Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Yep, full story. She cheated first years ago and again with someone else. They both confessed in mc last year. She wants to have open M until both kids are out on own or she feels ready. Separated living together more accuratelay is what she said. She doesn't care what he does in mean time as long as kids aren't impacted. (like this isn't affecting them, but that's just my opinion). Sex w others, discrete dating etc and Ive seen the communications that verify. She knows about you then? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Yep, full story. She cheated first years ago and again with someone else. They both confessed in mc last year. She wants to have open M until both kids are out on own or she feels ready. Separated living together more accuratelay is what she said. She doesn't care what he does in mean time as long as kids aren't impacted. (like this isn't affecting them, but that's just my opinion). Sex w others, discrete dating etc and Ive seen the communications that verify. What about sex within the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Yes she knows about me. Granted I haven't been around or very involved in his life for a while. We've been mostly periods of NC, broken by occasional lc. So I guess she knew we were involved but not what current status is/isn't. No sex in the marriage . I know hes very frustrated. She said its off the table. (Again, does that mean he would if she wanted to? A long time ago he said no but Im not so sure). He brought it up with me, I said Ive decided to only sleep with boyfriends. Makes it easier and keeps feelings from getting confused or hurt. Not sure what he'll do about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I kinda feel like you're better off leaving him to his own devices and moving on with your life - not much of a prize, is he? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 I kinda feel like you're better off leaving him to his own devices and moving on with your life - not much of a prize, is he? Probably right. And that's my intent. I heard the "always love" line before and was just curious how others saw it and whether it meant anything and if so if it was any different from a MM. I appreciate everyone's perspectives. I have a promising date tonight, got to get ready. Wish me luck.: ) Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 I have a promising date tonight, got to get ready. Wish me luck.: ) Good luck! Go be fabulous! Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Well, it sounds like he isn't ready for a divorce. Like he would make it work if she wanted to so be wary of that. As for love, I have no feelings toward my ex at all. We have children but that doesn't make me have warm fuzzies. As for my guy, he stays as far from his ex as possible, has no love for her and did not speak to her on the couple of occasions he has seen her since the divorce. We both avoid her like the plague, stating out of the town she lives, next town over,avoiding restaurants she frequents, shopping at different stores than the ones she uses. She never even comes up in conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 We have children but that doesn't make me have warm fuzzies. ~sidebar~ I instantly envisioned tribbles. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 He'll "always love" the mother of his kids Hmm, if a man can successfully use this, or even mention it, as a part of his repertoire of woo, congratulations to him on his attractiveness and charm. Winner. He may simply love all women because, well, women are lovely. It is true, isn't it? I think so. Convincing one woman she stands out from the rest, OTOH, problematical! Perhaps not for him! Here's my take as a divorced guy. I loved who I was when I was married, loved being married and loved my wife when I was married. I can barely remember her name now. Why? She's one of billions on the planet and just happens to be someone I spent time with and loved. Business finished. A parent with children simply has a different milieu to process. Different business to finish. They do it every day. However, they are free to love their ex-spouse until the day they die. No one can take that away from them. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 (edited) My grandparents had a truly horrible relationship. They were married for about 55 years. My grandad was a soft gentle man who was pretty much tortured every single day of his life. They were a generation that just didn't divorce. Her bitterness & cruelty knew no bounds!! My grandad died a couple of years before my grandmother. She spent her last week of life in hospital with an old, worn, well fingered, tiny photograph of her 'first love' clutched in her hand. My grandad was punished for life because he wasn't the boy in the photograph. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't live-up to the fantasy she had nurtured. Be very careful. Don't ever try to compete with a lost love. (Tribble Trouble!) This sounds like a lot more than the "Daddy will always love Mummy because we made you!" divorce reasonings you give to kids. Of course there will always be a little something there because 2 people made a baby together & shared history. Most, in my experience, become pretty indifferent to their ex once they move on & fall in love with someone else. This sounds more like a MM "I warned you that this would never be the 'real deal" kind of line.....I hope I'm wrong. Edited August 29, 2016 by ShatteredLady 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Yes she knows about me. Granted I haven't been around or very involved in his life for a while. We've been mostly periods of NC, broken by occasional lc. So I guess she knew we were involved but not what current status is/isn't. No sex in the marriage . I know hes very frustrated. She said its off the table. (Again, does that mean he would if she wanted to? A long time ago he said no but Im not so sure). He brought it up with me, I said Ive decided to only sleep with boyfriends. Makes it easier and keeps feelings from getting confused or hurt. Not sure what he'll do about that. Open marriage I can grasp but no sex? Sounds unbelievable. Aside from a physical issue, most couples with an open marriage enjoy a healthy sexual relationship that is enhanced by opening it. I seriously doubt a man would be ok with others banging his wife yet not him. He's a liar and/or a complete wimp. Nothing attractive about this man at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Open marriage I can grasp but no sex? Sounds unbelievable. Aside from a physical issue, most couples with an open marriage enjoy a healthy sexual relationship that is enhanced by opening it. I seriously doubt a man would be ok with others banging his wife yet not him. He's a liar and/or a complete wimp. Nothing attractive about this man at all. My h (granted no open relationship, but still) went 12 years with no sex from his ex wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author norudder Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 My h (granted no open relationship, but still) went 12 years with no sex from his ex wife. Its more separated living together than open marriage. Neither one of them is moving things forward though. I believe the no sex. Ive heard enough men complain about it, some who've cheated and some who just deal with it. Ive met abstinent men. I stopped having sex with my exh even though we lived together. I think after a certain point, especially after a ltr and one that may be ending, many re-evaluate the value they put on sex itself as well as the role it has in their relationship/s. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain2014 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Its more separated living together than open marriage. Neither one of them is moving things forward though. I believe the no sex. Ive heard enough men complain about it, some who've cheated and some who just deal with it. Ive met abstinent men. I stopped having sex with my exh even though we lived together. I think after a certain point, especially after a ltr and one that may be ending, many re-evaluate the value they put on sex itself as well as the role it has in their relationship/s. Huge distinction between an open marriage and being separated but living together. I don't have a problem understanding a sexless marriage. I lived in one for years. In your situation, I couldn't grasp the idea that a man would agree to his wife sleeping with other men but not him. Despite your clarification, I don't think they have an open marriage nor are separated living together. Both include a level of honesty that are clearly not evident in this situation. The mere fact that you can't have an open relationship with this man proves that. Link to post Share on other sites
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