he has suggesting but he is not the best at planning.. i told him im not comfortable in having the lead so he can suggest ideas (when i first said he dont know what to suggest).. he said bowling biljard dinner, so he can suggest and wants to date at least!

 

He is not married and he is not dating other women, he even brought down his online dating profile i saw..

I didnt meet in october because of some circumstances but he is willing to continue dating me so i take it as a good sign, i just hope its not because he is trying to "go all the way in bed with me"..

He is contacting me in between and wishig me a nice day but i wish he would ask me about the day, and not just wish hmm..

Edited November 11, 2016 by aSadGirl

[Gaeta]

From August to November 8 times.

 

Now he sees you once a week and no contact between dates. You know what we call that right?

 

Hon, it's not because he was intimate with you after learning about your std that he likes you in a good way. I also carry the same virus as you and had plenty of men ready to be FWB with me or just one night stands.

[S2B]

I think your wishful thinking is delusional.

 

I don't care how busy any guy is - they still PLAN a date a few times a week IF they are interested.

 

This guy isn't that interested! And IF he is but doesn't know what to plan then he's just plan boring and/or cheap! He won't take the lead when you've practically begged him.

 

You two are far from a good match.

[aSadGirl]

So I´ve dated this guy since august till last week (december). We´ve been on many dates in town and at home at each others places... We gradually came closer to each other, he said it feels great and that he likes me alot.

 

Lately he´s been though a rough patch where he happened to injure his toe badly so there was a surgery, then he got infection so he had antibiotics then he he got a bad cold and also worked double shifts last weeks.

 

We hadnt seen each other since in beginning of december and spoke on phone this wednesday where he said he would try to heal from the cold so we could see each other before he goes on a vacation 2 weeks then he is home 1 week then goes on another vacation 2 more weeks..

 

So we were supposed to try see each other this weekend but he was sick.. and so i sent him these qoutes/pictures:

"Lets have fun passion honesty companionship love growth loyalty great conversations and sex that drives us crazy <3"

+

aurora northen lights-pic

+

"Would you lay like this with me and talk about anything and everything?" where a couple laid on the bed watching the stars.

+

A teacup with the universe inside it

+

"Moments with you, i wish i could stop time" (on a sexy doggystyle-picture)

+

10 Crystals with the text "which is your favorite?"

+snowy landscape-picture

 

The only thing he said was 7AM friday was:

"Did you draw the teacup? "

I said "No but it would be easy to do :D"

And he said "It was a very fine teacup :)"

And i said "Yees :)"

I was chocked he didnt comment anything else! I waited half the day then wrote "I know a place where they have such teas By the way, how is your cold, better?"

 

He didnt even open this message! This was friday.

So i waited.. but saw him online, liking other girls pictures on instagram!

Saturday 9PM I called him - no answer.

Sunday at 11PM I wrote "Why aint you responding? It doesnt feel good"

Monday 9AM "If the communication wont get better now, then what we had is over"

14PM before his plane lift of from the airport to his tropical paradise with 2 friends:

"Why are you so mean and exit what we had this ignorant way!?

Okay if we only had been on a couple of dates but not a dozen since August and you lately led me to believe we had something Going on, that it was good between us and you wanted to meet. I don´t understand how you can act like this after all.

I had much higher thoughts about you than you being this coward. You are not man enough for me, so I delete you everywhere now. Goodbye"

 

He still didnt respond.

I removed him from instagram and made my private, right away he OPENED his instagram from always being private to now be public! I instantly saw 2 happy pictures from his vacation and burned with jealousy/sorrow...

 

I am regretting I sent this last text, I was just mad at him not talking to me, that´s all. So i broke up with him, but not by purpose, only because i felt i had to because he was so quiet.

 

I can imagine he thought i was "Too pushy" When i sent those loving pics/texts and then called him once every day this weekend without him answering... I know chasing isnt working.. I just got desperate and couldnt believe he was dumping me in this GHOSTING way!

 

Although i feel his ignorance is awful i still love him! And don´t want it to be over.

The problem is... what the hell do i do now? I want to write him that im sorry for what i said and didn´t mean it, i was just mad for being ignored all weekend before his vacation...

 

I still got him on Facebook as a friend.. should i remove him or what? Please help! :'(