Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

[aSadGirl]

I might be a bit old fashioned but I have always let the guy set the pace in the beginning and ask me out. It's pretty rare guys don't ask me out for third dates so I'm not convinced asking him out is going to change anything since you are still responding to his texts. Every man I've dated felt that as long as I was clear about going out with them they were happy to keep asking.

 

I work in a male dominated industry and know most of my (male) coworkers will be chatty to keep the woman teed up but he has other things going on (sometimes other women). They deliberately text updates like that without requesting a date. I don't think it's accidental he hasn't asked you out yet. He's either waiting for some reason or he's fishing for attention.

 

Hmm im not sure if i understand, but this is what we wrote today:

 

Me:

"Hope you didn´t have to work in the rain!

I had fun yesterday with a friend, we excersised and drank coffee at my house

What are you up to ? Would be fun to hang out soon :o"

 

He: "Fortunately I´m working indoors

Well, how fun!

Im at home now and playing a bit with my DJ table

Yes but what are you doing tomorrow or sunday? :-* "

 

I responded and said I can see him tomorrow after 5PM but its been soon 6 hours and he haven´t typed anything! I didnt seen him active on facebook either so perhaps he haven´t been on the phone at all all evening which makes me very curious as to what he´s doing! I just hope he isn´t on some other date

[Vintage79]

He doesn't sound relationship material to me. I think you should keep looking. It seems like so many woman today are caught up trying to get the man to like her, when she should be trying to decide if she likes him enough to continue seeing him. It's no wonder men are thinking they should get sex on the first or second date now.

 

I don't think it's crazy for a guy to expect sex on the first or second date if the girl expects the guy to pay for the first or second date. The girl ditches the guy if he doesn't pay, the guy ditches the girl if she's a prude. The problem here is expectations...when they're not met things fail...it doesn't have anything to do with who pays/sex/etc - it's about being disappointed that the other person isn't exactly what you want...

[clia]

I think TXguy was spot on about the reply

 

Take out the meeting up with a friend part and keep is short, sweet and flirty

 

Say, "Hope you didnt have to work in the rain yesterday, I was thinking about you while I was working out in my tiny shorts Want to meet up on Wednesday?"

 

OMFG, I hope you didn't take this advice. Blech. So trashy. It sounds like you weren't inclined to do so, but just no, no, no. Not after only a few dates.

[h0000]

OMFG, I hope you didn't take this advice. Blech. So trashy. It sounds like you weren't inclined to do so, but just no, no, no. Not after only a few dates.

 

Agree . That sounds like she's about to begin phone sex.

[aSadGirl]

OMFG, I hope you didn't take this advice. Blech. So trashy. It sounds like you weren't inclined to do so, but just no, no, no. Not after only a few dates.

 

 

Ofcourse i didnt take his advice! Here is how it went:

I wrote him yesterday:

"Hope you didn´t have to work in the rain!

I had fun yesterday with a friend, we excersised and drank coffee at my house

What are you up to ? Would be fun to hang out soon :-* "

 

He: "Fortunately I´m working indoors

Well, how fun!

Im at home now and playing a bit with my DJ table

Yes but what are you doing tomorrow or sunday? :-* "

 

I responded and said I can see him tomorrow after 5PM but its been soon 8 hours and he haven´t typed anything! I didnt seen him active on facebook either so perhaps he haven´t been on the phone at all all evening which makes me very curious as to what he´s doing! I just hope he isn´t on some other date and will meet me tomorrow but im not sure what we are going to do...?

[Dis]

Ofcourse i didnt take his advice! Here is how it went:

I wrote him yesterday:

"Hope you didn´t have to work in the rain!

I had fun yesterday with a friend, we excersised and drank coffee at my house

What are you up to ? Would be fun to hang out soon :-* "

 

He: "Fortunately I´m working indoors

Well, how fun!

Im at home now and playing a bit with my DJ table

Yes but what are you doing tomorrow or sunday? :-* "

 

I responded and said I can see him tomorrow after 5PM but its been soon 8 hours and he haven´t typed anything! I didnt seen him active on facebook either so perhaps he haven´t been on the phone at all all evening which makes me very curious as to what he´s doing! I just hope he isn´t on some other date and will meet me tomorrow but im not sure what we are going to do...?

 

Doesnt sound like he's all that interested

 

If he was he wouldve jumped at the chance to plan a date....and probably wouldve done so right after the second one

 

I wouldnt wait around for a guy to start showing interest....theres lots of options out there

 

Interested guys acts interested....he's lukewarm at best

[aSadGirl]

Doesnt sound like he's all that interested

 

If he was he wouldve jumped at the chance to plan a date....and probably wouldve done so right after the second one

 

I wouldnt wait around for a guy to start showing interest....theres lots of options out there

 

Interested guys acts interested....he's lukewarm at best

 

Im afraid you are right and it makes me sad

after the first date he was super -eager and said stuff like im so nice and beautiful and we should plan another date soon..

after the second date he didnt bother to wait for me till I get home safe (even if he said i should text him i did) and just next day at 10AM wrote "I hope the teaser get a great day :-*"

that was a bit off-putting to me..

 

and now here we are.. I implied it would be fun to meet soon and he said "yes but what are you doing tomorrow or sunday? :-*" and even if he said so i still get that bad gut feeling because its been 10 hours and he didnt follow up on my text where i said "i can see you 5PM tomorrow :-* "

I can see on facebook that he hasn´t been online for 10hours which seems a bit strange cause he is ofter online except during night otherwise.. but not now.. I even almost wonder if some accident happened to him.. why else would he not respond after i sent my last text 18 PM? Oh wait... because he is not that into me? Right..

 

Im just so tired of not progressing into the lovely relationship i dream of.. guess i might continue be single till im gray and old if this continues ;(((((

Dont know what im doing wrong...

 

What should i do about today? Let him meetme or not? I dont want to see him if he is only luke-warm because then im just investing in the wrong man.. I thought he might be the right one but maybe im wrong.. i dont know Please help

[clia]

I agree that he's not all that interested anymore. At least not interested enough to try to pin you down for a date on the weekend.

 

He was likely turned off with all the drama about your credit card, re: paying the bill on your last date. While we all know cards can get declined for various reasons that don't mean anything (i.e., fraud alert), seeing someone's card get declined who you just met can put a huge damper on the fun. It casts the red, alarm flags that this person is not financially sound. Especially when this person suggested the expensive restaurant.

 

But really, who knows.

[Dis]

Im afraid you are right and it makes me sad

after the first date he was super -eager and said stuff like im so nice and beautiful and we should plan another date soon..

after the second date he didnt bother to wait for me till I get home safe (even if he said i should text him i did) and just next day at 10AM wrote "I hope the teaser get a great day :-*"

that was a bit off-putting to me..

 

and now here we are.. I implied it would be fun to meet soon and he said "yes but what are you doing tomorrow or sunday? :-*" and even if he said so i still get that bad gut feeling because its been 10 hours and he didnt follow up on my text where i said "i can see you 5PM tomorrow :-* "

I can see on facebook that he hasn´t been online for 10hours which seems a bit strange cause he is ofter online except during night otherwise.. but not now.. I even almost wonder if some accident happened to him.. why else would he not respond after i sent my last text 18 PM? Oh wait... because he is not that into me? Right..

 

Im just so tired of not progressing into the lovely relationship i dream of.. guess i might continue be single till im gray and old if this continues ;(((((

Dont know what im doing wrong...

 

What should i do about today? Let him meetme or not? I dont want to see him if he is only luke-warm because then im just investing in the wrong man.. I thought he might be the right one but maybe im wrong.. i dont know Please help

 

Oh hun, I'm sorry you're hurt

 

I understand why....you were hopeful and his sudden change of heart is disappointing for sure

 

I would stop texting him all together....let him come around if he wants to

 

But the thing you need to learn (what all women and men who are dating need to learn) is....you are the prize! If he doesnt treat you as such...thats his problem...not yours!

 

Dont you want a guy who cant wait to see you??? A guy thats texts you...calls you....takes it upon himself to plan dates with you??? Dont settle for less than that. This guy isnt worth your time if he's not into you

 

I know this is disappointing right now....but this is just another step in the right direction to finding the right guy...pls believe that hun

 

Make other plans...keep busy....stop checking fb to see if he's on. Go do your own thing with friends and family

 

I know what if feels like to be disappointed with dating...the past year has been tough for me dating wise so I truly do empathize. You'll look back on this and realize it for for the best when you find the right guy

 

Can I ask how old you are?

 

In the future...dont wait around for a guy....only date guys that show alot of interest in you....and dont settle for anything less than what you deserve...and dont get too invested in a guy this early on

 

Sending love and hugs!

[Taramere]

Later when we got hungry he suggested a restaurant but before we got there i spot another ive always wanted to try.. i said "The menu looks nice but maybe its maybe too expensive.." but he said "no lets go in"..

Then we had a lovely time eating and talking eyes-locking and helding hands... Then the bill came up but he let me have it! 70 $ out of my pocket right there! (he had to pay same amount for his food)...

 

Bear in mind that a lot of men are very sensitive to the possibility that women are using them for free meals, free drinks etc. It might well feel like an insulting suspicion to find yourself on the end of, but considering it from the other side - if a guy personally has experienced that (being used for expensive meals then dumped) then there's potential for the dating experience generally to be soured by the issue of who pays for what. All of which can be exacerbated by the kind of gender warring that sometimes makes a crossover from internet debates or private moaning/venting sessions to how people conduct themselves socially in real life.

 

Which is why I think other people's suggestions of keeping initial dates cheap or even free is a good plan. That way, the focus is purely on getting to know eachother and not on "how much money are you prepared to spend on me?" or (if it's more equal and each pays their own share) "how much money are you prepared to spend in order to spend time with me?"

 

Without wanting to encourage you to feel paranoid about this, I think there's at least a possibility that he took you into a restaurant you expressed an interest in but couldn't afford, then left you to pay your share, as a somewhat passive aggressive "lesson". If he seems to have cooled off on the idea of further dates, that seems like even more of a possibility.

 

I think with this one, I'd probably work on the assumption that he isn't going to call again, and focus on other things. Then, if he did get in touch with a view to setting up another date, I would probably make a point of saying something along the lines of "okay but let's just do something cheap and cheerful, because I don't know about you - but my purse can't afford to take too many hits like the bill in (that restaurant) threw out."

[sc0316]

I think with this one, I'd probably work on the assumption that he isn't going to call again, and focus on other things. Then, if he did get in touch with a view to setting up another date, I would probably make a point of saying something along the lines of "okay but let's just do something cheap and cheerful, because I don't know about you - but my purse can't afford to take too many hits like the bill in (that restaurant) threw out."

 

But that's exactly NOT what the OP wanted: she wanted to go on an expensive date and be treated by the guy.

[Taramere]

But that's exactly NOT what the OP wanted: she wanted to go on an expensive date and be treated by the guy.

 

Well...yeah. That was my reading too, but she kind of skirted around saying so outright which is why I decided not to proceed on the assumption that she wanted to go into the expensive restaurant and be treated. The "I've always wanted to eat here, but it's a bit expensive" line definitely does smack of "I can't afford this, but I'm hoping you'll treat me"...and my gut says that he read it that way too, and decided he was going to give her a bit of a lesson (by dragging her in there then letting her pay her share).

 

I'd say anybody who is expecting somebody else to fund expensive entertainment had better be prepared for embarrassing situations to result from that. I would imagine that even back when men commonly (and uncontroversially) footed the bill for dates, there was an expectation that polite women wouldn't take advantage and order expensive items or push for/drop heavy hints about being treated in expensive places.

 

I think to a certain extent that still applies in 2016, because there are still a lot of men out there who prefer to treat, and a lot of women who will perceive "going Dutch" as a subtle hint that the man sees her as a pal rather than a romantic prospect. It's not particularly fair or equal if examined in a very legalistic way...but these dating injustices tend to cut both ways. Women will, on the whole, put a lot more effort and money into their appearance (hair, make up, clothes etc), and there's an expectation that they'll do that.

 

The more high maintenance the woman looks (expensive hair, top notch designer clothes, accessories etc), the more likely it is that she's going to expect the guy to stump up for expensive treats. This is the scenario that really bugs a lot of men - and not surprisingly so, but the reality is that women who invest huge amounts of time and money into their appearance are very likely going to be expecting a good return on that investment. That's the essence of gold digging, and it's not entirely unfair either. If a guy's main drive, in the dating game, is to have a stunning, classy looking woman on his arm to make him look good and to make other men envious, he's probably wise to expect to pay for expensive dates...because women like that aren't going to put their make up on for a Dutch treat at McDonalds.

 

The problems set in when women who don't have that drop dead gorgeous, hugely expensive appearance of the serious gold digger (who's hunting for very wealthy men) adopt some of the entitled attitudes of those women. I mean, if you're going to be that entitled, you really need to look the part and pay out the sort of cash it takes to look that part.

 

I would say that when a man makes it clear that he wants to go Dutch on a first date, that's not unlike a woman turning up for a "date" with no make up on, dressed down and acting in a fairly "blokeish" manner. It sets a tone of pals rather than creating a romantic vibe. Not something any reasonable person should be hugely offended by (the guy not treating, the woman not bothering to put an effort into her appearance), but probably not setting the best basis for romance to ensue.

[sc0316]

Interesting analysis! So perhaps OP is a drop dead gorgeous and dresses in a very elegant and classy manner.

 

Well...yeah. That was my reading too, but she kind of skirted around saying so outright which is why I decided not to proceed on the assumption that she wanted to go into the expensive restaurant and be treated. The "I've always wanted to eat here, but it's a bit expensive" line definitely does smack of "I can't afford this, but I'm hoping you'll treat me"...and my gut says that he read it that way too, and decided he was going to give her a bit of a lesson (by dragging her in there then letting her pay her share).

 

I'd say anybody who is expecting somebody else to fund expensive entertainment had better be prepared for embarrassing situations to result from that. I would imagine that even back when men commonly (and uncontroversially) footed the bill for dates, there was an expectation that polite women wouldn't take advantage and order expensive items or push for/drop heavy hints about being treated in expensive places.

 

I think to a certain extent that still applies in 2016, because there are still a lot of men out there who prefer to treat, and a lot of women who will perceive "going Dutch" as a subtle hint that the man sees her as a pal rather than a romantic prospect. It's not particularly fair or equal if examined in a very legalistic way...but these dating injustices tend to cut both ways. Women will, on the whole, put a lot more effort and money into their appearance (hair, make up, clothes etc), and there's an expectation that they'll do that.

 

The more high maintenance the woman looks (expensive hair, top notch designer clothes, accessories etc), the more likely it is that she's going to expect the guy to stump up for expensive treats. This is the scenario that really bugs a lot of men - and not surprisingly so, but the reality is that women who invest huge amounts of time and money into their appearance are very likely going to be expecting a good return on that investment. That's the essence of gold digging, and it's not entirely unfair either. If a guy's main drive, in the dating game, is to have a stunning, classy looking woman on his arm to make him look good and to make other men envious, he's probably wise to expect to pay for expensive dates...because women like that aren't going to put their make up on for a Dutch treat at McDonalds.

 

The problems set in when women who don't have that drop dead gorgeous, hugely expensive appearance of the serious gold digger (who's hunting for very wealthy men) adopt some of the entitled attitudes of those women. I mean, if you're going to be that entitled, you really need to look the part and pay out the sort of cash it takes to look that part.

 

I would say that when a man makes it clear that he wants to go Dutch on a first date, that's not unlike a woman turning up for a "date" with no make up on, dressed down and acting in a fairly "blokeish" manner. It sets a tone of pals rather than creating a romantic vibe. Not something any reasonable person should be hugely offended by (the guy not treating, the woman not bothering to put an effort into her appearance), but probably not setting the best basis for romance to ensue.

[aSadGirl]

Interesting analysis! So perhaps OP is a drop dead gorgeous and dresses in a very elegant and classy manner.

 

True that Im very classy, drop dead gorgeous and perfectly dressed. I met this guy 3rd time today and he even commented on it about how shocked he is to see me so well dressed every time...

 

We had a great evening! It started out a bit sour cause i wasnt happy about him being quiet when we were about to make plans a whole day but suddenly he texted me and asked when we will meet + a kiss-smiley.

 

I said "I didnt thought we would meet since you didnt text"

and he" Ok well i want to" etc... or the texts didnt go exactly like that (dont have the phone near me right now) but I showed that i wasnt too happy at first... but he said he just forgot messageing cause he´s been working till 3AM at night and stuff so he´ve been tired and i then understood that he just have been busy and thought we had our 3rd date set in stone while i was thinking it wasnt.. So we went to eat chinese buffet on his suggestion, and he treated me to it (my part costed 15$).

 

Then we went hand in hand though a park with bunnies, so romantic, and then to a casino (on his suggestion again)! He waisted 130$ mostly on blackjack. (I waisted 40$ of my money on a bandit machine) then i treated him to a beer in there and me to glass of wine.. i only gave him one "good luck kiss" in the casino. And he was ok with me taking a photo of us!

 

Then we went on to a skybar and he treated me to wine and himself to beer.. He said i make him so relaxed.. im like he´s secret escape and we asked each other lighthearted questions.

We made out again quite a bit, talked, and just clicked! Like everything just meshed together between us... He even asked where i see myself in 5 years and we had similar views of that. We want the same things out of a relationship/lifestyle and he made me laugh a lot which he liked to do.

 

Then we went and hugged on the train till i had to take my bus home.

He asked when he can treat me to dinner at his place but i said that i want to see him more "out" first (im afraid it will get too sexual at his place too soon otherwise).. Now he will tomorrow go to see a house he and his father perhaps will buy and fix to sell more expensive so they make money, then the next day he will play poker with his boys, then next day he will eat dinner with his cousins but we will perhaps meet on sunday for a football game! im working then though so we´ll see if im going to go..

 

I feel happy now though because it feels harmonic, passionate and good.. like we are a nice fit and he perhaps isnt the first guy i´d laid my eyes on forever but i like him, he is pretty good looking and it feels like we have awesome chemistry and great potential for love to blossom!

Edited September 1, 2016 by aSadGirl

[h0000]

True that Im very classy, drop dead gorgeous and perfectly dressed. I met this guy 3rd time today and he even commented on it about how shocked he is to see me so well dressed every time...

 

We had a great evening! It started out a bit sour cause i wasnt happy about him being quiet when we were about to make plans a whole day but suddenly he texted me and asked when we will meet + a kiss-smiley.

 

I said "I didnt thought we would meet since you didnt text"

and he" Ok well i want to" etc... or the texts didnt go exactly like that (dont have the phone near me right now) but I showed that i wasnt too happy at first... but he said he just forgot messageing cause he´s been working till 3AM at night and stuff so he´ve been tired and i then understood that he just have been busy and thought we had our 3rd date set in stone while i was thinking it wasnt.. So we went to eat chinese buffet on his suggestion, and he treated me to it (my part costed 15$).

 

Then we went hand in hand though a park with bunnies, so romantic, and then to a casino (on his suggestion again)! He waisted 130$ mostly on blackjack. (I waisted 40$ of my money on a bandit machine) then i treated him to a beer in there and me to glass of wine.. i only gave him one "good luck kiss" in the casino. And he was ok with me taking a photo of us!

 

Then we went on to a skybar and he treated me to wine and himself to beer.. He said i make him so relaxed.. im like he´s secret escape and we asked each other lighthearted questions.

We made out again quite a bit, talked, and just clicked! Like everything just meshed together between us... He even asked where i see myself in 5 years and we had similar views of that. We want the same things out of a relationship/lifestyle and he made me laugh a lot which he liked to do.

 

Then we went and hugged on the train till i had to take my bus home.

He asked when he can treat me to dinner at his place but i said that i want to see him more "out" first (im afraid it will get too sexual at his place too soon otherwise).. Now he will tomorrow go to see a house he and his father perhaps will buy and fix to sell more expensive so they make money, then the next day he will play poker with his boys, then next day he will eat dinner with his cousins but we will perhaps meet on sunday for a football game! im working then though so we´ll see if im going to go..

 

I feel happy now though because it feels harmonic, passionate and good.. like we are a nice fit and he perhaps isnt the first guy i´d laid my eyes on forever but i like him, he is pretty good looking and it feels like we have awesome chemistry and great potential for love to blossom!

Do you ever feel tired calculating how much he spends on you and how much you spend and what he treats you and what you treats him every date?

[h0000]

By the way, I know you want to date guys who pays for all the dates, but I don't think he is that kind of guy. I get the feeling he will make you take turns. So I'm not too sure about the " harmony" between you two.

[aSadGirl]

By the way, I know you want to date guys who pays for all the dates, but I don't think he is that kind of guy. I get the feeling he will make you take turns. So I'm not too sure about the " harmony" between you two.

 

You are right.. he probably isnt that kind of guy... i payed a beer for him last date and he 1 wine and chinease food for me..

nevertheless. its been 5 days and he haven´t called since the date! So i think he isnt interested anymore </3

[aSadGirl]

We´ve been on 3 dates after we chatted a bit online.

The 1st date was perfect: We went to fancy dinner and we had great conversation, then took a drink flirted and talked about how done we are with partying and want something more serious in our lives now, then went to minigolf where i said "the one who loses gets to kiss" lol (should be the prize but nevermind) he lost on purpose or something and game me a kiss, it felt good.. we didnt make out but went back and holding each other around our waists!

He said he had a really great evening and i was so beautiful and he wanted to see me again I couldn´t be more happy!

 

The 2nd date he asked me out for we went to a bench in a beautiful park, talked/laughed a lot and talked much about our families/siblings..then went hand in hand romantically. Then what happened I explain more details here:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/593048-should-he-have-paid-2nd-date-why-isnt-he-asking-me-out-3rd-yet

We talked about many things we want to do in future and even perhaps him and me (like get chantarelle-mushrooms in the forest, playing Monopoly etc).

 

So overall the 2nd date went great! I felt sparks and so did he seem to.

He said "let me know when you get home safe", i did message him as soon as i got home, he responded next day with "Hope the Teaser has a great day :-*" (he perhaps called me teaser cause he felt teased when we made out i think..).

 

Then I texted a few days later asking if he was thrilled for the fotballgame next day (cause he had said i could go with him and his friends to it) and he respondend: "Yeah, and you? :-* " I got confused and didnt knew if i still was invited or not even if I could´ve assumed it.. so i said i was sick and he said "Hope you feel better soon, I want to meet you! :-* "

 

So a few days later i said "would be fun to meet soon " and he said:

"Yeah but what are you up to tomorrow or sunday?" And I said:

"I´m free from 5PM forward :)" but he didn´t responded in 24 hours! So i tried to make other plans after a job-interview but suddenly he texted "So when are we meeting this evening? :-* " and i said i wrote it off since he didn´t confirm but i was in town and could meet him anyways (big mistake i know to not say i had other plans to make him work for me more..)

so he said "Ok im coming now I´m soon there. Are you hungry :-* ? etc..

 

When he came it was a bit stiff at first... I asked about why he didnt confirm and he said an excuse that he forgot about it and had been so tired since he had worked hard untill nights at construction building.. I tried to let it go and be fun/happygolucky anyway..

 

He treated me to a chinese restaurant and we had a lot of fun! Then went hand in hand to a casino where he blew up 100€uros like it was nothing.. i gave him a beer and he me one glass of wine at a skybar. It was cozy atmosphere and he asked me where i see myself in 5 years.. we had very similar visions and seemed so alike in what we like/dislike etc.. had superwonderful chemistry when making out and so on..

He asked when we will play bowling and i perhaps looked surpriced but said it would be fun but didnt say a date.. then he asked when i will come for dinner at his place and i said i want to see him more out first.. (dont want sex happen too soon).

 

On our way home he prefered to stand up in the train.. i hugged him.. we were quiet but it felt nice to me but i dont know about him.. because then he had his arms crossed which felt weird to me but i tried to make jokes about a movie anyway to which he responded "ok im leaving" jokingly when i said that they cut people open in the movie REPO MEN he still said he likes to make me smile and such even when teasing... then he hugged and gave me a kiss on lips and went away.. i looked back at him from the bus and tried to wave but dont know if he saw that..

 

SINCE THEN he havent contacted me at all!

But he have probably been to a local hairdresser

 

Only is press "like" at one picture i put up on facebook friday evening from a tivoli i was at.

Then on another picture from last night he pressed "like" on this morning.. (it was a photo of nice dinner with the text "celebrating record" (I did maximum sales ever yesterday but didn´t want to brag too much).

 

Anyway, what do i do now that will get him more interested so he reaches out to me and take me on dates...?!

I felt we had such a magical connection in the beginning, so I don´t understand where it went wrong for him to become so quiet for this long or maybe forever

I wish this isn´t a case of that "He´s not that into you" but i guess it might be and it breaks my heart </3 somewhere i have heard though that it may take 8 weeks for a man to process and make decision sometimes, do you believe it so I should take a chillpill and relax? Or should i myself suggest "Would be fun to play bowling soon :)"? (Because that still feel like a safe date instead of walking around in forest or dinner at his home which can lead to sex)...

I don´t want to be the initiator so much but maybe it´s the only way? Please help me folks <3

[sc0316]

You are right.. he probably isnt that kind of guy... i payed a beer for him last date and he 1 wine and chinease food for me..

nevertheless. its been 5 days and he haven´t called since the date! So i think he isnt interested anymore </3

 

He seems to have low interest; sorry! Perhaps he'll contact you again when he gets bored or is running out of more interesting options.

[Dis]

Why are you doing this to yourself?

 

Yes...this is one of the cases of, He's just not that into you...so why are you waiting around for him???

 

You mentioned you're drop dead gorgeous and have alot to offer a man...me too...but I wouldnt wait around for a guy to start showing interest...I think you have yet to learn your self worth

 

Arent you on OLD? If you're drop dead gorgeous like you claim to be...you should have guys messaging you off the hook. When I was OLD, I always had guys waiting in the wings...If I wasnt feeling a guy I went out with...oh well...onto the next!

 

If you have as much to offer a guy as you say....be happy to move on and meet guys that would be thrilled to take you out/text you/make you feel special

 

We all deserve to be with someone thats crazy about us...that cant wait to see us...shows effort and interest right off the bat. Dont you deserve better than this???

 

Next!

[Shining One]

Based on this post and your other post, it sounds like he's a man who requires more effort from a woman than you're interested in putting in. He seems closer to the egalitarian side and you seem closer to the "it's all about the woman" side. I'd say this is a basic incompatibility and that you should move on.

[h0000]

I don't know how much you have initiated,but sounds like none.

Don't expect men to always do the work. Because obviously he is not that interested in you to do all the work.

[smackie9]

If I was interested in a guy I don't sit around waiting for him to initiate. I flirt, I would show my interest physically, I will even take him out on a date, make suggestions to meet up for a quick drink or what ever. If you don't reciprocate you fail.

[katiegrl]

Based on this post and your other post, it sounds like he's a man who requires more effort from a woman than you're interested in putting in. He seems closer to the egalitarian side and you seem closer to the "it's all about the woman" side. I'd say this is a basic incompatibility and that you should move on.

 

While I agree with the premise, man pursues, woman reciprocates, in *this* case, it sounds like he just lost interest.

 

Not because she didn't pay, for other reasons.

 

They only had three dates, it happens.

[gorf]

You could let it go and see if he contacts you

 

Or you could contact him and tell him you enjoyed spending time with him, as it sounds like you did. So no harm in saying that. See if he responds by setting up another time to see you in some way and go from there.

 

A guy will normally initiate, and the woman will let him know if she is interested. If he is not contacting you, then he is not giving you the oportunity, and it might be for the reason of interest level. That says nothing about you though. If everyone were compatible with everyone, then there would be no such thing as an exclusive relationship.. or a relationship at all for that matter