Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

[dumbass2]

"i will be more careful to whom i decide to date, i will check and ask next man how he handles breakups, if he is the type who just stops all communication or if he says something.. or is that a bad idea?"

 

Yes. that's like saying to whoever you might date that this will probably end in a break up so let's see how you plan to do it so I will know if it's the kind of break up I'll be able to handle. If you handle things the way I'd like them to be handled then we can move forward.

[aSadGirl]

Text!

 

Thank you for all those words i read them thoroughly and agree with everyting!

 

Newslflash though, i have a dating-app "Tinder" one "swape" left or right at people.. and suddenly he showed up a couple days ago! I always wondered what his profile would look like, turns out he got the text "Looking for her who will make me delete this application" - it stinged a bit cause i can recall he at the last date we had had this app installed cause i heared a notification sound from it (that somebody has writtien to him). I felt he was "unfaithful" but i couldnt adress it cause it was the first time and i didnt want to be too much drama.. i thought maybe he just forgot to uninstall this app cause he seemed so attracted to me but i guess thats all it was.. he hoped for a hookup (but we only made out heavily and almost had sex but not all the way the last date cause i would only visit him 2 hours before dinner with friends so i didnt want "a quickie" id rather spend a whole night at his place i hoped for next evening) but i asked if we could meet the next day but he got some excuse he was sick...and we had no more dated (1 week later he ghosted me)..

 

Anyway, it turns out he said "YES" on me on this application! meaning he "likes" me.. i know some guys though say "yes" to evey girl to maximize their chances of a "match" but it still got to me...

 

I wish he´d write sorry or something but he is quiet and probably will be forever.. im temped to ask him "WHY I WASNT THE ONE, what characheristics was he looking for!?" but im trying to leave it be.

 

Still im feeling numb.. apathic.. sort of like i dont have the urge to be sad anymore despite i truely am.. but im just empty.. nor sadness anger or happiness is living in me.. its like i dont feel anything anymore.. like ive given up on love..

 

Id wish my love life was like Jon Olsson & Janni Deler´s (on youtube) or something.. traveling around the world rich and happy in love from youth up...

 

Im so scared im missing life.. i just want to feel good with a partner.. have it cozy and nice.. i long for hugs, talks, walks.. with that special someone.. missing love.. but it feels its never going to happen to me and it makes me blank

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I really don't think Tinder is a good option for you. You need much thicker skin before you could handle meeting a guy who uses a dating app. You can see for yourself that this guy from months ago is still looking, emphasizing the point that you two weren't the right match. I can't see how that helps you. I think you would be better served joining some social or meet-up groups to meet new people rather than an app which many use for the express purpose of hooking up.

 

Most people long for what you long for. The problem is that you attach too much of your worth to a man's opinion of you and his attention level toward you. You also get attached far too quickly. That's what leads you down a negative path, because men can sense this and most will steer clear. The ones who do get involved with that aren't long-term options. Unless and until you learn healthier approaches to dating and relationships, this will probably happen again.

[aSadGirl]

OP, I really don't think Tinder is a good option for you. You need much thicker skin before you could handle meeting a guy who uses a dating app. You can see for yourself that this guy from months ago is still looking, emphasizing the point that you two weren't the right match. I can't see how that helps you. I think you would be better served joining some social or meet-up groups to meet new people rather than an app which many use for the express purpose of hooking up.

 

Most people long for what you long for. The problem is that you attach too much of your worth to a man's opinion of you and his attention level toward you. You also get attached far too quickly. That's what leads you down a negative path, because men can sense this and most will steer clear. The ones who do get involved with that aren't long-term options. Unless and until you learn healthier approaches to dating and relationships, this will probably happen again.

 

I read what you say and am thinking about it...

Perhaps you might be right.. it is though on dating apps cause it seems guys there see its many girls out there so why stop at one..when they can have several and continue to get variety untill they are ready to seattle down which i think mostly they are not , they just want to get experiences from some girls in the meanwhile and im unfortunately victim to too many of these guys already not seen it coming untill its too late...

 

I dont know what kind of social or meet up groups to join though.. i wish i could feel i belong with some kind of friends gathering where they feel obligated to treat me well but i just cant find that belonging so i have maily diffrent friends but no "gangs" im part of...

 

im interested in business so im going to such events from time to time as start-up-bars.. but there is diffrent people each time, exept from a course i once went to . unfortunately i havent stayed in touch with the people i met 4 times there at the course.. it takes so much effort to really build good relationships and i dont want to waste my time on people i feel not wanting to be friends or more with...

 

i dont understand how im attaching my worth to a mans opinion of me though? isnt all girls wants to be liked by men?

 

i dont know how to be more chill. im only good at "taking it slow and easy" when im not interested... many dates result in nothing more.. last months ive been on 5 diffrent dates and 2 of them didnt contact me afterwards, one of them thanked me and seemed sweet, sending me snapchats but didnt ask or engage in any more conversation and the 4th asked if we would meet at an event as we spoke about before the date but i felt no attraction as his pictures seemed to be 15 years old or something. 3 of these guys felt like catfishes to me, didnt look in their pictures as they do in real life.. another thing is all of them put me in "dangerous positions", one came home to me to drink tea, another drove me in a car, a third asked if i wanted to go to toilet at his place instead of restaurant (i declined) and he got me wine so he couldve put drugs in it without my knowing for exemple.. also the 5th guy did the same last thing.. he contacted me afterwards wanting more but i felt he was needy and i wasnt attracted.. saw him more as a friend.. the 6th guy was overweight enough said..

 

And tomorrow im on a 7th date from internet.. no expectations at all..

 

but all guys im dating ARE NOT from internet. a few ive met on clubs.. but yeah, none of them are from school/though some friend/work.. although one guy from my last workplace got interested, aswell as another that worked on a bank but i felt they are not right for me.

 

Trust me, it sounds like i might been having a lot of failed relationships but there is perhaps only about 5 ive dated for 1-4 months i really liked..

 

Otherwise i might have gone on 1 date with perhaps 100 guys and not taking it any further and such.

 

but how do i learn healthier approaches to dating is your recommendation? im reading and learning about it though books, articles and youtube-gurus every day for several hours.. yet i cant get it to work

[aSadGirl]

He liked one new photo album with me and my friends 3 days ago.. but i checked his photos out and he seemed to have a girlfriend now... she was sitting next to him both on a friends-event party and on his family-holiday getogether she even had his hoodie on herself and seemed to sit in his lap and he laugh at what she was saying.

 

I hate that bitch whitetrash! she is blonde and dresses with open stomach-clothings.. and have dirty hair/not fixed..

 

yes im bitter. at first i thought his "Like" meant something but now all hope is gone, and im extra angry at male spieces cause a guy i dated last week said it was the first perfect date (we went in a park, ate at restaurant, drank wine and hooked up) and he baught me a cab home and said he would call me on monday after his trip to spain.. its now thursday and he havent called! i tried to call him once yesterday evening to no responce. His ex would be on the same trip (they went on their friends wedding) so im suspecting he is trying to get back together with her...

 

ive been crying like 7 hours more or less and my eyes burns like fireballs.. my heart feels shattered and leftover while they go enjoy themselfs, not needing me in any way </3

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're so hurt, but OP, I think in some ways you needed to see this to understand that it's truly over with this guy.

[Blanco]

The "male species" isn't the lone problem here. Have some accountability.

[lana-banana]

Most people with an active social media presence "like" dozens of posts per day; it's as simple as pressing a button, and no one thinks about it. This is why social media is so toxic in these situations. It's fed your delusions of hope and kept you connected long after he forgot about you. If you blocked him you wouldn't have to see him and his new girlfriend (who doesn't deserve any of your vitriol).

[aSadGirl]

Most people with an active social media presence "like" dozens of posts per day; it's as simple as pressing a button, and no one thinks about it. This is why social media is so toxic in these situations. It's fed your delusions of hope and kept you connected long after he forgot about you. If you blocked him you wouldn't have to see him and his new girlfriend (who doesn't deserve any of your vitriol).

 

I want to write him and ask what she has that i didnt have? Im so sad. Been crying all evening yesterdayand alö day long today. Cant stop the tears from falling ?? all i wanna know is why... why is he treating her so good and me that awful? She get to meet his friends and family i never got. I was so nice to him the almost 5 months we dated..i loved him.

I want answers.. i cant move on like this.

I want to make revenge and make them break up somehow.. best if she would break his heart.. i know you probably wont give me suggestions but im hurting so bad. This isnt fair

[lana-banana]

Of course no one is going to give you suggestions. Revenge never works. It would be very obvious that you were trying to do something manipulative, and he would hate you and think you're pathetic.

 

I want to have sympathy for you but you're doing this to yourself and playing the victim. He didn't do anything to you. You went on a couple dates (you did not have a five-year relationship, you just dragged things on awkwardly for five months long after he stopped caring!) and you were totally unable to detach. Now you're about to hit rock bottom. Revenge, just because he decided he wanted to be with someone else? That's sad and awful. The world does not owe you a boyfriend. People are free to reject you just like you can reject them.