Wife Left for Best Friend

[klegacy]

My wife and I started our relationship like out of romantic movie. Our wedding was full of love. We have a child who just turned 2. My wife comes from a Christian family who believed marriage was forever. She is five years younger than I (I am 29) and we’d been married almost 3 years when the most unexpected thing happened.

 

She went from talking about all the great things we would be doing this summer, and the idea of having a second child, to being very distant in a week. Towards the end we met with a councilor where she said she wanted space. She told councilors and friends and family that she just needed to separate for awhile to figure out who she was and what she wanted. But it turned out, she was lying to everyone. She’d been having an emotional affair with my friend, that was developing into more. I should’ve seen the signs, but I was too blind by trust and love for her to realize. The secret emails. The lengthy conversations they’d have right in front of me. She always thought that we should find him someone nice, but I never realized it would be her. She started seeking attention from other guys and meeting them for coffee, sharing emails and private messages, and then this happened, all in a short span of time. She moved out of our home very quickly and immediately began a relationship with the guy, and did all the things over the summer that we had talked about doing, and has involved our son in their relationship. It’s ripped me apart and broken me beyond repair.

 

The worst thing is, everyone around us has completely accepted it. As if she’d done no wrong. I’ve been left alone, without anyone, while she enjoys the company of him and all our friends, all her family, even one of my family members. Our son’s birthday just passed, and while everyone celebrated with them for his birthday, I was by myself. Still not understanding to this day why this happened.

 

I’m out of options. I’ve talked to councilors, psychologists, my doctor, whatever remaining friends I have, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep living in her hometown but I don’t want to go away from my son. But each day is killing me more and more. I thought she was my soulmate, and I still love her so much, but I’m so destroyed by all this.

[Mr. Lucky]

I’m out of options. I’ve talked to councilors, psychologists, my doctor, whatever remaining friends I have, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep living in her hometown but I don’t want to go away from my son. But each day is killing me more and more. I thought she was my soulmate, and I still love her so much, but I’m so destroyed by all this.

 

You're going to have to be proof that living well is the best revenge.

 

An easy prediction to make - her relationship with your (ex!!) friend won't last, cheaters live and die by the same sword. Stay near your son, be the best Dad you can be and take baby steps to rebuild your life. Exercise, meditation and staying active all can help you move forward. Look at it as a contest - he with the most eventual happiness wins. Good luck and keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky

[stillafool]

((((HUGS))))!!!! If you believe in God, cry out to him for help! I will pray for you too. This is going to be hard.

[klegacy]

((((HUGS))))!!!! If you believe in God, cry out to him for help! I will pray for you too. This is going to be hard.

 

I was never overly religious myself, but when all this happened, I reached out to a pastor friend, attended the churches and groups and prayed until I cried. But it hasn't helped me at all. If anything, I'm feeling worse as time passes.

 

Thank you for your replies, everyone.

[minimariah]

#1 goal - be the best, most involved father you can be & set up strong boundaries. go for joint legal and physical custody if possible. be present as much as you can...

 

i don't understand the part about your child's birthday celebration -- why didn't you make ANOTHER celebration and invited your friends and family members? you have the right to throw a party for your child, too.

 

and as far as your friends and family goes... honestly - don't burn any bridges. but talk openly and seek support from those friends and family members you consider the closest to you. express your pain freely and actively seek support and help... trust me, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel and you'll get to it. be persisent.

[klegacy]

i don't understand the part about your child's birthday celebration -- why didn't you make ANOTHER celebration and invited your friends and family members? you have the right to throw a party for your child, too.

 

In this town, I really don't have any family, and nearly all my friends disappeared when everything all happened. I got to spend time with him at the beginning of the weekend though, which was nice.

[stillafool]

I was never overly religious myself, but when all this happened, I reached out to a pastor friend, attended the churches and groups and prayed until I cried. But it hasn't helped me at all. If anything, I'm feeling worse as time passes.

 

Thank you for your replies, everyone.

 

Don't stop. I prayed for you today.

[piano1962]

It sounded like you've tried to seek all the help you could. It does sound a bit strange that everyone in your circle support her and leave you alone? Are you divorced already?

I think it might help for you to engage yourself in healthy activities that can keep your mind off the whole situation. Be yourself, live your life and be a good dad. Things might turn around or might not. Enjoy your days with your child. No one knows the future. Life is short. Take one day at a time. Tell yourself in the morning "Today I'm going to be the best I can to my son and everyone else around me." Don't let your negative thoughts overwhelm you. Will pray for you! Take care!

[road]

Only if you found us when WW wanted a separation. We could of told you ways to fight this affair.

 

 

Now as others have said be there for your son. Best to go NC with your WW.

 

 

When it is your day to have your son have XWW drop him off at her parents house and you pick him up without her there. Do the reverse when it is time to drop your son off.

[stillafool]

 

When it is your day to have your son have XWW drop him off at her parents house and you pick him up without her there. Do the reverse when it is time to drop your son off.

 

I agree with Road. You need to go ghost on her. Don't give her the privilege of laying eyes on you again for now. Grieve, get it out and then start rebuilding your life. Be more and do more than she ever expected. A good life is the best revenge.

[Marc878]

Only if you found us when WW wanted a separation. We could of told you ways to fight this affair.

 

 

Now as others have said be there for your son. Best to go NC with your WW.

 

 

When it is your day to have your son have XWW drop him off at her parents house and you pick him up without her there. Do the reverse when it is time to drop your son off.

 

Excellent advice. Never answer a phone call from her. Only text and emails about your son only. Never do the "lets be friends" thing. That would all be for her to alieviate guilt and say "see he's ok with what I've done". It's not ok!!!

 

Definition of friend = trusting, honest, loyal. She's not your friend.

 

If you can detach and go no contact you'll move on quicker. It's hard but the realization is you would have never had a life with her anyway.

 

Never do shared holidays, etc. keep it separate. Your so called friends who vanished were never your friends.

 

Read "No More Mr Nice a Guy" free PDF download. It'll help you with your future.

[Just a Guy]

Hi KLegacy, yours is one of the saddest stories I've read on LS recently. I had a few questions for you, if you are okay with answering them. Firstly, how long did you date your wife before marriage and what were the circumstances in which you met her? Secondly, are you two now divorced or is she living in 'sin' with her lover boy being a 'Christian'. Also this so called 'Best Friend' of yours who tan off with your wife, how long had you known him and what drew you to him? Another question is this town or city where you are currently living, is it the place where your wife or ex wife has her family whereas yours lives elsewhere?

 

What puzzles me is how, if your marriage was a happy one, did your wife suddenly go from being a lovey dovey spouse to completely cold, calculating and distant within a week. It seems pretty obvious from the little you said about her behaviour just prior to leaving, that she had already checked out of the marriage and was only marking time till she found another sucker. As Mr. Lucky said she will dump this friend of yours once gets bored of him and move on to the next guy. Also, the advice that given to you to live well being the best revenge is spot on. My advice to you would be to make new friends who you can rely on and if possible, get one or more member of your own family to come to the place where you are living if it is at all feasible. The fact is that you need some sort of family or close friends to draw support from when you are feeling low. Do not start dating again on the rebound but after a while, when you are feeling good about yourself then you can and must do so. I do not know what your profession is or what kind of work you do, but if you feel it is a dead end job or has limited prospects then try and qualify yourself for something better where your salary will be much better. Being well off with money is a big ego booster and you should not deny yourself that opportunity. Get into some good activities like going to the gym or take up paragliding or mountain biking or even a motorbike club. Any such activity will take your mind off your despondent state of mind. These are just some suggestions. Best of luckand Cheers.

[klegacy]

Hi KLegacy, yours is one of the saddest stories I've read on LS recently. I had a few questions for you, if you are okay with answering them. Firstly, how long did you date your wife before marriage and what were the circumstances in which you met her? Secondly, are you two now divorced or is she living in 'sin' with her lover boy being a 'Christian'. Also this so called 'Best Friend' of yours who tan off with your wife, how long had you known him and what drew you to him? Another question is this town or city where you are currently living, is it the place where your wife or ex wife has her family whereas yours lives elsewhere?

 

Hi, thank you for your response. My wife and I dated 6 months prior to engagement, and were married 6 months following that. She was the kind of girl that I would see in public places and smile at but not meet, until one day she was at a show I was playing and I finally introduced myself. It was like the movies in how our relationship developed. We are not divorced, and no separation agreement has been exchanged as of yet, though she's been occasionally referencing the urgency in which she wants everything put through. She has been with the 'friend' nearly every day since she left. I'd known him since high school, played in bands with him, helped him move, he helped us move, hung out together, partied together, I called him a brother on many an occasion and always thought he was the nicest guy. And yes, the town we live in, she has all her family here. I have no family here whatsoever and they cannot relocate.

[stillafool]

If I were you I would give her the divorce ASAP, of course, at her own expense. Don't spend a dime on anything except to protect your assets.

[klegacy]

If I were you I would give her the divorce ASAP, of course, at her own expense. Don't spend a dime on anything except to protect your assets.

 

Sadly, I still love her more than anything, and if she ever woke up one day and realized what she'd done and wanted to come back, I don't think I would turn her away. Part of me feels like she's going through something crazy and that she will come out of it. But another part of me feels like she's gone forever and that she loves this guy because maybe they have more in common. I don't know.

[GorillaTheater]

Sadly, I still love her more than anything, and if she ever woke up one day and realized what she'd done and wanted to come back, I don't think I would turn her away. Part of me feels like she's going through something crazy and that she will come out of it. But another part of me feels like she's gone forever and that she loves this guy because maybe they have more in common. I don't know.

 

 

Stillafool is right; your best bet is to move the divorce along quickly, while she's still in the fog with the OM and picking out curtains and sh*t, because if he dumps her she's going to take it out on you in court.

 

 

You apparently won't opt for that path, but you have to understand that you're likely going to leave yourself vulnerable. A few years down the road you may very well regret that.

 

 

You deserve better.

[Mr. Lucky]

Stillafool is right; your best bet is to move the divorce along quickly, while she's still in the fog with the OM and picking out curtains and sh*t, because if he dumps her she's going to take it out on you in court.

 

Exactly. klegacy, also understand that filing for divorce doesn't mean you have to follow the process all the way through. Taking the step sends your WS a message and empowers you to do something other than feel sorry for yourself. Her cheating is something done to you, now time for some things done by you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sandylee1]

You deserve better than this and you should grant her that divorce quickly. She's having sex with another man who was your friend and playing happy families with him. ... where does her Christianity sit on that?

 

I suspect you didn't really know her that we'll before marriage. I also think you place her on a pedastal like some kind of Goddess. She isn't that at all. She's a woman who despite vowing fidelity, had no problem seeking attention from other men and leaving you for your friend. A double betrayal.

 

Why would you want her back? How could you trust her again? Love isn't a good enough reason to sacrifice your self respect. If she loved you she wouldn't have done this.

 

Make a proper schedule to see your son and begin the next chapter in your life. She doesn't deserve you.

[klegacy]

You deserve better than this and you should grant her that divorce quickly. She's having sex with another man who was your friend and playing happy families with him. ... where does her Christianity sit on that?

 

I suspect you didn't really know her that we'll before marriage. I also think you place her on a pedastal like some kind of Goddess. She isn't that at all. She's a woman who despite vowing fidelity, had no problem seeking attention from other men and leaving you for your friend. A double betrayal.

 

Why would you want her back? How could you trust her again? Love isn't a good enough reason to sacrifice your self respect. If she loved you she wouldn't have done this.

 

Make a proper schedule to see your son and begin the next chapter in your life. She doesn't deserve you.

 

That's what gets me - She seemed to turn into a completely different person in a very short span of time. From a faith-loving woman who talked about renewing our vows to an adulterer. And those around her seem to be completely accepting of whatever she does. The whole world seems to be giving them whatever they want and leaving me in the dark. I just don't get it.

[NTV]

Dude, when I was in your shoes, there was a line someone said to me that really struck a chord:

 

 

"my love didn't stop you from cheating, it won't stop me from divorcing you because of it".

[stillafool]

Sadly, I still love her more than anything, and if she ever woke up one day and realized what she'd done and wanted to come back, I don't think I would turn her away. Part of me feels like she's going through something crazy and that she will come out of it. But another part of me feels like she's gone forever and that she loves this guy because maybe they have more in common. I don't know.

 

I'm going to be a bit rough now for your own good.

 

It is the attitude above that will keep her out of your life. Women cannot love men they don't respect. I am one so I should know. If you maintain the attitude that a woman (any woman) can walk all over you and you will still take her back she will never, ever want you. When you reach the "I don't give a damn about anything but my baby" attitude she will sit up and take notice. She probably already feels and knows that you would take her back in a heartbeat so she knows she always has you to run to. When you stand up and show her that isn't going to happen unless hell freezes over, she will feel it and then she'll be slapped in the face with reality.

 

You are in a small town that doesn't have a large supply of single women so you may feel that your ex is the best you can do right now. Keep praying and

being the best man you can be and watch who God sends to you. More woman than you could have ever dreamed about. Just have faith because you deserve so, so much better.

[stillafool]

That's what gets me - She seemed to turn into a completely different person in a very short span of time. From a faith-loving woman who talked about renewing our vows to an adulterer. And those around her seem to be completely accepting of whatever she does. The whole world seems to be giving them whatever they want and leaving me in the dark. I just don't get it.

 

No she was always that person it was just lying dormant until your best friend awakened it.

[BettyDraper]

I'm going to be a bit rough now for your own good.

 

It is the attitude above that will keep her out of your life. Women cannot love men they don't respect. I am one so I should know. If you maintain the attitude that a woman (any woman) can walk all over you and you will still take her back she will never, ever want you. When you reach the "I don't give a damn about anything but my baby" attitude she will sit up and take notice. She probably already feels and knows that you would take her back in a heartbeat so she knows she always has you to run to. When you stand up and show her that isn't going to happen unless hell freezes over, she will feel it and then she'll be slapped in the face with reality.

 

You are in a small town that doesn't have a large supply of single women so you may feel that your ex is the best you can do right now. Keep praying and

being the best man you can be and watch who God sends to you. More woman than you could have ever dreamed about. Just have faith because you deserve so, so much better.

 

This. One of the reasons I respect my husband and remain sexually attracted to him is he is not here for my BS. My husband would never tolerate his wife having an affair. He won't even put up with an undeserved negative tone in my voice! I love my husband for this.

 

Women do not respect men who allow us to take awful liberties.

We respect Alpha males who call us out and demand the best.

[Cephalopod]

That's what gets me - She seemed to turn into a completely different person in a very short span of time. From a faith-loving woman who talked about renewing our vows to an adulterer. And those around her seem to be completely accepting of whatever she does. The whole world seems to be giving them whatever they want and leaving me in the dark. I just don't get it.

 

The Bible tells you to shake the dust off your sandals and move on. Your WW and your best friend are scum. Scum. And so are all their supporters. File for divorce, protect yourself and your children the best you can, and let God deal with them in the way he sees best.

 

Remember, Jesus had friends... lots of friends, and to a man they turned their backs on him in the end. Look at this horrible experience as a test of your faith.

[mrs rubble]

I have a friend who this happened to, her man ran off with her best friend. They had a child together too and he ended up having a child with her best friend as well. She was destroyed by the double betrayal, but soldiered on and made lots of new friends (including me). She had all sorts of guys chasing after her, she is a beautiful blonde, with a huge heart and just one of the loveliest people I know. She dated a few different guys over the 10yrs after her break-up.

Then next thing you know she's back with her ex!!! All happy and commited again, they had another child and guess what?? He did the same thing again 2 years later.........moral of the story.......don't let yourself get into the same pickle..some people never change.

 

Be strong!! Your son needs one stable and moral parent- you're the only chance he has of getting this.