xworriedwifex Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Hello My husband never did like his phone being touched,but its getting out of handle i think. He always has it with him.Even in the bathroom,sleeps with it under his pillow now too.he Would be on the phone all night right next to me in bed,but as soon as i got up for a drink he would fake sleeping then would go right back to it after i laid back down i also found out the night before i went into labor he just put a passcode on it and when i asked about it,said it was for Icloud and was going to take is off in a few days I came home from the hospital and its still there, i havent asked him about it again but im already stressing alittle with the newborn and my toddler..this is adding to the stress and thats not helping Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Have you asked him outright "Please unlock your phone, I'd like to see it"? Those that have nothing to hide, hide nothing. The passcode itself isn't significant, most people have that feature if device is lost or stolen. However, the secrecy is an obvious concern... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
TrustedthenBusted Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Have you asked him outright "Please unlock your phone, I'd like to see it"? Mr. Lucky To make it easier, a friend once used a little white lie to test her husband. She asked her husband to unlock his phone and give her 5 minutes to just go through it as much as she wanted to. When her husband asked why, she said she read an article stating that you can tell the state of a marriage by your partner's willingness to be transparent about everything. She said she was just curious to see his reaction, and that it wasn't about trust of cheating or anything like that. He gave up his phone, and she didn't find anything. It worked out. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I'm assuming you suspect he is having an A. What other "symptoms" is he exhibiting? Definitely the passcode is a weird thing. Does he close screens or turn his phone off when you come near? You could try just asking to borrow his phone because yours is dead and see how he reacts. Do you have access to the phone bills? The call and text records are usually a pretty obvious sign. Your gut is usually right when something is off, especially if this isn't the first time he has given you cause for concern. Try asking to use/see his phone and go view his bills and then you can determine your next course of action. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 OP, since your H has always been protective of his phone, anything else out of the ordinary noticed during your pregnancy? How long have you been together? How was his interaction with your other child? Work hours? Social activities? Welcome to LS and, if you're suspecting infidelity, OK, work that. You have instincts for a reason. That said, have you been impacted by infidelity in the past? If no, what's changed for you? If yes, what similarities or differences do you note here? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xworriedwifex Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 to Lobe He will turn off the screen or just move so i cant see his phone if i move next to him, He doesnt let me use his phone for any reason As for viewing bills i cant,he has the names and passwords for all of them to carhill he was acting weird the other night like he was high or drunk,but freaked out when i asked him if he was,and made me say i was sorry for asking We have been together for over 10 years, both kids are his hes fine with both of them. He works early during the day and if he goes out its later like 9pm-12am ish he used dating sites before when our other child was 3 years old for a whole year,but denied that too Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Annnnd you're husband is most likely cheating. It's either that or Porn. Either way, you tell him; "you either become transparent or I'm talking to an attorney" 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 he used dating sites before when our other child was 3 years old for a whole year,but denied that too How did you discover this? And when you say "used", do you mean he met women he found through these sites ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
jenkins95 Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 He will turn off the screen or just move so i cant see his phone He doesnt let me use his phone for any reason As for viewing bills i cant,he has the names and passwords for all of them .........but freaked out when i asked him if he was,and made me say i was sorry for asking he used dating sites before when our other child was 3 years old for a whole year,but denied that too OP. I'm sorry to say it, but those are five massive red flags.... And all from one post. The fifth one is so red is almost on fire and the fourth one seems a little creepy, like he may have control issues 'making you say sorry'.... Or perhaps I just misunderstood it. Being brutally honest, I would say there is a 90%chance he is up to something. Not necessarily an affair, but something he's very keen you don't find out about - porn, online flirting, gambling, etc. It sounds like he has control of all passwords/accounts, etc, so you may have to learn how to be a bit more resourceful in your detective work - like hiding/fixing a VAR in his car....... you've come to the right place for that kind of advice if you need it. I wish you nothing but the best OP. Let's hope it's nothing after all, but even if that were the case, I feel he is treating you with disrespect bring quite so secretive. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Has he recently connected the iphone to your computer to sync music, movies, contacts, photos ? Or is it all done wireless to icloud ? Does he use a home computer ever to check emails/social media etc ? Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I remember the first day he hid his phone angrily. I still regret not standing up for myself. Dump a glass of water on him, grab that phone and run to the bathroom & lock the door. It's my fantasy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I remember the first day he hid his phone angrily. I still regret not standing up for myself. Dump a glass of water on him, grab that phone and run to the bathroom & lock the door. It's my fantasy. If that's your fantasy you need to reassess your marriage. You are technically living with your best friend. Is he treating you as such? Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 All kinds of red flags. Nice timing on his part. You have every right to demand to see his phone and if he refuses then he's hiding something, period. Why does he have all the passwords to look at the bills and you have none? Has he always just looked after the bills? Do you work and have a joint account? I'm not sure what advice to give you that hasn't been given here - get that phone! What if it's just porn? Will than matter to you? Are you able to access your internet router? You can monitor which sites he is visiting by setting up a logger on it - if he is using his phone on WIFI at the house or using a laptop/desktop computer you will be able to see which websites he visits. Won't help with the passwords for the cell phone bill - do you have a smartphone in your name on the same account as him? If yes, you might be able to get the call log for both phones by calling . If he pays all the bills online the passwords might be saved as well - it's worth poking around, no? Spy On Your Kids Using Your Wireless Router [Free Parental Controls] Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Yes he is cheating in some way. You need to decide what you want to do. Divorce or detective. I am sorry that this is happening. There is life after this, it does not seem like it, but it exists. Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 "(singing) smartphone da da da dumb husband ba ba ba" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Midwestmissy Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 By fantasy, I wish I had done it then and I hope that someone does it so I can live vicariously. Even my wh thinks it makes sense, he was so angry and anxiety ridden during his affair. He hides nothing now and is owning it all. And really really embarrassed. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett94 Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I think He is up to something. No one pretends to sleep when their spouse is up then jumps back on the phone when he thinks you are asleep. That is a huge red flag! Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 It all seems very suspicious. Go with your instincts. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Standard advice is to "trust your gut" and "go into investigative mode." It's all quite counter-intuitive but typically very good advice. I recommend the standard advice. Find out the truth and respond accordingly (which is another subject altogether). Placing a voice activated recorder (VAR) in his car is one method (probably the cheapest and commonly produces results). Personally, I put a GPS device on my wife's car. Discovering her visit to a hotel from 10pm to midnight was just the beginning of opening Pandora's box. There are plenty of other methods. If you want to employ any of them, just ask. We know how to do this. My biggest piece of advice would be to play stupid and compliant. Confrontations are emotionally hard to avoid but almost always the stupid move, unless they're done via service of divorce papers after you know EVERYTHING you need to know. Think with your head instead of your emotions. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 IMHO, most likely porn....very pregnant wife just giving birth....I'm sure he is not getting a lot of action. Either way, you should ask him to open it up...tell him porn you can live with and mean it....then see how he reacts. BTW, I know everyone telling her to simply get divorced aren't looking at it realistically. I don't think the OP is in a good position to demand a divorce over a locked phone.....she needs more info. Sucks but true. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 IMHO, most likely porn....very pregnant wife just giving birth....I'm sure he is not getting a lot of action. Either way, you should ask him to open it up...tell him porn you can live with and mean it....then see how he reacts. BTW, I know everyone telling her to simply get divorced aren't looking at it realistically. I don't think the OP is in a good position to demand a divorce over a locked phone.....she needs more info. Sucks but true. It's almost comical how the "just divorce" opinions come flying when no one in their right mind would actually file over suspicions with no "evidence" of infidelity. This is why I advise investigating. The reality is that if she finds nothing after a good investigation, then a confession on her part (and some serious MC/IC) is recommended. But that's just not often the case. Thus, the "trust your gut" and "find out the truth and respond accordingly" advice. It's one way or the other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de Lis Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 If you have access to the cell phone bill, you'd easily be able to find out if there is one or more numbers that he's calling often. Link to post Share on other sites
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