Trying to move on

[MidnightBlue1980]

I don't start threads much. So many lost souls. I'm 8 months out of a 5 month A. The particulars are similar to what everyone posts and don't really matter. It's nuts how I can't get over it. This was not my soulmate, but someone I knew and liked as a person. Under the bus I went. I was trying to find Jersey's post about men and affairs but he has so many threads.

 

To help myself I was reading online and found this below, not my story thank God. It is so touching, I wanted to share. I'm really stuck.

 

"My married man left me alone to the premature birth of our child, a son, who died immediately. He loved me with all his heart. I was his twin flame, the love of his life, and...he was too afraid to come to the hospital, too afraid to be seen. We had been together two years. I left my abusive marriage pregnant with his child. Went thru utter hell. He left me to our son’s death alone.

 

I forgave him. It’s been a year and two months since the baby died. I wake up screaming in a cold sweat some nights reliving what happened in that room.

 

I lost my home. Live with my mother. Lost my seven year old to shared custody with ex. My ex husband had affairs and instead of leaving, I was so scared, I had my own affair and fell in love and stupidly got pregnant. . Karma is a b***.

 

Take it from me. These men utter such sweet words, such promises. I believed in him so much I chose to be honest and carry his child. I could not hurt a piece of him. I lost my world to our affair. He lost nothing. Some nights I weep and weep, so overwhelmed my heart feels like it shattering in my chest. I’m so lonely, so very very lost.

 

And I have no one to blame but myself.

 

He said goodbye to me in an email today, said it is best we have no contact until he is free, if the day ever comes. He said he loves me with all his heart and he will do some soul searching and try to make this right someday.

I collapsed on the floor after reading it.

 

He’s gone. But then again, I don’t think he was ever here. I will not see him again. I know I will not. There will be no knock on my door. This was my waterloo. It destroyed my life. I destroyed my life. For what? For a handful of magic beans and a box of cremated ashes.

 

They do not leave. Even when they see you in agony and despair. They do not care, they protect their own a**, and they do. Not. Leave."

[Onlywhenitrains]

Hang in there, Midnight!

 

It will get better! Love yourself, first and foremost!!!

 

Hugs!!

[Forever broken]

No they don't care, they never did. Don't blame yourself too much. I heard it gets better, and I'm hoping is true. Hugs

[MidnightBlue1980]

No they don't care, they never did. Don't blame yourself too much. I heard it gets better, and I'm hoping is true. Hugs

 

Thanks ladies. I realize this is a pointless thread. I have nothing really new to say. I guess if everyone knows they are not alone, maybe I helped someone. I does get better, I am a lot better than i was 8 months ago.

[Lobe]

Gotta chime in as the BS here.

 

I have a huge grudge that I carry towards my WH for his easy dismissal of the AP. "I liked the way she made me feel..." Well fine, goody for you. All the remorse my WH may show to me, he cannot show his AP, because... It would kill me. It would end my marriage. I will hate him for dismissing her as much as I would hate him for disrespecting me again.

 

The AP and the WS could probably be incredibly supportive of one another were we not in "competition" after d-day.

 

APs, you are in a unique position. You can protect yourself by saying no. You can both protect and enlighten the BS. You can demand more of the WS. The WS is the link but really, with the exception of APs who don't know they are APs, the AP has all the power. I'm not saying that there won't be MW or MW looking for affairs but if the well is dry...

 

My point (and midnight can vouch for me)

 

The AP is worth more than the WS can or will offer. It's not unreasonable to make demands that any normal person might make in a normal relationship and if the only reason you don't demand it is because you think you will "lose" then you know where you stand. Embrace that power, demand more for the BS, demand more from your WS, and most importantly demand more for yourself.

 

Gamble money instead - you can always make more money but you can't unmake your affair.

[Chica80]

Midnight I think what you are going through is more than just the A. I think it has touched some deep buried wound that has never healed. The A is just making you relive it over and over.

 

I've been reading this book about Mindfullness. and suffering:

 

"we tend to judge suffering as bad and view it as something we must avoid or quickly terminate. Many people will spend much of their lives avoiding pain and suffering through destructive means that often lead to more pain and suffering, so that they never actually find the freedom they are looking for."

 

Lots of people compare A to an addiction. A drug of sorts to numb or take away the pain we are feeling. But in reality we are just creating a more painful and self destructive pattern.

 

Just some thoughts....it may be why you are still "stuck".

[Chica80]

Gotta chime in as the BS here.

 

I have a huge grudge that I carry towards my WH for his easy dismissal of the AP. "I liked the way she made me feel..." Well fine, goody for you. All the remorse my WH may show to me, he cannot show his AP, because... It would kill me. It would end my marriage. I will hate him for dismissing her as much as I would hate him for disrespecting me again.

 

The AP and the WS could probably be incredibly supportive of one another were we not in "competition" after d-day.

 

APs, you are in a unique position. You can protect yourself by saying no. You can both protect and enlighten the BS. You can demand more of the WS. The WS is the link but really, with the exception of APs who don't know they are APs, the AP has all the power. I'm not saying that there won't be MW or MW looking for affairs but if the well is dry...

 

My point (and midnight can vouch for me)

 

The AP is worth more than the WS can or will offer. It's not unreasonable to make demands that any normal person might make in a normal relationship and if the only reason you don't demand it is because you think you will "lose" then you know where you stand. Embrace that power, demand more for the BS, demand more from your WS, and most importantly demand more for yourself.

 

Gamble money instead - you can always make more money but you can't unmake your affair.

 

I agree with the bolded part. It was one of the reasons why A could not continue. I kept making more demands for time. For not hiding. It was one of the things he AP said. You say you're fine but you always want more. And you should have more.

[Lobe]

I agree with the bolded part. It was one of the reasons why A could not continue. I kept making more demands for time. For not hiding. It was one of the things he AP said. You say you're fine but you always want more. And you should have more.

 

You should. Reading xOW's blog and seeing her quotes about I'm not an option, not a second choice, not your secret... I was like YEAH! You go girl! I hate you but you deserve better!!! I would have done maternity breathing to calm and find her centre. Me? I've got entangled family to consider. Her? Cut and run, and I'd be lying if I wasn't jealous she had that ability. Kids complicate everything. Lol

 

I'm glad we have found each othe MB. And I am equally terrified you are WH's AP... I'm not really obvious putting myself out there but if you are an OW from Albuquerque and you work in medical sales or engineering... I see you and I hope you see me lol

[Arieswoman]

NidnightBlue1980,

 

This may help;

 

Breaking Up With and Getting Over a Married/Attached Man

 

Good luck x

[William]

Folks, it appears this thread starter is married, the affair is long over and they've posted someone else's content which may or may not be copyrighted (probably is) and without attribution.

 

I'll entertain a contact with a link to the author to provide proper attribution and suggestion for a more appropriate location for this content. I was thinking MLP but will leave that up to the thread starter. If they are still actively involved with their affair partner, disclose that in the edit submitted. Until then, thread closed. Thanks for your responses.