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Wife Left for Best Friend

klegacy

By klegacy,
in Separation and Divorce

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kgcolonel

kgcolonel

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I read through No More Mr Nice Guy. I know I need to stand up for myself.

 

She makes me feel like crap on a near-daily basis, makes me feel like I don't have as many rights as a father as she does as a mother. Ripped me apart yesterday because when I picked up my son from her, I didn't acknowledge her or say "hi" to her. Like I owe her anything after what she did?

 

K, you don't owe her anything unless its what she dished out to you....she's a peach....you're better off without her....

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The_Onceler

The_Onceler

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I read through No More Mr Nice Guy. I know I need to stand up for myself.

 

She makes me feel like crap on a near-daily basis, makes me feel like I don't have as many rights as a father as she does as a mother. Ripped me apart yesterday because when I picked up my son from her, I didn't acknowledge her or say "hi" to her. Like I owe her anything after what she did?

 

Well, I wasn't there, and I don't know if your behavior might have normally been considered a snub, but regardless, I would suggest you respond to her along these lines:

 

"You'll have to excuse my behavior - I am very angry with you. Considering that you are ending our marriage in order to start a new relationship with my former best friend, I think it is quite natural for me to be angry. I am sorry that you don't like it, but you chose this path."

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stillafool

stillafool

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Well, I wasn't there, and I don't know if your behavior might have normally been considered a snub, but regardless, I would suggest you respond to her along these lines:

 

"You'll have to excuse my behavior - I am very angry with you. Considering that you are ending our marriage in order to start a new relationship with my former best friend, I think it is quite natural for me to be angry. I am sorry that you don't like it, but you chose this path."

 

"You'll have to excuse my behavior - I am very angry with you. Considering that you are ending our marriage in order to start a new relationship with my former best friend, I think it is quite natural for me to be angry. I am sorry that you don't like it, but you chose this path." - BIOTCH!!!!!

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Marc878

Marc878

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I read through No More Mr Nice Guy. I know I need to stand up for myself.

 

She makes me feel like crap on a near-daily basis, makes me feel like I don't have as many rights as a father as she does as a mother. Ripped me apart yesterday because when I picked up my son from her, I didn't acknowledge her or say "hi" to her. Like I owe her anything after what she did?

 

She does this because you let her.

 

You owe her nothing. File for divorce and do a hard 180.

 

You can do this. There is nothing that says you have to acknowledge her in any way. Be civil only about your kid nothing more. Never answer her phone calls and only answer texts or emails about your kid.

 

She treats you like this because you are nothing to her. You are accepting this behavior because you don't value or respect yourself.

 

You have value. She doesn't deserve you.

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Marc878

Marc878

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Get a tough lawyer and let him/her handle it.

 

No one can protect you from yourself.

 

You have to do this. The Calvary isn't coming.

 

You can do this. Why would you allow yourself to be disrespected like this. You sure as hell don't deserve it.

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Marc878

Marc878

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I read through No More Mr Nice Guy. I know I need to stand up for myself.

 

She makes me feel like crap on a near-daily basis, makes me feel like I don't have as many rights as a father as she does as a mother. Ripped me apart yesterday because when I picked up my son from her, I didn't acknowledge her or say "hi" to her. Like I owe her anything after what she did?

 

Your answer. Sorry you feel that way. Then walk away. No engagement. Silence is golden.

 

However, if it was me I'd probably say I don't like being around low class whores. :cool:

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klegacy

klegacy

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The thing is, she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. She's convinced herself and others that her leaving and her hooking up with him were two separate events unrelated, but they weren't. So she continues to be the princess of this town while I'm the martyr. It makes me sick.

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Marc878

Marc878

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The thing is, she doesn't think she's done anything wrong. She's convinced herself and others that her leaving and her hooking up with him were two separate events unrelated, but they weren't. So she continues to be the princess of this town while I'm the martyr. It makes me sick.

 

So what. That doesn't mean you have to accept it. Or let her control you. Which is your problem now.

 

Get a plan together and then execute. Why do you care about what others think?

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Marc878

Marc878

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You can do nothing and keep getting your nose rubbed in it or take action.

 

Most people will treat you like you allow them to. Those with no respect for themselves get no respect.

 

You are better than this. You deserve better. Once you figure that out things will change for you. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself has gotten you what????

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Marc878

Marc878

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You can shape, change your life. It's totally up to you. No one owns you.

 

Once you've figured this out you'll do great.

 

It does take the effort on your part. It won't just happen.

 

Good luck to you

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klegacy

klegacy

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The post I want to make public is as follows:

 

​

I am so f***ing sick of being viewed as the martyr. She was the one having secret texts/emails/app conversations/coffee meetings with guys for months, that caused arguements. She was the one falling for a "friend" of ours while we were still together, whom she hooked up with immediately after and involved our son in their relationship. She was the one who broke our vows to each other. She was the one who rather than stick by your hard working husband when his world crumbled due to family deaths, health issues and other situations, thought it was best to just leave and pursue the first guy to tell her he had feelings for her. And now I'm the bad guy because I'm not "civil" enough for her liking, because she convinced herself and everyone else that she's done nothing wrong. Real f***ing fair, that is.

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stillafool

stillafool

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I am so angry right now, and fighting the urge to post the truth about what she did on my Facebook page.

 

Anger is good because it will push you forward to the reality of the situation. Don't use it to hurt on on FB because who cares what those losers know or think. Use it for your own good that you don't have to take anyone's crap.

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Cephalopod

Cephalopod

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You can do nothing and keep getting your nose rubbed in it or take action.

 

Most people will treat you like you allow them to. Those with no respect for themselves get no respect.

 

You are better than this. You deserve better. Once you figure that out things will change for you. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself has gotten you what????

 

OP have you read the 180? Has anybody shared that link? Have you gotten in touch with a lawyer yet?

 

I think ignoring her and her snide comments is an okay way to go. It doesn't make him weak. If anything he should be recording her with a VAR when she goes off on a rant like that.

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Marc878

Marc878

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VAR is a voice activated recorder. You can't trust her. She could do anything. It would be in your best interest to carry one on you.

 

You can get them at BestBuy or Walmart

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce

Edited by Marc878
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Marc878

Marc878

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Klegacy,

 

You may have no one to talk with where you are but you do here. Get strong and you'll get through this much better.

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DSP

DSP

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I am so angry right now, and fighting the urge to post the truth about what she did on my Facebook page.

 

Don't....She's not going to tell the truth regardless. There will never be any reason good enough as to why she went off with another. You are not going to have proper closure from this betrayal.

 

Shes already justified it in her mind and convinced everyone around her that you're bad and shes good. Everything you write on FB will be used against you in court. The court doesn't care that your wife is sleeping with your best friend or the entire college football team. All of your texts and FB posts will be used in an attempt to get full custody. Even jokes can be misconstrued by a good lawyer as threatening. Keep up the FB stuff and you'll get served with a court order of protection.

 

It's over. Your marriage is over. She isn't the person you loved. She doesn't love you anymore. She is in delusional land and will never return, because she is starting her life over. You never existed in her mind since she's already re wrote her history. Simply ready to continue life as if you never where there. Sucks, but it's your reality now.

 

I walked a mile in your shoes and so have others here. Its more common than what you are aware of. I took care of my 9 month old and 3 year old by myself. I have no friends or family here either. I lost all my friends and was made out to be the devil incarnate. My two eldest children no longer talk with me. She is engaged to the man she ran off with. I'm still single. It really doesn't get better and I still hurt everyday. You just have to move forward as best you can.

 

File the paperwork now. Cut off all contact and say nothing to her. Pick up your child and walk away. Return the child and walk away. Be there for your child only. Text and email as politely as you can. If you don't and the guy she ran off with leaves her you have two choices. She comes back regroups and runs off with the next guy or she makes you pay dearly in court and leaves anyway.

 

This is going to be the worst part ~ Every time you pick up your child she's going to be happy. They are going to be doing fun things with your child that he will talk about to you. She's going to try to be your friend and text you like you are good friends and it's all OK.

 

Its crushed you. You are going to move away from shock and go into a deep depression. Then will follow rage. You will cycle through depression and rage for years. Then you won't care anymore.

 

I could go on and on and on here trust me. Work on yourself and exercise. Practice meditation. Focus on being the best father you can be. Don't lose your temper at any time. Spend all your time with your child that you can. Be rock steady and consistent with your child.

 

Take care of yourself and your child. I wish you the best.

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benpom

benpom

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I thought she was my soulmate, and I still love her so much, but I’m so destroyed by all this.

 

The word 'soulmate' reminds me of unseen troubles, like in my relationship:

 

In the beginning of my relationship, I put in a lot more effort than he did. I had a much more fun and dynamic social life. He didn't. He happily jumped on board of my happy social life and did not realize I was getting bored and tired of always being the only one to put in the bigger share of money and effort. He considered me his 'soulmate' and told many of his friends about it.

 

So the whole time he was being happy taken care by his 'soulmate', his 'soulmate' felt unloved and taken advantage of.

 

So, when I hear the word 'soulmate', I see problems under surface.

 

To be fair, after I told him about my discontent, he started putting in a lot of effort to our relationship. Action-wise, he was probably as devoted as a person can be. But I did not feel loved, because lots of the efforts from him were products of my 'complaining'.

 

Lots of times, I was confused whether he truly loved me or not. In hindsight, the biggest problem is probably that we have different love languages. But it took too long for us to realize our problems and to start having proper communication. The resentment between us grew over time and our relationship came to an end after 10 years. He resents me so much now that he is choosing 'no one' over me. Being with me has been worse than being alone:( I resented him for a while too. Now I am over the resentment and I still love him:( I still want him back and want to make him happy again.

 

Do you think there might be something similar going on in your relationship? Perhaps you two were not really soulmates? Certainly nothing justifies cheating, which is what she is doing. She should at least give you a chance to improve the marriage before looking for a relationship outside marriage. I don't think the marriage vow should be easily ignored or broken.

 

I feel so sorry for you, OP. Be strong.

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klegacy

klegacy

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This whole situation put me into a massive depression that my family doctor actually had to prescribe medication for. I've also lost over 60 pounds in the past 4 months because I haven't had the will to eat very often.

 

I am contemplating moving out of the city, back to my hometown where I have family, where I can heal from this. But it would mean giving up my current job, my band, and a significant amount of time I get to spend with my son. I just don't know what to do.

 

Meanwhile I'm hearing through the grapevine all the "happy life" posts she's been making online and all the family oriented things she's been doing with the OM and our son. Makes me sick.

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klegacy

klegacy

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Give the depression meds time to work before you make a drastic move.

 

I've been on them for almost 4 months now.

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