How long should i wait?

[Nikki]

I am 27 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years. He's 31 and I would think be ready to settle down. However, he says that he's "not sure" if he wants to settle down and that he's scared of the "finality" of marriage. I thought that since he just finished residency last year and has been really overwhelmed working as a regular doc full time that he can't concentrate on marriage right now. My problem is that we do love eachother. We truly have a unique relationship. We are best friends, see eachother more than married people probably do, and have a lot in common. He told me that I'm the first girl he's ever truly loved, and that he knows that if we break up because he can't commit he KNOWS that he won't find somone he likes more than me and that he's afraid that he'll think about me 10 years from now. A big problem I think that his parents don't like me because they think he spends too much time with me and not enough on side business ventures. He still lives in their house so that he can save every penny he makes to build the castle he's always dreamed about. We tried it apart about 1 years ago, and that lasted about one week. When a guy says he just doesn't know, does that mean he really does know but does not want to leave right now? What should I do? I'm not that young and everyone keeps asking when the wedding is. I really do believe we love eachother very much, but is that enough?

[Tony T]

Until someone is ready, there's nothing you can do. The poor guy just got out of years of gruelling medical school and residency and perhaps he just needs a mental breather before he takes on anything major again.

 

He probably needs a year or two of getting used to his new professional life, schedule, etc. Being a doctor is pretty stressful in many ways and I'm sure you are a welcome relief from his hectic work world.

 

This is a decision you will have to make all by your lonely self. There are no guarantees this guy's going to marry you. But it sounds to me he really would never have time to ever set out to find someone else and if you stick by him for a bit more time without pressing him so much, he probably will go the distance.

 

Stay off his back though. When you feel you've stuck around long enough, just leave and move on. Ultimately, that may be what he needs from you to make him realize he needs to marry you to keep you in his life.

[Ashesmum]

I would think after all your man has been through, he deserves a couple years to figure it out. Me and my friends think that after being together for a few years, a guy usually knows if he wants to marry the girl or not. And if it's been that long and nothing has come up about it, then you give him another year. In that last year you make it very clear that a marriage should be coming soon. If you don't get anything within the next year, you better start thinking about the future. I think that if you're with someone for 5 years and an engagement doesn't come up when he knows you want it, then let it be known you aren't going to wait forever. You deserve to have a happy life the way you want it to be. And if marriage is in the future for you, then you need to find a man who wants that too.

I am 27 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 2 years. He's 31 and I would think be ready to settle down. However, he says that he's "not sure" if he wants to settle down and that he's scared of the "finality" of marriage. I thought that since he just finished residency last year and has been really overwhelmed working as a regular doc full time that he can't concentrate on marriage right now. My problem is that we do love eachother. We truly have a unique relationship. We are best friends, see eachother more than married people probably do, and have a lot in common. He told me that I'm the first girl he's ever truly loved, and that he knows that if we break up because he can't commit he KNOWS that he won't find somone he likes more than me and that he's afraid that he'll think about me 10 years from now. A big problem I think that his parents don't like me because they think he spends too much time with me and not enough on side business ventures. He still lives in their house so that he can save every penny he makes to build the castle he's always dreamed about. We tried it apart about 1 years ago, and that lasted about one week. When a guy says he just doesn't know, does that mean he really does know but does not want to leave right now? What should I do? I'm not that young and everyone keeps asking when the wedding is. I really do believe we love eachother very much, but is that enough?