Should he have paid the 2nd date? Why isnt he asking me out for 3rd yet? [updated]

[ManyDissapoint]

Men don't pay for women you barely know. Women don't sleep with men you barely know. Once you are in a relationship, go to town.

[phineas]

Hate to say it but 3 dates and op tells him she isn't ready to come over to his place is the problem here.

 

We have a woman who is going to make a guy wait for sex and not make any effort to SHOW him she is genuinely interested by initiating contact and not stringing him along and she wonders why she hasn't heard from him.

 

Really?

[aSadGirl]

Hello everyone,

thanks for your imputs!

I HAVE initiated contact and even inclined i want to see him!

For instance between the 2nd and 3rd date i said "Would be fun to meet soon :o" and he said "yes but what are you doing wednesday or sunday?" and i said i can see him wednesday after 5PM which he didnt respond to in 24 hours which made me shaken but then he said "so when are we meeting up? :-* " suddenly and i unfortunately let him date me even if i was sour and didnt think he deserved it/I should rather meet or do something else so that he won´t think im so Available despite his lack of confirmation about that we would have a date that day... he didn´t even had great explanation, just said ha had worked late shifts with constuction and had been tired/forgot to reply

 

Nevertheless... he did however "like" my two pictures on facebook of tivoli firday and yesterday of a dinner.. he haven´t posted anything himself though otherwise i could´ve reciprocated.. or can i press "like" on some old pictures or will that send stalker/creepy vibes?

[h0000]

If you think you have initiated your fair share of contact then he is simply losing interest. Could be you, could be him, we don't know. While I do think some of your ideas of dating(men pay all the dates, for example) are definitely a turn off for most men, I don't think this is the reason here he is losing interest after 3 dates.

I wouldn't care if he likes your facebook photos. Doesn't mean anything. I would move on.

If you really want to, you can ask him out. Then you will have a more clear answer. But I don't think you two are compatible.

[phineas]

Hello everyone,

thanks for your imputs!

I HAVE initiated contact and even inclined i want to see him!

For instance between the 2nd and 3rd date i said "Would be fun to meet soon :o" and he said "yes but what are you doing wednesday or sunday?" and i said i can see him wednesday after 5PM which he didnt respond to in 24 hours which made me shaken but then he said "so when are we meeting up? :-* " suddenly and i unfortunately let him date me even if i was sour and didnt think he deserved it/I should rather meet or do something else so that he won´t think im so Available despite his lack of confirmation about that we would have a date that day... he didn´t even had great explanation, just said ha had worked late shifts with constuction and had been tired/forgot to reply

 

Nevertheless... he did however "like" my two pictures on facebook of tivoli firday and yesterday of a dinner.. he haven´t posted anything himself though otherwise i could´ve reciprocated.. or can i press "like" on some old pictures or will that send stalker/creepy vibes?

 

You are not showing enough interest.

After third date when you declined to goto his for dinner you should of asked him out.

Right now he is thinking you are just using him or bored.

Seriously.

I've had women who would only kiss me after 3rd date and never texted me to do anything.

I had to do all the work and i felt like the only reason they went out with me was because they had nothing better to do.

[phineas]

If you think you have initiated your fair share of contact then he is simply losing interest. Could be you, could be him, we don't know. While I do think some of your ideas of dating(men pay all the dates, for example) are definitely a turn off for most men, I don't think this is the reason here he is losing interest after 3 dates.

I wouldn't care if he likes your facebook photos. Doesn't mean anything. I would move on.

If you really want to, you can ask him out. Then you will have a more clear answer. But I don't think you two are compatible.

 

Here is the problem.

I have a woman in my social circle.

Their idea of showing interest to me is to tell me i have an open invite to come over to drink.

I just have to call them first.

 

They consider that initiating.

 

I believe op considers liking a picture on social media to be initiating. but i'm unclear on what she has done to show she is really interested.

[Sthrngem87]

Whether he's just not into you or he needs you to take more initiative, I think theres something here that may be making him feel like you two aren't compatible. He could be choosing not to text you to see if you will actually initiate and put some effort in.

[aSadGirl]

Whether he's just not into you or he needs you to take more initiative, I think theres something here that may be making him feel like you two aren't compatible. He could be choosing not to text you to see if you will actually initiate and put some effort in.

 

That´s true... Thank you (I read what everyone who is responding wrote)!

I will make ONE effort to fix this.. with the risk of me ending up wounded if he turns out he lost interest... but for what it´s worth i really liked him and enjoyed his company a lot so I´ll take that risk, even if i wish i didn´t have to but him just rather liking me enough to text me more already but yeah..

 

Ive read somewhere that if there is a date on wednesday, then he might call sunday. monday or tuesday... so im crossing my fingers he will tomorrow, otherwise i might have to take it into my own hands if i still feel like it but at this point im just annoyed that it got to this point even if i was a part of it... i just feel like he is the guy and should chase me a bit.. untill we are in a relationship but maybe he thinks i should go after him at least as much as him... it just feels very unattractive to do so to me.. not feminine, but i guess i have to in this case.. Im just afraid he already doesnt like me anymore and im just going into a pit of snakes by contacting him.. but i guess a

 

"Hi! How you´ve been? Thank you again for a fun date last week :)" (without a kissing smiley we used to do..?) hmm

[No_Go]

Just go for it. If he doesn't respond or response is lukewarm, you know the answer. I've been there done that and the waiting with a stare in the phone is the worst part... Don't prolong the torture.

 

That´s true... Thank you (I read what everyone who is responding wrote)!

I will make ONE effort to fix this.. with the risk of me ending up wounded if he turns out he lost interest... but for what it´s worth i really liked him and enjoyed his company a lot so I´ll take that risk, even if i wish i didn´t have to but him just rather liking me enough to text me more already but yeah..

 

Ive read somewhere that if there is a date on wednesday, then he might call sunday. monday or tuesday... so im crossing my fingers he will tomorrow, otherwise i might have to take it into my own hands if i still feel like it but at this point im just annoyed that it got to this point even if i was a part of it... i just feel like he is the guy and should chase me a bit.. untill we are in a relationship but maybe he thinks i should go after him at least as much as him... it just feels very unattractive to do so to me.. not feminine, but i guess i have to in this case.. Im just afraid he already doesnt like me anymore and im just going into a pit of snakes by contacting him.. but i guess a

 

"Hi! How you´ve been? Thank you again for a fun date last week :)" (without a kissing smiley we used to do..?) hmm

[aSadGirl]

Just go for it. If he doesn't respond or response is lukewarm, you know the answer. I've been there done that and the waiting with a stare in the phone is the worst part... Don't prolong the torture.

 

Thank you, i guess you are right. im just feeling embarassed to even have to contact him to find out.. he will feel "she wants meee" and swell his ego but yeah..

 

another thing ive thought about it that im afraid he might have checked me on tax-info where they show the last year´s income.. i had a low such and im afraid if he checked then he knows i am "broke"... also other people.. everything is seen, you cant hide anything here.. hmm i know its my problem but its so hard to find a good job here that matches my education, i feel down and almost depresed when i think about it.. i know this is a whole other topic and im just being paranoid he have checked me on tax-info but yeah..

[aSadGirl]

Ok guys you won´t believe this but this is the conversation though sms-texts today:

 

Me:

"Hi, thanks for last meeting, it was fun

Should we see each other again or how do you feel?"

 

Him:

"Hi

But thank you too sweetie, I had a really nice time with you

Yes I want us to meet again ofcourse.

Im having a bad cold right now but I hope to get well soon "

 

Now what do you say about that? Im chocked that he answered this positively.. the only thing lacking was some "sorry that i haven´t called".. i think he has a hard time to say sorry but im not sure..

 

either way.. Im thinking about responding something like

"Ok good, im glad to hear you feel that way

Oh but eat vitamines and honey so you will get well in no time, get well soon "

or is that too much?

[clia]

Honestly, no man who was interested would go five days without contacting you. I don't care how busy he is. It takes a few seconds to say hello and keep in touch. I think you should just drop this and move on. You had to initiate the last date and got offered the next day (last minute) or Sunday. (In other words, his weekend was full of other plans. Nothing for you.) Now you are initiating again and he hasn't even proposed a day. Save yourself the trouble and stop now. Don't respond.

[No_Go]

That's fine, preferably without the emoticon. However, DON'T initiate contact after that. If he really is sick, he'll contact you once he feels better. If he's weighting his options and/or lost interest, you'll probably not hear from him again.

[OnlyHonesty]

 

Seriously, does a man want to get laid? Then act like it! Ask the woman out and pay for the date.

 

 

This is exactly the attitude that contributes to what you were displeased with in the first place. I always see women talking about sex like it's a one way street and it makes it sound like you have nothing else to offer.

[aSadGirl]

That's fine, preferably without the emoticon. However, DON'T initiate contact after that. If he really is sick, he'll contact you once he feels better. If he's weighting his options and/or lost interest, you'll probably not hear from him again.

 

Hi again thank you,

how about:

 

"Aha good, i feel the same

Oh thats bad but eat ginger, curcummin and such and you will get well in no time Get well soon sicky :* "

 

it sounds better in my langugage but yeah.. is that ok ? I switched the to just ":*" (sort of kiss smiley but not exactly)...

[No_Go]

That's better - flirty but not over the top. Just remember - let the ball be in his court afterwards... and don't stay glued to your phone, if it's meant to be it will be and vice versa.

 

 

Hi again thank you,

how about:

 

"Aha good, i feel the same

Oh thats bad but eat ginger, curcummin and such and you will get well in no time Get well soon sicky :* "

 

it sounds better in my langugage but yeah.. is that ok ? I switched the to just ":*" (sort of kiss smiley but not exactly)...

[aSadGirl]

That's better - flirty but not over the top. Just remember - let the ball be in his court afterwards... and don't stay glued to your phone, if it's meant to be it will be and vice versa.

 

Thank you!He responded:

"Good

Yes i will go do that

Thanks thnkas

I hope you feel fine "

 

I hope i didnt make a mistake by responding with:

"Yeah do it

Thanks i feel great

Give me a call or text when you feel better "

(but in my langugage it isnt as much an other but rather "if you want to" so its not as forced as it sounds in english)

 

first i wanted to say "shoot me a call" but then i put the alternative with text because we havent talked in phone yet and i didnt want to pressure him too much but just show him im open to it.

I really hope i didnt ruin it all by being too accomondating with the last text!?

Ive heard men want what they cant have in terms of a slightly unavailable girl a bit out of their league and im afraid i blew it by contacting him like this today.. i shoudn´t have sent the last text perhaps but i just tried to put the ball back in his court...

 

What do you say about it? Im a bit anxious..

I just hope that if he contacts me to date again that i can tell him I feel good when we keep in touch with a couple of days instead of a week and ask him why it was a week he didnt feel like needing contact with me at all.. ? I mean i know it might be stupid as it is as way of "seeking validation" which i know is very off-putting to men but im just trying to find a way to PUT UP STANDARDS / BOUNDERIES without being a nag.. I just know from experience before that when a man isnt contacting in almost a week he is about to break up in some way.. so his silence awoke my insecurity and i dont want to to be be worried but i got to have a clue where we stand otherwise i might as well go out with someone else..

i actually was treated to 1 glass of wine by one guy yesterday.. he was from tinder and i didnt really feel good chemistry but i still tried to date to remind myself "this 3rd-date-guy i want isnt the onlye man out there"

Do you think im doing right?

[No_Go]

It is fine but just leave it at that.

 

If he's interested he'll contact you and the exact wording of your last text exchange really doesn't matter too much. Just let it be now until he contacts you again.

 

Regarding standards/boundaries - you don't have a relationship yet with him so it is irrelevant.

 

Now the ball is in his court. In the meanwhile - just keep going as you normally do - further contact will not be of any help right now.

 

Thank you!He responded:

"Good

Yes i will go do that

Thanks thnkas

I hope you feel fine "

 

I hope i didnt make a mistake by responding with:

"Yeah do it

Thanks i feel great

Give me a call or text when you feel better "

(but in my langugage it isnt as much an other but rather "if you want to" so its not as forced as it sounds in english)

 

first i wanted to say "shoot me a call" but then i put the alternative with text because we havent talked in phone yet and i didnt want to pressure him too much but just show him im open to it.

I really hope i didnt ruin it all by being too accomondating with the last text!?

Ive heard men want what they cant have in terms of a slightly unavailable girl a bit out of their league and im afraid i blew it by contacting him like this today.. i shoudn´t have sent the last text perhaps but i just tried to put the ball back in his court...

 

What do you say about it? Im a bit anxious..

I just hope that if he contacts me to date again that i can tell him I feel good when we keep in touch with a couple of days instead of a week and ask him why it was a week he didnt feel like needing contact with me at all.. ? I mean i know it might be stupid as it is as way of "seeking validation" which i know is very off-putting to men but im just trying to find a way to PUT UP STANDARDS / BOUNDERIES without being a nag.. I just know from experience before that when a man isnt contacting in almost a week he is about to break up in some way.. so his silence awoke my insecurity and i dont want to to be be worried but i got to have a clue where we stand otherwise i might as well go out with someone else..

i actually was treated to 1 glass of wine by one guy yesterday.. he was from tinder and i didnt really feel good chemistry but i still tried to date to remind myself "this 3rd-date-guy i want isnt the onlye man out there"

Do you think im doing right?

[aSadGirl]

It is fine but just leave it at that.

 

If he's interested he'll contact you and the exact wording of your last text exchange really doesn't matter too much. Just let it be now until he contacts you again.

 

Regarding standards/boundaries - you don't have a relationship yet with him so it is irrelevant.

 

Now the ball is in his court. In the meanwhile - just keep going as you normally do - further contact will not be of any help right now.

 

Hi No_Go...

its sunday now soon monday.. it was tuesday when he first wrote he is having a bad cold..

 

since last message he said he will get in touch when he is feeling better and wish me a good day..

in the evening on wednesday i told him about my day and thanked him for the minigolf again since i passed that place and said i really appriciate his ideas humour company etc.. + hope he gets well soon handsome..

 

he said "sounds like someone had really fun

Hahhaa yes you had fun on the minigolf, not me (bad loser ) but thank you too for everything I like you golf-master I feel better and better so i hope to get to see you soon again "

 

i answered him friday saying he just let me win to get to kiss me (the price was that) and that he is the real golf-exper and im glad to hear he feels better spiderman " (i called him that cause he pretended to be that superhero for a moment on the last date so i just wished him to recall that fun moment perhaps)..

 

he answered

"haha I maybe let you win a bit but i tried to win too but it was the best price anyway :* Yes vi have to meet soon "

 

I said "You are fun, gets me to smile kiss should be a winning-price not losing but i liked it too

As soon as you feel more energic we can plan "

 

Last thing he said was friday:

"Hehehe

Yes we have to do that "

 

then the weekend have gone by and he havent reached out! again only liking my new photos i put up on instagram last night (he actually was the first to like those pictures so it almost felt like he was watching my social media).. he was online 4-5 AM (dont know if he was drunk or woke up sick) and i ALMOST wanted to write him asking what he was doing awake that time but i held my horses...

 

What do you think i should do now? Ask him if he is well enough to meet yet? It just feels like im nagging him. He told me he would let me know so i have to trust that but it really freaks me out we havent seen each other in 1.5 weeks and he never had called only texted but he isnt ansking me anything!

 

So im afraid this is a case of "he´s not that into me" ??? Or what should i do?

 

I can add that ive been on 2 diffrent tinderdates since I met him last time with other guys. One gave me a glass of fine wine at a bar and the other and me went to race gocart cars yesterday. It felt good for me to meet other men to put off the focus from this "3-date-guy" but internally i really wished he could just showed some more effort BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM/LIKE HIM MOST.. it almost feels like he was most attentive in the beginning and is slacking off already.. but i hope he just really is only very sick.. but he could´ve reached out anyway in that case damnit..

 

Please help! What would you do in my situation? <3

[No_Go]

Hey Sad,

 

I hate to be the negative nancy, but ime he is most likely multi dating (which is not bad, you're too), somewhat likes you but wants to weight his options with someone else that he likes more. That's why he's neither cutting you off completely, nor initiating dates.

 

See this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/483648-over-he-stopped-calling

I had so similar situation, I didn't want to believe it's over. He 'closed' on me when it worked with his other prospect (I admit I fb 'stalked' him after - he's getting married for her in the end of this month... At least he didn't lie to me. This was in June 2014 eeh time flies).

 

Just don't bother monitoring his activity online any further (I highly doubt he was awake & online at 4-5 am because of sickness.. Likely drinking). Let this story behind - lesson learned is that first 3-5 dates are just 'testing the ground' and even with mutual interest to some level often lead to nowhere.

[joseb]

OP, dial back the interest level a couple of notches.

 

This guy is a low chance, as No Go says, I don't think you are high on his priority list right now.

 

It's good you are looking at other options.

[aSadGirl]

Hey Sad,

 

I hate to be the negative nancy, but ime he is most likely multi dating (which is not bad, you're too), somewhat likes you but wants to weight his options with someone else that he likes more. That's why he's neither cutting you off completely, nor initiating dates.

 

See this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/483648-over-he-stopped-calling

I had so similar situation, I didn't want to believe it's over. He 'closed' on me when it worked with his other prospect (I admit I fb 'stalked' him after - he's getting married for her in the end of this month... At least he didn't lie to me. This was in June 2014 eeh time flies).

 

Just don't bother monitoring his activity online any further (I highly doubt he was awake & online at 4-5 am because of sickness.. Likely drinking). Let this story behind - lesson learned is that first 3-5 dates are just 'testing the ground' and even with mutual interest to some level often lead to nowhere.

 

Oh thanks for fast reply! I think you might be right... i actually "checked" instagram and looked for that hairdresser he added on facebook 1.5 weeks ago... and saw he liked one of her selfies 5 days ago on her instagram so im almost guessing he´s seeing her... i almost thought to myself "they fit together" as he is a own-business-carpenter and she a own-business-hairdresser.. fooling around in her pictures yet trying to look like a barbie, with lipfillers and travels to luxury Marbella.. (i almost went there this summer but it didnt happend)...

 

BUT he actually texted me this morning "Hope you have a fine day! " Im almost guessing he is sending that to her and perhaps others too.. i dont know but i just have this odd feeling in me..

 

should i reply "Thanks you too! How are you?:*" or perhpahs "what did you do this weekend?" but that must feel like an interrigation so i guess its just better to check if he feels well and then plan another date and take it from there?

I just want to "get to the bottom of this" and see if my gutfeelings are right or he´s just been very sick or something... what do you think?

 

I still have a bit of feelings for him cause i think we got along sooo well on the 3 x 7 hours dates! I havent enjoyed kissing someone like that since my ex.. and just wanted to see if we could find love but i try to be cautious and not let feelings get the best of me because i dont want to get hurt..

Edited September 12, 2016 by aSadGirl

[aSadGirl]

OP, dial back the interest level a couple of notches.

 

This guy is a low chance, as No Go says, I don't think you are high on his priority list right now.

 

It's good you are looking at other options.

 

 

Thanks for your answer!

 

he actually texted me this morning "Hope you have a fine day! "

maybe i will reply with:

"Thanks you too! How are you? :*"

if he still is sick or something he got to step up and let me know whats up.. cause this isnt cool anymore.. im tired of waiting.. and now i got PMS too and my period is coming this week so im not even happy about perhaps meeting soon but ofcourse i dont even know if he wants to.. maybe he enjoys my company but tries to keep me at an arms lenght. what do you think i should do?

[joseb]

Thanks for your answer!

 

he actually texted me this morning "Hope you have a fine day! "

maybe i will reply with:

"Thanks you too! How are you? :*"

if he still is sick or something he got to step up and let me know whats up.. cause this isnt cool anymore.. im tired of waiting.. and now i got PMS too and my period is coming this week so im not even happy about perhaps meeting soon but ofcourse i dont even know if he wants to.. maybe he enjoys my company but tries to keep me at an arms lenght. what do you think i should do?

 

Like I said, you need to dial it back!

 

You are getting way to wound up by all this.

 

If you contact him and sound grumpy or moody then he is likely to pass on you.

 

Does it really matter much if he was sick or busy or on dates? You yourself had dates with two guys since seeing him, I imagine you haven't mentioned that to him, have you?

 

He is still contacting you so he is still interested.

[anna121]

I would text back "Thanks - I will!"

 

Nothing else. He is throwing crumbs to make sure you're still hooked. If he wants to see you, let him initiate. You've done more than enough.