Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

[Zahara]

Why is there no way to get him back!???

 

How do you mean i should rebuild my self-esteem? I have gotten that advice from so many but no one is telling me how to do it!

 

Why? Because he is not interested in you. You can't force someone to be interested in you. And your behavior will send any man running for the hills. You're dependent, obsessive and needy. He knows that and no man wants to deal with that type of behavior.

 

You've received many, many posts on how to rebuild your self-esteem. Go back and read your threads. You fail to have any introspection. You rattle on and on, blindly running into walls. It's so apparent in the way you communicate here.

 

You're so caught up in this lalaland of love that nothing anyone is saying is registering in your brain.

[Zahara]

I see...

 

well, i did try to set bounderies such as telling him its no ok to tell me he will call me a certain day and not do it... or its not okey to be late to dates... but other than that its hard as i felt he did want me at some points.. since we have been on 12 dates it must meant something...

its not easy to "not care" when there is feelings involved</3

 

Yes, he wanted you. But not for reasons that were based on creating a genuine connection with you. It was sex, company, fun, etc.

 

Feelings are feelings. But when someone is treating you in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself, then "feelings" take a backseat and you hold onto your self-respect. You create a boundary that protects you from falling further into pain.

 

Feelings do not justify chasing a man that does not want to be with you.

[clia]

I see...

 

well, i did try to set bounderies such as telling him its no ok to tell me he will call me a certain day and not do it... or its not okey to be late to dates... but other than that its hard as i felt he did want me at some points.. since we have been on 12 dates it must meant something...

its not easy to "not care" when there is feelings involved</3

 

I can't even believe this thread is still going.

 

He is not interested in you and you are making a fool of yourself. You have to move on. You have no choice.

 

The examples you describe above are not "setting boundaries." They are examples of why you don't have boundaries. You don't have to tell a guy who is interested in you that he needs to call you. You don't have to tell a guy who is interested in you that he needs to be on time. These are blazing red flags of a guy who is not that interested in you, but you stuck around. Actual boundary setting behavior would be to move on when he behaved like this. But I can't even hate this guy -- he's been abundantly clear from the beginning that he didn't want to date you seriously.

 

Here's another protip -- don't send guys endless pictures and quotes. They don't like that. I suffered secondhand embarrassment reading all the crap you sent this guy, and I can clearly picture him shuddering and deleting the message immediately.

[lana-banana]

You do realize that when you sent your text message, he was wrapped around his new girlfriend? Your text message may have been lost in the avalanche of "happy New Year!" texts people tend to send each other at midnight. Or he deleted it. Or maybe he showed it to his new girlfriend, who shared a laugh and cringe at your expense, before deleting it. Does that hurt to think about? It should. You have utterly humiliated yourself with this guy and it's over. He has a new girl and you cannot get him back. For all you know he's taking her on vacation too. Even if he isn't, do you really want to watch their relationship unfold on social media? Will you spend Valentine's Day watching them post sweet pictures together?

 

Do you remember where you went for lunch three Wednesdays ago? Maybe if you think really hard, but probably not. You certainly don't remember any real details about it. It was a moment in time that passed. You've completely forgotten about it since you discovered an awesome new place that you like way more. I know it's obvious but just to be clear: you are the forgotten cafe in this scenario. He does not think about you or have any feelings for you. The only way to start reclaiming your dignity is to walk away.

[aSadGirl]

Soo... his new girl instagram just a few days prior to this. I first thought he had a party, but apperantly they were dating because next day she put up a text saying "butterflies in stomach says something bigger is happening in the heart" and he liked that post (he never likes cheezy posts like that otherwise).

Then the bomb dropped yesterday. he sent a <3 smiley with "heart-eyes<3<3" as a comment on her selfie where she smiles and showes off a tattoo.

It killed me because during all those 4 months we dated he NEVER commented such thing on my pictures </3

Tomorrow he is coming home and i guess they will continue dating and soon be an official couple while Im all heatbroken </3

How do i stop looking at his social media? and her´s? its so hard to stop...

 

one ODD thing is that he on my 28-th birthday a few days ago OPENED the message i sent 1 month ago "why don´t you responding? it doesnt feel good".

guess it was his way of congratulate me lol or not..........

 

Please people, don´t be so hard on me! its not easy to accept his interest shifted from me to her... I dont know how to move on, im just laying in bed half days then go excersising and making food and making some phonecall to some friend/familymember.. but i have no zest/urge/JOIE DE VIVRE for anything Im trying to set up goals for 2017 and get my act together but i feel HUMILIATED that he left me for her.. a 21-year-old blonde (im brunette) who he seems to already like much more than he ever liked me ;(

[ExpatInItaly]

The only person making this worse for you is...you.

[aSadGirl]

+and yes my self-esteem is down the toilet and i dont know how to stop this heartache/think about him even, i dont have the dicipline and fear commiting suicide cause i feel so abondoned.. and even from my best friend who called my family up telling them about this a week ago so that it was chaos in my family.. they already knew a bit but he made them think it´s worse so i had to calm them down... cause i dont want to worry them.. now i have to remove this "friend" as i feel he backstabbed me, spilling my secrets to them i told him with trust he shattered.

 

Now i trust nobody anymore and dont feel anything is fun anymore.. i dont want to hang out with friends or do anything, the only thing im having control over is excersising im doing everyday but i have ate too much so i still went up in weight to 62 kilos and must lose 10 kilos.. must study, start working, taking driving-licence etc .. but HOW when i feel life is meaningless andpointless when i cant trust people? And they act so bad towards me ;(

 

 

The only person making this worse for you is...you.

 

how exactly is that?

[aSadGirl]

You do realize that when you sent your text message, he was wrapped around his new girlfriend? Your text message may have been lost in the avalanche of "happy New Year!" texts people tend to send each other at midnight. Or he deleted it. Or maybe he showed it to his new girlfriend, who shared a laugh and cringe at your expense, before deleting it. Does that hurt to think about? It should. You have utterly humiliated yourself with this guy and it's over. He has a new girl and you cannot get him back. For all you know he's taking her on vacation too. Even if he isn't, do you really want to watch their relationship unfold on social media? Will you spend Valentine's Day watching them post sweet pictures together?

 

Do you remember where you went for lunch three Wednesdays ago? Maybe if you think really hard, but probably not. You certainly don't remember any real details about it. It was a moment in time that passed. You've completely forgotten about it since you discovered an awesome new place that you like way more. I know it's obvious but just to be clear: you are the forgotten cafe in this scenario. He does not think about you or have any feelings for you. The only way to start reclaiming your dignity is to walk away.

 

He was on vacation first with his friends then family.

How can you be so harsh!? Why are you beating me down about this instead of lifting up? I thought this was as helping-forum, not "pointing fingers at everything you do wrong" forum..

 

I know ive acted wrong but i was so shaken by his ignorance and then that he has this new girl and yeah.. you are right.. i should stop looking, as he comes home tomorrown and they will probably continue dating and have a lovely valentines day that will kill me if i see it.. i just dont know how to walk away.. to what ? perhaps go hang myself or jump infront of a train.. i see no more point of living.. so sick and tired about everybodys advice about "work on yourself". i dont know what to change.. to keep a man like him from the beginning. I was happy strong sensual lovely woman before all this as i thought.. but perhaps i loved him too much.. i got a bit too chlingy at times and even jealous and nagging when he didnt call as he promised or even angry when he was 45 min late to a dinner-date at my place etc.. everything took it´s toll </3

Edited January 17, 2017 by aSadGirl

[Zahara]

i just dont know how to walk away.. to what ? perhaps go hang myself or jump infront of a train.. i see no more point of living..

 

You do realize that this has been your train of thought. You had the same reaction when the married guy stopped paying attention to you and you had a very short encounter with him as well. You wanted to kill yourself over that man too.

 

As many of us have suggested to you, and having advised you to work on your self-esteem -- this pattern will not end until you do the work. You seek men to fill your void. When they leave, you are empty to the point of wanting to kill yourself. You lose your identity in men and you likely have no sense of self because of they way you attach to these guys.

 

Seek professional help. Stay single. Feel your grief and pain. Push through. Read self-help books. Meditate. Find a cause and volunteer. Take a trip on your own. Start exercising. Etc.

 

Focus inward. It's going to be hard in the beginning but if you invest the time in yourself, you won't be in situations that make you feel compelled to believe that your life is worthless and that all is lost.

[ExpatInItaly]

+and yes my self-esteem is down the toilet and i dont know how to stop this heartache/think about him even, i dont have the dicipline and fear commiting suicide cause i feel so abondoned.. and even from my best friend who called my family up telling them about this a week ago so that it was chaos in my family.. they already knew a bit but he made them think it´s worse so i had to calm them down... cause i dont want to worry them.. now i have to remove this "friend" as i feel he backstabbed me, spilling my secrets to them i told him with trust he shattered.

 

Now i trust nobody anymore and dont feel anything is fun anymore.. i dont want to hang out with friends or do anything, the only thing im having control over is excersising im doing everyday but i have ate too much so i still went up in weight to 62 kilos and must lose 10 kilos.. must study, start working, taking driving-licence etc .. but HOW when i feel life is meaningless andpointless when i cant trust people? And they act so bad towards me ;(

 

 

 

 

how exactly is that?

 

Re-read this thread.

 

You refuse to let go. You refuse to listen to posters trying to help you. You speak about yourself as though you are a victim.

 

You have a lot more power than you think. You have gotten way too comfortable with the woe-is-me role. That's your comfort zone, I gather.

[Redhead14]

+and yes my self-esteem is down the toilet and i dont know how to stop this heartache/think about him even, i dont have the dicipline and fear commiting suicide cause i feel so abondoned.. and even from my best friend who called my family up telling them about this a week ago so that it was chaos in my family.. they already knew a bit but he made them think it´s worse so i had to calm them down... cause i dont want to worry them.. now i have to remove this "friend" as i feel he backstabbed me, spilling my secrets to them i told him with trust he shattered.

 

Now i trust nobody anymore and dont feel anything is fun anymore.. i dont want to hang out with friends or do anything, the only thing im having control over is excersising im doing everyday but i have ate too much so i still went up in weight to 62 kilos and must lose 10 kilos.. must study, start working, taking driving-licence etc .. but HOW when i feel life is meaningless andpointless when i cant trust people? And they act so bad towards me ;(

 

 

 

 

how exactly is that?

 

how exactly is that?--Because of all the mind-f'ing you are doing to yourself.

 

my best friend who called my family up telling them about this a week ago -- Your friend is concerned about you because he/she knows that you are way overreacting and out of control with your emotions and thought process. And, knows you need help.

 

he made them think it´s worse -- You made HIM think it's worse because of your behavior!!!! It's over the top given the situation. The family is worried about you and rightly so -- i dont have the dicipline and fear commiting suicide

 

i dont have the dicipline and fear commiting suicide cause i feel so abondoned.. -- Your friend sees that you are struggling and knows that your behavior/attitude is not a typical response to the situation.

 

Please get yourself to a counselor. It's absolutely imperative. Your behavior is "histrionic". You need to make yourself get focused on something else, anything else for a while. If you don't want to worry your family and friends, get to counseling!

[VeveCakes]

How do i stop looking at his social media? and her´s? its so hard to stop...

 

but i feel HUMILIATED that he left me for her.. a 21-year-old blonde (im brunette) who he seems to already like much more than he ever liked me ;(

 

Delete the app from your phone. I had to delete Instagram, and I deactivated Facebook. Whats more important, social media, or your mental well being?

 

FYI hair colour means nothing. I'm sorry that he is commenting on her pics and didn't with you, it seems as though he is into her. We can not blame ourselves because someone doesn't like us. We can not help who we like. It doesn't mean you are not likeable or loveable, it just means he was not the man for you.

 

I think it's best you stop lurking on his life online.

 

Do you work? Have friends to spend time with? Get outside ever?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

The only way to stop looking at his (and her) social media is to block them. I strongly recommend you do this.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. It doesn't sound like you can cope with this alone so please find a therapist to help you work through it and get things back on track.

 

There is no shame in asking for help, but when it gets this bad, it should really be from a professional.

[Blanco]

It sounds like you lack introspection. You focus a lot on what others do and how that affects you, but seem to give far less attention to what you do and how that affects you.

 

You are almost entirely outcome-dependent, so it's no surprise that things such as rejection from a guy you barely know (and sorry, lady, you DON'T know this guy well) bring your entire world crashing down around you.

 

Here's the rub: A man will not fix this. That has to come from you. As long as you are waiting on a man or some other external factor to validate your own self worth, you will be a passenger on this horrific emotional rollercoaster.

 

I agree with the person who said your woe-is-me mindset seems to be a comfort zone issue with you, probably because you've become so accustomed to it. You have to break away from that. Get into counseling. Read more books about self-image and related topics. I get the sense that a lot of your reading is dedicated to how to get your ex back or how to get guys to like you. Read some stuff that's going to actually enrich yourself rather than just net you something (or someone) to temporarily make you feel better.

 

You're making this way harder than it has to be, evident by the fact that we're 20-plus pages into this and you still seem resistant to the idea that this is within your control.

[alterest]

In my country we expected at least that the woman offer herself to split the bill. And is not uncommon that we split it at the first date, cause we see woman as independent person that works and know what they want. I don't know how your culture works, but for my sight you should split bills or at least offer to split, and if he wants to pay the entire bill, so it's ok.

 

But, if he doesn't call you to another date, try to invite him by yourself. If he doesn't want to go out anymore, forget him, improve yourself and find another person who wants to go out with you. Don't imagine what could be, ask and discover what it be. Expectations isn't good at all.

 

Cheers

[Redhead14]

In my country we expected at least that the woman offer herself to split the bill. And is not uncommon that we split it at the first date, cause we see woman as independent person that works and know what they want. I don't know how your culture works, but for my sight you should split bills or at least offer to split, and if he wants to pay the entire bill, so it's ok.

 

But, if he doesn't call you to another date, try to invite him by yourself. If he doesn't want to go out anymore, forget him, improve yourself and find another person who wants to go out with you. Don't imagine what could be, ask and discover what it be. Expectations isn't good at all.

 

Cheers

 

This thread has gone way beyond whether or not she splits the bill . . . it has crossed over into a completely different realm that demonstrates that the OP is obsessive and still fretting over a guy she's had 8 dates with since August and those dates only happened because she's chasing him exhaustively.

[nolookingback716]

The examples you describe above are not "setting boundaries." They are examples of why you don't have boundaries. You don't have to tell a guy who is interested in you that he needs to call you. You don't have to tell a guy who is interested in you that he needs to be on time. These are blazing red flags of a guy who is not that interested in you, but you stuck around. Actual boundary setting behavior would be to move on when he behaved like this. But I can't even hate this guy -- he's been abundantly clear from the beginning that he didn't want to date you seriously.

 

Here's another protip -- don't send guys endless pictures and quotes. They don't like that. I suffered secondhand embarrassment reading all the crap you sent this guy, and I can clearly picture him shuddering and deleting the message immediately.

 

Agreed with all of this. OP, have you read the book He's Just Not That Into You? If not I would recommend, you'll probably find it enlightening.

 

You remind me a bit of myself. I too have a tendency to get too attached to guys too easily, and I too have some self esteem issues I need to work through. I would advise that you be single for a good few months and set yourself some self improvement goals.

[Ieris]

@aSadGirl ~

 

I know that it is tough seeing him move on as if you meant nothing to him but this all ends as soon as you accept that he was never really yours. You are not in love with him, you are in love with the person that you wanted him to be.. all dreamed up in your head.

 

Think about it.. what qualities does this guy even have?

 

He lies to you

He strings you along

He leaves you guessing

He keeps you waiting

He plays with your feelings

He crosses your boundaries

He knows what you don't like but he does it anyway

He uses you

He ignores you

He ghosts you

He kicks you to the curb once he has finished with you

 

Are these the kinds of things you look for in a guy? If not, then stop this nonsense about wanting him back because you have not struck gold, more like a landmine. Everyone here warned you about it but you wanted to see for yourself and had your heart blown to pieces. You can't turn back time so let's live and learn.

 

Don't believe everything someone says, words mean nothing if that are not backed up by actions. If someone acts like they don't care then believe them and mirror how they treat you. Get off social media and do something more productive with your time. Go out and live your life, not their life by watching their every move. Do you think they ever stop and think about you? Probably not, so why spend so much of your time thinking about them?

 

If you want someone to respect you, first learn to respect yourself.

If you want someone to love you, first learn to love yourself.

 

x

[Cookiesandough]

Op is truly not hearing any of it. OP has been in denial since before the 3rd date with this man and he treated her 'meh'. Sadly, she doesn't believe she can do better than this guy.

[Cookiesandough]

Asadgirl, may I ask how old you are and how old this guy is?

[Cookiesandough]

He was on vacation first with his friends then family.

How can you be so harsh!? Why are you beating me down about this instead of lifting up? I thought this was as helping-forum, not "pointing fingers at everything you do wrong" forum..

 

I know ive acted wrong but i was so shaken by his ignorance and then that he has this new girl and yeah.. you are right.. i should stop looking, as he comes home tomorrown and they will probably continue dating and have a lovely valentines day that will kill me if i see it.. i just dont know how to walk away.. to what ? perhaps go hang myself or jump infront of a train.. i see no more point of living.. so sick and tired about everybodys advice about "work on yourself". i dont know what to change.. to keep a man like him from the beginning. I was happy strong sensual lovely woman before all this as i thought.. but perhaps i loved him too much.. i got a bit too chlingy at times and even jealous and nagging when he didnt call as he promised or even angry when he was 45 min late to a dinner-date at my place etc.. everything took it´s toll </3

 

 

 

 

I wish I could help you. The last thing you need is to date. This is not about this guy. There are some deep seated self esteem issues here. You are in no position ready to date. You need CBT therapy or some kind of counseling to get ahold of yourself and your feelings. Make 2017 about bettering yourself. Love yourself and then you will find love.

[nolookingback716]

Op is truly not hearing any of it. OP has been in denial since before the 3rd date with this man and he treated her 'meh'. Sadly, she doesn't believe she can do better than this guy.

 

Agreed. When a guy comes on really strong then suddenly his attitude/tone/whatever you want to call it changes that's always a bad sign. It's best to break things off right then and there rather than wait it out and allow yourself to become more attached.

[aSadGirl]

Thank you for all your responses guys, i read every single one twice, although im so mentally excausted from this heartbreak i find it difficult to have the energy to even respond to you all. Hope you understand, but i appriciate you try to help me <3

 

Im terrified of moving on and having this happend to me again with next man, but i will be more careful to whom i decide to date, i will check and ask next man how he handles breakups, if he is the type who just stops all communication or if he says something.. or is that a bad idea?

 

I think it's best you stop lurking on his life online.

Do you work? Have friends to spend time with? Get outside ever?

The only way to stop looking at his (and her) social media is to block them. I strongly recommend you do this.

I'm sorry you are hurting. It doesn't sound like you can cope with this alone so please find a therapist to help you work through it and get things back on track..

 

 

Yes.. and she is into him too, she also made TWO :love: hearts-eyed-smileys on his picture along with an "fire" at one of them (such as to say he is hot on his selfie right under his mother´s comment where she put a heart and muscle-biceps smiley).

I have UNSUBSCRIBED to both their instagrams today, so i won´t get instant notifications anymore if they post something... i feel this is the calm before the storm for the last few days its been more chill, no one of them has updated anyting which is scary though because he almost NEVER touches his phone while he is on a date (with me at least) so i bet if they are dating this 2 last days that may explain why there is no updates.. cause they might be so fixated on each other. And honestly i´ve come to terms its true I should stop looking because now that they havent updated anything ive felt at PEACE in my mind, i´ve been more uplifted and not so stressed out and in panic mode as to when i see them updating and commenting on each other´s pics..

 

I fear they will soon be a couple for valentine´s day.. and i dont want to see it.. i´ve realised i can´t stop them anyways.. if they want each other then who am i to stop them.. This breakup would´ve hurt anyway, even if he said "sorry ive found someone else".. the only thing that may have helped would if he said some CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIQUE on my behaviour as to what to do better in dating, but i bet no one gives anyone that on a silverplate so i have to figure it out myself somehow.

 

Yes I excersise EVERY DAY for about 1-2 hours actually last weeks which have felt good as if im in control of some area of my life.

 

Other stuff im continually doing as before is seeing friends and family, signing up for events, dinners/parties twice a month, and treat myself to a 1 hour massage once a month - these are all things im doing anyways.

 

Im supposed to meet a psycholog once a week for a 40minutes session but sometimes ive been sick, or she was on christmas holiday 1 month and now she was sick 2 days ago so next time is in 1 week (which will be 2 weeks apart from last time) so its very little yet she can´t offer more and i dont have money to pay for more often sessions anyway.

 

Im trying to read and watch psychology behind breakups, geting ex back when he found someone new and such things several hours a day. Im basically doing that as a job so im not working or studying which is really bad and rotten but i feel its so soothing to "seek help online" and chat with internet-friends through skype aswell about this, plus call some "help-line" some nights when my pain is overbearing and i just need to hear a voice that calms me down...

 

My friends and family are sick and tired of hearing about him so i cant speak to them anymore about this issue.. which makes me want to withdraw from them several days in a row as i feel its forced to pretend im happy towards them when im so sad and heartbroken inside yet can´t express it because they are just telling me "move on, work on yourself, you will find someone better". yawn....

[Scarlett.O'hara]

It sounds like you are taking some really positive steps so keep focusing on the positive things.

 

It's great that you are staying away from their social media. As you said, it feels more peaceful when you don't. Please do not be tempted to look again, especially on Valentine's Day. You know it only causes you pain so protect yourself from it and stay away, even if it mean you avoid the internet for the day. It will be worth it.

 

Also, please don't make excuses not to go to therapy. It will be so much more beneficial to you than researching online about "getting your ex back". These may give you a feeling of temporary relief, but it is possibly causing you more damage in the long run by continuing to focus so much of your time and energy on them.

 

If you have to, find a more affordable therapist. Your peace of mind is more important than anything right now.

[Cookiesandough]

Thank you for all your responses guys, i read every single one twice, although im so mentally excausted from this heartbreak i find it difficult to have the energy to even respond to you all. Hope you understand, but i appriciate you try to help me <3

 

Glad to hear from you again, Sadgirl. You were in a very dark place when you last updated. Although I know you're still hurting bad, it seems you are out of the immediate shock and desperation. You're progressing towards healing though it can be a long road..

 

Im terrified of moving on and having this happend to me again with next man, but i will be more careful to whom i decide to date, i will check and ask next man how he handles breakups, if he is the type who just stops all communication or if he says something.. or is that a bad idea?

 

You know, I think that's a bad idea for a couple reasons. First, it undermines the lesson that people here are trying to get you to see - That you need more self esteem in your love life . You need to value yourself more. You don't need to ask a guy if he'll ever walk away from you. You believe in your heart if he walks away he's an idiot and it was his loss. When this happens you won't invest in someone who treats you poorly and doesn't prove worthy of the investment. I know it seems like you can't help it when you reallylike someone, but when you respect yourself and then someone disrespects you, you shouldn't want to be with that person.

Take this guy, for example, you felt off on date two when he didn't offer to offer to take some of the bill. He didnt set up date 3 until you kept nudging him to. Then he fell off the map for weeks at a time. Right there, a person with healthy self esteem would think 'this person has crossed my boundaries and is not showing interest. I'm not going to tolerate this because I deserve better' And start looking elsewhere..

 

Secondly, there's no telling if the answer anyone will give you is the truth. You always take a risk with dating. Dating is the process by which you get to know that person and their character. Take it slow and remember YOU are the prize.

 

 

Yes.. and she is into him too, she also made TWO :love: hearts-eyed-smileys on his picture along with an "fire" at one of them (such as to say he is hot on his selfie right under his mother´s comment where she put a heart and muscle-biceps smiley).

I have UNSUBSCRIBED to both their instagrams today, so i won´t get instant notifications anymore if they post something... i feel this is the calm before the storm for the last few days its been more chill, no one of them has updated anyting which is scary though because he almost NEVER touches his phone while he is on a date (with me at least) so i bet if they are dating this 2 last days that may explain why there is no updates.. cause they might be so fixated on each other. And honestly i´ve come to terms its true I should stop looking because now that they havent updated anything ive felt at PEACE in my mind, i´ve been more uplifted and not so stressed out and in panic mode as to when i see them updating and commenting on each other´s pics..

 

Good job unsubscribing! Now don't look. Make like he no longer exists as far as you're concerned. You never met him. No good will come from checking up on him in social media. It will just prolong your healing.

 

 

 

I fear they will soon be a couple for valentine´s day.. and i dont want to see it.. i´ve realised i can´t stop them anyways.. if they want each other then who am i to stop them.. This breakup would´ve hurt anyway, even if he said "sorry ive found someone else".. the only thing that may have helped would if he said some CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIQUE on my behaviour as to what to do better in dating, but i bet no one gives anyone that on a silverplate so i have to figure it out myself somehow.

 

You're absolutely right. It would have hurt either way. 'Closure' from another person is illusory. Closure is acceptance that comes from within. You can do that. Sometimes people are just not right for each other. There is nothing to critique.

 

Yes I excersise EVERY DAY for about 1-2 hours actually last weeks which have felt good as if im in control of some area of my life.

 

Other stuff im continually doing as before is seeing friends and family, signing up for events, dinners/parties twice a month, and treat myself to a 1 hour massage once a month - these are all things im doing anyways.

 

Im supposed to meet a psycholog once a week for a 40minutes session but sometimes ive been sick, or she was on christmas holiday 1 month and now she was sick 2 days ago so next time is in 1 week (which will be 2 weeks apart from last time) so its very little yet she can´t offer more and i dont have money to pay for more often sessions anyway.

 

 

 

Im trying to read and watch psychology behind breakups, geting ex back when he found someone new and such things several hours a day. Im basically doing that as a job so im not working or studying which is really bad and rotten but i feel its so soothing to "seek help online" and chat with internet-friends through skype aswell about this, plus call some "help-line" some nights when my pain is overbearing and i just need to hear a voice that calms me down...

 

My friends and family are sick and tired of hearing about him so i cant speak to them anymore about this issue.. which makes me want to withdraw from them several days in a row as i feel its forced to pretend im happy towards them when im so sad and heartbroken inside yet can´t express it because they are just telling me "move on, work on yourself, you will find someone better". yawn....

 

What they are telling you is right. I understand you don't want to hear it, though. I'm glad you are seeing a psych who can help you work through some things. I wish the best for you, sadgirl, and hope you feel better. Talk to us if you need to!

Edited January 22, 2017 by Cookiesandough