Children discovering affair

[Templemead]

Curious to hear from those of you who have been involved in an affair and it has been discovered by the child of the MM/MW but the BS does not know. Would appreciate hearing outcome and how it was handled.

[cocorico]

Curious to hear from those of you who have been involved in an affair and it has been discovered by the child of the MM/MW but the BS does not know. Would appreciate hearing outcome and how it was handled.

 

My (then-MM, now)H disclosed his A to his teenage kids, during the A. He wanted to gauge their feelings about the possibility of another separation (they had been traumatised previously). The (nowX)BW did not know of the A at that stage.

 

The kids were supportive of leaving the BW, which then happened. Kids moved in with him, though custody was officially shared.

 

Was that the sort of thing you were looking for?

[ThorntonMelon]

My (then-MM, now)H disclosed his A to his teenage kids, during the A. He wanted to gauge their feelings about the possibility of another separation (they had been traumatised previously). The (nowX)BW did not know of the A at that stage.

 

The kids were supportive of leaving the BW, which then happened. Kids moved in with him, though custody was officially shared.

 

Was that the sort of thing you were looking for?

 

Your situation is probably the equivalent of winning the lottery. Maybe not a 250 million powerball, but a good 7-8 figure payout. You're the one in a million. Good for you. I guess there are happy endings occasionally.

[Whoknew30]

I caught my dad but never told my mom. She knew about other A but i just didn't say anything. Though in my culture it's different bc I knew my dad would never leave my mom for another woman...he was a serial cheater that never loved any of the OW probably the reason I didn't tell, I knew she wasn't the problem.

[ChickiePops]

My cousin caught her father and told her mother. The result was that they split for a while and then got back together..but my cousin has been unable to have a healthy relationship with a man. Ever.

[jll07]

When my boyfriend left his ex, she found out about our relationship. She found pictures and read messages. She showed her children the pictures and messages. I do not know what she has told them. His one child hates us both. The other is ok with me but has decided that he doesn't want to be around me at this time.

My children know that he was still married when we started dating. But they don't quite understand that he left his ex for me. I am afraid of them finding this out because they will be disappointed in me.

[Tayla]

I was the teen caught in the mire. Saw my adult guardian in the throws of passion. Came home... Cried a lot. Next morning.. The house was eerily quiet. She had packed up and left. Happy ending? Sure , if her running off .. Leaving two young girls and a teen .. Grasping at the audacity of her disregard. then sure lets go with that fairytale ending.

 

Until you walk in the shoes of the child.. And all

Who are effected.. Your perception that it all ended for the best .. Is bias.

People may go on.. It's what we do, we don't forget the fallout and the Adults who created it.

[preraph]

Happy to say never been there. But what it does to the children is they will either blame the father or some of them may rationalize it and blame the mother or believe the father's BS that it's the mother's fault he cheated. Then as they grow into adults, him cheating will either make the daughters think cheating is normal OR they will have a radical reaction to any whiff of it, which is probably the healthier choice, but some of the kids, especially the boys, will model after him and accept it as normal because as children, they had to rationalize it in order to accept that the dad they love tore up a marriage and his own kids through a selfish and dishonest act. So they don't want to believe he's bad and will decide the act is no big deal and there you have created a cycle.